Don’t Quit: The Reminder You Need to Hear When You Feel Unmotivated

(01:06):

You're going to freaking love this. When I realized, holy cow, I haven't talked to you about this thing called Quitter's Day. Have you heard anybody talk about the phenomenon called Quitter's Day Anywhere, television, podcasts, anywhere? I mean, if you've taken a course with me, 

(02:03):

And there's two reasons why I fricking love this topic of quitter's day. First of all, nobody talks about, I mean, just stop and think. If there's actually a day where most people quit, I'd like to know that day. Wouldn't you like to know that day? Of course you would. And that brings me to the second reason why I'm so excited about this topic. If you know the day that people are most likely to quit, you can take the steps to avoid it. It's kind of like a pothole in the road, right? You can just steer right around it. If you see it and if you expect it, you can navigate around it. So let's talk about Quitter Day, shall we? So that you don't quit and neither do I. When is Quitter Day day 19? It is day 19 into any new routine and this research comes from a company called Strava.

 

(02:55):

Now, Strava is a fitness app and people use this app to track their runs and Strava looked at over 800 million user logged activities. That's a lot of data. That is a lot of information, and based on the data from 800 million pieces of logged activity, they crunched the numbers and said the day when most people are likely to give up on their New Year's resolution. Day 19, the day when most people are likely to give up that new thing. They started day 19. That's why it's called Quitters Day day 19, which is why you and I are talking about it today because guess what? Day 19 of 2024 is right around the corner and you, my friend, are not going to hit that pothole. You are going to know it's coming and you are just going to steer right around it. And if you're listening to this at some other time of the year or some other year entirely, this is still relevant because anytime you make a change, you need to know that quitter's day is on the horizon.

 

(04:01):

And research is also very interesting about new changes because most of us start a new habit or make a new change when on a Monday or on the first of the year or at the beginning of a new quarter or at the beginning of a school year. And so if that's you, guess what? There's a day 19 in that game too and it's coming and if you're doing dry January right now or Whole 30 or any one of the challenges that people take on at the beginning of the year and you're approaching that day 19, oh, it's losing its luster, isn't it? When you jumped onto the bandwagon on New Year's Eve and was like, I'll do dry January with you guys. You were all excited and motivated. You were excited for the first week or so as you're making your mocktails, but now that we're cranking into week three, oh, you may be sleeping better, but boy is this work.

 

(04:55):

Or if you've been going to the gym, this was the year you're going to attack the gym man, or you've been jumping on the Peloton or you've been working on not being so emotional, not being so reactive, just let them to the people around you. Isn't it interesting? It's kind of easy week one, week two, it starts to be a bit of a grind. Week three, it's like, is this ever going to end? Why did I agree to do this? I'll tell you why this is hard because managing this change, holy smokes, it's a lot of energy to create new neuroplasticity. It's a lot of energy to rewire your nervous system. It takes a lot of activation energy to break through old habits. That's why we quit because the newness is worn off. It's not that motivating anymore, is it? It's not that exciting. It's not that shiny.

 

(05:47):

You may even start to feel what I always feel right around this time. You know what I always feel? I feel mad at myself. I feel mad at myself that I actually agreed to this bs. I start rebelling against myself. I start being angry that I actually agreed to take this on. I might even be snippy at Chris when I'm like, we have to go for a walk. I know I agreed for go for a walk every day after dinner, but I don't want to go for a walk and I know you know what I'm talking about. And here's the other reason why we start to feel like quitting right about now. I'll tell you why Are you seeing any results? I'm not seeing any results. I mean, this is hard work to change my life. I kind of thought if I just stopped eating gluten, all of a sudden the menopause middle would be gonzo by now, but I'm not seeing the results I wanted to see, and this is particularly true, if you kind of got duped into making changes while you were on vacation, you're on vacation, you're away from your life, you're like, oh, this is easy.

 

(06:44):

I can have a smoothie every day making it at the hotel or, oh, this is easy. I can go for a walk every day because it's warm outside where I am right now and I'm not at work, so I got the time to do this. But guess what? It's now week two or week three and you're back at work or you're back at school and it's kind of hard to fit all this new stuff in and get to the grocery store and prep all the stuff, and life is starting to overwhelm you. And because the new you is now in your old life, that's why it feels like a lot of work. Everything else in your life didn't change, not the place that you live, not the place that you work, just the things that you're trying to do in here. And here's another mistake that you make and I make right about now, you've probably missed a day, haven't you?

(08:28):

It has stranded you here on the road, you are screwed. It is over. No changes for you baloney, scientifically, it is not true. You did not fall off the wagon. You hit a bump and now your seat is back on the wagon and you can keep going from a habit formation standpoint. You still get all those days that you made the good choices. So don't quit. But that's why so many of us do quit right around this time. They missed a day, they're exhausted. How sad is that? But not you. Not you because you're going to do what I'm going to do. You know what I do? If I'm in like a month long challenge and I miss a day, I just add a day. That's it. Just add a day instead of quitting. Add a day because if you're sick for one day or you're overwhelmed at work, don't let that prevent you from pushing yourself to keep moving forward.

 

(09:28):

Of course, you can make the changes stick. Of course you can make the money that you want to make. Of course you can still launch that business. Of course you can get into nursing school. Of course you can do this. Just because it's hard doesn't mean you can't do it. Just because it's lost as luster doesn't mean you can't push forward in moments like this. I'm going to tell you something. Two things really help. First of all, you got to remind yourself why did you want this change in the first place? You're standing there, you're tired, you don't feel like doing it. Why did you want to do this? And this works so well. This is research from the University of Oregon. I have talked about this now on multiple podcasts that we have released in the last month. I have even given you a free resource that you can still get your mitts on.

 

(10:15):

You can download it in less than a minute@melrobbins.com slash best year. Several hundred thousand fellow listeners have already downloaded this from around the world. Do not miss out on living the life you could be living because this will help you answer what do you want and why do you want it? Once you figure out why do I want this? Why do I want to spend a month not drinking? Why do I want to spend a month eating whole foods? Why do I want to spend a month in a experiment where I've removed gluten or dairy or sugar or something for my health? Why do I want to put in resistance training? Why do I want to get serious about making some money here? Huh? Why do I want to do that? Why do I want to heal when you know that there is no fricking quitters day for you?

(11:47):

No, you know what you need right now. You need some encouragement from someone else, you encouragement from somebody who really believes in you. You need encouragement for somebody who really is going to get behind that why, and I realize you can't always rely on somebody else being there to encourage you, but your friend Mel Robbins is here today and I know that Quitter's day is right around the corner, so I've decided today you know what I can do for you and what I can do for me. I can turn up the base, I can crank the volume and I can cheer a whole heck of a lot louder for you because you can keep going and when you keep going, that's the difference between people who achieve great things and people who don't. When you are able to keep going, when most people stop, quitter's day will not affect you.

 

(12:32):

In fact, quit day. Quit day. I'm like, bring that puppy on, baby. I could use a good quitter's day because the gym's awfully crowded right? Now let's get a quitter's day going. That's right. Let's separate those of us who are willing to push ourselves and to motivate ourselves and to cheer each other on from those folks who for whatever reason won't be doing that, which technically in my book makes it winner's day. Winner's day is when a lot of us keep going. It's not what happens way down the line, it's what happens when things get really tough. What determines a winner is when you face day 19, you want to throw in the towel but you don't. What determines a winner is when your friends are like, well, technically I'm a wedding this weekend, so we're doing dry January, but just not this weekend. You're like, yeah, cheers to you.

 

(13:24):

Lack of integrity. That's not dry January. That's just normal drinking habits, okay? Dry January is when you go 30 days and you don't drink, and I'm a winner, so I'm not quitting on day 19 just because there's a wedding on the books. Here we go. And so today I am going to be your own personal cheering squad. I am going to be the one that says, yes you can. Yes you will. Let's get going. I see you. I know this blows, but let's keep going. Have you ever stood by the way, near the end of a marathon like for real? Have you ever in your life watched a marathon? If you have not done this, will you promise me you will watch a marathon someday? It is one of the most inspiring things you will ever witness because here's what happens. As you watch all these people running this race and they're wearing shirts dedicated to people and people are going by in wheelchairs and folks with disabilities, blind runners are being led by people that are co-running with them to guide it is the most inspiring thing that no matter what shape you're in, as you're watching this, at some point something stirs up inside of you and you say to yourself, I got to do a marathon someday.

 

(14:42):

This is pretty amazing. And so if you're standing at the end of a marathon, here's what you would experience. You ready? First of all, in no time flat. You're barely done drinking your coffee, and somehow the world class runners leading the pack are breaking land speed records on foot, and they go flying by you at the speed of light and you're like, wait, whoa, did they just run 26 miles? What? It's unbelievable. And then there's this massive wave of just great runners, and then there's another wave of the weekend warriors that run and then comes, my favorite part and my favorite part of a marathon happens near the finish line after five hours in because after five, five and a half hours in, that's when you see everyday people who have committed to doing this every day. People like you and me who are dragging themselves through 26.2 miles of a race course, and you are seeing them near the end of this, they are walking or crawling or limping or dragging or wheeling, and in some cases there are a few that are even jogging as they make it across the finish line.

 

(16:15):

It is not about the time that it took for them to get there. What you experience is the heart and the soul of a winning spirit, someone who is willing to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And so I'm going to be the person on the side of whatever race you're running. I am clapping, I am screaming, I am cheering. I am high fiving you. I am going to give you my best inspirational amazingness that I got to give, and I'm talking like the really good stuff. Well, today, guess what? You're going to hear it here because I've curated it as a playlist, a playlist of motivation that you need to hear of cheerleading, of encouragement to remind you that there's no quitters day here for you because you, yes, you are a winner. So please bookmark this for real. Send this to somebody who needs to know the quitters day is coming, but they're going to keep on running by it.

 

(17:22):

I guarantee you, this is so good. Someone is going to rip this off the second I release it and turn it into a YouTube video on their channel because it is the best motivational compilation ever. But you're going to hear it here first because you are a winner. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and do not skip this because I have something to give you for free. No kidding. Say goodbye to 2023. Say hello to 2024, make it the best year ever. I have a free 29 page workbook. I made this for you to thank you for being here on YouTube, watching all of our videos, supporting our work. I'm going to help you answer what you want in 2024, and then more importantly, you're going to create a plan to go get it. Then I'll be here on YouTube motivating you every step of the way, you and me baby.

 

(18:09):

Let's create the best year ever. Just click the link, boom, I'll take you to the page. You'll have this puppy in your hands in less than a minute, and be right back here with YouTube for me to motivate you. I love you. Let's do this. So I have something pretty amazing that I want to give you today. It's exactly what you need to hear. It is not just a pep talk. It is the kind of message that a really dear friend who's fed up with you delivers straight between the eyes. What am I talking about? I'm talking about your dreams. You're the kind of person just like me that every single year you write down the things that you want in your life. And I would imagine that as each year rolls on and the new list gets written, you move the thing that you didn't work on this year to the list that you do for the next year and on and on and on.

 

(19:03):

I mean, how many years have you been thinking about writing a book or changing your job or changing where you live or healing some aspect of your past or finding love or learning how to love yourself or starting that business? These things that you hold in your heart. They are meant to be out in the world. And today I'm on a mission to get you to stop waiting. Stop waiting for the perfect time. Stop waiting to feel ready. Stop waiting for the money. Stop waiting for permission. Stop waiting to feel like somebody's going to care about this. The only person that needs to care enough is you, because today is the day that you're going to pick up the pen. You're going to start the research. You're going to commit to taking action. Why? Because that's what you're meant to do with your life. You're meant to create a bigger vision for yourself.

 

(19:55):

And the reason why I wanted to talk to you about this today is because I know you need to hear it. And look, I don't want to scare you, but I kind of want to take my hands right now and put 'em on your cheeks or your shoulders and shake you because I want to wake you up and I need you to realize that your life, it's a melting ice cube, and I think we all believe that we have time, that at some point it'll be the right time, that someday you'll feel ready, that someday it'll be perfect, that someday you'll be a legitimate writer, that someday you'll have something to say. And I am here to tell you right now that today is that someday you will waste your whole life and you will watch that ice cube melt. You will watch time tick by waiting for someday to come.

 

(20:44):

And you are listening to this right now because you needed to hear this. You have on that secret list that you either have on a piece of paper or you have tucked into your heart a dream, a goal, something that you want to change, that you are too fucking scared to get started on. And today that ends today, you're going to stop waiting. You're going to stop wishing you're going to stop waiting for the right time, waiting for this to happen, waiting for the other thing to happen, waiting for you to feel ready, waiting for this, waiting for that. That ice cube is going to be a puddle that will evaporate if you keep doing that. And I am not going to let 20 years go by no way. And my mission today is to light a fire under your ass and have it burn so bright that fire inside you becomes the engine that drives you.

 

(21:40):

Today, we make a commitment to ourselves that we are going to get started. What that means is it means that you need to start to take your time and your energy and in whatever way you can, in whatever capacity that you can, you need to start to direct your time and energy at the things that you want, not at the things that you have. And look, I know so many of you have really full lives right now. You're a single parent. You're caring for aging parents, you're underwater with your bills. You've got 10 minutes a day, you've got five minutes a day, you've got 15 minutes a day, and that's what I want to inspire you to start doing. I feel so adamant about this because time keeps going even if you don't, because when you're so in it, you're so busy in your day-to-day life as it is right now that you can't see the bigger picture.

(23:38):

I'm going to try. I'm going to step out of the thinking and I'm going to step into the doing because it's never going to feel like the right time. It's never going to feel perfect. You're not going to feel worthy until you actually start taking the actions. And so again, I want you to stop waiting to create what you want in your life. If you want to make art, make art. If you want to write, write if you want to travel, you got to figure out how you can travel. You are missing out on everything because you're waiting for someday. You're waiting for someday to feel ready someday for it to be perfect someday. Well, I'll tell you what today is that someday. And just so you're clear, those excuses, excuses dim the fire inside you. So let me stoke the flames with a little more coaching.

 

(24:32):

See, in life, time and energy are your two biggest commodities. And right now your life is like a melting ice cube. Every day that goes by, it melts a little bit more. And that's why I so want you to start to take this seriously that today be the day that you get started. And this not only goes with how you're spending your time, right? Because you can find 5, 10, 15 minutes a day to start chipping away and doing the work to figure out how to make some version of what you want a reality in your life. We know based on the research and based on what you learn on this podcast, it's simply spending time every day working on something that really matters to you is the secret to bringing more meaning and joy into your life. Why? Because when you start to acknowledge your dreams by working on them, you validate something deep within your soul, simply working on it brings something alive inside of you.

 

(25:42):

What you bring to each and every day that you wake up is what you're going to create more and more of. And that's the secret. Everybody talks about habits and how habits help you determine who you are. I want to boil it down and make it even more simple. Where you put your time and energy every single day will define the life you create. And so if you're putting your energy into relationships where you're not getting back what you deserve, that is a waste of time. A waste of your precious time I might add, is the time that you have during the day, I'm talking five measly minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, are you directing it at what you want to create or are you just mindlessly going through the day and through the routine and keeping everything the same? The energy that you're putting into relationships are those relationships that are giving you something back in return.

 

(26:36):

I am here to tell you, you can change your life by waking up every day being very clear about what you want, taking responsibility for creating it day by day by day, and slowly redirecting your time and energy toward the things that you want. It's just like pointing your car in a new direction and driving forward, and ultimately it takes you somewhere new. I have another listener writing in. I want to become a surgeon, but the process is very complicated. Well, no shit, it is very complicated if you look at the end result, but it's not complicated at all. If you wake up every day and you ask yourself, how can I pour time and energy today in a small way into this thing that I want to create? And when you start to get that intentional, when you take responsibility for what you want and moving your life in small ways every single day toward it, everything changes.

 

(27:40):

And it's not that complicated at all when it comes to the things that you've never done, the dreams that you haven't begun working on, you're not afraid. You're not an imposter, you're not unworthy, you're just a beginner. And all that a beginner needs to do is wake up every day and in small ways, point their time and their energy toward working at it. And if you do that, one of these days, you'll wake up. Maybe it'll be someday soon, maybe it'll be a decade from now, but you'll wake up and that dream that you've been writing on your list and moving from one piece of paper to another year after year will stop being a thing that you think about, and it will become what your life is centered around because you're the one that woke up and made it happen day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year.

 

(28:39):

That's how you get it done. I'm serious about that, and that's why I'm here cheering for you. That's why I'm clapping and I'm high fiving, and I'm telling you, pothole, quitter's day run around that sucker. And you know what it takes to run right past quitter's day and be like, I'm a winner. Confidence. And that's what you and I are talking about next. So you keep on going and I'll be standing right here waiting for you after a short word from our sponsors, clapping, cheering. So you keep going. Stay with us. Welcome back. We're talking about Quitters Day, which no longer rep applies to you and me, right? We see it and we raise the game because we're winners and we're going to keep on going. Talk about confidence. You and I have that for days. And confidence is what you need to push through the hardest moments because sometimes you do feel like giving up confidence is not something you build when you're winning.

 

(29:35):

I think oftentimes when we're winning, what gets built is arrogance and bravado and we forget what went into winning at something in the first place. True confidence, the skill of confidence, it's forged in fire. I mean, I've failed more times than I have time to tell you. You guys know that a decade ago talk about failure, 800 grand in debt, unemployed drinking my way through my problems, and all of that heartbreak and headache and breakdown in my life, which was horrendous to go through. It led me to the five second rule. If there was no debt, there was no drinking, there was no heartache, there would be no five second rule. When I was a talk show host here, I was taping a talk show at CBS Broadcast Center here in New York City. It was a dream of mine to be able to have a daytime talk show.

(31:39):

And if you look at the math, I'm halfway through it and it scares me to think that I could be on my deathbed and look back on my life and say, I wish I had tried that. I wish I had had the confidence to try that. I do not want to die and have regrets. And so while I'm here, while I'm breathing, while I'm able to, I am going to follow my curiosity. I am going to follow my heart. I am going to try new things. I am going to do absolutely everything that I can do to grow, to feel, to learn, and that's going to require me to take risks, that's going to require me to fuck up things that's going to require me to look stupid. And I'm willing to do that because I know on the other side of the biggest heartbreaks of your life are the most amazing heart filled moments.

 

(32:37):

I know that in the middle of every failure that I experience, and boy, I experienced them oftentimes of my own doing. Every single failure has honest to God, equipped me with the lessons and the skill or the wisdom that I needed to be able to do something even cooler down the line. You know that you would not be the person you are today had it not been for that thing that you experienced, that you survived, that you learned from. And so what drives me is just wanting to experience as much as I can from this one life that I have. And it's not all going to be a joy ride. And so I'm willing to take the risk. I'm willing to try, I'm willing to look stupid, and I'm willing to do it because I think the payoff that you get, it's worth it. It's so worth it.

 

(33:37):

So this moment is leading you somewhere, and you have within you not only the willingness to try, but you have the willingness to face absolutely anything in your life, and you have the ability to take action, which is what changes everything. Confidence is your birthright. It is a skill that you build. It is a habit that you keep. Shit is going to get hard at times. It does for all of us. And you are going to fall, you are going to fail. You are going to have dark moments. You are going to feel lost.