Unlock Your Brain’s Hidden Power: 6 Tools to Boost Focus, Confidence, and Creativity

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:26:18):

I think it's difficult to practice new skills because of the way that we practice. Yeah, I think that, and that's why one of the tools is actually fall in love with practice. Because what I have found, and through some of the people that I've spoke to and interviewed for the book, is that practice can become monotonous really fast. It can boring, but there are just like with everything, there's limitless possibilities in the way that we can practice. And so I interviewed the five times Us memory champion, Nelson Delli for the book, and I specifically asked him, Nelson, at some point, it's got to get boring if you're just practicing the same thing over and over and over again. I said, what do you do? And he said, well, sometimes when I get to that state, he said, instead of he would memorize a 52 deck of cards in, I forget how many 20 seconds or whatever it is, 30

Mel Robbins (00:27:18):

Seconds in that order.

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:27:20):

In a random order, someone hands in the deck in 30 seconds, he can memorize the whole thing. And so I said, what do you do?

Mel Robbins (00:27:26):

But was he born with that skill or did he actually teach himself that?

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:27:29):

He wasn't, he had someone in his family, I think it was his grandmother who got Alzheimer's, and he never thought he had a good memory and he was concerned that that would be his fate. And he turned to memory games and learning how to build his memory. And so he told me that what he does is he will insert a few extra cards in the deck, so he'll change it up. And he said, that presents a new challenge to him that activates his mind, and it makes it more engaging. And so you could kind of think about what are all the things? And sometimes it may be that when I was younger and I was always the last chosen for sports, sports at school, actually it was me and this other kid, you're

Mel Robbins (00:28:21):

Hilarious, Dr. Karp

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:28:24):

And so I really wanted to get better at basketball, and I would go and I would throw the ball and just nothing plateau, just anger and whatever. And luckily, there's somebody actually who I recently connected with, which is pretty interesting, but someone who saw me doing this and came up and said, here, I'll show you. I'll show you how to do it. And he said, we're just going to focus on the layup. That's it. And I was probably maybe like 11 years old, 10, 11, something like that. And he would just stand with me and he would say, okay, shoot it there. Here's the angle. Here's how to do your hand. And over time, I got better at it. I was almost getting it every single time. And to me, that was shifting from the possibility of me just standing there trying to do it on my own, to having someone supportive there with me, showing me how to do it.

(00:29:12):

And so I was engaging in another possibility. It's finding the process that works for you. And when you start, I almost think of it as like a knob. It's like click, click, click, click, there it is. Now I'm improving. And we need to be able to tune into those incremental improvements and incremental progress in order for us to continue to advance. And to me, it's like falling in love with practice is the key to persistence. It's how we become persistent in anything in our life. If we can find ways to infuse joy into practicing, then we can keep at it for longer and we can be persistent. And we all know that persistence is so important for progress.

Mel Robbins (00:30:02):

It makes me think about the fact that it took me a long time with my brain and a DH, D and dyslexia to do that. Click, click, click, click. Oh, this is it. And I do think we get into these patterns of believing that there's only one way to do something, or the way that you've always done it is the way that you should always do it, or that just because somebody else had success shooting the basketball a certain way, that that's how you do it. And what I love about this tool, fall in love with practice, is one of the biggest practices in your life is experimenting with yourself. And for me, I don't write books by writing them. I talk it out, and then I edit transcripts, which is a form of writing. Another discovery that I've made about myself, Dr. Karp, is that I'm a reactor both emotionally and intellectually, but I am working on the emotional part. What I've realized is the intellectual part is a superpower. If you ask me a series of questions, I can talk all day long. I can tap into this brain power and a decade of research in the work that I've been doing, and I can just almost go into a state where I'm speaking in tongues and I'm a human encyclopedia. If you give me a piece of paper and you ask me to just write a full page about a topic, I can't do it.

(00:31:27):

And so this idea of fall in love with the practice and give yourself room to experiment, what you're actually practicing on is what works for you, what unlocks something in you. And that pursuit of being curious about it and practicing and stumbling into things, it is true. It is what keeps you going back. I remember with our daughter who's a singer songwriter, one of her mentors out in Los Angeles said to her, because she kept going, I got to learn piano. I got to learn piano. She knows it, but she's like, most people, they write music on piano and he's like, you have one of the best instruments on the planet. It's your voice.

(00:32:07):

Why are you not humming melodies? Why do you need to put it on the piano? Why are you working against the thing that actually comes naturally? And I think a lot of us do that to ourselves. We think we need to have our relationships look like everybody else's. You think that the way that you do your work product needs to kind of fall in line and giving yourself the space to tinker and practice taps into everything that you're trying to teach us. 

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:32:43):

Wow. I've experienced so many setbacks and just nothing has ever come easy to me. And I would say the way I would describe it really is that let's say I ended up talking about my experiences, just all of my experiences in life really in

Mel Robbins (00:32:59):

Failure. Okay, well, here's a big failure. You have a big failure.

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:33:01):

Oh, I have a lot of big failures. So for example, I applied to medical school, got rejected from all three schools that I applied to. I had so many failures. I was the kid in high school who got up to do a wachman sing and got booed off the stage, right? I'm that kid.

Mel Robbins (00:33:21):

Wow.

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:33:22):

I tried out to be on student council multiple times and I didn't get on, although I actually did get on in my final year of high school from pattern recognition. I figured some things out. But yeah, I almost visualize. It's like I'm in a boat, I'm trying to get to the end of the stream, and I am bumping into every single rock along the way, every overhanging branch. And as I sort of go untangling myself, I will look down, I'll look at the rock and I'll be like, oh, hmm, that's interesting. I'll see a path on the side of the river and I'll say, oh, I wonder where that leads. I'll get out of the boat. I'll start walking down and then I'll be, wait a moment, I am supposed to be going down the river. And so I get back in, I bump into every single rock.

(00:34:09):

I mean, that's sort of like my experience with everything. And so one of the massive failures that I had is with Tedmed. I was invited, actually, Jay Walker, the CEO of Priceline was the CEO of Tedmed. And he gave me a call and he said, Hey, I would like to invite you to give a talk on your bios, inspiration work, how you turn to nature for inspiration over to develop medical technologies. I initially said no, because I was so frightened. I had not memorized anything since public school. But then I thought about it and I was like, okay, I will never be asked again to speak on this stage. And I went and I said,

Mel Robbins (00:34:50):

Yes. And by the way, just for you listening, this is part of the TED Conference franchise. This is academic superhero. This is the stage where all your peers are staring down at you. This is global. So this isn't like come to the school basement and give a chat. This is an invitation to stand before everybody in the medical research community globally and just boom, go. And what happened?

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:35:22):

So what happened was I practiced like crazy. I rented out the Kresge Auditorium at MIT, which is the biggest auditorium. I presented to four people, my family who were there. I presented in front of so many different people, and I knew that inside and out, it was like 15 minutes purely memorized. I had slides, I had animations, I had to get the timing right. I had to make it look like I didn't memorize it. There was all these sort of stages and I was ready to go. And I get to Tedmed. It was at the Kennedy Center in DC and I practice my talk and they suggest some changes and I'm like, oh my God, I can't change it now, it's tomorrow. So I try to figure out how am I going to, because memorized it. Then we go on stage beforehand, there's sort of like walkthrough. And they say, by the way, the clicker only goes forward. It doesn't go back. If you go too fast and hit it, you have to yell to the AV person. Can you go back? And I'm like, there's no way I'm doing that. And they said, sometimes people freeze in the middle of their talk. They said, the two reactions that we've seen is one, they run off the stage. They said, don't run off the stage if that happens. The second reaction we've seen is people will actually start crying. They said, don't do that either.

Mel Robbins (00:36:36):

And the third reaction is when you dump in your drawers and have to throw out your pants, I'm

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:36:41):

Sure that's happened at some point. And then they said, just stand there and smile. And so I am like, I ready to go. I get a pack of halls in my hand. I'm eating a mall right before I go up. I get up on stage. I have it so well memorized that I can think about other things. It's five high definition cameras on me being live streamed throughout the world. It's filled at this Kennedy Center in dc, the president of my institutions in the audience. And I get to the middle of my talk and I think to myself, I missed a line. There was a line that I forgot to say, and my mind couldn't get unhooked from that. And I stopped in the middle of it for 15 seconds. I said, nothing. Now 15 seconds is a very long time to pause on this type of a stage and on any stage, can you

Mel Robbins (00:37:34):

Just put us in that moment?

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:37:36):

Yeah.

Mel Robbins (00:37:37):

What was happening for you?

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:37:39):

Well, I was so nervous. I had this visceral reaction where it was like this negativity came within me. I'm trying to think, okay, I can't run off the stage. I can't start crying. They want me to smile. The swear words are going through my head. I'm holding the clicker trying to use it, a lightning rod of energy, and you can see me going like this with it. I'm smiling and I'm like, the only thing I can think of is to turn the slide. And so I hit the clicker to go forward. I turn the slide, a blank slide, and I'm like, what the fuck? And then I'm like, what is that? I go forward again. And something magical happens, which is I am like, wait a moment. I know what I'm supposed to say on this slide. The last slide was a queue. I know what I'm supposed to say there. And I just started up again.

(00:38:35):

And as I'm walking off the stage, the stage manager whispers to me, she goes, we can cut that out for the YouTube version. And that was it. And then somebody came to me afterwards and they said, I noticed you paused in the middle of your talk. And I'm like, I think everybody did. And they said, but the fact you were able to recover is really important. And think about that. And I had actually been shamed earlier in my life when I gave a presentation, just one presentation. I've given so many that imprinted and created anxiety and fear, and every time I presented after that,

(00:39:15):

And this allowed me to detach from that experience and gain more confidence because I knew that anytime moving forward, if I stopped that I could find my words again and keep going. And so it's like this tool is focusing beyond failure. It's about finding ways to look at failure completely differently, to see it as opportunities where we can find our greatest insights and opportunities for growth. And to me, one of the key things and all the failures that I've ever encountered, that is just huge. It's so big, is what you were saying before. We have these expectations. Even the first time we try things, we expect we're going to miraculously succeed in everything we do. That's our expectation. We go in with that. And what I've realized is that if we reframe failure, like we learn in school failure's over here, success is over here.

(00:40:14):

Avoid failure, maximize success. I see it as a prerequisite to success. I see failure as an opportunity to be creative, as an opportunity to explore other possibilities you didn't think of before. I see failure now as a way to learn. And that's the shift. So I'll give you an example where I think this will become really clear. The first talk that I was invited to give on Lit was at Stanford, right? Many months ago, I'd never spoken about it. I put all these slides together. I was super nervous, and I mean, I didn't even know how to talk about the book. I'd been writing it, I hadn't been communicating it. And I get there and I said to myself, it took me a lot of processing. And I said to myself, you know what, Jeff? You're going to give it your best, but this is Jen 1.0.

(00:41:03):

I said, focus on doing your best, but also tapping into the cues that you get from people as you're speaking. What are the insights? So you can move to Gen 2.0 and 2.0 is going to be better than 1.0. So I was able to shift away from the expectation of giving a spectacular talk to focusing on the learnings, the insights I could gain to make the talk better. I was like, there's probably going to be a generation 5.0, a 10.0, a 20.0, whatever it is. And that shift is basically focusing on away from success and moving that to learning, to gaining an insight. So you're focusing on the evolution, and that's changed everything for me.

Mel Robbins (00:41:46):

I love that. So I relate to that as I was writing the Let Them Theory book, I kept saying to the team, we're going to go through 20 iterations of this. This isn't about getting something too perfect. It's about the iteration, step one, step two, step three. And so you're absolutely right, focusing on, I got to have a failed first draft and then a failed second draft and a failed third draft to get to the point where I actually love this thing. 

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:42:18):

Yeah, please.

Mel Robbins (00:42:19):

Because I think what the people said to you was horrible advice. So number one, it's always important to understand that the audience has no idea what you're about to say or what you're supposed to say. And so if you can remind yourself that they have no idea what I'm supposed to say, so I'm not supposed to get it right, I'm supposed to actually get through it and try to enjoy myself. And if you're having a good time with it, then they're going to have a good time with you.

(00:42:51):

Second thing I want you to understand is that there is a tremendous amount of research about what happens when another person sees somebody else screwing up, whether they're tripping up the stairs or they freeze for a minute or they slide. I've had so many moments where I've literally been in front of 10,000 people and the clicker stops working, and you've got a stadium in your hands. And the amazing thing about those moments is that if you can get to the point where you're like, I just forgot what I was supposed to say, guess it better hit the next slide. I guess it wasn't that important. Click people root for you. We like and cheer for people when we see their vulnerability. And if you can give yourself that grace, and here's the final thing, always before you walk on stage, you will always forever feel nervous no matter how prepared you are, because you're about to be in the spotlight, and that activates the alarm system in your nervous system, you're going to go into hyper pay attention mode.

(00:44:00):

Instead of going, oh my God, I'm so nervous and chomping on the halls and pacing back and forth, and reiterating reating, literally say to yourself, I'm so excited to get out there and share this. I'm so excited because that simple reframe, they have actually studied this at one of the institutions you're involved with, Harvard Medical School. School is that simple. Reframe gets your brain to tell your nervous system. We're not nervous here. We're actually in a state of excitement. And that helps you from having your nervous system hijack your prefrontal cortex, which means you can access the preparation.

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:44:30):

So true.

Mel Robbins (00:44:31):

But in that moment, when you freeze, try to make a joke. I just forgot what I was going to say. And you'll be shocked at what happens.

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:44:38):

Yeah. Rudy Tanzi is a neuroscientist who spoke about some elements of what you just said in the book. And he said that, he said, before he goes to give a talk, he says to himself, I am here to serve. I'm here to serve. And it's more like it's not. He's here for a performance. He's here to share. He's here to give what he has, his gifts, his work. And to me, again, it's just what's that other possibility that can switch us from fight or flight and put us into that moment where we feel empowered, we feel connected, we feel like we're truly sharing what we have with everybody

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:45:46):

Absolutely.

Mel Robbins (00:45:48):

Great.

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:45:49):

Okay. One of the tools that you can use in this situation is called Flip the Switch. And it's all about recognizing patterns that don't match up.

Mel Robbins (00:46:00):

Can you give me an example? Where would you use Flip the Switch in your life?

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:46:04):

Okay, so here's an example of Flip the Switch. Okay. My ADHD really created a lot of struggles for me early on, my learning differences. And in the seventh grade, I was actually identified as having learning differences in ADHD, and I got some accommodations, and that was really a pivotal moment for me. But what happened was is that my ADHD was still really problematic and troublesome for me, my learning differences, and it just presented daily challenges. And so I really needed, everything took me two or three times longer than everybody else. I would constantly be staying after school. I'd go in on weekends to meet with teachers, the ones that would be available all through high school whenever I could. It was always, it was like I was trudging through, I don't even know what, but it was just slow, slow, slow progress and everything.

(00:47:02):

And so I needed to find ways to become more efficient. And so I started to just focus my attention on efficiency, and I was just so focused on becoming more efficient that over time I started to become more efficient. I started to be able to do more. I started to be able to focus my attention at will. I started to be able to navigate the world in ways that I had never navigated before to be able to learn and to succeed in my classes. And I started to thrive. And what happened was I got so addicted to the dopamine hits from my work because now I was just able to just do almost two marathons worth of work in a day. And when Covid hit, everything came crashing down in my living room. I had realized that I was completely out of touch. I would be going to birthday parties, I'd be going to birthday parties, and I would be trying to network with other parents who were there versus focusing on the purpose of the birthday party, which was to connect with my children. And I would be at soccer practices, and I would be trying to get my 10,000 steps. I'd be walking around the soccer

Mel Robbins (00:48:19):

Field. You sound pretty intense

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:48:20):

Over and over and over again to get my 10,000 steps. I'd be going for walks with my dogs, and I would have Netflix on the phone, and I'd watch an episode of Game of Thrones as I took them for a walk around the neighborhood.

Mel Robbins (00:48:35):

You're that guy.

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:48:36):

I'm that guy. I was that guy. I was that guy. And it was all because I had been so focused on just, I was just so addicted to the dopamine that I was getting from my work because I became very efficient. I was able to do way more than I had ever done before...

Mel Robbins (00:48:57):

Got it.

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:48:58):

I COVID was this unintentional pause where everything came crashing down literally in my living room. And I was like, okay, I need to change. And that's where I engaged Flip the Switch, which is a four step process.

Mel Robbins (00:49:14):

What is that?

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:49:15):

So the first step is to notice your inner desire for possibility. So it's this idea that in that moment, I knew that there was another way of living, another way of being. There was something I could do that I wasn't doing, and I felt disconnected. So I really was in touch with other possibilities that I needed to discover. The second step is to take stock of what's working and what's holding you back. And I had developed these incredible efficiencies in my lab, in my work, things were going extremely well. But at home it was a completely different scenario. It's like I looked up and all of a sudden my son was quarterback of the high school football team. It was my kids were teenagers. All these years had passed. And I felt there was something deep that was missing. There was something more that I needed to engage. There was, I needed to figure this out,

Mel Robbins (00:50:20):

You,

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:50:21):

I needed to figure myself out.

Mel Robbins (00:50:22):

You were missing.

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:50:23):

I needed to turn inward. And so that was what was holding me back. And the third step was to consider other possibilities, other ways of thinking. And at the time, my wife was engaged in sort of seeking out these answers to some spiritual questions that she had, and she was speaking to some spiritual leaders in the community. And it took me a while to kind of look around. I was like, oh my God, she's having these conversations. These are the conversations that I need to be having at this moment. So I identified this was a third step. The other possibilities are right in front of me. And the fourth step is to take a deliberate step forward. And so I asked my wife to introduce me to these spiritual people that she was engaging, and she did. And I started to meet with them. And I started practicing meditation.

(00:51:21):

And I tried it before, and it didn't really work like apps and all these things, but I sort of was connected to transcendental meditation, which is this one word mantra that you say over and over in your mind. And what I started to notice as I practiced it and I practiced it for two or three months, that's all actually I needed. And what I noticed was that these thoughts would come into my mind. There would usually be an emotion associated with the thought, and I'd be in the middle of meditation and I'd be like, oh my God, I didn't write that email. And I'd be jumping out of the meditation.

Mel Robbins (00:51:53):

You need a seatbelt in your own meditation.

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:51:55):

I needed a seatbelt

Mel Robbins (00:51:56):

Or a notepad to jot it down.

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:51:58):

But one of the amazing things that I recognized is that as that was happening, I noticed that if I didn't jump out of the meditation, if I could hold myself there, that thought and the emotion would actually subside, it would leave my mind.

(00:52:14):

And all of a sudden that became this light bulb moment for me. Because what I noticed was when I was in conversation with my wife, with my children, I started to notice the energy of the conversation. I started to notice that if, let's say my kids are teenagers, and if they're speaking and all of a sudden I want to say something, I want to interject, the energy shifts from them to me, and they stop speaking, and now it's on me. But that's not my intention. My intention is for them to find their voice, for me to be supportive of them, and not for me to take over or for the attention to be on me. And so the meditation helped me develop tools for navigating conversations with people, with everybody. And now I'm very, in my mind during conversations, it's wired in, I notice the energy of the conversation, and I feel like the ADHD brain, because it's bouncing around, and people with ADHD often forget what they're going to say, and that can be painful.

(00:53:22):

So you want to just jump out and say it. And through this process, I've been able to keep myself present so that I'm not jumping out and interjecting. And whenever I do that, I feel like it's almost like this box appears in my mind, and it's like a little check mark because it feels like a win. And when I do that, when I pause and think about that, anytime I've had just these moments of intentionality in my day, and I just pause in that moment and sort of check, put a little check, it feels amazing. And it sort of fuels more intentionality.

Mel Robbins (00:53:58):

So I would love to, on the flip the switch, you said four because I want to make sure anybody that feels stuck understands that there's these four short steps that you can go through, and that there is another way that there's always another way to do life. And so I'm assuming that in any area of your life where you're bumping up against friction, whether you feel like you're on autopilot or you're sick of wear your health and your state of being in shape or not, is if you're tired of your drinking habit. If you feel friction in your relationship, you're saying there is a life ignition tool you should tap called Flip the Switch. And so step one is what?

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:54:39):

Noticing your inner desire for possibility,

Mel Robbins (00:54:42):

Fabulous. And for possibility, you mean I don't want it to, because for me, you're speaking in a way that sounds very empowered. I'm very negative when I feel frustrated. So I start to go, what the fuck? I literally am like, I don't want to do my, and so notice that you don't want it to be this way, that there is a positive, you want positive change. What's the second step

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:55:05):

Is to take stock of what's working and what's holding you back. Because we always have things that are working for us, and it's important to acknowledge them because that's empowering.

Mel Robbins (00:55:19):

Yes, it is. And step three then, once you've taken stock, is

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:55:24):

To notice other possibilities and other ways of thinking. Because I think in our lives, we're often just living a single possibility, but in any moment, there's limitless possibilities. And to me, that's also one of the powers of diversity, one of the reasons why we need to flood our lives with diverse ways of thinking and to spend time with people who think differently, who have different ways of being, different ways of acting. Because what it can do is it can help you to identify other possibilities. It's what we use in my laboratory for solving problems. We use diversity as a superpower.

Mel Robbins (00:56:03):

I've done that in my relationship with Chris when we've been in situations where we're ready to kill each other, reaching out to friends. Have you ever dealt with this? What would you recommend? So there are other ways. And then you said the fourth step was

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:56:19):

Taking a deliberate step forward.

Mel Robbins (00:56:21):

And for me, simply reaching out to somebody that I admire or that is a trusted friend, just reaching out for the advice makes me feel better. So I didn't realize I was using your tool Flip the Switch, but that's exactly the way I've approached these moments too, because there always is a better way. 

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:56:56):

Pinching your brain is using your intention to focus your attention, to think or redirect your thinking throughout your day in meaningful ways.

Mel Robbins (00:57:07):

So how would you use this in your day-to-day life? How do you use it now?

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:57:13):

Okay, I'll give you an example. I brought two pens. One for you. Sorry, throw at you

Mel Robbins (00:57:19):

There. If you're listening, I'm holding a pen that has a red end, and you're holding a pen that has a blue end. And I'm assuming this is intentional.

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:57:27):

Well, maybe we'll see. So the way that we can practice pinch your brain is to take something in your environment

(00:57:38):

And focus your attention on it and notice the nuances. And so this is something you can do anywhere in your life. You can do it inside, outside, any room. And so if I say to you, okay, hold this pen in your hand. Typically we just grab the pen, we write with it, and we put it back down. We don't think about it. Our thoughts are moving all over the place. And so at this moment, we could say what we're going to do is pinch our brain just by focusing on the nuances of the pen. So let's look at the pen together and say, okay, what are the different colors? What are the different textures? How is the light reflecting off the pen? How is there any writing on it? What does it say? Turn the pen around. Start to look at it. And what we're actually doing here is we're using our intention to focus our attention.

(00:58:22):

We're squeezing out the other thoughts, and we're focusing on the pen. Now this seems really simple, and you're like, okay, I'm just, how is that helpful? But what I've found is that if you do this, if you make a practice of it, and you can do it outside as you're going for a walk, you can look at the texture of the bark on the trees, you can look at the clouds. There's so many things to look at. When you start to notice the nuances, you start to also not only focusing your attention, you're connecting with what you're looking at. And there's this energy exchange that happens.

Mel Robbins (00:58:56):

You just said a whole lot there. So I want to make sure that I unpack this, which is a strategy and tactic of pinching your brain. I would imagine you can tap into this anytime you feel overwhelmed, anytime you feel stressed out. Anytime you're doom scrolling, anytime you feel caught, that devastating cycle of ruminating over and over on negative thoughts. He's saying, find any object in your environment. And as you're listening to us, you can look around. It could be a coffee mug, it could be a cloud, it could be anything really. And by pinching your brain, he's saying you can squeeze out any of the worries or rumination or overwhelm that you feel by just focusing on the details of an object that is with insight. And what happens, what is the benefit? I can see the immediate benefit is you take control of your mind, but what have you found over time? If you make this a practice, when you catch yourself feeling overwhelmed that you use this pinch your brain tool.

Dr. Jeff Karp (00:59:58):

So every time that you do this, it's like a bicep curl for your attention.

Mel Robbins (01:00:04):

Okay, so is this really good for somebody like me and you with ADHD?

Dr. Jeff Karp (01:00:09):

Very good. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Mel Robbins (01:00:10):

Why is pinching your brain good for somebody with ADHD?

Dr. Jeff Karp (01:00:14):

Because when you have ADHD, your mind is filled with multiple thoughts that are just constantly bouncing around, and you are frequently finding yourself not using your intention for where your tension is focused. So I think in today's society, our attention is so atomized because we have stimuli coming at us from every direction online. The goal of companies who operate online is to grab your attention. And there's a trillion dollars that spent every year to hijack your attention. So on marketing and advertising every single year. And so especially people with ADHD, they fall prey the most to these types of stimuli. And so what we need to do is it's kind of like our attention, if you think of it almost like a muscle, the more we intentionally or on purpose focus our attention, the more we are able to do that on command, on demand for other areas of our life that are most meaningful to us.

Dr. Jeff Karp (01:02:34):

Absolutely. I love that. Well, to me, I would first start by saying that one of the key things that really happened to me that was critical along my path is that I was a C and D student early on. I was nearly failing out because nothing was working. And I was thinking about this earlier today, and I was getting emotional about it because I don't like to think about that time too much because it was really difficult for me. All the labels, I was getting lazy. They asked me at one point, what do you want to be when you grow up? And I said, I want to be a doctor. And they said, you better set your sights lower because you just don't have what it takes to do that. They said, you're never going to amount to much. And that really took a toll.

(01:03:27):

And the one thing that kept me going during that time is the support that I had from my parents and in particular my mom. There were these speech competitions at the school that started, I think in the fourth or fifth grade. And my mom wrote the speeches for me. She helped me memorized, and I had never memorized anything before. And I was really, I had a lot of anxiety. I felt lost. But she said, okay, let's start with one word. Let's move to two words. I had a sentence memorized, and then I had two sentences memorized, and then I had three and four, and I could tap into the fact that things were changeable, that I could actually memorize something I didn't think I could. And then she would coach me on how to say it, how to give the speech. And what happened was incredible because I started to win competitions. I started to be the kid to beat. And I think that every kid, every person needs to have that one thing where they can tap into the fact that things are changeable. That one thing where they can gain that incremental confidence and tap into it, feel it in a very visceral way. Because when you do that, you can apply it to all the other areas in your life. And that truly is what allowed me to keep going and to then start to develop these tools, which eventually I applied from surviving to thriving.

Mel Robbins (01:05:12):

Is that what you wish somebody would've told you, that things are changeable? Because I find your story fascinating, and I know that there's somebody listening that feels that exact way about their son or daughter, and you have an extraordinary amount of resilience and just like, I'm plowing ahead. There's a rock. I'm going here, I'm going here, I'm going here. And what is it that you want to say to some kid that is in that space right now that doesn't feel like things are changing?

Dr. Jeff Karp (01:05:47):

Well, I would start by saying the following, I believe in you. I will always believe in you. No matter what labels you get, no matter who has shamed you before, no matter what, terrible things have happened to you, no matter what kind of self shame you induce on yourself, there is a way out. There are infinite possibilities. The possibility or living right now is not the one that defines you. You can break out of it. And you just need some tools and strategies. You just need to experiment a little bit in your life just to see beyond that possibility. And I am here to help you. I will always be here for you. And I am excited for what the future holds.

Mel Robbins (01:06:38):

Beautiful.

Dr. Jeff Karp (01:06:39):

And no matter what, I want you to know that there is at least one thing that you are good at, that you can tap into and develop, and it will inspire the world.

Mel Robbins (01:06:53):

That is so beautiful. Dr. Karp, what are your parting words?

Dr. Jeff Karp (01:06:57):

I just have so much excitement for life and for what life holds for everybody. And I think that it's like I have experienced so many setbacks, so many challenges. So many times when I said, I've heard it can't be done, you can't do this, you're not good enough. I've experienced so many moments where I feel disconnected from the people around me, where I don't feel innovative anymore. I don't feel creative. I don't feel like I can get myself out of this situation where I'm in a dark place, where I just don't know what the future holds, that I'm caught behind fear, behind hesitation. And I think that there, what I've learned in the process of my life and in writing this book and in listening to your podcast and all the tools and the reframes, is that we need tools. We need rituals. We need practices.

(01:07:59):

We need each other. We need diversity. We need to be seeing things from different angles and different frames of references. And this has a way of showing us new possibilities, other possibilities, so that we don't end up trapped in this linear way that our minds gravitate to towards this single possibility that we find ourselves trapped within. And this, I think it just ignites this. It illuminates us when we have tools and when we can actually do these reframes. And so I'm just really excited for everyone out there. I'm excited for you to experience lit, and I'm excited to hear what resonates, and I'd love to hear your stories.

Mel Robbins (01:08:45):

Well, Dr. Jeff Karp, thank you for opening up so much possibility and also doing it in a way where you have given us so many simple tools that we can put to use immediately. And just like Dr. Karp said, I can't wait to hear what you do with everything he just taught us and shared with you. And I can't wait to see what happens in your life and the people that you care about in their life when you share this episode with them. And in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And there's absolutely no doubt in my mind that everything that Dr. Karp has shared with you today will help you do that. There is so much more possibility, so many amazing things that you are capable of achieving and experiencing in your life.

(01:09:41):

And every one of the things that he gave you as a simple way to look at things differently and unlock your potential are going to help you take that next step. Alrighty, I'll see you in the next episode. And I want to make sure to also say thank you, thank you, thank you for watching all the way to the end. You love Dr. Karp. I mean, I just have a huge brain crush just hanging around. It makes me feel like my brain is bigger and so is my heart. And so I love, love this. I love spending time with you. One other thing I want to ask you, it is my goal to make sure that 50% of the people that watch the YouTube channel are subscribers. Why? Because it shows me that you really love the work that we're putting out. It's making a difference for you.

(01:10:19):

So if you could hit the subscribe, that's going to help me close the gap. We are 8% away from reaching that goal of 50% of the people that watch are subscribers. Alright, good. You don't get what you don't ask for. So I'm asking you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for supporting me, and I now know what you're thinking. Alright, Mel, this is great. I've subscribed, but what do you want me to do next? Where should I go next? What's the next best video? It's right here. If you love Dr. Karp, you're going to love this next episode and I'll be waiting for you in it.