Episode: 270
Get Back on Track: 5 Evening Habits to Wake Up Focused, Recharged, and in Control
a Solo Episode
Still staying up too late?
Tired of staying up too late and waking up exhausted? This episode is your fix. Mel shares the 5 science-backed steps of her life-changing evening routine to help you sleep better, reduce stress, and wake up feeling clear and energized.
You’ll learn why you sabotage your bedtime (it’s not your fault) and how to break the cycle—starting tonight.
If you’re ready to stop scrolling and start sleeping, this episode gives you the exact tools to make it happen.
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Transcript
Mel Robbins (00:00:00):
You are spending your days right now giving so much of yourself to everyone else, to your work, to your family, to the responsibilities that you have, to the constant stream of emails that are coming in, the texts, the demands of life that are pulling you in every single direction, that by the time the day is done, I know how you feel. I feel the same way you are wiped out the tank of gas in your brain. It is on empty. And today you and I are going to do something about it. You get to choose whether or not you're going to succumb to the pressures and the programming of the modern world, or if you're going to take your evenings and your sanity back, I'm going to teach you this simple five step evening routine that never fails me. It's time for you and me to reclaim our evenings.
(00:00:55):
Hey, it's your friend Mel. Welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so excited that you're here. First of all, it's always such an honor to spend time with you, to be together, and I wanted to take a moment and acknowledge that if you're a new listener, welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast family. I am so glad that you are here, and because you made the time to hit play and listen to this particular episode, I know that you're the type of person who values your time. You want to make the most of your evenings, you know, need to get a good night's sleep, you deserve to, and you're looking for simple ways to make that a reality. And boy oh boy, have you picked a winner. And I also want you to know something that you are spending your days right now, giving so much of yourself to everyone else, to your work, to your family, to the responsibilities that you have, to the constant stream of emails that are coming in, the texts, the demands of life that are pulling you in every single direction, that by the time the day is done, I know how you feel.
(00:02:00):
I feel the same way you are wiped out the tank of gas in your brain. It is on empty. And today you and I are going to do something about it. So I want to applaud the fact that you're making time to listen to something that's going to help your life be a little bit better. And I want to also point out something kind of cool. If somebody forwarded this to you and told you you should listen to this episode, you want to know what's cool about that? It means that you have somebody in your life that's looking out for you, that cares about you, that wants you to feel better. I just think that's so cool. And so thank you again for being here. Thank you for taking time to listen to this and I'm really excited to share everything with you because I know it's going to resonate because I'm struggling with this issue too, which is it's time for you and me to reclaim our evenings.
(00:02:46):
And I'm going to teach you the simple five-step evening routine that never fails me. Whenever I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and weary, this is what I return to these five steps. These are the basics. This is the foundation for creating an evening routine that really takes care of you. It sets you up to have a great day in the morning. And most importantly, what I love about this particular five-step evening routine, first of all, it's so simple. Second, this has nothing to do with productivity. I don't know about you, but I don't feel right now like, Ooh, let's attack the goals. I feel like life is so overwhelming and the headlines are so depressing and everybody's got so much going on and there's so much information coming at us that by the time I get home and my God, I have unpacked my backpack and I have put away the groceries and I've cooked dinner, I'm exhausted.
(00:03:49):
I feel like I've given everything that I had to give to everyone else and now I've made it to the end of the day. It's seven or eight o'clock. I can't believe I'm still standing and now I don't want to do anything. But here's the problem. The things that you do in the evening actually set you up to have a great day tomorrow or to wake up feeling even more exhausted, more overwhelmed and more weary. And here's why I wanted to talk about this right now.
Mel Robbins (00:04:19):
First of all, I'm struggling with this. I've noticed this pattern in me where I'm scrolling on my phone at night and I know better and so do, I'm sitting there flipping through the channels, and next thing you know, two hours goes by and haven't even watched a show. And you've experienced this too. Why is this happening right now?
(00:04:36):
Why is it that we live in this moment of time where you know, need to get a good night's sleep, you know that you don't want to waste your entire evening scrolling on your phone, you know that you don't want to stay up past midnight or past 11:00 PM and then screw yourself over because you don't actually get in bed in time to get a good night's sleep. So if we know that what's good for us is winding down and taking care of ourselves and getting into bed at a reasonable hour, why aren't we doing it? Well, there's a really interesting explanation for why so many of us are getting less sleep and we're wasting our evenings doing nothing, and it has to do with something called decision fatigue. See, you and I are making decisions all day long. In fact, I have this really interesting article that I found as I was researching our conversation today.
(00:05:28):
It was an article that was published by the American Medical Association and in it, you can hear me flipping through the pages, the reporter is interviewing Dr. Lisa McLean, who is a psychiatrist and the chief Wellness Officer at Henry Ford Health System in Michigan. Now, this is an entire article about something called decision fatigue. And the reason why I want to unpack this is because I want to give you some credit. Do you know how much you're doing all day? I don't even think you understand how you're showing up for everybody else, how you're doing a great job at work, how you're answering the emails, how you're returning the texts, how you're making decisions all day long, and decision fatigue, according to Dr. McLean and all of this research that she's citing is a very real thing. It's the idea quote that after making many decisions, your ability to make more and more decisions over the course of the day becomes worse.
(00:06:27):
The more decisions you have to make, the more fatigue you develop and the more difficult it can become. And she goes on to write, because I don't think you've stopped to consider just how many decisions you make every single day. Well, the researchers have figured it out. Here's what Dr. McLean has to say. By the time the average person goes to bed, that's you and me. You've made over 35,000 decisions. I mean, just even trying to embrace that number is exhausting 35,000 decisions. And if you're sitting there going, no, I don't, 35,000 decisions in a day, well just stop and think about it. Everything from what do you wear to when are you leaving for work to picking up your toothbrush to whether or not you make the left turn or the right turn, or you hit the brakes or you read the book or you don't, you answer the text or you like all day long you are making decisions, which means all day long.
(00:07:35):
If you think about a human being, I think about it this way. I think about you and I having a gas tank, and so you wake up in the morning and this is so elementary, but this is how I try to process this for myself. When you wake up in the morning, you've got a full tank of gas and all day long, every single decision that you're making, all the effort that you're exerting, all the caretaking, all the consideration, all the talking, all the thinking, every time you make a little decision or you put in a little effort, guess what? You're just slowly draining that tank of energy and what's the result? Well, by the time you get home and you've taken care of everybody else, you are exhausted. The fuel tank is near empty. And if you're anything like me, what do you want to do?
(00:08:22):
Nothing. You want to do nothing because you have been doing something all day long. You've been doing something for your boss, you've been doing something for your professors. If you're in school, you've been doing something for your parents, for your kids, for your significant other. You've been doing things for your friends by texting back, you've taken care of work, you've taken care of bills, you've taken care of feeding the dogs or feeding the cat like it is going on and on, and aren't you just exhausted thinking about this? Of course you are. So am I, and this is why I wanted to explain this because if this is what you're doing all day long, you're literally reading the news and then you're reading emails, and then you're talking in a meeting and then you're driving from here to there, and then you're thinking about your friends and you're exerting all this effort, no wonder that by the end of the night all you want to do is nothing.
(00:09:10):
See, Dr. McLean says in this article that a person with decision fatigue, which you and I have, have you ever at seven or eight o'clock at night just been like, I don't want to think anymore. I know I've said that. You just literally put your phone. I don't even want to think about it. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to have to fold laundry. I can do it tomorrow. Well, according to Dr. McLean, check this out. This is decision fatigue. You're tapped out because of everything you've already done. We're not giving ourselves credit for that. Of course, we're just feeling exhausted. She says, A person with decision fatigue may feel tired, have brain fog or experience other signs and symptoms of physical or mental fatigue. And the phenomenon is cumulative so that as the person makes more decisions throughout the day, guess what? You feel worse or you might be more drained as the day progresses.
(00:10:05):
Holy cow. I feel like I've had nothing but a string of days recently whereby the time I'm finishing my last meeting at work, I feel like I am army crawling through the end of one of those Spartan marathon races through the mud up a mountain where they're electrocuting you at the very end. As you're crawling underneath all these barriers, I know that you feel the same way and it gets even deeper.
Mel Robbins (00:10:33):
There are actually four main symptoms medically speaking that show that you have decision fatigue. You ready? You're about to go meet number one symptom that you are tapped out. No more decisions. Procrastination. Yep. If you're putting off folding the laundry tonight and saying, I just too tired, I'm going to do it tomorrow. There you go. Impulsivity. Yep. Like for example, the fact that I popped off the couch last night, walked into the kitchen, stood in front of the open freezer, pulled out an ice cream carton and started eating from it with a spoon.
(00:11:14):
Yep, that was last night. Avoidance. Avoidance. Yes, I avoid anything that requires a decision, which is why I scroll like a mindless zombie idiot on my phone because that doesn't require me to do anything except for zone out. Are you saying same? Same. And you want to know the fourth symptom that medically speaking means you're struggling with decision fatigue, indecision. How many times have you parked yourself on the couch and you've picked up the clicker and you literally spend an hour clicking through trailers trying to find something online to watch? I mean, I will literally spend an hour watching trailers only to make no decision about what to watch. It's almost like looking at trailers online on Amazon Prime or on Netflix or Hulu or whatever it is that you like to watch that looking at trailers is the new way to doom Scroll on social media.
(00:12:13):
Only you're doing it on tv. I know you're laughing because you do it. Or do you do that thing where my husband has this notes app and he has been keeping track of movie recommendations from people for literally like four years. I guarantee you every other night he pulls it out as I'm flipping through trailers and he is like, well, let's take a look at the list. And we have read through the list 55,000 times and there is nothing on the list that I want to watch. And now I know why. Because one of the symptoms of decision fatigue after a very long day, which you experience and I experience is indecision. I can't decide what I want to watch. I have no fricking brainpower left to make a decision. And this brings me to the fact that you and I are losing control of our evenings because of this decision fatigue.
(00:13:03):
And I want to take a giant highlighter and highlight it because if you don't know what you're up against, it will continue to win. And so understanding and giving yourself credit that your days are long, you got a lot on your plate, you are doing so much, you're doing a great job. You are pouring into everybody else. You are doing your best and what feels at times like an impossible workload and an overwhelming world. And then you come home and you want to know what? Holy cow, I don't blame you. You've made enough decisions. Where's the reward? Here's the problem, and this has been a problem for me for several weeks now, is that it's understandable to feel exhausted at the end of the day and you deserve a pat on the back. And you should be saying to yourself, I did a great job today.
(00:13:56):
I did my best. I showed up. And I want to say that in case you're not saying it to yourself, but when you reach this point where you have decision fatigue and medically speaking, you're like, I'm up against avoidance and indecision and impulsivity and procrastination. You know what that sounds like? That sounds like a recipe for disaster because here you've been focused all day long, you've been making the best decisions that you can. And now when you've got an evening all to yourself now impulsivity, procrastination and indecision takes over and you screw yourself over. That's what I've been doing.
Mel Robbins (00:14:32):
See, this is what revenge bedtime procrastination is. It's this form of procrastination that hits because you're exhausted by your day. You've just given everything that you had to give to everybody else and everything else. And at a moment in time where you deserve rest, where you deserve to put yourself first, where you deserve to turn back toward yourself and make yourself a priority.
(00:15:02):
Now, at this moment where you and I just can't even think about another thing, this is where we procrastinate. See, you and I are making a decision consciously to get less sleep. Why are we doing that? Why are we consciously deciding to flip through channels? Why are we mindlessly scrolling on our phones? Why are we doing this? I'll tell you why. This is crazy. You're just trying to regain some personal time. I mean, it kind of makes sense, right? That's why you collapse on the couch. That's why I do it. And you want to know the totally screwed up thing is that my husband doesn't do this. It's kind of annoying. The man is so disciplined, he has his habits dialed in. His number one habit is sleep. And that man, when it is ready for him to go to bed, boom, he pops off that couch.
(00:15:59):
He will leave me stranded on a deserted island called the couch in front of the TV while I am flipping through the phone and flipping through the channels. And then honest to God, this is what happened to me last night. The man was in bed at nine o'clock at night, 1135. I look up and I'm like, why am I still sitting here? Why am I still sitting here? And then of course I make myself wrong. Of course you do the same. I should have gone to bed hours ago. I should have gone to bed hours ago. And now I have allowed decision fatigue to turn into procrastination at bedtime where I'm making a decision. I'll just scroll a little longer. I'll just flip through the channels a little longer. I'll just avoid going to bed when I know it's the best thing for me because I'm now struggling with indecision because I gave it all to everybody else.
(00:16:48):
No more, no more. I've done this to myself for several weeks now it's time for me to get serious about putting myself first again. And that brings me to the five steps of this super simple evening routine. This is an evening routine. When the world is making you feel weary, this is the evening routine that helps you set yourself up without requiring any kind of motivation, any kind of effort, any kind of willpower. This is so simple, and yet it is going to pour back into you, and that's why you're going to love it. And every one of these five steps, you're going to be like, oh yeah, I know this. I just needed to be reminded of this. And the best advice in my mind is the advice that reminds you of what you know to be true. Because when you have this sense that yeah, this is actually true, and yeah, I am struggling with decision fatigue, and yeah, I do do a lot.
(00:17:46):
And since I do a lot, instead of rewarding myself with three hours of mindless social media, why don't I just get a couple extra hours of sleep? Wouldn't that be awesome? And before we jump into this, I want to just share one more piece of research to really just say, it's okay. It's okay if you're resonating with everything and you're nodding the lawn, you're like, that's me. That's me. And there's a reason why this happens. It's not you. This has to do with the fact that your brain's just tired. In fact, in this article, Dr. McLean says, research shows that the best time to make decisions is in the morning. The morning is when we make the most accurate and thoughtful decisions, and we tend to be more cautious and meticulous. How many times have you woken up in the morning and thought, all right, tonight, I'm actually going to go to bed early tonight.
(00:18:32):
I am not going to waste three hours looking at social media tonight. I am not going to flip through the channels tonight. I'm actually going to do my thing and I'm going to get to bed early. Well, the reason why you can think clearly in the morning is because research shows that you have the ability to be more accurate and thoughtful and cautious and meticulous. And the opposite is true at the end of the day, that according to the research, you and I hit a plateau in the afternoon, and by the evening, your decisions are more impulsive. And that explains why you can know that you need to go to bed, but you make an impulsive decision because you're tired to not go to bed. So again, I'm going to tell you it's not your fault. This is happening to all of us and simply because you and I know that we shouldn't be doing it.
(00:19:24):
It just isn't enough to overcome all the things that are working against you and what an incredible job you're doing all day long. And so here's what you're going to do. First of all, you're going to give yourself a break. You're going to recognize that this is a thing. You're going to acknowledge that this actually isn't your fault. And I'm going to walk you through the five steps of this super simple evening routine. And the best part, none of this actually requires any true decision making. Like for real, this is the kind of five step routine you can do on autopilot, you can do with zero gas in the tank. That's how easy this is and it works.
Mel Robbins (00:20:01):
Let's start with step number one and step number one of this simple evening routine for when the world is making you feel weary is pick your bedtime. This is the foundation for everything. And it is so obvious that when you're exhausted, you actually miss the step. If you don't do step one, the whole evening's out the window completely, see your entire evening routine depends on this. You have to pick your bedtime. If you don't pick your bedtime, you don't have an evening routine. And that's part of the problem is most people don't pick a real bedtime. You think, oh, okay, I need to go to bed at 10. But in reality, you're scrolling until midnight. And so you have to be intentional about this. And here's the real trick. Are you ready? It's not sort of when you think you want to go to bed, you have to actually think to yourself, if I want to go to good night's sleep, and that's roughly eight hours. Here's the rule of thumb, and this comes from a conversation with one of the most renowned sleep experts in the world.
(00:21:15):
Her name is Dr. Rebecca Robbins. She is a medical doctor and a sleep researcher at Brigham and Women's Hospital here in Boston, Massachusetts. And she basically explains that the mistake that a lot of us make is we think that, oh, if I got to get eight hours of sleep, I'm going to go right to bed at 10 o'clock. That means eight hours of sleep at 6:00 AM badda, bing, badda, boom. She's like, no, no, no, no. Even the best sleepers actually take about 20 minutes to truly fall asleep. And so here's a simple rule of thumb. I'm going to give a huge shout out to my friend Amy. This is the rule of nine hours. You ready? This is going to blow your mind. If you want to get eight hours of sleep, you need to spend nine hours in bed. You ready? You want to get eight hours of sleep?
(00:22:03):
You got to spend nine hours in bed. And so here's how I want you to find your real bedtime, and you can make this decision first thing in the morning, first thing in the morning. When you don't have decision fatigue, you can say to yourself Tonight, I'm going to get a good night's sleep, which means I got to spend nine hours in bed if I want to get eight hours. And so what time do I need to wake up? And then let's work backwards. So let me explain how this work. Let's say that you want to get up at six o'clock in the morning in order to follow this rule. You want eight hours of sleep, you got to spend nine hours in bed. We got to move from 6:00 AM all the way back in time, nine hours. That means your bedtime is 9:00 PM. So if you want to get eight hours of sleep and be up by 6:00 AM you got to be in bed by 9:00 PM I love this rule of thumb.
(00:22:54):
And now let's give you some more examples. If you want to wake up at 7:00 AM and you'd actually like to give yourself eight hours of sleep, if we go from 7:00 AM back in time, nine hours, you got to be in bed by 10. You got to be in bed by 10:00 PM If you are going to get up at eight o'clock in the morning in order to get eight hours of sleep, do not be in bed at midnight. That was the old Mel Robbins pull right in, right on the deadline there. I got to get right in bed for the eight hours. No, no, no, no. You're not giving yourself actual time to fall asleep. So by the time you get into bed, you're already late, you're already behind. And so your bedtime is not when you fall asleep. It's when you physically get in bed.
(00:23:38):
Just think to yourself, when do I actually need to get up in the morning to set myself up to have a good day? So give yourself time for me. That's 6:00 AM. 6:00 AM is really the golden hour for me. If I get out of bed at 6:00 AM and I've had eight hours of sleep, I am a different human being. And the problem is that if I do this math, I got to be in bed for nine hours to get eight hours of sleep. And if I want to get up at 6:00 AM that means I got to be in bed by 9:00 PM. That's not what my bedtime's been. So no wonder I'm screwing myself over. And so I want you to think about this right now because you know what time you should be getting out of bed because it just gives you enough time to set yourself up and get your morning started in a way that empowers you, which you deserve, by the way, because you're doing so much all day long.
(00:24:29):
Let's start there. Do you want to get up at 5:00 AM 6:00 AM seven, eight? What time do you want to get up? And then let's move the clock backwards. Nine hours, and that's your bedtime. And one more also piece of research here that will help you with this is you can pick this as a general rule for yourself. Like my husband's bedtime is 9:00 PM That's when the man goes to sleep and he falls asleep very fast. He wakes up at 5:30 AM like clockwork every single day. He has no drama, no procrastination because he has picked his bedtime. And what's interesting is there's research from Harvard Medical School. This comes from their guide to a good night's sleep, that having a consistent bedtime helps you fall asleep faster and get deeper sleep. So step one, what you can do right now is I want you to pick your bedtime, and I promise you it's earlier than you think it should be, because I never did the math properly until I sat down with Dr. Rebecca Robbins and had this, whoa, wait a minute.
(00:25:38):
If I want eight hours of sleep, I got to be in bed nine hours. That gives me time to read a book. It gives me time to kind of lay there. It doesn't put pressure on me. I don't start getting nervous. I'm actually working with the science. And since you pick your bedtime ahead, you don't need to worry about decision fatigue. And here's another simple tip you can do. If you're just starting to learn this new routine, put it in your phone as an alarm because that way if you're sitting on the couch mindlessly procrastinating and doom scrolling or flipping through the channels, boom, it comes up and it's like bedtime. You need to be in bed for nine hours to get eight hours of sleep and you deserve that. And if that pops up, it's like a little nudge from you when you had clearer thinking to remind you, okay, put the phone down because it's time to turn back toward you and give your energy back to you.
Mel Robbins (00:26:32):
Now you're going to move to step two, clean up the mess. So you start your day fresh. It's just like flushing the toilet when you've used the toilet and you've made a mess. Why would you leave it in there? Of course, you don't want to clean up the mess so that you have a bowl that's fresh, right? And I want you to think about your day, just like using a bathroom when you're done, you flush. You don't leave it there. You don't want to have to stare at again. And the same is true about cleaning up today's mess so you can start tomorrow fresh because why would you leave today's mess for you to clean up tomorrow morning? See, there's a huge difference when you wake up and you walk into the kitchen area and it's clean. There's a huge difference when you walk into the place where your sink is and there's nothing in it.
(00:27:24):
It's the difference between waking up fresh and feeling behind because you got all this stuff all over the kitchen counter. You got all this stuff lying on the floor. You got all this stuff spread out all over the place. You got all this stuff piled up in the sink. How does that make you feel? It makes me feel like I'm behind. It makes me feel like I got stuff that I need to do that I should have done yesterday that's now sitting here staring at me right in the face first thing in the morning. And so when I just do step two, and again, this is kind of that thing where you got 15 minutes before it's your bedtime, and now it's time to just clean up today's mess so you can start tomorrow fresh. What does that look like? It takes five minutes. I'm not talking about doing a deep clean.
(00:28:09):
I'm talking about just cleaning up the mess. Why? So when you wake up tomorrow, it's fresh, you're calm, you're in control, you got nothing you got to do, but just step into the day. And so here's what I do. It takes less than five minutes. And what I love about this is I do this on autopilot. So I've worked a full day. I don't want to do anything. I've made dinner. I've fed the dogs, I've done a little laundry, I've collapsed on the couch. Maybe I've clicked through channels, maybe I've scrolled a little bit. All of a sudden I'm like, oh my gosh, it's getting close to my bedtime time to clean up today's mess. So I first walk through the kitchen and I get everything out of the sink. I literally load the dishwasher. I wash out the pots, I clear off the counters.
(00:28:57):
If the trash is full, I take out the trash and walk it into the garage. If there's things that are not where they belong, like somebody has hung their jacket on the chairs around the island, and I pick up the jacket, I walk it and put it on the hook. I plug in my laptop. If I've got things that I need to remember for work, I stack 'em in a little pile and I put 'em on the countertop. That's all that I'm talking about. That's it for you. It might mean that pile of clothes that are in the corner of the bedroom, put 'em in a laundry basket instead of letting 'em lay there. The other night, I got home for a trip and I had opened up my suitcase, but I hadn't unpacked it. Do you know what cleanup today's mess meant? It didn't mean unpack everything and start laundry.
(00:29:46):
I literally folded my suitcase back up and stuck it in my closet, clean up the mess, because when I wake up in the morning, the first thing that I see is not the open suitcase and something that I needed to do that I should have done yesterday. And there's something really incredible that happens when you just have no energy and you're starting to widen down and you just kind of make a pass like a Zamboni through the kitchen and you just kind of clear off the counters, you hang up the coats and you get everything out of the sink. And why does this work? Multiple studies show that living in a messy environment, it actually raises your stress level because you see things that aren't done. And when you wake up to yesterday's mess, it drains all of your energy for today before you even get into your day.
(00:30:38):
And so the first decisions that you're making in the morning are, should I do the dishes that I left for last night? Should I hang up the, you could have mindlessly done those as part of your wind down routine and see doing it at night, it actually takes less effort. Why? Well, you already have no gas lift in the tank, so you're not going to be a perfectionist about this. You're not going to turn changing things around into some big project where you're now organizing kitchen drawers. You're just going to take the scissors and stick 'em in the drawer instead of taking the scissors first thing in the morning and be like, oh my gosh, this drawer's a mess. Now I should be organizing this thing. And next thing you know, you're running even later because you took on something more in the morning when you had more energy.
(00:31:20):
Don't do it. Don't do it. In fact, we were talking as a team about this, and one of our team members was like, oh my gosh, I have so gotten into a habit of leaving the dishes at night for me to do in the morning. And every time at night, I'm like, I'll do it in the morning. Why decision fatigue. We know you procrastinate, you're impulsive, and you avoid things when you have decision fatigue, which we all do at the end of the day. But what happens when you wake up and you've gotten up and you're ready to start your day and you walk in the kitchen and there is a disgusting pan that is full of soapy leftover chili that you have filled last night with hot water and soap thinking, oh, I'll just let it soak all overnight and it'll be easier. There is nothing easy about plunging your hands first thing in the morning into a greasy, cold, chunky pot that has been soaking all night, and now it's waiting for you like a dish hangover for you to deal with.
(00:32:28):
And this is how you're starting your day. Don't do it. And look, again, I'm not trying to blame you. This isn't about becoming an ultra marathoner and killing your goals. This is literally the world's already beaten you down. You got enough to deal with. And so while you're already exhausted, while you're starting to wind down, while you're starting to turn off the lights and close the doors and all this stuff, literally just clear off the counters. Do you see how this works? That you can just boom, do yourself a little favor while you're tired? You're kind of zombie in your way to bed, all good, and when you clean up today's mess, so you can start tomorrow, fresh five minutes, and it's a gift you can give to yourself.
Mel Robbins (00:33:16):
Alright, let's talk about number three. Okay? Number three, I love this is make tomorrow easier. Set yourself up by making tomorrow easier. Because what's the hardest part about having a good morning routine? Again, it's all the decisions that you have to make. Am I going to exercise? How do I feel? Am I getting out of bed? Am I not? Am I drinking water? Am I drinking coffee? Am I getting sunlight in my eyes? What am I doing? And so one of my favorite things to do after I've cleaned up today's mess is how can I make tomorrow morning easier? How can I set myself up tonight just in simple ways? I'm not talking about anything complicated. Here again, you and I are doing these steps with zero gas in the tank. We are doing these steps on autopilot. We are doing these steps because we know these simple things are a way to take care of ourselves when the world is wearing us down.
(00:34:16):
And so there are simple things that I do when I'm literally half asleep walking to bed. Number one, I always pull out my workout clothes and I just lay right on the floor. Why? Well, because it's easy when you're exhausted and you're already in your bedroom to just pull, open the door and be like, okay, tights and a tank top and a jog bra, and oh, okay, I'm going to go for a walk. So let me throw the sweatshirt on. Boom, I'm done. No thinking about it, no considering how I feel about it, nothing. Another thing that I do, super simple as I'm clearing off the counters, a way that I make my mornings easier is I fill up a water bottle or I fill up one of my handy little mason jars and I fill it up with water, and I always pour in this electrolyte mix by this company element.
(00:35:07):
I know you're going to ask their one of our sponsors, they did not pay me to say that. I actually use the watermelon flavor, pour it into my water. It's got magnesium and salt and potassium. And you know what I do with it? I stick it in front of the coffee maker. Why? Oh, well, I've just made my morning so much easier because when I get up and I go through my morning routine and I eventually walk out into the kitchen, first of all, kitchen's clean, so I got no mess to clear up. Thank you, Mel Robbins. My morning just got better. And then I walk over to the coffee. I want a cup of coffee, but then boom, I've set up my water. Now it's easy to drink water before coffee. It took me no time. I'm literally doing it sleepwalking at night. Thank you, Mel Robbins last night.
(00:35:50):
What else do I do? At times, I'll pack up my lunch. I will prep a little bit of breakfast or I'll at least look in there and be like, okay, there's no eggs. Oh, I could do yogurt. Okay, got it. Another thing you could do, put your keys in the same place. Pack up your backpack and put it on the counter. Set out the forms that the kids need. Why are you doing this? Well, because anything that you do tonight that could make tomorrow morning easier is a gift that you're giving to yourself. And so these simple things that if you are half asleep and you're organizing your work stuff and just collecting it on the island, boom, there you go. How much easier did you just make the morning? Now in the morning you don't have to search for stuff and you just kind of did it half asleep.
(00:36:36):
And this works because of what we've been talking about, this idea of all of the decisions that you have to make all day long. And so if you're literally zero gas in the tank and you're already going to turn off the lights and you're already going to put the dogs in the mudroom or in their crates, or you're already going to turn down the heat, or you're already going to be kind of going through that, okay, turn off this light and do the wind down so that you are now ending the day as part of that, just do a few things that set you up for success. I mean, that's the coolest thing. One of the things my husband does that I've noticed recently is he drinks a smoothie in the morning before he works out. He now makes a triple batch, and then he'll pour a bunch of it into mason jars and then he puts it in the freezer, and then in the morning he just pulls one out of the freezer and sticks it in the microwave for a minute.
(00:37:28):
And now he's got this soupy, yummy pre-made protein thing. I mean, talk about making your life easier. Here's the other thing. All of these small little things that you're doing, I love the one about laying out your clothes on the floor. It removes a decision you have to make in the morning. It removes any friction that your feelings create. And I don't feel like doing it. I'm too tired. Well, there are the clothes just put 'em on. And that makes these new habits easier to stick to because you really don't have to think about it because you've just made it obvious and easier because staring at you right there. Another big trick for me that's really helped with making sure that I exercise every day is I pick what I'm going to do the day before for exercise. So for example, if I'm going to walk, I know I'm going to walk.
(00:38:21):
If I'm going to stream an exercise class, which is what I did this morning, I've actually picked the exercise class and I text it to me why? Or I put it in my calendar because then in the morning, I don't have to make a decision. The clothes are on the floor just staring at me. What are you going to do? Step over me and ignore the fact that you're supposed to exercise. No, I'm going to put it on even though I don't feel like it. And then instead of walking into the kitchen going, okay, well what am I going to do? I've already made the decision. I've texted myself the link to the class, and that makes it easier to get done. Do you see how genius this is? And here's the thing I love about this so much, is that because I'm tired at night, I don't overthink these things.
(00:39:01):
I just kind of mindlessly check the box. Do you ever, as you're standing at your door, question whether or not you should lock it or turn on the alarm? Of course not. It doesn't matter how tired you are, you always turn off the lights and you always lock the door. It's part of your routine and picking a bedtime and cleaning up today's mess. So tomorrow you can start fresh and just making little things easier in the morning. This is so mindless. It really does feel good.
Mel Robbins (00:39:30):
And that brings me to step four, and this part's amazing. You're just going to take five minutes for yourself. That's it. Five minutes for you. You already gave your day to everybody else. You already gave time to social media. You already took care of everybody in your family. You already responded to the texts and you wrote the emails, and you sat in the meetings and you did your work. You already took care of the dogs and the cat. You already took care of people at work. If you have a job where you're taking care of people, you've already poured energy into everybody else's stuff, you've already wasted time, like just mindlessly watching things. How about before you climb into bed instead of constantly giving more, more of your attention, more of your energy to your phone or to the TV or to somebody's drama? What if you turned back to yourself?
(00:40:28):
What if you gave yourself something that you haven't had all day, which is just time. I mean, really stop and think about this because I'm sure your life feels a lot like mine. When you wake up in the morning, that's a moment of peace and power, and you're in control of what you're thinking about in your attention in the morning for whatever period of time that you have until you look at the phone or you look at the tv, you control those first five to 20 minutes, first thing in the morning, but the second you give it to your phone or to a tv, you literally just turned everything that you got, your brain, your attention, your heart, your energy to the world, and you're not going to get it back until this moment right here, right now, every evening. And I say, you deserve at least 15 minutes of time back.
(00:41:32):
This is time you could read a book. This is time. You could roll out a yoga mat and do a quick stretch. This is time where you could meditate, you could journal, you could just, after you've turned off the lights and you've kind of cleaned up the mess so you can start tomorrow fresh, and you've made a few things a little bit easier, you could just sit in gratitude that you did that for yourself. You could ask yourself, what went well today? That's a prompt that we learned from the amazing expert on brain and brain health, Dr. Daniel a amen. One of the things that I love to do in these five minutes is I run a bath. When I start that wind down, I turn the bath on, and then I go and I clean up the mess in the kitchen and I start to wind down the house and lock the doors and turn on the alarm and put the dogs in the mud room and all that stuff while the bath is running.
(00:42:31):
And all the while I'm making things easier. This takes me five, 10 minutes tops. By the time I get in my bedroom, the bath is drawn. These are my five minutes. Some nights I'll make a cup of tea and I'll put a scoop of magnesium in it, cup of mint tea, magnesium. I love this time. Here's one thing that I've noticed. If I have succumbeded to decision fatigue and I have engaged in revenge, bedtime procrastination, and I have avoided going to bed because I feel like I deserve time, do you know what I don't do? I don't take time for myself. It's a lie to believe that scrolling mindlessly is actually time for you. It's a lie that you tell yourself that slumping on the couch and having a phone in your hand while you're flipping and watching trailers is somehow time for you. No, that's more time that you're giving your attention to other things.
(00:43:28):
These five minutes are about turning back to yourself. And here's what I've noticed is that when you start to just reflexively make time for yourself, whether you're going to run a bath or make a cup of tea, or you're going to journal at night, or you're going to have a book that you read, you know what you're less likely to do, you're less likely to be turning your attention to your phone or binge watching tv. The other thing that happens when you turn to yourself, this is what Dr. Rebecca Robbins calls a wind down routine is now you're slowing yourself down and you're activating what's called your parasympathetic nervous system. You're basically signaling to your body, okay, just like we're turning off the lights and we're locking the door and we're clearing off the counters and we're emptying out the sink, and we're doing some simple things to make my day go better tomorrow, to take care of myself.
(00:44:23):
All of those actions signal, Hey, body, hey mind. Hey, nervous system. You don't have to be in a state of fight or flight right now. You don't have to be on edge. You don't have to be bracing or escaping. It's safe. We're going to rest. Now, this whole little routine which you can do on autopilot, exhausted with zero gas in the tank, is also a way to signal to your body that, wow, I do deserve rest. I do deserve this quiet. Not everything in my life has to be so stimulating. In fact, I don't want it to be. And you want to know something cool that happens over time. That five minutes that you spend soaking in a bath becomes 10, and then it becomes 20 minutes because you've made a cup of tea ahead of time. And then suddenly you've also bought a good book.
(00:45:20):
And now instead of looking at your phone, you've read a little, you've made your tea. You're now part of your wind down routine as you're cleaning up today's messes to set yourself up for tomorrow, and you're making things easier, and you're now turning back to yourself like your whole evening. And are you getting, this is actually you turning back to yourself. It is you saying to yourself, with every small little move that you make in this tiny little five step routine, I matter. My rest matters. Sleep matters, feeling good matters, and I've already given enough of myself to the world.
(00:46:01):
No more, no more. I'm going to give myself that time because I deserve it. And you're going to feel different, literally just doing this routine once, and I'm done with the procrastination at night. You're going to feel so empowered. And so
Mel Robbins (00:46:19):
That brings me to step number five, and this is the final step. I want you to tuck your phone in before you tuck yourself in. Okay? I could spend an entire episode. In fact, we could do dozens and dozens and dozens of conversations about the phone and how it's impacting your sleep. But I'm not going to go all science on you. I'm going to appeal to your wisdom, to what you know to be true, and I am going to appeal to your better nature and your ability to truly take care of yourself. And so here's the thing. You wouldn't let your toddler sleep with an iPad in their bed.
(00:47:08):
At least I hope you wouldn't. Why wouldn't you do that? Well, I think we all know that a toddler wouldn't be able to help themselves, right? They'd be checking it. Well, we are all a toddler when it comes to the phone. And so you can't let yourself sleep with your phone. This is a massive game changer. And the reason why I'm going to say it needs to be a step in your routine is because just remember, you are also at the end of the day struggling with decision fatigue. That means you are already more impulsive. You already are struggling with indecision. This is why every one of us climbs in the bed and we're like, ah, I shouldn't look at my phone. And then boom, you are indecisive about it. So you look at your phone, you know, should put it away, but you avoid putting it away.
(00:48:04):
You have decision fatigue. This is not your fault, which is why you need to tuck your phone in before you tuck yourself in. And for me, what does this mean? It means I tuck my phone into the bathroom. I cannot have it next to me. I can't. I'm too impulsive. I am prone to procrastinating. I will avoid doing what's right for me. If I were an alcoholic, I would not have a Manhattan next to me a bed. If I had a cocaine problem, I would not have an eight ball sitting right there. And I know myself and I know you. And at this moment, you are peak decision fatigue. And if you actually care about yourself, you will tuck your phone in before you tuck yourself in. And for me, that meant learning how to plug that thing into the bathroom, even though it felt like I was going through massive withdrawal and something terrible was going to happen.
(00:48:55):
And what if this and that. This is the single biggest game changer when it comes to your evenings and your ability to sleep and your ability to wake up tomorrow and have the day actually work for you, and to have a fighting chance that you're going to make decisions that empower you first thing in the morning instead of yet again, turning your most precious asset, which is your attention and your energy to the phone and to the world around you. They get it all day long. That's why we have to have boundaries between the world and actually ourselves and what's good for us. And so I plug mine into the bathroom because A, I can't reach for it in bed. B, I set my alarm on the phone, and that means when the alarm rings, I'm not laying in bed and rotting in bed and avoiding getting out of bed.
(00:49:46):
I'm getting up to go turn the alarm off on the phone. And number three, there's so much research around this aside just from what we're talking about with decision fatigue and you being more prone to impulsivity and more prone to avoid going to bed and getting the sleep that you need because you feel like you deserve time to hang out. The time to hang out is not at night when you need sleep. There's other reasons why this matters. You've heard all of this, the blue light from your phone, it suppresses melatonin, the notifications, the doom, scrolling, the lights that come up. It keeps your brain active because your brain is waiting for another notification. It's looking for it, which what makes it harder to fall asleep? And even just having your phone near you affects the quality of your sleep. I mean, the science around this is bananas.
(00:50:42):
The light at night is part of the reason why so many of you don't get enough sleep. Researchers have actually linked shortened sleep cycles to increased risk for depression as well as diabetes, cardiovascular problems. This is research that was published in Harvard Health Publishing. I mean, here's the bottom line. I want you to find a new bed to tuck your phone into, and it can't be your bedside table. Charge it in the kitchen, charge it in the bathroom, charge it across the room from you or charge it where my husband charges his phone in the closet at night with the door closed, because that will give you the chance to get the sleep you deserve. And again, I want you to embrace the truth of where we started. Okay? The fact is, you and I live in a moment in time where the world is engineered and designed on purpose to seal your time, your energy and your attention all day long.
(00:51:38):
You are giving yourself to work to people you care about, to your kids, to your friends, to your classmates, to your teachers. You are pouring your brain into solving projects, to answering texts, to responding to emails. It's unbelievable how much you do in a day. Unbelievable. And I want you to give yourself credit for that. And I also want you to understand that when you come home and you're tired and you're exhausted and you just want to collapse and not think this is normal, that's exactly how you should feel In a world where you're working very hard and you're giving it your all and you're trying to show up and you're doing a great job, by the way. You are doing a great job giving it all to the world. And I want to remind you that you deserve that attention and that effort back to yourself.
(00:52:30):
And even though I get it, it is so easy to doom scroll. It is so tempting to collapse on the couch and just be impulsive and avoidant and make decisions that really kind of screw yourself over. I'm here to tell you, you deserve more and nobody's going to change this for you. In fact, it's just going to get worse. Honestly, the more the headlines are scary, the more you have problems in your life, the more overwhelmed you are at work, the worst it gets at night in terms of staying up too late and avoiding going to bed and continuing to look at your phone or tv, the worst it's going to get. And you now know why. Oh, wait a minute. I'm not an idiot. I am struggling with decision fatigue. Oh, wait a minute. I've already poured everything into everybody else, so I do have to claw back this time both at night and first thing in the morning.
(00:53:24):
This makes a lot of sense. Oh, wait a minute. The second that I look at my phone or I turn on the tv, I've now put the phone and the TV and everything on it in front of my sanity and my rest and my peace. Oh, wow. Yeah, this makes a lot of sense. And so now that you know what's at play and you know that there is a situation that is beyond your, it's not your fault. This is just the way life is right now. But more importantly, when you accept that reality, you now get to choose. You get to choose whether or not you're going to succumb to the pressures and the programming of the modern world, or if you're going to take your evenings and your sanity back. And the way that I've done it and the way that I keep coming back to it, and the way that you're going to do it tonight is very simple.
Mel Robbins (00:54:17):
Right now, pick your bedtime. You're going to work backward from the wake up time. Is it 6:00 AM? Is it 7:00 AM? Is it 8:00 AM? When do you want to get up? Then let's work backward. And you need nine hours in bed in order to get eight hours of sleep. I love this, and it is going to be earlier than you think it is For me. It is 9:00 PM Eastern because I have a great morning if I get up at 6:00 AM and that means I got to basically be hitting the bed around nine to ensure that I get eight hours of sleep. Second thing that you're going to do, and I love this because again, you do this when you're tired, you do this. This is part of the lock the door, turn off the lights and start to wind down the day. You're just going to clean up today's messes so you can start tomorrow fresh.
(00:55:06):
This is not a deep clean. This is literally bare minimum people. We're throwing the scissors in the drawer. We are putting the backpacks by the door. We're hanging up the coats we are getting rid of the dishes in the sink and either washing 'em or sticking 'em in the dish, we're clearing off the counter. That's all you're doing. So you get to wake up fresh tomorrow. How cool is that? As you're doing that, find small ways to set yourself up for success tomorrow by making whatever you need to do in the morning easier. Consolidate your stuff for work. Put your keys right on top, pack your lunch. You can do that mindlessly. Throw your exercise clothes on the floor. Find the dog leash and the dog beds. You're literally half asleep while you're doing this. That's why this is so cool, because that means you don't actually have to exert any energy tomorrow.
(00:55:52):
You've just made things easier. If you love a cup of coffee, first thing, grind the coffee, have the coffee maker ready to go. If you got a timer on it, set the timer. Boom. You just made the morning easy. You removed one more decision and you reserved your brain power in the morning for something more important. Now, the four step, five minutes for you, acknowledge the fact that you gave it all as best you could to everybody else today. And now as you are winding down the day, make part of your wind down routine. Five minutes for you. That's it. A bath cup of tea journal. Simply as you're getting undressed, ask yourself what went well today? Just something that's for you. Stretch could be reading a book to your kids before they go to bed. You're just being present with them. Snuggling. Five minutes for you.
(00:56:47):
For me, it's a bath, always a bath, always a bath, always a bath. And then finally, the fifth step in this incredibly simple evening routine for when the world just makes you feel weary and overwhelmed and tired. Tuck your phone in before you tuck yourself in. This is going to be the hardest one, and I get it. And here's one final thing. If you're somebody that's worried about your kids or work being able to reach you, no problem. Just text everybody. In fact, you could share this episode with them and say, Hey, I just listened to this thing and I am going to try getting a better night's sleep. I'm going to try this evening routine. And because of what I've just learned, I want you to know something. If you have an emergency, you can still reach me in the middle of the night.
(00:57:36):
Just call me. Don't text me because I'm going to be tucking my phone into the bathroom so I won't be reading the text till the morning. But if you actually need me, call me and I'll leave the ringer on. Boom, notification's off ringer on. Then you can tuck your phone in knowing that if somebody needs you, they'll call you and you, my friend, can tuck yourself in and actually get the sleep you deserve. How cool is that? I'm really excited for you. I'm really excited to see how you use this. I'm excited to see how this shifts something in you. My main desire in talking through this with you is not to make anybody wrong, certainly not to make myself wrong. I know I'm working really hard right now, and I just noticed, wow, I'm sort of in this slump at night and it's time to remind myself of what I know to be true.
(00:58:25):
And I thought, since I'm really been struggling with this and I needed this reminder, I just figured you probably needed this reminder too. And so do the people that you love. So I want to thank you for being here with me. I want to thank you for choosing to listen to something that will really help you take your evenings and your sanity back. One five little step routine, one night at a time. This works. You can do it. And you deserve. You deserve to have your evenings. You deserve to wake up and feel refreshed and to feel like you don't have to do a million things because you've done these five simple things. And I promise you, you try it for a couple nights and you're going to feel like a whole new you. In fact, I think you're going to feel like yourself again.
(00:59:13):
Alrighty? In case nobody else tells you. I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you. And what does that mean? That means love for me is two things. It's just simply admiring something in someone and consideration having them in mind. And so I say I love you because I admire the fact that even when you don't have time, you're finding time to listen to a podcast or to watch it on YouTube that could actually help you create a better life. And I admire that about you. And I always have you in mind when I am thinking about what we're going to talk about because I want to make sure that this is worth your time. And I know the conversation today is. And so I love you for that. And I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to take these five steps and try 'em out for a couple nights and see how it changes how you feel, it changes how you sleep, and it changes how you wake up.
(01:00:10):
And that my friend is going to change your life. Alrighty, I'll be waiting for you in the very next episode. I'll be there to welcome you in the moment you hit play. I'll see you there. And for you, thank you, thank you, thank you for being here with me all the way to the end on YouTube. I love you for being here. I am constantly thinking about ways that our team can make videos and content and bring you experts that will truly help you change your life. And so I want to thank you for spending time watching this. And also my goal is to make sure that 50% of the people that watch this channel are subscribers. It's free to subscribe. You just hit the button and it tells me and our team that you really value these videos, that you value access to world-class experts, and it supports us in continuing to bring you the Mel Robbins Podcast and more and more cool stuff that's coming up here on YouTube that I cannot wait for you to see. And so thank you for doing that. And I know you're thinking already, I loved this. Now what I think you're going to love this video next and the second you hit play, I will be waiting to welcome you in. I'll see you there.
Key takeaways
Cleaning up today’s mess tonight makes tomorrow feel fresh. Clutter drains your energy more than you realize.
Your phone needs a bedtime too. Tuck it in before you tuck yourself in or it will steal your sleep and your peace.
Most people need nine hours in bed to get eight hours of sleep. Stop cutting it close and sabotaging your energy.
Revenge bedtime procrastination isn’t lazy. It’s really your brain’s desperate attempt to reclaim time and feel in control.
Give yourself five minutes just for you every night. Don’t give these five minutes to your phone, or Netflix. Just give it to yourself and get your power back.
Resources
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- American Medical Association: What doctors wish patients knew about decision fatigue
- Cleveland Clinic: 8 Signs of Decision Fatigue and How To Cope
- The Wall Street Journal: The Cure for Decision Fatigue
- Harvard Division of Sleep Medicine: Sleep and Health Resources
- Harvard Medical School: Improving Sleep: A guide to a good night's rest
- Harvard Medical School: Restoring restful sleep
- Journal of Health Psychology: Bedtime procrastination: A self-regulation perspective on sleep insufficiency in the general population
- BBC: The psychology behind 'revenge bedtime procrastination'
- Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin: No place like home: home tours correlate with daily patterns of mood and cortisol
- Royal Australian College of General Practitioners: What does clutter do to your brain and body?
- Forbes: Why Decluttering Your Home Gives Your Brain An Instant Therapeutic Boost
- Sleep Health: Sleep myths: an expert-led study to identify false beliefs about sleep that impinge upon population sleep health practices
- Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences: Evening use of light-emitting eReaders negatively affects sleep, circadian timing, and next-morning alertness
- American Psychologist: Implementation Intentions: Strong Effects of Simple Plans
- Association for Psychological Science: Is There an Ideal Time of Day for Decision-Making?
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