Tiny Fixes for a Tired Life: 7 Habits That Make Your Life Better

(00:53):

And I love what you and I are going to talk about today because if you feel like I do right now, well then you're probably really tired. And I'm not just saying physically tired. I don't know what it is about this time of year, but doesn't it just seem like everything starts to pile up over and over? And so you and I are going to talk about not adding more to your plate. You don't need that. We're going to talk about the tiniest little fixes that make a big difference when you feel like you and I do right now, when you feel tired, you're going to love this conversation. And if you're a new listener, I also want to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins podcast family. I'm so glad that you're here with me right now. And if somebody shared this with you, I want to point out something that means that you have somebody in your life that cares about you and they want you to feel a little bit better.

 

(01:44):

They know you're working really hard. They know life is overwhelming, and they know that this episode because they listened to it in particular, is going to make a big difference. And because you took the time to listen to this, I know you're the kind of person who values showing up for yourself and the people you love even when you're tired. So welcome. So let me just start by confessing something to you. I missed a really good friend of mine's birthday last week. And here's the thing, I had the card. I had a stamp on it for crying out loud. I had it sitting on my desk. I thought about her all day. Did I mail it? No. Did I call No. Well, I meant to call. You know how you mean to call? You're like, okay, well, when I get in the car, okay, when I have a little bit more time, did I text no.

 

(02:36):

And then when the day passed, you know what I felt like, oh my gosh, is it really loserville if I take a photo of the card that I forgot to mail yesterday and texted to her a day late? And the worst part of this is that this is not a one time thing for me. I have been missing people's birthdays lately. I have been forgetting to buy presents for people. And the sad thing is I don't miss these special dates because I don't care. It's the opposite. I care deeply, but you, I'm tired, I'm distracted, I'm overloaded. And maybe you can relate to that. I mean, yeah, the world that you and I are living in right now, it's fast. It's noisy. It's impersonal. You're constantly getting bombarded with all kinds of stuff from every single angle, and it makes it kind of hard to be the kind of friend or sister or brother or partner or neighbor, frankly, a human being that you truly want to be.

 

(03:34):

I mean, I'm the kind of person I want to remember people's birthday. I hate it when I forget these kinds of things. I hate it when I let myself down because I go halfway there, but I don't make it all the way there. And so that's why I wanted to talk to you today because I don't think the answer is caring more. You already care a lot, right? The problem is you're overloaded so you care, but it's not translating in terms of your ability to demonstrate that you care. So what is the fix? Well, good news, it's not a massive life overhaul because you and I don't have time for that. The fix for a moment in life where you're tired. It's just the smallest intentional habits. I'm saying tiny fixes for a tired life that are going to help you and me feel connected, more present and more like yourself again.

 

(04:27):

Now, these are habits that I've been practicing for a long time and they're making a real difference. But here's the thing, even I need to be reminded that these habits are important. Even I who know these habits. And I am telling you from the start, the seven things I'm going to share with you today have made a huge difference for me. When I get tired and overwhelmed, I need to be reminded of them. Not because they're dramatic, but the opposite, because they're doable. That's why you're going to love them. You just needed to be reminded to do them. So today, let's talk about seven simple things, research back, real life tested, and I promise even just one of them could shift something in your day, in your relationships or give you a sense that you feel like yourself again. So let's get into it.

(06:18):

So you may be listening to me right now as you're driving into work or home from work or sitting on the train or taking a walk and you're feeling stressed. If you just look at photos of people that you care about or you go back to pass memories, it's going to lift you up and remind you you're not alone. This isn't the only moment in your life, tiny little thing that makes a big difference, right? And here's another report that I found. This was conducted by leading behavioral psychologist, Joe Hemings in the uk. They found that looking at your older photos is almost as relaxing as taking a bath. And when you're at work, you can't exactly take a bath, but you can look at some old photos. See, researchers found that looking at photos can inspire nostalgia, happiness, and inspiration as well. It also lowers your stress hormones and it pumps up your endorphins.

 

(07:08):

It reminds you that your life isn't just this moment. Your life is full of great memories and good moments, even if your brain forgot about 'em because you got so much going on right now. In fact, I want to double down on this because I want you to hear from world renowned Dr. Ethan Kross. He is a psychologist and professor at the University of Michigan. He runs the emotion and self-control lab there. Dr. Kross is an expert in how to stop negative, and he shared with me why looking at photos can be so helpful. So take a listen and hear what Dr. Kross had to say when he appeared on the Mel Robbins podcast.

 

Ethan Kross (07:50):

There's also ways of putting things in your environment to trigger positive experiences like pictures of loved ones, which sounds so silly on the one hand, but we did this research years ago where we had people think about really painful experiences and we had them then look at a picture of a loved one or a picture of someone else's loved one to see what are the implications of looking at your, what we call attachment figure, someone you're really connected to. And what we found is that looking at that person that you care about, this activates a sense that there are people in this world that support you, which sped up how quickly people recovered from a distressing experience. So after that research, I went on a shopping spree, have pictures of my family and friends all around it.

 

Mel Robbins (08:42):

I love what he said. I want to read one of the things that he said. Looking at a person that you care about activates a sense that there are people in this world that support you, which speeds up how quickly you recover from a distressing experience. I mean, it's true, isn't it? And we know this. I mean because you have photos of people you care about at work to get you through your stressful day and remind you that there's more to life than work, right? But don't you love the reminder? I love the reminder too. And so let's do it together. And where I like to go as a shortcut is I like to go to albums, whether it's shared albums or albums, and oh my gosh, here is one that is called Kirby's Wedding. This is my cousin. I text with Kirby back and forth, but I haven't literally lays, have I not laid eyes on Kirby since her wedding?

 

(09:29):

Oh my God, now I'm making myself wrong. Stop. Now stop. That's not the point of our conversation today. I'm now scrolling through photos from Kirby's. Oh, can you tell there's a smile on my face. Oh my gosh. There's my Uncle Warren and he passed away a year ago, and now I'm seeing his smiling face, which makes me miss him. Here is my cousin Kirby and my uncle Duke, and she's being pulled in by a team of Clydesdale horses on this old wagon, I am smiling ear to ear, tiniest of habits to help you get a little energy boost and feel better right now. Stop checking out the news. Stop looking at the headlines. Use your phone for good. Open the camera, go right to the photo roll and just stare at it for 30 seconds. When you look back, you remember the moments that made you feel something.

 

(10:23):

Those pictures are more than photos. They are anchors to your life. They remind you of who you are, who you love, and the fact that even on the days you forget, you are building and living a beautiful life. So replay the good stuff.

(11:28):

And the whole time that you're doing that, you're answering texts in one hand with your phone. Then you're flipping the chicken with the other hand, you're not even present, right? You're just getting through it. Do you ever feel like that? Well, here's one amazingly simple and fun little fix that you can get into whenever you're in the kitchen. I don't care if you're doing dishes, you're making breakfast, you're throwing a lunch, or you're cooking dinner for the entire soccer team that's piling into your house because it's your night to host the pre dinner before game night. Here's the fix, turn on the energetic music, Ahuh, turn that kitchen into a club. Anytime dishes are coming out, you know we're dancing. And here's why. There's something about flipping on music that creates an instant mood boost. It also snaps you into the present moment. I mean, just think about that. If you've got music going in the kitchen, you're typically not focused on work, are you?

 

(12:29):

The moment your favorite song comes on, boom, something shifts your mood lifts, you're like moonwalking through dinner. In fact, this new tiny little mood that you got, because the music, I love Motown in a kitchen. I'll tell you why. Because everybody, if you're playing disco or Motown, you got grandparents, you got siblings, you got kids, all age groups just start bobbing and weaving the top songs that they play at a wedding that gets everybody dancing. That's your kitchen club music right there. Because what happens is that when that kind of music hits tiny fix, your nervous system reacts to the rhythm of the music. You don't even have to do anything. Isn't that amazing? And don't you need that? Don't you need that little fix, that little lift? Doesn't it feel good to just for a second, switch off that panicked to do list. I didn't get it all.

 

(13:27):

Overthinking brain. Of course it feels fantastic to do that. See, the music does it for you even when you're just playing it in the background while you're wiping down the counters. So tiny fix, turn on the music whenever you feel tired, whenever you're in the kitchen, you're cooking meal prep dishes, unloading the dishwasher, feeding the dogs, cleaning off the counters, taking everybody's stuff that they put all over the counters and putting it into the little piles that you're then going to put on the stairs, doing the laundry, put on music. It fixes your mood. There was this landmark study done that was published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Check this out. Followed hundreds of older adults over 21 years. I want to just highlight that this is not a study that was done like one and done. They followed people for 21 years and as part of that study, they were measuring physical activity and they tested like 11 different types of physical activity from cycling to swimming to golf and tennis to try to understand what had the best health benefits and what had the greatest impact on reducing the risk of dementia.

 

(14:40):

Guess what? Physical activity had the greatest benefit in terms of reducing the risk of dementia dancing. In fact, dancing was the only physical activity out of all 11 that reduced the risk of dementia. What dancing helps me reduce the risk of dementia. This is why dancing requires a number of things, coordination, rhythm, memory, and sometimes social interactions like when you're both kind of dancing and doing that shoulder pop thing at each other, all of which stimulates neuroplasticity and it keeps your brain sharp. And there's so many other studies that agree with this finding that dancing boosts your executive function, your spatial reasoning and your visual memory. Plus here's the thing, if you're probably doing it after dinner, you're probably doing it sober, which is pretty awesome, which means you're also reducing stress, you're increasing serotonin and it lights up your brain's. Reward centers, these are the same ones that are activated when you laugh, when you fall in love, when you eat chocolate, when you do all kinds of other awesome things.

 

(15:50):

So now this tiny fix of turning the kitchen into a nightclub, making sure that you're dancing whenever you're doing dishes. This isn't about just checking another box on your wellness routine. This is about flipping dinner duty into dance therapy. It's about singing over the simmering tomato sauce for the pasta. It's about making a moment count that would otherwise just be part of the blur of stirring the sauce and texting and writing a to-do list and just not even being present. The tiny fix is the music song. And then your body starts moving, and now you're giving yourself both a break. You're pulling yourself into the present, you're lifting yourself up. Your brain is healing and getting stronger. Your mood is lifting. Your nervous system is like and all because you took your kitchen off the to-do list and you turned it into a dance club.

 

(16:51):

I do this all the time and I absolutely love this fix and I love being reminded of it. In fact, I'm sitting here going, oh, there's some people coming over tonight. I think I'm going to make a really good playlist today and I'm going to hit it and they're not going to know what hit them. Boom, right when we're about to clean up and everybody will help. I love this little fix.

(17:49):

Okay? And almost nobody does this. Nobody really thinks about this tiny little switch and it's everything. Use people's first names, become the kind of person even when you're tired, even when you're overwhelmed, just a simple little fix. Take a beat. What did you say your name was again? That's it. And then say it. It is so simple. Stop telling yourself you're not good at remembering names. That's not true. So stop saying it's hard to remember people's names and say to yourself, I'm going to fix this. I'm going to start learning people's first names because I now understand the benefit and I understand that it's going to make me feel more energized and supported even when I'm exhausted. Because when you say someone's name, as in you actually take a moment to speak it and then you take a moment to remember it. Here's what you're doing.

 

(18:46):

You're sending a very clear message. You're saying you matter. I see you, I value you. And it feels personal. It feels intentional. It makes you immediately seem warm, thoughtful, competent, little bit sharper or grounded and interested than everyone else in the room. This is one of my absolute secret weapons in life. And it's the tiniest things. The tiniest things. I feel connected to people wherever I go. Why? Because I know that if I just say, Hey, I'm Mel, what's your name? People usually go, well, I know who you are. I'm like, well, I'm Mel. I still say my name. What's your name? Oh, hi Sam. I say their name back immediately. And that's one of the mistakes people make. Simple fix when somebody says, I'm Mike, I'm Sally, I'm Jana, I'm Rebecca. Just say, hi, Jana. It's nice to meet you. And then here's another simple tweak.

 

(19:44):

You ready? Ask a question with their name immediately, right? So you repeat the name back. Oh, well, hello Marcus. It's nice to meet you. So Marcus, tell me a little bit about, and here's another thing that I want you to steal. This is genius. Okay? So if there's a place that you go regularly, maybe it's a coffee shop, maybe it's a gym, maybe it is a grocery store, maybe there is a hair salon that you go to, could be anywhere. This simple fix is going to change your life. Wait till you hear this. All you do is you open up a contact in your phone and then anytime you meet somebody whose name you want to remember, tiny Fix. Hi, I'm Mel. What's your name? Oh, Tony, nice to meet you. So tell me, Tony, how long have you lived here? How long have you worked here?

 

(20:41):

What's your favorite thing on the menu? Then when Tony walks away, you know what you're going to do. Or even with Tony in front of you, you're literally going to go to the notes section and you're going to write down Tony, nice guy, my height glasses, big smile, waited on me on this date that you put a little note in. That's it. I do this all the time. In fact, there's a place I go in Boston all the time and there are two guys that are outside running all the parking and they greet everybody when they come in. Shout out to Marty, shout out to Harrison. I also love Thomas who says hello once you get inside how I learned their name, how I learned the name of their kids, this exact technique when I first met them. Hi, I am Mel. Oh, Harrison, great to meet you.

 

(21:27):

So Harrison, how long have you worked here? Boom. As soon as I walk in in my notes, Harrison, big smile, bald, handsome dude, my age gives the best hugs. Now I know Harrison. The next time I pull up, I pull up my notes. Oh yeah, Harrison and Marty, the two guys I met last time and I remind myself of their name and the coolest thing in the world is this. When you walk into that coffee shop, you walk into that restaurant, you walk into that dry cleaner, you walk into that farm stand and you have just looked at your notes and you have reminded yourself of the people that you've already met. You're now walking into a place and you feel connected, and here's what you're going to do when you walk in, you walk right in, you say, Hey Marty, it's great to see you.

 

(22:19):

It's Mel, offer up your name. But when you say somebody else's name, there is so much research here, it's crazy. First of all, when somebody hears their name, it's not just emotional. You remembered my name. Wow, I must have made an impression I must be important to you, and the truth is, you are important to me. I took the time to write it down in my notes app and that shows, but it doesn't just have an emotional impact on the person whose name you're saying. It has a biological one. See, there are studies including one from researchers at Rudkers Medical School that show that hearing your own name, it lights up your brain in the same areas that process identity, memory and attention. It pulls people in and keeps them focused. When you use someone's name and you use it well, you come aKross as someone who's engaged, somebody who's organized, somebody who's a leader, right?

 

(23:19):

Don't you credit that with people? Oh God, you're good with names. What does that mean about somebody when they're good with names, which by the way just means you remembered my name. When somebody tells you you're good with names, it makes an impression, which is why this tiny little fix and I've given you all the little tricks. Ask their name, repeat their name with a question, then write that sucker down. Nobody said you couldn't take notes. It's one of the fastest ways to build, to command attention and to leave a great impression because if you remember them, you better believe they're going to remember you. And here's the best part, anyone can do this. This is not a special skill. This is not about a script. You just have to want to remember it. That's all. In fact, I believe in this so much that we did the let them the tour this spring, which was extraordinary, absolutely extraordinary.

 

(24:14):

We are absolutely going to take that sucker out again in 2026. I cannot wait to see you in real life, but everybody who worked the tour, we had a name tag. Why? Because when you're working with a crew of 35 people traveling all over the place, it's nice to be called by your name. I personally wish we all wore name tags in life because it'd make it a lot easier for all of us to feel acknowledged, but you can make this tiny fix and I will tell you that in a tired, disconnected world, this fix does something magical. And if you're like me and you forget things, here's another thing I want to tell you. We're so freaked out about not remembering people's names, but the truth is this, if you've met somebody a couple times and you simply have the grace to say, I am so embarrassed to ask you this, but I am working on remembering people's names, what was your name again?

 

(25:13):

And then when they tell you there's nothing wrong with saying, Phil, let me take a moment because I'm going to write this down. I'm not going to forget your name Again, thank you for being so gracious. Just think about how you feel when somebody does that for you instead of that thing where they talk to you, but you can sense that they don't really know your name and they're just making small talk. If you were to even just say, I know we've met, I'm super embarrassed. I'm trying to get better with remembering names. Remind me what your name is. You can be like, oh yeah, that's what I thought it was. I was just too embarrassed to guess. Thank you. I'm going to write this down real quick. That's part of what I'm learning. I promise you that is going to make a hugely important impression on that person and you'll never forget their name again. That's how you implement that tiny fix.

(27:07):

There's also a boost of love that you get in return, and most of us miss this. You show up out of obligation. You got to go to the funeral, you got to go to that birthday party. You got to show up at your best friend's sons, sons track, meet for the qualifiers, and you kind of don't want to. We can be honest with each other because we're friends, but have you ever forced yourself to show up to something that you really didn't want to go to and been mad that you actually did? Never. Never. You always feel better about yourself and better about your relationships when you show up. And none of us ever want to. Why? It's not because we don't care. It's because we're exhausted. And that's why this is one of those tiny fixes that is a reminder of who you actually are because you are the kind of person that shows up and showing up is one of the best ways to connect with the people that you care about.

 

(28:09):

And I agree it takes a lot of energy, especially when you're already tired, but I still want you to make this fix because what you get back is so much more energizing than you realize. I just did this recently by going to support a friend of mine who had her new baby, and you know what I wanted to do? Change the baby's diaper. Why? Well, because that's no fun and it's a nice thing to be able to do for the new mom and dad here. I got this one. I've changed lots of diapers in my time. I can handle this one if you're comfortable with it. One mom to another, it's showing up for the moment, not because you're supposed to, the tiny fixes because you understand what everyone is starving for. Connection and support and the support that you give is also support that you gain.

 

(29:05):

Here's what the research says about this tiny fix of showing up. Research shows that your presence during life's pivotal moments like showing up at a wedding or a funeral or even sending that simple, I'm thinking about you text. It does more than just mark an occasion. It strengthens bonds, builds trust, provides the emotional scaffolding that helps us navigate the highs and lows of life. And it doesn't have to be fancy. A simple text can mean the world, somebody. In fact, I have a really good friend, he's been very public about this so I can share it. Rich Roll, fantastic podcast, the Rich Roll Podcast. He is a dear friend of mine and a mentor and just, I love this man. And he was getting a very, I don't know if you'd call it serious back surgery. I think all back surgeries are serious, but he was getting something fused in his back and this is a guy who's an ultra marathoner.

 

(30:07):

So the idea of having back surgery must have been terrifying and it was a very complicated surgery. I was at my first stop for let them the tour. It was at the moment where I was panic stricken because I had no idea what I'd gotten myself into and the rehearsals were terrifying. And I was in this mindset where I was thinking, this is a major mistake. Why did I agree to put on a freaking Broadway show for my podcast? This is the dumbest thing I could have done. I was in a spiral of doubt and I was scrolling. Yes, I doom scroll occasionally on social media and I saw Rich's post about his surgery and I knew that he was going in for surgery, but the social media post reminded me, oh my God, it's happening tomorrow. I immediately texted him. In fact, let me pull up the text that I sent him me find this. Oh, this is so nice.

 

(31:10):

Hey Rich, I just tried to call you. I'm writing because I want you to know your back surgery is going to go well, and I would be nervous too. Please know when you wake up, the world is going to wrap its arms around you and you are going to be okay. You have too much to do and the world needs you, especially now, you will be protected. Your surgeons understand the assignment and the stakes and you will come out of this stronger and more free and able to make a difference, and we need you to do that in the world right now. I just want you to know you're loved and you have so many friends like me who are sending you tons of positive energy to both you and your family. So relax into this. You're going to be protected and held through the surgery. You do not need to respond. I love you.

 

(32:00):

That was a nice text, Mel. That was really nice. And then I sent him another short one, sending you a big hug and lots of loving energy. I saw this and thought of you. It's a meme of somebody recovering from back surgery who's doing all these back flips. It's really hilarious like meme. And I'm like, please don't laugh too hard. You're supposed to be recovering again. Short note made all the difference. He sent me a beautiful voice memo back after he was out of the hospital. And I'm telling you this because you stop and think, okay, should I send this? Should I not send this? Is it okay to send this now? It's always okay, always okay. And studies show that receiving a short note has a much bigger impact than you. And I realize why. I'll tell you why. Because when the person receives it, they know that people care about them.

 

(32:53):

They know that people are thinking about them. Every time an old friend texts you and is like, oh my gosh, I just saw this and thought of you. Don't you have a boost of positivity? Of course you do, and you and I sit there and think, oh, it's not going to make a difference. Oh, I'll do it later. It's not going to be awkward. You're not going to say the wrong thing. The research is so cool here about this tiny fix. If you're thinking of the person, reach out, if they're going through something, show up and showing up can mean physically. It can mean send a voice memo. It can mean send flowers. Researchers at the University of Texas at Austin and the University of Chicago published a study in psychological science, a top peer-reviewed journal. And in this study, they asked participants to write a letter of gratitude to someone who had done something kind for them.

 

(33:39):

Just a quick note, we're not talking some fancy like tome here. And then they asked the writers to predict how the recipient would feel if they got this short little letter of gratitude. Well, here's what happened. The writers, they thought the note would feel awkward. They were worried that a note of gratitude out of the blue would make the other person feel uncomfortable. Boy, were they wrong? Boy did they underestimate the impact of this tiny little fix because when the recipients got those notes, holy, they felt seen, surprised, deeply valued. In other words, it works tiny fix, show up. That's what you do in life. It not only works, it works better than expected. And the act of writing these letters had another beneficial effect on the writers themselves. Check this out. Simply engaging in writing a quick note of gratitude led to increased positive emotions and a greater sense of wellbeing among the letter writers.

 

(34:53):

What does this suggest? It suggests that showing up, that expressing gratitude, reaching out when you think of somebody, not only strengthens your social bonds, but it also enhances your happiness and emotional state just by writing the letter. I want to just hover on that. See, you're so tired. You don't think you have anything to give. What's amazing about this research is what you give. You receive in return not from the other person thanking you, but because by simply sending the text or showing up or sending the flowers or writing the letter, you boost your own happiness and emotional state. That's how I felt when I was texting my buddy Rich. Like I feel good knowing that I'm taking a moment in the middle of this craziness and this spiral of insecurity to show up as the kind of person I know that I am somebody who's supportive, somebody who shows up for my friends, somebody who reaches out no matter what I've got going on in my own life.

 

(35:57):

Because when somebody's struggling or they're feeling alone in the world, they're not looking for perfection. All anybody needs is proof that they matter to someone. That's what a simple note can be. That is the power of it. And that's also this tiny fix of showing up. It could be a call, a voice memo, a card, a text, a hug, a batch of cookies or paper plates on the doorstep of somebody who just got surgery. And the last thing they need to be doing is cooking and doing dishes. Mark the moment because the most powerful words are the ones that you actually say when you write it down, you make it real. And that brings me to tiny fix.

(37:11):

Somebody shares a win, they get a promotion, they publish a big creative project, they go on a great date, or they finally booked the dentist appointment that they've been putting off for like a year. And what do we do? We just shrug our shoulders, we say, good for you, and then we move on. Cool, we say, and then we change the subject. Or maybe somebody posts something online and it goes crazy viral. Or they get into their dream school and we say, oh, that's awesome. And then we say nothing else. Or worse, we stay silent because we think it's not our news to care about it, to celebrate it. Or worse, you actually feel jealous or confronted by it. But science says otherwise. See, this is a tiny fix. That is a massive change in your life. There is a concept in psychology called capitalization.

 

(38:06):

Capitalization means responding actively and constructively. When someone shares something good, there is this saying that you know who your friends are based on who you share good news with. The people you share good news with are the people that you trust will celebrate the good news with you. Notice there are lots of people in your life that you don't share good news with because don't think that they're going to cheer for you as if there's a win. Now, I want you to stop and think as you're nodding along and going, that's true. I can't share my wins with a lot of people in my life. I know they're not celebrating me. Well, let me ask you this. Are you celebrating your friends? Because you might just be one of those people in life. I used to be this person that when people were winning, I felt like I was losing that when other people got something good, I'd be like, wait, I don't have anything good.

 

(39:04):

I don't want to celebrate the fact that you're in a new relationship because it means I'm not going to be in a new relationship. I don't want to celebrate the fact that you just were able to renovate your kitchen because it means I'm not renovating my kitchen. This is a tiny fix that changed my life. Learning how to live life, understanding that other people's wins are not your losses. And in fact, you want to be the kind of person that cheers loudly for other people's wins because the more you cheer for others, the more others cheer for you and you need that in life. See, when you don't respond to good news, you kind of like, oh, that's great. You brush it off, you change the subject, you stay quiet. It can hurt the relationship. Why? Because silence in response to someone else's engagement or pregnancy announcement or the fact that they've met someone amazing or they've gotten a new job or they finally were able to buy the car or their dreams.

 

(40:02):

You know what that feels like when you're silent, disinterest or worse disapproval, and you've probably felt that where you've had something great going on and then nobody's celebrating authentically with you and you're like, okay, wait a minute. Am I sounding like I'm bragging? Do they not care? Do I not deserve this? Are they jealous? And this isn't just a theory. One of the most fascinating studies on this comes from psychologists, Dr. Shelley Gable at uc, Santa Barbara, her team looked at married couples and found that how they responded to each other's good news was a stronger predictor of the relationship satisfaction than how they responded to the hard stuff. Lemme say that again. How you celebrate to the wins matters way more than how you handle bad days. Check this out. Being loud and proud of your friends, being celebratory during the good times. The way you show up in moments of joy signals something deeper.

 

(41:01):

I'm in this with you. I'm not threatened by you. I am proud of you. Your happiness is my happiness. Your success matters to me. You deserve this. I want you to stop and think. Do you have a friend or a family member that makes you feel that way? They are proud of your success. They are cheering you on. They're the one with the cow bells and the signs at everything that you do. Doesn't it feel so good to have people like that in your life? Here's the tiny fix. Be that person in people's lives. Be the person that is in it with others. Be the person that is proud of other people's success. Celebrate everybody else's wins like it's yours. Your sister gets pregnant before you do. Be the first one to clap. Your friend meets somebody fabulous after a divorce while you're still going through yours, shout the loudest because it means you can too.

 

(41:59):

Be the one who texts back, tell me everything. Be the person who says, I am so glad you told me. That is amazing. You deserve that. That makes me so happy. That one sentence shifts your entire relationship because in saying that, you've just told them, I'm with you. So let me ask you this question. Who could you text today? Who's winning in your life who just had something amazing happen? Who is doing something that maybe makes you a little jealous like you wish it was you? Can you make a little fix and authentically say, I love your new kitchen. I love it. It is gorgeous. If I could afford to do it right now, it would look just like that. But I'm so excited to come over and cook in yours. I love you. I want you to cheer like it's yours. Tiny fix for a tired world that lifts you up, deepens your relationships and honestly changes who you are.

 

(43:04):

Because when you can start doing this and celebrating the good things for others, I promise you, good things come more quickly to you because you are opening up. I know this is going to sound woo woo, but you are opening up this energy field that allows it to flow to others and back to you.