How to Learn From Your Mistakes: Let Go of Regret & Move Forward

(28:59):

And I'm telling you right now, if there is something that you regret or a decision that you're struggling with, your intuition is knocking on the door. You got to open it. You got to open it. You don't have to manage things. What if you made them better? Because you're a really smart person and so am I. But if you get upstairs in your head and you start overthinking and spiraling and all this stuff, you're never going to see that. You can always make a situation better through the way that you think or what you do next. All this information was out there. I could have tuned into my intuition earlier and I could have started to look into breast implants and removal, and I would've learned all this a lot sooner. And I'm telling you this because I guarantee you, if you're struggling with something or you regret something or you made a huge mistake, the issue isn't your ability to make things better.

 

(29:56):

The issue is how much time you're spending with regret, which is keeping you trapped in this mistake because you actually hate the decision that you made. And 99% of decisions in life can be reversed. I'll say that again. 99% of decisions in life can be reversed. And everything that you do that you regret, you can apologize for it to yourself or another person. You can learn from it. You can do better if you learn from it. Something's only a problem if you keep repeating the pattern. But if you make a mistake and you learn from it, that's called wisdom. And here's the coolest thing that I discovered. The second that I started talking about it, I'd talk about it to anybody. Now that I'm in fix it mode, I don't have shame anymore because now I'm in solution mode. When you stay alone in your head about the one night stand, now you're getting screened for venereal disease or you're, you spent too much money on something and you can't buy groceries for a month and you feel really stupid about your shopping addiction, when you keep that stuff silent, you are going to stay stuck.

 

(31:08):

The second you start researching and talking and going, this is something I'm not going to live with. I'm going to figure out how to make it better. It is amazing how the world just sends the right people into your orbit. Because what then happened is after that speech in Vegas, I then flew to San Diego where I had another speech. And my dear friend Jody, who has been my friend since elementary school and all it takes is a friend from elementary school, they just dropped the truth bombs on you. So we're sharing a hotel room in San Diego. That's our thing. We get a room with two queen beds, and then it's like a girl's getaway and we anchor it around the speeches that I'm giving, and we have so much fun. And so we're standing in the bathroom in the hotel yet again, I'm brushing my teeth with my underwear on standing next to my elementary school best friend.

 

(31:54):

And Jody looks at me in the mirror and she points at my chest in the mirror and goes, that doesn't look right. I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, Mel, that implant on the right, it looks like a half a chicken breast that is just hanging off of you, and it's an inch taller than the other one. And I'm like, oh my gosh. And by the way, there's a word for this. It's called contracture. Basically, the scar tissue that encapsulated the implant had grown so hard. It was not only pushing against my nerves, it was literally pulling the implant up in my body. And that's why I felt all the numbness and pressure. And so as Jodi's like, it shouldn't look like that. That does not look right. That's not good work. I've seen good work and that's not good work melon. I'm like, great, okay.

 

(32:51):

I mean, just leave it to an elementary school friend to just drop a bomb like that on you. And thank God she did because it was just more and more evidence aligning with what my intuition had been telling me ever since I had woken up from that surgery, which is these things need to get out of your body. And here's the thing that I'm going to warn you. 

(33:51):

This is where the story takes a scary turn. So I call my original surgeon who I wanted to kill for doing such a horrendous job in the first place. And it took a few days for them to get the medical records because they didn't have the medical records at the doctor. They had 'em at the hospital where I got the surgery and I get the records back, I send them to Dr. Fang's clinic in Cleveland, and almost immediately I get a phone call from them and they tell me, Mel, holy cow, your breast implants were recalled over a year ago because they have established a link between that particular breast implant that you had in your body to a rare form of lymphoma that is caused by those breast implants. So I'm now finding out from the explan surgeon, not the person that put them in me, but from the person who's going to take them out that my implants were recalled over a year ago, they're not even sold anymore.

 

(35:00):

Why? And because I know you're going to ask. I had the allergen bio cell textured implants. 84% of people with this type of rare cancer have the exact same implants. There's now a class action lawsuit. I was so angry because they had been off the market for over a fricking year, and I never got a single notification from the doctor who put them in me. Dr. Fang's team, then expedited the surgery. I now have a surgery date and I have the perfect surgeon. There is no doubt in my mind that she is going to do an incredible job. I cannot wait to get these things out of my body. I have about a month before the surgery is going to happen. And what I'm now dealing with, which you're going to deal with when you really face something that you regret and try to make a situation better, is this spiraling of the negative thoughts.

 

(35:56):

I still had all these negative thoughts that were haunting me. First of all, I had spent so much money on the first surgery and now I was about to spend twice as much money to get them removed because it's not covered by insurance. And here's the thing that really kills me. You want to know something crazy about the freaking breast implant industry? When the breast implants got pulled from the market, do you think allergen was covering people's surgeries? No. You want to know what they were willing to cover a new set of implants with a pair that was not recalled? I mean, give me a fricking break. So I'm angry about that, and I know that this is something that so many people in a similar situation also deal with. I mean, I couldn't stop thinking, what if this looks horrible afterwards? And I remember after the surgery, I have a really good friend that had a double mastectomy and it just had implants put in.

 

(36:52):

And she was saying to herself, here, I've gone through cancer and I already feel so beaten up and the implants that they put in are safe. They make me feel better. And besides, if I then take them out after cancer, it's going to look terrible. And so I'm saying this because if this is what you're thinking, it is completely common. And all I can say, and it's what I said to myself is you have to trust your intuition. Nobody can give you the right decision for your body only what is right for your body. Only you know what the right medical call is for your health. And you have to in these situations, tune out all the fear and tune out all the recommendations and just take in everything and then tune into yourself. And I just kept telling myself, I know this is the right decision.

 

(37:54):

I know it's going to be okay. I trust this surgeon. And I also know, and I'm going to remind you of this too, that no matter what happens, you're not going to go through it alone, especially now that you're telling people about it. You're not going to go through it alone no matter what happens. You're not going to go through it alone. So fast forward, I get to Cleveland, I have the surgery. It was a massive procedure, and by massive, I mean it was like a six hour long procedure because when they open you up, it's not just pop those puppies out. That's not what they're doing When they open you up, she not only has to take out the implant, but the real danger, particularly given that I had the implants that were recalled, is she had to pick out every tiny piece of scar tissue that had encapsulated itself around that implant.

 

(38:51):

She also discovered when she got in there, that freaking surgeon had cut my pectoral muscle right in half. So I had to have another 147 stitches in order to stitch that sucker back up. And if you're wondering, when she took 'em out, she then did an extensive lift with the skin that was still there, which also then proved to me that that first surgeon was freaking lying. Of course you can do a lift, but an implant is much easier and it does the work for you, and you probably make a little bit more money because you got a product in there. And I know I'm sounding cynical, but the whole thing made me so angry. But the surgery was a huge success, a huge shout out to Dr. Fang and her entire clinic. She is a complete artist. I now have baseball size, all natural boobs.

 

(39:45):

They look perky like they were in high school. I could not be more thrilled to have this foreign object out of my body and to have my health restored. Now, couple things, my personal experience, the second, those things were out of me, I felt a hundred times better within a week. The tingling disappeared within several months. I could not believe that I had lived so long with my lung capacity, constrained with the numbness, with the fog in my head. It was unbelievably liberating, which is another important point because nothing feels better than trusting your own intuition. Nothing feels better than when you find the courage to admit to yourself, I made a mistake and I'm going to do what I need to do to make things better. And the thing is though, I'm not out of the dark, I still have to manage the fear that I have about these implants and this connection to this rare form of cancer. In fact, every six months I get a mammogram and an ultrasound just to make sure that nothing new has developed. And I'm proud to tell you that after several years, it's been three years of these six months appointments. This last one that I did with the team at Mass General, I got the all clear to be able to go back to an annual breast cancer screening.

 

(41:14):

Holy cow. And that brings me to something that I want to drive home with you. You will do things that you regret. So will I. I'm sure I got a long road ahead of things that I'm going to regret. It's part of life, but always have within you the power to face anything, to learn from your mistakes, to lean into the things that you regret and make sure that you change the way that you behave or you change your habits so that you don't keep doing it. Because if you do it once, it's a mistake. If you do it again and again, it's a pattern. Those are two totally different things. And one of the takeaways for me from this whole experience is do your homework, Mel. It sounds dumb that I'm giving myself that advice, but I just got so locked on to fixing what was a problem with my body that I didn't give the decision, the space and the consideration that it needed.

(43:15):

Even if you do it under a fake name, it will make you realize you aren't alone. You're not the only person that's made this mistake. You know what? You are, you're human. And I want to remind you of something else that's easy to forget when you're in the spiral of self-sabotage and you're struggling with something that you regret. Here's a lot of things you've done in your life just like me that you regret and you learn from 'em. I am very controlled about my drinking so that I do not say something that I regret. How did I learn that? By making a lot of mistakes and learning from 'em. And so I want to remind you that there's a lot of things that you've done in life that you would do differently, but the only reason why you know would do them differently is because you learned from it.

 

(44:06):

This experience, this thing that you regret is teaching you something. And perhaps what it's teaching you is that your intuition has been right all along. You just need to slow down and find the courage to listen to it. It is never too late to clean up a mess. It is never too late to learn from a mistake. And any regret that you have, it will haunt you unless you are willing to talk about it. And here's what I truly want you to remember. We all make decisions that we regret, but it's not the regret that defines you. It's what you do after. It's the choice and the decision that you make to face it, to learn from it, and then move on from it. The shame, the guilt, the what ifs. They don't have to hold you hostage anymore. In fact, I'm inviting you to allow it to lift you up to become stronger, wiser, and more compassionate.

 

(45:12):

Ask yourself this question, what if this isn't the end of my story, but the beginning of a new chapter? Because remember, regret is just a form of self punishment. And here's another thing to understand about what I, colossal, horrendous waste of time. It is the biggest mistake that I made once the implants were in was staying quiet. And you do that because of the shame and the regret that you feel. And if you're still swirling in regret or you're struggling to move on from a mistake that you made, here's what I know, it has its hold on you and it is a gigantic waste of time and energy. There's not a single story that you can tell me of a human being that regretted something and somehow regretting brought back the moment from the past and allowed you to fix it. Regret is punishing yourself for the past.

 

(46:10):

The opportunity is for you to no longer be quiet, but to open your mouth to talk about the mistake that you made to ask for help. Because the second that you do that, you start looking to the future. You realize that you do have more power. Your mistakes or the regret that you feel can only define you if you allow it to see There's power in what you do. Once you realize you've made a mistake, there's power in you making a decision to face it, to speak about it, to learn from it, to make it better. You can push past this. You can learn from it. You can come stronger, wiser, more compassionate. You could even have perky high school boobs if you want. So ask yourself this. What if this mistake isn't the end of the story, but the beginning of a whole new chapter, the second that those implants were removed, I felt this enormous sense of freedom.

 

(47:14):

I could breathe better. I felt lighter. I felt the burden of everything that I'd been beating myself up over was lifted. And I'm telling you something. That's my invitation. I want you to picture this mistake that you made and the regret that you feel almost like an implant. It's something that is inside you that you carry around. And at any moment, you can decide to extract it, you can speak about it, you can learn from it, and that is exactly how you move on. As I'm really reflecting on this and where you might be in your life, it's easy to forget that you're human. And I don't know about you, but I tend to learn more from my mistakes than from the things that I do. Right? And this was a big mistake and it taught me a lot. And one of the things that it taught me is that regret is something you choose to carry with you.

 

(48:18):

It's almost like a psychological implant. You make a mistake. And when you make a mistake in life, you always have two choices. You can learn from it or you can beat the hell out of yourself over it. And for far too long, I made myself miserable. I made myself feel terrible about the mistakes that I've made. There's a better way to live. You can free yourself from this burden. And the first thing you need to do is to stop being so afraid of this mistake that you made. Stop bashing yourself over it. And the only way that you're going to stop that bashing is by speaking up, by asking for help, by leaning in and doing the research, by finding a group of people that have dealt with the same issue. And those actions make you feel less alone. And you want to know what else those actions do.

 

(49:15):

They empower you to see that there are things you can do. There's always something that you can do. There's a different way to look at something. There are options to make something better, but the most important thing is learning from the mistake. If you allow yourself to do that, you will free yourself from the regret that you feel and you will be able to stop looking at the past and start creating a better future. And you deserve that. You do. Here's what I want you to remember. We all make decisions that we regret, and you and I are going to make some decisions in the future that we are definitely going to regret. You and I are going to make a bunch of mistakes that we spend a little time beating ourselves up over because if you make a mistake and you feel bad, that's a mentally healthy response for a day or two.

 

(50:04):

But you got to be able to learn and move on from it because it's not the regret that you feel that defines you unless you allow it to. Your power is in what you do after the mistake that you made. You get to decide how you're going to face it. You get to decide that you're going to learn from it. You get to decide that you have the power to make any situation better, to make your life better because it's true you do. And so if nothing else, I hope that this story that I've told you and the lessons that I've learned from it have inspired you to give yourself a break to free yourself from all of this shame and realize that you do have power over this situation. There are things that you can do or learn to make it a little bit better.

 

(50:55):

You can make a plan. And finally, as you've been listening to me tell you this story, you are probably thinking about someone in your own life who needs this reminder. Maybe they're not listening to their intuition or they're ignoring symptoms, or they're stuck in this cycle of constantly feeling ashamed of the mistakes that they've made in the past or beating themselves up over something that they did. One of the hardest things in life is realizing you can't make someone else get better. You can't free someone else from the regret that they may feel. But I didn't say you couldn't help 'em learn how to. At some point, the person who made the mistake has to choose to forgive themselves. It's almost like an explan surgery that you do for your soul and your mind. You remove this toxic thing inside you that makes you obsess over the mistake and the regret and just fills you with shame.

 

(51:57):

That's honestly the first step is deciding that you're sick and tired of suffering over this, and it's time to make a decision to do something about it. And so share this episode with anyone in your life who could benefit from this story. And the reminder that everybody makes mistakes, the real power is in learning from them. And thank you for spending time together with me and listening to my story. Thank you for sharing this with people in your life who may have implants, who are thinking about getting implants. And thank you for taking this topic seriously. I know you're going to share this far and wide, which is going to help me with this mission of getting the information out there. And thank you for taking everything to heart about the mistakes and regrets that we all have and how to move beyond them. And in case no one else tells you this, I want to be sure to tell you because I'd regret it if I didn't.

 

(52:50):

That I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And I know absolutely everything that you and I talked about today is going to help you do it. Alrighty, I'll see you in the next episode. And for you on YouTube, I got my socks out here. No more. I wanted to be sure to say thank you, thank you, thank you for being here with me. Thank you for watching this all the way to the end and sharing it with friends and family members of yours that will benefit from it. I want to remind you right down there is the subscribe button. I want you to hit it. It's free. It doesn't cost you anything. It just means you'll never miss a video. And it's the way for you to tell me that you enjoy the content that we're putting out. It supports the team. And so thank you in advance for just hitting that subscribe, because I know you're the kind of person that wants to support the people that are supporting you. Now, you're probably thinking, Mel, what should I watch next? Great question. I think you're going to love this video.