3 Ways to Quickly Get Out of a Rut

Mel Robbins (19:53):

You know what I love about Nate's question is he's feeling stuck because things didn't go according to plan and he's looking for stability and predictability. And one of the best things about focusing on creating a simple plan and reducing the thing that you need to do to something as simple as 15 minutes a day of action, that gives you stability. The plan gives you a direction to point yourself into. Reducing it to 15 minutes of action a day, I call this the hot 15. You got 15 minutes to make a lot of progres on something. You'll be surprised how much those actions stack up. So since so many of you are looking for jobs right now, I want to address how you can break free from this trap of overcomplicating everything. Because when you have a wide open future, it's easy to start to feel paralyzed.

 

(20:51):

And when the structure is gone and you no longer have the rhythm of your day to going to a job, you will start to overcomplicate everything and you're going to start to feel unmotivated and frozen. And the fact that there's so much that you can do is the problem. You have to reduce what you're going to do every day into a simple plan that gives you actions that you can basically start or complete in a 15-minute time block. Number one, you have to focus on money. Unless you're independently wealthy, you must take the time. In fact, take the next couple days, get a handle on your budget, get a handle on your savings, get a handle on how much money is going out on subscriptions. And this is a moment to tighten the belt. This is a moment to get very serious about what you have and what you don't have because it gives you a picture of your expenses and more importantly, the runway that you have to be able to look for a job and to network.

 

(21:57):

So that's simplify number one. Simplify number two, and this is going to sound weird, is I want you to come up with a simple plan for how you're going to make yourself a better version of yourself while you're unemployed. What do I mean by that? Well, this is the perfect time for you to make yourself a project. Is this when you get in the best shape of your life? Is this when you commit to running the half marathon? Is this when you cut out sugar or alcohol? Is this when you read a book every week? Is this when you go back to therapy? What is going to make you simplify this the best version of you? And you never had time to do this, by the way, because you were always working and stressed out and too tired because of work and you always had stuff with work and so you couldn't do that.

 

(22:44):

No. If we simplify the next three to six months into something that you're going to work on for yourself that makes you happier, that makes you feel more alive, that is the second thing we're going to simplify and do. And here's why. Because if you're happier, if you're working on something cool, if you feel stronger, if you're taking better care of yourself while you're networking and making this career pivot, you're going to be better at interviews. You're going to be more energized. You're going to have something to talk about. Something's going to light up inside of you that was not lit up in that job that was sucking your soul dry and that's going to impact the type of work you find. And that brings me to the third simple plan you need. You have to create a formula that is very simple that you're going to follow four to five hours a day that will make you feel like you're doing everything you can to find a job.

 

(23:43):

You will find jobs by networking with people. And if you were to spend every day and your goal every day is to reach out to five people every day, that's what you do every day we've simplified it. Within a week of reaching out to five new people every day, you will have a lot of meetings to do. You will start to feel momentum. You don't need to know what you're going to be doing for work yet. You just need to get moving. And this is so important because your job gave you structure and creating a simple plan for the five actions you're going to take every day and I recommend it's reaching out to five people every day because that starts to create forward momentum and meetings and that is the beginning. It creates structure. It replaces the structure that your job had. And if you don't put structure in by creating a simple plan, you're going to be up in your head, you're going to be scrolling on social media, you're going to be forever stuck in the trap of overcomplicating and overwhelm and you're not going to go anywhere and you don't have to have that happen.

 

(24:51):

Let's go to another question and go a layer deeper. This next question comes from Alex and I want you to really listen and let's see if you can spot how he's in a trap because he's over complicated things.

Mel Robbins (25:32):

I love this question. I also want to debunk this myth or belief that there's some singular stable path. I mean, even careers that people could trust they could do for the rest of their lives are being disrupted by technology and venture capital and all kinds of innovation right now. Everybody is going to be forced to reinvent themselves over and over and over again in their career. And so I would throw out the window this sense of stability and I would embrace reality, which is you have experience and skills. You can market yourself to pivot your career anytime you're not really happy with what you're doing anymore. And I want to bring in some research from Stanford because there's a very interesting principle that is taught at Stanford University when it comes to career change that I think is really going to make you feel less stuck.

 

(26:27):

Two professors from Stanford, their names are Dave Evans and Bill Burnett. They have created this incredible course at Stanford called Designing Your Life. They have been teaching this course for over two decades. It is a rigorous method that helps you create the next chapter of your life and it's so effective that it is now taught this curriculum designing your life at 600 universities around the world. Now, professors Evans and Burnett, they came on the Mel Robbins podcast and they talked about this tool that they use in the life design curriculum called the Odyssey Plan. And the whole idea is this. You've got to stop putting so much pressure on yourself to figure out the one perfect path because here's the headline. There isn't one path. There are so many possible versions of a good life. In fact, this is what Professor Dave Evans said that's always going to stick with me.

 

(27:27):

There's no such thing as getting it right, just getting it going. That's it. There's no such thing as getting it right. Just getting it going and trusting yourself that once you get going that you will figure it out. You don't need to know if the direction that you're choosing is the perfect one. Now in their course at Stanford, Professors Evans and Burnett, they call this act of making a decision and just get going prototyping, which is basically a fancy way to say, stop treating every decision like it's permanent. Treat it like a series of small experiments. And it sounds like as you've listened to Alex's question, that's what his career's been. That's what most people's careers are these days. That's why you've got to experiment. Simplify it. Try the class, take the meeting, apply for the job, volunteer for the project, shadow somebody, go on the trip, test the idea, see how it feels.

 

(28:27):

You build clarity by trying things. You build confidence by moving. You get stuck by overcomplicating. You get stuck by questioning whether you should try something. You start doubting yourself by getting in that loop in your head. Remember, you don't have to get it right. You just have to get going and then simply trust your ability to figure it out because that's how you get out of trap number two, over complicating things. You've got to make a plan and get going.

 

(29:05):

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(30:32):

But now I'm hesitating, Mel. I mean, I have my plan. I know I should be reaching out to five people a day. I know I should be going to the gym. I know I should be showing up at the hospice training. I know I should submit the application. I know I should put my dating profile online. I know I should start cleaning up the back room, but I can't seem to do it. I need a job, but I can't look. I need to get control of my money, but I can't open my bills. The only solution when hesitation is the trap is you have to take action. You have to stop waiting to feel ready. I feel like I constantly talk about this because we all fall into this trap. Whether you are stuck overthinking or you're stuck because you're worried about what your friends are going to think or you feel cringey or you think there's a perfect time or you're not quite sure today's the right day because the sun's behind the clouds and the wind is picking up and maybe today's not the day I should do this.

 

(31:35):

There is no perfect day. There is no one coming. You're never going to feel ready. Motivation is garbage and you will be stuck for the rest of your life until you take action. It really is black or white like that. You have to stop waiting to feel ready. You have to stop waiting for motivation. You have to stop waiting for confidence and courage. This is the trap of hesitation and you will be in this trap until you get moving. The only way out of this trap is to shut your mouth, turn off your brain and move your feet, period. And that's exactly what it sounds like your fellow listener Louise is dealing with. So I want you to listen and I want you to listen and really hear she's ready. She knows what to do. So what's the problem? Let's take a listen.

Mel Robbins (33:09):

I love Louise. I don't mean to be harsh and sound judgy when I get into these solo conversations with you, but I just see and feel your ability to do amazing things. And I also know how frustrating it is when you know you're in your own way. And so let me call out a few things. Louise made a decision to leave a business. Huge. She made a decision to move to a quieter place and have a quieter life. Amazing. That's the power of a decision, right? You don't casually leave a business. You don't casually move somewhere. You have to make a decision. Yo make a plan and then you take the actions and that's what helps you achieve the things that you want. Now what's keeping her stuck though is the inability to take action. So she's now in her new chapter. She's in a quieter place.

 

(34:11):

She no longer has her business. So one of the things we talked about earlier is the structure's gone from the business and don't underestimate how destabilizing it can be when you change jobs or you change places and the structure of your old life is suddenly gone. The only thing that will help you start to feel the rhythm of your new chapter is stepping into a new structure with action. And so this is going to sound obvious, but if what Louise wants to do, I've always wanted to write a book, but my brain can't seem to get the first step going. Well, Louise is a smart cookie because she's already changed her life dramatically and Louise knows and so do you. What is the first step to writing a book? It's not trying to come up with the perfect title. It's not writing an entire chapter.

 

(35:13):

It's not getting a book deal. No, those are over complication traps, right? Let's simplify it. What is the first step if you want to be a writer? It's sitting down probably every morning and forcing yourself to write. Even if you never finished the book, imagine how different Louisa's life would be and how different she would feel. Imagine how different you would feel if every single morning starting today for a hundred days you woke up and you sat down at your favorite chair or favorite table in your apartment and you put on a timer for 15 minutes and you flipped to a blank page and you just wrote whatever came to your mind. Imagine how different your life would be in a hundred days if you saw yourself taking action every day. You sat down on the days where you had a sinus situation. You sat down on the days when your stomach was grumbling.

 

(36:25):

You sat down on the days where it was pouring rain, when it was sunny, you sat down on the days when people were at your house and days when you were alone, that every single morning, because this is what you do, you just wrote for 15 minutes. You know what that would make you? That would make you a writer. So how do you get yourself into action? Well, the fastest thing for me is to use the five second rule. When you feel hesitation, that's why I created this, to help me get out of bed and to stop hesitating and hitting the snow button and laying there, just count backwards. Five, four, three, two, one, then move. That's how you can start it. Another thing that can help you get into action is something that researchers call an implementation intention. And the best way to leverage this research is pick a time and have the time signal when you're going to do this thing every day.

 

(37:23):

So for example, 7:00 AM I go for the walk because I've made a decision I'm going to get in the best shape of my life. I'm going to put my health first. Here's another one. At 8:00 AM, I will sit down at my desk with my coffee and I'm going to spend 15 minutes writing. When I finish dinner after dinner, I will post the video to my new YouTube channel. Sunday at four o'clock I'm going to set an alarm in my phone and that's when I do my meal prep for the week. And what happens is when you pair it with a time and the intention of this action that you're going to do in terms of the new habit is that it can make the action easier to perform because the time of day becomes a cue. There are other ways that I want you to think about this.

 

(38:12):

How can you make this easier for yourself? And let's just stick with the writing, but you could insert anything. Louise's 15 minutes of writing could be your 15-minute walk or your 15-minute strength training or your 15-minute calling session to credit card companies to start getting a handle on your credit card debt. It could be 15 minutes that you're spending learning the AI tools that everybody at work is using. So the 15 minutes, you can choose what you're doing with it, but how can you make it easier? Well, you could set yourself up for success the nigh before. One of the things that I like to do is I set out, like you can get the coffee maker ready so that the coffee maker's ready to go for you. You can get the type of tea that you like out the night before so it's ready to go for you.

 

(39:00):

You can also make this space that you're working in, whether you're working on a resume or you're going to lay out your yoga mat and stream a class on your laptop or you're going to sit down like Louise and Wright. You can make this space devoted to what you're working on so it feels like, "Oh, I go to this place." And

(40:04):

So for Louise, this isn't about writing a book. It's about becoming someone who's a writer. It's about acting as if you're a writer now, even if you never publish a book because every day that you just sit down and write, even for 15 minutes, what are you? You're a writer. That action proves the identity of being a writer to yourself. That's why the action matters. Of course, it creates the results, but every time you show up and you're the kind of person who looks for a job, you're the kind of person who cuts out sugar. You're the kind of person who takes care of their body. You're the kind of person who prioritizes sleep, not social media scrolling. Your identity shifts and you break free from feeling stuck, stuck from the past, stuck from old versions of yourself. This is so powerful that I really want to make sure you get this third trap that it's hesitation.

 

(41:09):

So let's listen to a final listener and really listen. She knows what she wants. She's made the decision. What she needs to do is obvious. She's got simple things to do, but there's this resistance and hesitation. Let's see if you can hear it.

 

Angie (41:27):

Hello, Mel. Greetings from England. I'm such a big fan of yours.

Mel Robbins (42:27):

Angie, first of all, I love this question. As you were listening, don't you just love Angie? Can't you see her there crocheting with a big smile on her face? And what I also love, Angie, is that you've asked something that every single one of us can relate to. This sense that there's something I really want to be doing and I'm making a decision and I can break it down and make it simple. But oh man, when I think about it, it just feels like it's going to be such a big overwhelming thing. That's what's triggering the hesitation. The thing feels so big. I'll never find a job. I'll never lose the weight. I've got such a big mountain to climb. Why even take the first step? That's your brain talking you out of even starting. That's where the hesitation comes. But what I hear is you've made the decision.

 

(43:22):

You know that this is something you want to do. You are capable of breaking this down. And I know that because of the beautiful thing that you've already told me and that's how you learn to crochet. You love crocheting because it feels doable. You learned it in little bits and pieces. That's why you enjoy the process. You didn't have to master the whole thing in one day. We're going to make the same change here. I'm the kind of person who exercises and I love taking care of my body. I'm the kind of person who prioritizes my health because I love feeling stronger. So when you stand in that identity, now let's just simplify it. What's one small repeatable thing you can do in less than 15 minutes that will make you feel stronger. And the reason why I want you to just focus on making it smaller, simplifying it, make it easier is because the thing to master is consistency and getting going.

 

(44:35):

And the most simple thing that I can think of is go for a 15-minute walk every day. And here's what's cool. We can borrow some of the research around intention setting and if there's a particular time of day you like to crochet, how about you take your walk after you're done crocheting? So after I'm done crocheting, I take my walk or you could do the opposite. Before I'm picking up my crochet needles every day this week, I'm going to take a 15-minute walk. And that's how I'm going to start this. James Clear told this story when he was on the Mel Robbins podcast and we were talking all about the findings from Atomic Habits and some interesting research on changing your behavior. He said that he had this one guy that he was working with that for an entire month, the one action that he took was driving to the gym, getting out of the car, walking up to the front door, opening it.

 

(45:35):

He would walk inside, turn around, walk out. That's it. He didn't even exercise. He was mastering the habit of showing up. And when you're just getting started, that's what the action is. You're mastering the art of showing up and that's how you get unstuck. You could stay stuck in the trap of hesitation for a decade. Convincing yourself, "It's too big. It's not going to work. I don't have time. I've let myself go far too long, blah bitty, blah, blah, blah, bitty, blah." But if you just five, four, three, two, one, let's make it easy. Let's make it simple. Let's pair it with something that you're already doing and let's master the art of showing up 15 minutes a day. Just do that for a week and you'll be unstuck. You will have broken free. You will be on your way. And once you can get 15 minutes in, once you feel like that's a no-brainer and you're actually enjoying it the way you enjoy crochet, now you can start adding things in.

 

(46:40):

James Clear calls this a vote for the person you want to be. Every time you get out the door and you take a walk, every time you eat the salad instead of the fish and chips, you're making a vote for the future you. You're making a vote for the person you know you want to be. When you sit in hesitation and you don't get out of the chair and go for the walk, you don't make a healthy choice in terms of what you're going to eat, you're voting for the person who's stuck. And so the second you start with your actions voting for the kind of person you want to be, I'm willing to guarantee you're going to experience less self-criticism and I want that for you.

(48:22):

And now that you know the three traps that are keeping you stuck, you also have the roadmap to getting yourself fun stuck and doing the work to make your life better. Alrighty, I'll be waiting for you in the very next episode. I'm going to be there to welcome you in the moment you hit play and thank you for watching all the way to the end on YouTube. I love that you are here with us and one thing, I know you want to know what video to watch next, but if the subscribe button is lit up, please do your friend Mel Robbins a favor and hit subscribe. It's free. It is the best way for you to say thank you to me and the team here at the Mel Robbins Podcast for bringing you such amazing podcast episodes and world renowned experts for free. I really appreciate it.

 

(49:06):

It helps me achieve my goal that 50% of the people that watch the Mel Robbins podcast here on YouTube are subscribers. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I deeply appreciate that and I know you are going to love this video next so I will welcome you in the moment you hit play.