Try It For 1 Week: 3 Small Habits That Change Your Body, Energy, And Life

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You're about to hear the most compelling moments from four of those experts who summarize the three habits that everybody agrees on. The number one thing you have to do for better health, for longevity, for happiness, it's,

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I want you to have the cliff notes because the health information out there, it is so complicated. You think, I really want to feel better, but where do I even start? The one thing that I hear again and again and again from you and from your fellow listeners of this podcast is, okay, all of this is incredible and I feel a lot smarter, but I only have 24 hours in a day and I only have 20 minutes to truly prioritize for myself. What do I focus on, Mel? And that's why I did the hard work for you. I went back with my team and read through 53 podcast episode transcripts

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53. That means 53 conversations that I've had with world leading doctors, pioneering scientists and researchers. I poured over their research, their tools, their advice, and after digging through all of this, something became very clear. Living a healthier life isn't complicated. There are three simple habits that make the biggest difference. Three small science back steps that are going to improve your health, boost your energy and change how you feel. And I'm talking like immediately and you're about to hear the most compelling moments from four of those experts who summarize the three habits that everybody agrees on. Just take a minute. If you had to guess what are those three habits, if you had to bottom line it, I was going to put you right on the spot right now. You're on the Mel Robbins podcast. What are those three habits? Sleep. Nope. Drink more water. Nope. Diet. Nope. You got to buy some supplements or some fancy equipment. Nope.

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We're bottom lining it for you. Okay, so you're ready for this. We got three habits. We got four experts. The first habits exercise, this comes up again and again and again and again. And so even though I hate to have to exercise, I know I got to move my body and so do you. In fact, 18 medical experts that have appeared on this podcast has said the number one thing you have to do for better health, for longevity, for happiness, it's exercise. That's the number one habit. And let me be clear about something. I'm not talking about losing weight. This isn't about pushing some kind of workout or chasing the perfect body. We're going to talk about how exercise is the single best habit that will help you be healthy, that will help you feel great as you age. That will help you have a longer life.

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It's going to help you effectively beat disease. Exercise is how you create the energy so you can show up for yourself in your life. Exercise helps you become more focused at work. Exercise is going to help you be more connected with yourself and others. Every expert, I'm talking, every single one, even the psychologists say the same thing. Exercise. It's not optional. You're designed to move and I think you know this, sometimes you have to hear it and you have to hear it from somebody who is so well respected and just has a way of talking about it. And you also need to be told you don't have to spend 60 minutes doing this. I can't wait until you hear the prescription of what to actually do to get the benefits of exercise immediately, because the fact is the most reliable, most effective thing that you can do to boost your mood, protect your heart, sharpen your brain, and add quality years to your life.

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Can I get an amen? This is the baseline You want to feel better. You got to start here. Move your body because every world class medical expert and researcher that I talk to says the same thing, including the single most respected scientist in the entire world. I'm talking about none other than Dr. Eric Topol. Check out the credentials on Dr. Topol. Dr. Topol is in the top 10 most cited medical experts alive today. His work has over 365,000 scientific citations. Let that sink in 365,000. Dr. Topol is a pioneering cardiologist, a longevity expert. He's the founder of Scripps Research and a leader in genomics, AI and precision medicine. His latest New York Times bestseller is called Super ars. That book and his research in the book research he's about to share with you has been endorsed by five Nobel Prize winners. Your friend Mel Robbins, I'm not kidding around.

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I pulled in the heavies today. Even though we're going to make this simple and based on 30 plus years of research, Dr. Topol can boil down health to this exercise is the one thing that helps it all. And I'm about to bring Dr. Eric Topol on and I really want to set up what you're about to hear because world renowned Dr. Eric Topol has crunched all the data and research on this, and even he is startled by the findings. He's about to explain to you that exercise is the single habit that can reverse your biological age. Take a listen.

Dr. Eric Topol (00:08:12):

Turns out that exercise is the only thing we know that lowers our biological age. So the gap between your real age and your biological age is widened. There's nothing that we can talk about that exceeds exercise for decreasing our aging process, our body-wide aging process. And again, we wouldn't have known about this if it hadn't been all this science of aging.

Mel Robbins (00:08:37):

So let's just say Dr. Topol, that I'm sitting in your office and I've brought along my husband and he has not been taking good care of himself. And I have a feeling that you are often finding yourself being both a marriage therapist and a medical doctor with your patients. And I also have a feeling that there are a large number of people around the world who are going to not only be excited about what you're sharing for themselves, but they're going to share this with somebody that they care about. And so what would you prescribe as one of the most respected and cited researchers and medical doctors in the world, in the science of aging? What is your prescription for the minimum, the minimum amount that we should be doing every week? What would you say?

Dr. Eric Topol (00:09:27):

As long as you are getting at least 30 minutes of constant motion, getting your heart rate up, taking your body out on the highway, if you will, at least 30 minutes five times a week, ideally every day if you can do that. But if you're getting five days a week, typically when I talk to my patients, I'll say, alright, when are we going to do this? What time of day works for you? You're not a morning person. You're not going to also, how are we going to do this? You're going to go to the gym. Do you have some equipment at home or can you go outside and walk or whatever to fit that in, figure that out. And not just the aerobic side, but then things like bands to increase resistance. They're very inexpensive and they can be so much of a plus for promoting muscle strength and things like standing on one leg for a minute, alternating your course on each foot, and you'll notice quickly as you do this for weeks that, wow, I am more fit than I've been in a long time. I have better posture, I have better balance.

Mel Robbins (00:10:32):

My golf swing is better.

Dr. Eric Topol (00:10:33):

Everything,

Mel Robbins (00:10:34):

Everything.

Dr. Eric Topol (00:10:34):

And so we just can't do enough of this. And of course, the byproduct of this is we get that lesser biologic age, which is going to be helpful across the board for the major age-related diseases, cancer, cardiovascular, and neurodegenerative like dementia, Alzheimer's. Those three diseases take more than 20 years to take hold. So if we plan enough in advance, we can prevent those diseases from ever occurring and particularly those people who are at high risk. So it's an exciting opportunity that we're only realizing now that we have ways to prevent age related diseases.

Mel Robbins (00:11:12):

I mean, let's be honest. When he really in his most respected scientist sort of way just lays it all out there, it's kind of unbelievable, right? Because it's right under your nose. I've already said this, but Dr. Topol is legit, one of the most respected medical researchers alive on the planet, and he's telling you and I that we got to exercise because it just stimulates all of this natural amazingness that is in your body that helps you live longer, feel better, fight disease, have more energy, and it's not just him. Some of the most trusted, popular and acclaimed medical experts that we have had on this show that range from all kinds of disciplines like Dr. Stacey Sims from Stanford who studies physiology and the science of exercise as it relates to women, Dr. Wendy Suzuki, who's at NYU, and she is a neuroscientist that teaches about and studies the brain, Dr. Rangan Chatterjee whose UK's number one doc, Dr. Gabrielle Lyon, who has a PhD and studies the physiology of muscle structure, which is the largest organ in your body. Dr. Mark Hyman, who's a renowned holistic health expert, obgyn, Dr. Jessica Shepherd and menopause expert, Dr. Mary Claire Haver have also said the same thing too. Number one, intervention exercise, and here's what I really want to underscore for you. Doesn't have to be hard. He didn't say you got to run a marathon. He didn't say you have to sign up for a gym membership or buy fancy leggings or jump into some trendy program. He didn't say you have to get a weighted vest or do some weird warmup routine. You can just walk, just get moving. That's it. According to a recent Harvard Health study, the average person spends 10.4 hours a day sitting. That doesn't even include the eight hours that hopefully you're laying on it because you're sleeping.

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And look, I get it. I'm not placing blame on you. This is one of those conversations where I'm kind of talking to myself here and I'm talking to you while I'm talking to myself, but I sit when I work unless I'm on tour. I do have that problem too. I'm sitting too much. Well, here's what it tells me. If you have the chance to move, even if it's 15 minutes between meetings, even if it's getting up and taking a walk during your lunch break move because it's not only going to give you more energy, it's going to make you feel better, it's going to improve your overall health, and according to what Dr. Topol shares, it reverses your biological age. Did you get that? I love that. Simply exercising reverses my biological age. What he's actually talking about is slowing down the aging process in your cells.

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I'll have some of that. That's kind of cool. I love that. I can do that by moving my body rather than putting some substance in it to try to do that. And I love how Dr. Topol said, did you catch it when he said, you'll never be disappointed when you choose to exercise? It's so true. I say this to myself all the time, I never regret moving my body. You're never going to regret moving your body. It's so true. Why do we hate exercising so much? If the second that we're done with the walk we're like, I'm so glad we went on the walk. The second that you decide to put on that streaming class, class, you're so happy when it's over. The second that you dance at the wedding, you're like, why don't I dance more often? I feel better after. It's like you have this little spark of pride.

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Yeah, I did that spark. It adds up and it pushes you forward. It reminds you of what you're supposed to feel like, right? That's why it feels so good. You're like, oh, yeah, if I wasn't sitting on my ass 10.4 hours a day, this is what life would feel like. Well, Dr. Topol is here to tell you, you want to feel happier, you want to feel healthier, you want to live longer. You want to have more energy and more focus exercise. I know exactly what you're thinking. I bought in Mel, I got to move my body, but let's just be honest with each other. I'm also confused about what I'm supposed to do when it comes to exercise, Pilates, yoga resistance training. Am I doing HIIT classes? Am I skipping rope? Am I lifting weights? Am I stretching? Am I doing hot yoga, yin yoga?

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I don't know what to do. How long should I walk? It is so confusing, and this is what I love about our second medical expert that is going to weigh in on our number one habit, which is exercise. I absolutely love her because she's going to recommend a simple way for you to just start moving your body. These are the simple things to do.

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She was the medical director of the UP mc Sports Complex. She also ran some of their biggest research programs, including the performance and research initiative for masters athletes. Dr. Vonda Wright is internationally recognized for her research on movement and longevity and her work. It is deeply impacted how I think about my own body and not just the importance of exercise, but the kind of exercise that matters because her research proves something that most of us get wrong. Getting older doesn't mean getting weaker. It means getting smarter about how you move. See, there's a different possibility for how you can experience your life and your future and energy and what you can tap into if you not only exercise, but you think about exercise a different way. And even if you've let yourself go for years, even if you're listening to me right now and you're like, oh my God, Mel, I sit on my butt for 20 hours a day, 10.4 would be really good.

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I'm in the worst shape of my life. Woman, where do I start? We're going to start with Dr. Vonda Wright. This is how you get back into shape, and this is how you keep yourself in good shape and she's going to show you a simple science back protocol that will help your body function better and work for you. And she's going to give you a whole new way to see the intelligent, miraculous design of your body and how to leverage it for the rest of your life. You can get stronger if you're in your forties, fifties, sixties, hex seventies. Your muscles are designed to get stronger until the day you drop dead. Your body loves this. It knows how to do it. It responds to it. You can feel better at any age no matter how young or old you are, no matter how fabulous or how fabulous you are right now. Okay. Dr. Vonda Wright is with us, and she is about to tell you the simple way that you need to be moving your body and you can start today. Check this out.

Dr. Vonda Wright (00:18:47):

If we were designed to sit still night and day, we would not be designed with our strongest muscles below our belly buttons. We would be Cecile like a mushroom with this giant stalk and all the good stuff on top, right? But what does Cecile mean? So job of the hut had this, you remember from Star Wars, this guy in the bar of yes, had this giant blubber appendage he kind of laid on, yes, mushrooms have this giant stock, which doesn't go anywhere, right? So if we were meant to be immobile, we would've been designed like one of those two beings, but we were designed with the strongest muscles below our belly buttons. We have two legs. What is the first independent skill we ever learn walking? We need to be spending at least three hours a week walking, broken up into 45 minute sessions. So put on your favorite podcast. Go learn all week, right?

Mel Robbins (00:19:47):

So that's four. Go for a walk four times

Dr. Vonda Wright (00:19:50):

At least four times a week, right? At a brisk pace, not so fast that you're out of breath, but not so slow that you can solve world peace in your conversation. A minimum of twice a week, minimum of twice a week, we must learn to lift heavy and listen how heavy. I know I don't expect you to power lift right out the door, but what I do expect you to do is learn to lift your own body weight. Every woman should be able to do 11 pushups, regular pushups

Mel Robbins (00:20:18):

On the knees, okay?

Dr. Vonda Wright (00:20:20):

No.

Mel Robbins (00:20:20):

Oh my God.

Dr. Vonda Wright (00:20:22):

But listen, you can build up to that. I used to teach classes at Pittsburgh called Start, and I did it for nine years. My starters started out with 51% body fat. They could not hold a plank and literally couldn't walk around the track over a three month period. We met with them twice a week. We did variety of weightbearing exercises. They not only completed a 3.2 mile walk run, which was our goal, they could hold a plank for two minutes. Wow, I know. So

Mel Robbins (00:20:55):

11 pushups,

Dr. Vonda Wright (00:20:56):

11 pushups,

Mel Robbins (00:20:57):

Start on our knees, but we got to be able to get to 11 pushups.

Dr. Vonda Wright (00:21:00):

We have to be able to get up. Upper body strength is critical for women.

Mel Robbins (00:21:03):

Got it? So we've got walking four times a week at a brisk pace. We have 11 pushups. You got to be able to lift your body weight.

Dr. Vonda Wright (00:21:09):

We have to start by learning to lift our body weight and progress until we can lift heavy and listen, I have plenty of examples of women starting in their sixties. There's no wage limit on this. So heavy is an individual thing and it just is something we work towards. So walking, lifting at least twice a week, and then I work on balance every day when I brush my teeth, we're designed to move, remember? So mobility

Mel Robbins (00:21:38):

Helps keep us healthy. What I think is very exciting is putting the power back in our hands. And as you're listening to Dr. Wright, she's basically saying, your body is actually designed in this extraordinary glorious way to work for you, to make you feel better, to build muscle, to help you live a full and amazing life. And if you really just consider all the science that you're sharing and the common sense that we'd be built like a mushroom if we were meant to sit, and that your biggest muscles are from the belly button down and you've got legs to move them. Or if you're in a wheelchair and you can't move, you've got arms to roll yourself. Absolutely. That when you work with the intelligent design,

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The intelligent design works with you. Oh my gosh, I couldn't have said it better. What is Dr. Vonda's approach? Smart, simple, doable. And here's the thing that I love. 60,000 people have already tried this recommendation after she appeared on the podcast, and I know that because 60,000 people have made videos of themselves and posted it on social media doing one of Dr. Vonda's recommendations. What is the recommendation that people made 60,000 videos of themselves doing? I'm talking about the 11 pushup challenge. Maybe you've seen this. Maybe it's popped up in your feed. It went crazy viral on TikTok, and if your first reaction was anything like mine, you probably thought, wait a minute, 11 pushups like in the military, 11 pushups. But here's the thing, thousands of women in particular, all ages, all sizes, all backgrounds proved they could do it because the 11 pushups challenge starts where you are, go up to the wall and do 11 pushups against the wall.

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Or if you're like me, drop it to the knees, drop it to the knees, do the 11 pushups on the knees, and eventually as you do 11 pushups against the wall, you can do that at eight 30 at night before you go to bed against the wall in your bedroom. You can do that holding onto a cane with one hand against the wall. You can do that. And here's what I loved. When 60,000 of you make a video where you take on the 11 pushup challenge, here's what it proved. I loved seeing how many of you all ages, all sizes, all different backgrounds all over the world taking it on. Now, I tried it. First time I tried it, I got to four on the knees. My triceps not that strong. They're getting stronger though because now I'm up to 11 on the knees just to be clear on the knees.

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I could do 11 against the wall from the beginning, but on the floor with gravity and the leverage and everything else, and terrible form four, but I did four and I felt proud because I showed up and I'm working toward that 11 off the knees. That's what matters. It's not about perfection, it's about progress. You were built for strength. And look, I get you maybe looking in the mirror like it doesn't look like I'm built for strength. Yes, you are, because strength isn't about looking a certain way. It's about functioning in a different way. I don't care if you're in your twenties or your seventies, imagine how different you would feel. Just even take this on for a second. If every day you went for a brisk walk, if every day you balanced on a foot while you're doing the dishes and you got a little less wobbly, I can't even say the word, you got a little less that and every day you did 11 pushups, I mean just stop and think you'd feel really good because here's the truth, based on what Dr. Topol and Dr. Vonda Wright are teaching you, exercise isn't just good for you. Exercise isn't just for gym rats. Exercise isn't just for fitness influencers. It's not just for people who are feeling young or people who are skinny. No exercise is the single most powerful intervention you've got. And I know you've heard it a million times, but we're talking about it today because two of the world's most respected experts, Dr. Eric Topol and Dr. Vonda Wright are here to tell you, you already have within you everything that you need to have a healthy life. And exercise is the secret to unlocking it. And don't make it hard, make it simple. Step one, walk. Just take a walk. My husband and I take a 12 minute walk every day. We walk out the driveway and down to a certain point and then we walk back up.

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So roll out of bed and go to walk. Walk on your lunch break, walk when you're overwhelmed, walk after dinner, frustrated with your partner, take a walk, hit a wall on that project and you don't know what to do next, take a walk, move your body. Step two from Dr. Vonda Wright, 11, pushup challenge 11 pushups. Can you imagine how different you would feel in three months? Heck, three days. If you try 11 pushups every day, you can't do 11 yet. That's okay. Do three. Do one. Walk up to the wall. There's no shame in that. Do a pushup on your knees like your friend Mel Robbins. Just start. And if you want a pro tip, set an alarm. Set an alarm. I'm not one of those people that can roll out of bed and just drop to my knees and do the pushups. A lot of people knock 'em out that way.

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Not your friend Mel Robbins. Set an alarm. Set it for 11:11. We're going to use angel numbers. 11:11 is the time to drop down to those knees. Step up to the wall, punch out 11, we're ready to go. Step three, train your balance. This is so easy. It's crazy while you're brushing your teeth, lift a leg, you're exercising, you're brushing the scum off your teeth and you're working on your balance. How cool. Then switch. You're washing dishes, lift a leg. There you go. That's how you do it, and I want you to start using your body the way it was built to be used. Alrighty, enough with habit number one, any guess what? Habit number two is simple habit. The benefits are immediate, going to make you live longer, less stressed, be healthier. What do you think this habit is again, think 53 episodes. Scientists, researchers, medical experts, psychiatrists, psychologists, happiness researchers. What's the health habit number two? You ready?

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Just stop and think from a health perspective, what is it doing to your brain? What is it doing to your nervous system? We're talking about your health, both your mental health, your physical health, your relationships, your time, your life, your energy, all of it. Everybody including you is addicted to their phone. You, me, everyone. I am a recovering addict. The phone is glued to your hand and you don't realize how much it is not only draining you of your time, but is draining you of your life force and making you unhealthy. And you might be thinking, oh, come on, Mel, that nightly scroll on TikTok and Instagram. That's not bad. It is. It is. According to Dr. Adam Alter, a top researcher at NYU and a bestselling author. If you add up the amount of time that the average person, that's you and me, the average amount of time in your life that you spend scrolling, how much of your life do you think you are going to waste? Scrolling.

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Nope, it's way worse than what you think.

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20 years, 20 years of your life gone. Gone into what? Meta into where is it? Just let that sink in. I don't think anybody gets to their deathbed and they're like, oh God, I should have spent more time on my phone. I really blew it. I really blew it. Oh my God, my life would've been so much better if I had just spent more time on my phone. Of course not. And here's the thing. That's a real number. In fact, the Pew Research Institute says 31% of Americans are online almost constantly two and a half hours a day just scrolling through social media and over a full month every year just flipping through content as if your time doesn't mean anything, and you wonder why you feel anxious, unfulfilled, disconnected. I used to feel that way too. You wonder why you feel lonely and you're surrounded by people.

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It's because you're in a relationship with your phone and you're pouring 20 years of your life into a screen. How is that healthy? Literally? How is that healthy? That's why the next health habit, health habit number two is not about cardio or macros or supplements or hydration. It's about presence. It's about waking the hell up and reclaiming your time and your attention and your peace of mind. And yes, your relationships. Because if your phone is always in your hand, your attention is in the phone. And if you've got kids at home this summer and the nagging is already started, right? You're the one doing the nagging, get off the phone, turn the video game. Do you really need to play that video at full volume? And have you ever noticed when you're doing that, you've got your phone in your hand? I've said those things too.

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The truth is I've been pointing fingers when I should have been holding up a mirror because it's not just your kids' tech habits that are the problem, or your friend's tech habits or your partner who plays video games or any of it. This is my problem too. And this is your problem too. And the best part about this as a health habit is that you don't have to add anything. This is something to remove. And what do you get in return when you remove the phone from your hand? The health benefits are incredible and they're immediate. You feel more connection, more joy, and yes, you have better health. In fact, there was a study that came out a week ago. This is a peer-reviewed study that has been widely reported now where researchers and scientists restricted people's access to a smartphone for 72 hours and check this out in just 72 hours.

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Let's talk about the health benefits to your brain. They saw brain activity changing in the areas of the brain that are about impulse control and cravings. And more importantly, 72 hours of restricting access to a smartphone resets your dopamine and serotonin systems. This is so important, and it's also about connection because the more that you're present, the more you're present with the people that you care about, the more connected you are. And in the moment, the more joy you feel and yes, the healthier you are. You want to know why you're so stressed out all the time. It's all this time you're pouring into staring at other people living the lives that you think that you should be living. It's reading these headlines that are making you panic stricken. It's constantly being online and lying to yourself and saying that you got to be online all the time or you're going to get fired.

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It just breeds more stress. And so if you want to live longer, if you want to enjoy your life more, if you want to be healthier and happier, of course you do. Habit number two, restrict the amount of time you spend on the phone. One of the ways that I do this, this has changed my life. It has changed my life as much as exercise is. I don't have my phone on my person. I know it sounds like a weird way to say it, but if I have my phone in my back pocket or it's on me, I will look at it and people constantly tell me, I can never get ahold of you. Why didn't you respond to the email in the text? I'm like, because my phone's not on me. I am so much more present. I'm so much more less stressed out.

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It's like absolutely amazing. I cannot highlight this enough. And in order to bring habit number two home, I wanted you to hear the reason why this is so important from one of the most powerful voices in psychology and parenting today, Dr. Shefali. And the reason why I'm bringing in parenting is because we often tell our kids what to do, but that's not actually how you parent. Your kids are watching. They're watching your example. So as you're shouting at everybody to get off their phones and to be present, and then you turn back to your phone and start scrolling again or working, you're not modeling what you're saying. Dr. Shefali is a clinical psychologist with a doctorate from Columbia University. She's one of the most cited and respected voices in the field of family dynamics, and she's also known as the pioneer of the conscious parenting movement.

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Now, her work blends western psychology with Eastern philosophy in a way that's both simple but profound and very practical and relatable to life in the modern world. Dr. Shefali is a New York Times bestselling author of seven books, seven. She hosts an incredible podcast called Parenting and you here's what she has to say about technology. She says, it's affecting the way you show up for yourself and for the people that you love. Just think about that Technology isn't just robbing you of your time because you know that, and that's not causing you to change your habits because technology is designed to make you addicted to it. But when you start to think about it as impacting your health negatively, and of course it does because it makes you depressed and anxious and stressed out, it wastes your time which makes you depressed and anxious and stressed out.

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It shoves all these examples and comparison in your face, which makes you stressed out, anxious and depressed. And when you're looking at your phone that much, guess what you're doing? You're sitting on your rear end and so you're sedentary. But when you also add in the way that your addiction to technology is making you miss your life and it's making you not be present for the people that you love, you got to have boundaries with it. And I want you to listen really closely. I'm going to begin with a question to Dr. Shefali because I think it's important to get the Google Earth point of view.

Dr. Shefali Tsabary (00:37:24):

And I know it's being talked about a lot, but I think it's never enough.

Mel Robbins (00:37:28):

Yes,

Dr. Shefali Tsabary (00:37:29):

How disconnecting social media is what used to be a photo on your fridge being commented upon by your nasty auntie is now out there for the world to comment on. And young children, teenagers especially, are not equipped to handle that degree of self-criticism, that degree of scrutiny, judgment, scorn, degradation, racism, ageism, sexism. They're not yet equipped. So when we allow our children to be exposed to this vast milieu of strangers and their toxicity into your child's life, you're actually not protecting your children,

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Right? Just like you wouldn't let them go and travel the world when they're eight, because who knows who they will meet and can they navigate the scary risky territories of the unknown foreign country in the same way giving your child access to strangers in such an indiscriminate way is like saying, here, go, go, go. If you get raped, if you get damaged, if you get stolen, oh, well, that's what's happening to our children's psychology, and that's why our children are showing acute signs of distress. Are we listening? No, we're not. We're not. We've disconnected even more. And this is because we as parents are not grounded in our own present moment. The present moment scares us so much that we're so relieved, right? If you look at any bus stop, any train station, where are we looking down on our phones? I'm guilty of this 100% and have to catch myself and go, oh my goodness, where did the last 10 minutes go? And life is telling us, life is always reminding us, Hey, listen, I'm fragile. Don't waste me. I'm not here forever. Pay attention to me. I'm beautiful. I am your greatest dopamine hit. I'm the greatest toxicant of euphoria. Pay attention to me. I'm for free. Life is always beckoning to us, but we're not paying attention. Then we have children and we don't pay attention. Then we have the relationship and we don't pay attention, and then we have the terminal illness. Maybe then we'll pay attention.

Mel Robbins (00:39:46):

Well, the invitation today is to wake the hell up and start paying attention.

Dr. Shefali Tsabary (00:39:50):

Yes. So parents who are listening may be thinking, oh my goodness, I've missed it. I didn't know this. And they're sitting with regret or feeling blame and guilt and shame. Okay, I understand that the reason you have guilt and shame is because you're missing the power of this message, which I'm about to say. It's not about the past anymore. So it's about the present moment, right? So now what do I do tomorrow or today with my child right here, right now? Well, we don't tell our child, you know what? I heard Dr. Shefali and Mel talk about the phone. Let's throw away our phones. You don't do that. You don't come attacking with your sermons and your lectures and your wisdom. You begin to show up with a curiosity about who it is they are. You begin to show up with this desire to know who it is they are as humans.

(00:40:37):

No human I believe will turn away from another human who's genuinely curious about them, show up as interested. Look at them as if they're the most amazing human being. Every single bud of a child will blossom into a flower under that gaze. There's no human being. It may take time depending on the ravages of the wreckage of the past, but no human being will turn down from somebody who's looking at them as if they're the only person on earth. Now, if you begin to look at your child and give them that unconditional whole presence without tarnishing them, without seeking to fix, micromanage, do their hair, change their clothes, give them advice, they will blossom under your gaze. They will come to you like a flower to the sun. It is human nature. This is what we are seeking at the most desperate level. This is the reason why we go to our phones. So if you go beneath to the need, why are our children going to the phones? Why are we going to the phones? It's because it gives us safety. It gives us security. It allows us to check out from our anxiety. So now, if I can provide that for my child and for my loved ones, they will come to me. They will prefer me over the phone, but you have to become that energy. You have to become the energy greater than the phone. You have to be the dopamine hit bigger than the phone. You have to be the attractant larger than life. And I'm not saying wear a clown suit and do gymnastics and back wheels. You just have to show up with that unconditional curiosity and acceptance and validation and celebration of the other human being and they will come to you.

Mel Robbins (00:42:10):

I love this. I love this within your power to shift yourself and to radiate something different. And I can see that I often in the past have led with, I'm going to criticize. I am going to try to control what you're doing. If I shift that to how can I be connected to you and how can I be curious about you? So lead with the curiosity and the connection. Let that radiate.

Dr. Shefali Tsabary (00:42:41):

Yes. I tell every parent, when you are sitting with your child or another loved human being, check your energy. How are you showing up? You take care of how you are showing up the shine in your eyes, the tilt of your chin toward them, the unremitting gaze upon them. And if you keep aligning to that presence, sooner or later, the person in your presence will feel that energy and they will gravitate. They will be magnetized to you. That's why we go to spiritual teachers because they've done that work. We feel free in their presence. So that's the calling that I want parents to rise to.

Mel Robbins (00:43:24):

Isn't that such a beautiful invitation? I want to read some of this to you because we just went from health to holy moly, profound. I just love what she said because your phone is robbing you of this power that you've forgotten. She says, because we don't believe we have that inner power, we don't capitalize on it. See, here's why I think the phone is so damaging. It's not that you don't think you have that inner power. You have given that power to the phone. The phone has stolen your energy and your presence, and you don't even realize how valuable it is, how powerful you are. And Dr. Shefali said it best. I'm going to say it again. I want you to hear this. You have become the energy greater than the phone. Just stop and think about that. Why are we giving that much power to some dumb device?

(00:44:40):

This is habit number two, because when you create boundaries with your phone, you tap into this greater energy inside yourself, you become present to life itself instead of just throwing all this time away. And if you're anything like me, you're probably sitting there thinking, God, she's so right. She have to hit me so deep with this. My God, I thought we were just going to get a lecture about not sleeping next to this thing. And she's talking about spiritual beings and transformation and holding energy and being a beacon. You've been around people like this, haven't you, where you walk in the room and they're just so present that you're drawn toward them. You're wired like that.

(00:45:32):

No, I'm serious. You are wired like that too. You are a beacon and you don't remember that when you're on your phone and you've had that experience, haven't you, where you've been sitting next to somebody that you love, you're in the same room. Maybe you're sitting on the couch and you're both on your phone. Two beacons that have the ability to generate magic and energy and connection just completely checked out and disconnected. And then you wonder, why am I so lonely? Why do I feel so disconnected? Look at your hand. You gave all the energy, you and this incredible beacon that you are poured right into the phone just to make meta wealthier. Let's stop that and let's get real. That's why getting off your phone is one of the top three health habits. It's why it matters. It's why it goes so much deeper than all the research that we know, that it's completely rewiring your brain and screwing up your serotonin and your dopamine and your reward centers and your cravings and impulse, and it's making you stressed and worried and anxious and all that stuff, and it's designed to keep you on it.

(00:46:43):

It's making you miss out on so much of your life while you're spending all your time watching everybody else's life unfold online. And I mentioned that I am boiling this down to three habits because we looked at the transcripts of 53 podcast episodes from the Mel Robbins podcast and expert after expert after expert brought up the phone, Harvard's Dr. K to MIT and King's College of London's, Dr. Tali Shart to Harvard Medical Schools, Dr. Aditi, to MITs, Dr. Jeff Karp. And so many others agree, the phone is killing you and you don't need a massive detox. You don't need to throw your phone in a lake, although I'm sure there's days that you've considered it. Just start small. An hour a day, that's it. Put the phone in a drawer, a basket, your purse, keep it in your car, put it in the corner of the kitchen.

(00:47:35):

I do make it a habit to not have it on you. Have it somewhere else. Set an alarm. Let the phone remind you that it's time to get off your phone. When you take a walk, zip it in your fanny pack with the doggy bags. That's where it belongs, where the poop goes because it is not a positive thing. Dinnertime morning coffee, keep it off the table because one hour changes everything. 72 hours resets your dopamine and your serotonin according to recent research. But one hour will help you take your life back. I mean, I know I sound like really like pie in the sky, but this has been a huge change for me, a huge change. I do feel that energy that Dr. Shefali is talking about. I look at that phone and I'm like, not right now. I'm more important than you are.

(00:48:29):

I don't have time to waste. I want to stay present. If you do the same thing, you are going to start to feel differently. You're going to get time back. You're going to find yourself more focused. You're going to be present to the people around you, and they're going to be noticing that You notice, and there's this really cool thing that Dr. Alter talked about, that you stretch time when you're not on your phone. It's called time dilation. Those moments where five minutes feel like five hours because you were present for it. Just think about that. When's the last time you spent five minutes with somebody that you care about and it felt like five hours. If you can even remember when that happened, I guarantee you, neither one of you were on your phone. That's the gift you can give yourself and it doesn't cost a thing.

(00:49:22):

So let's be really clear. Habit number one, exercise. It is the number one health intervention that is designed to work with your body. Habit number two, get off the damn phone period. Get off it enough so that you feel more powerful than that stupid device. Get off that phone enough every day so that you start to reclaim your life and your power and be present for your life.