I Didn’t Expect To Record This: I Want To Talk to You About tWitch’s Death

(01:15):

That's what this guy was all about. And you didn't need to know him to know that he was also all about his wife, Allison and his three gorgeous kids. And during the pandemic, not only was he there with Ellen, but he and his wife who are both dancers started doing all of these choreographed awesome videos that went viral online. And they spread so much joy for people doing these dances and teaching people with their kids all these dance moves. And they just were this positive, amazing force. And so when I heard the news that he died from suicide yesterday at the age of 40, it just rocked me to my core and I'm still processing it like 18 hours later.

(03:27):

And notice the word I'm using I'm saying died from suicide. And that's because I think about a death from mental health struggles the same way I think about a death from cancer. If you have a friend that dies of brain cancer, you say they died from cancer. If you have a friend or a loved one as every single one of us does, who has died from a struggle with addiction or depression or trauma or toxic stress or any other mental health issue, that mental health challenge deteriorated the physical structure of that person's brain. That's what happened the same way that brain cancer physically deteriorates the brain until it kills somebody. And so the word choice is really deliberate because it's a recognition of what actually happened. There's a couple other bigger things that I just have to say, and that is that you don't need to know somebody.

 

(04:37):

You don't need to know Twitch personally to be affected personally by the news of his death. You don't have to have lived in the Sandy Hook community to be impacted by the news that it was the 10th anniversary yesterday because these things that are happening out in the world trigger you to remember experiences of loss in your own life. And so for me personally, I think one of the reasons why I have been so rocked by this news is because if you look at somebody like Twitch on the outside, this man exuded positivity. You never saw him without a smile on his face. 

(05:57):

And the other thing that this is bringing up for me is that you just have no clue what's going on in somebody else's life. You focus on the beautiful smile that somebody has or the great job or the bank account or the awesome spouse or the wonderful kids or the big house. But people don't live at their house where everybody lives. They live inside their heads. You and I don't have a clue what it's like for somebody else to live with the pain inside their heads. One of the major takeaways here for me is one of Twitch's biggest messages, which is being kind and the fact that being kind and being positive around other people, you have no clue. In fact, we underestimate the impact that it can have on somebody else's life to just be kind to them. And so that's one takeaway that you just don't have a clue.

 

(06:54):

So please just don't assume that what's going on and assume that everybody is silently battling something. So it's on all of us to be kind to one another. Second thing that I want to say is I need you to be kind to yourself today because there's a lot swirling around right now. And so if you notice that you're thinking about people that you lost, which I am, I mean yesterday what was happening for me as I heard the news and I of course immediately thought about his family is I was transported back to the day that I learned that our dear friend Fred had died from suicide. And it's like I started reliving that day again. As I thought about the pain that Twitch's wife, Allison and his three kids were feeling, I thought about this particular moment on the day that Fred died where I was with his daughter, and we were walking up the front steps to his house.

 

(07:56):

And I knew that when we opened that door, I was going to be present when she learned that her father had died. It is a moment that changed me forever. And so that's also what was happening for me yesterday. And I was thinking about how much I misread and I was thinking about how sad and heartbroken I am about all the other people in my life that had struggled with mental health issues and addiction or hopelessness or depression and how they all died from suicide...

(09:00):

Remembering somebody that is gone and thinking about the things that you really loved about 'em. That's a really healthy thing to do on a day like today. But simply being aware that news like this brings up stuff for you that's personal, that's step one. Step two is being kind to yourself. Step three is being proactive about taking care of yourself today and reaching out. And step four is understanding this issue in a larger context. And so now I want to kind of switch gears and address something that's pissing me off as I see people processing Twitch's death in particular because this hit me as hard as Robin Williams, as hard as Anthony Bourdain. And I think the reason why it hits people so hard is because you're trying to make sense of somebody who seems like they've got it all together on the outside and in your rational mind, it just makes no sense.

 

(10:01):

And that is where the learning is. See, your mind is rational right now. Your objective, you're not living with the pain the person was living with. So when you look at the situation from your lens, you remove the pain that the person was feeling. And so it makes no sense to your brain because your brain wasn't compromised from the mental health struggle that that person was really battling day in and day out. And so let me go back to the example of brain cancer. If you have a friend that's dying from brain cancer, you see them deteriorate on the outside. You see what's happening. You would never in a million years when somebody dies from brain cancer go, oh, that's so selfish. Why did they choose to do that? What about their family? But they had so many resources. But I see so many people writing this horse shit online, and it's pissing me off because it shows that you don't have a fricking clue what it means to struggle with a mental health issue. You don't have a fricking clue. And it really pisses me off when I see people that write really arrogant, pretentious things like, well, I struggled. I was in a dark thing and I asked for help. Well, that's great. I'm happy that you didn't get so bad that your brain wasn't so deteriorated that you could ask for help.

 

(11:33):

When somebody gets to the point that their brain functioning is so eroded that they cannot cognitively rationally process the fact that there is a huge difference between ending the pain that you're dealing with and ending your life, when somebody gets to the point where they can't think clearly, it means the physical structure of their brain has deteriorated from the mental health battle. That's what that means. And that smile that people put on their faces the whole way through that is so hard. Can you imagine to get to the point where you love your family so much that you think the only way to save them is to get rid of yourself. This is just, that's how compromised your brain is. And so when I think about this like brain cancer, that the physical brain functioning is deteriorating to the point where nobody can think rationally, that removes all judgment.

(13:55):

You can face this with a little bit of support. You can, and you can do that. And I want you to do that because we want you here. You have a big, beautiful life, and I know that if you believe that you could somehow lessen the pain you're feeling, you would want to live that life, please, please, please get support for the pain that you're feeling and hold on to the life that you have because your life is worth fighting for. And there are people that want to help you. We have resources in the show notes, not only for here in the United States, but also for multiple languages, international resources. And so I just felt the need to talk to you, to check in with you, be kind to yourself today. Stop assuming that you know what other people are thinking. Remember the people that you've lost and the things that you loved about 'em, and together, we'll get through this. We will, I promise. And of course, I want to tell you that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to just keep going and know that I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here holding your hand, cheering you forward, and it means the world to me to know that you're here holding my hand too. I love you. I'll talk to you in a few days.

 

(15:51):

Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, bye. God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.