Episode: 419

MIT Longevity Expert: Do These 3 Things Now to Stay Young, Live Longer, & Keep Your Freedom

with Dr. Joseph Coughlin

You have more control over your future than you think you do.

What no one tells you about aging is that it starts long before you feel old.

In fact, the choices you’re making in this moment are shaping how strong, independent, connected, and fulfilled you’ll feel decades from now.

In this hopeful conversation, Mel sits down with longevity expert Dr. Joseph Coughlin, founding director of the MIT AgeLab, for a research-backed wake-up call that will change how you plan the rest of your life.

You’ll learn:

The simple habits that predict how well you’ll age and help you avoid regret
3 simple questions to design a vibrant future
How to talk to your loved ones about aging before a crisis hits
What MIT’s full-body aging suit reveals about your future
Why getting older can be something to look forward to rather than fear

Find out why Dr. Coughlin says getting older isn’t something to dread. It is a gift of time, and what you do with that time starts now.

Listen on:

Older age is not something that we should fear. This is a gift of time.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin

All Clips

Transcript

Mel Robbins (00:00:00):

How prepared are people in general for facing the phase of life where your capacity to move through your life is starting to decline? The

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:00:10):

Fact of the matter is that most of us plan for retirement, but we don't prepare for retirement. I want you to think about aging as an amazing gift of time. Retirement is not this short period of trip with the grandchildren to Disney, it's one third of your adult life. A child born today, one half of them it is said are likely to live 100 years. Wow. We don't know how to cash in the years we have. Let's make living longer living better.

Mel Robbins (00:00:39):

Dr. Joseph Coughlin, founded and leads the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Age Lab. You brought along what looks like an astronaut suit, and it simulates what it can feel like to be the future you who is 90 years old trying to go through your day-to-day life.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:00:59):

Agnes stands for the Age, Gain, Now, Empathy System. The lab looks at things such as how do we redesign our communities, not to be just friendly for aging, but to be age ready. How do we plan for a longer, better life for overall?

Mel Robbins (00:01:14):

You say there are three questions every one of us needs to ask ourselves when it comes to how we think about aging.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:01:21):

First one is, how are you going to get an ice cream cone? Do you know the little things that make you smile? Second thing, what are you going to do on any given Tuesday at 10:30? Now at 10:30 on Tuesday, the average couple over age 65 watches upwards of four to five hours of TV per day.

Mel Robbins (00:01:40):

Oh, wow.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:01:41):

Third thing, do you have someone that you -

Mel Robbins (00:01:45):

Before we jump in, and this episode is so extraordinary, it's going to blow your mind. My team just showed me something that blew my mind. 57% of you who watch this channel are not subscribers. If that subscribe button is lit up, would you please hit it? My goal is to get that number to 50%. It would mean the world to me, and it's the best way for you to say, "Hey, Mel, and hey, Mel's team at the Mel Robbins Podcast, thanks so much for bringing me world-renowned experts for free. Thanks for showing up here on YouTube and helping you create a better life." By hitting subscribe, you'll never miss a thing, and it's a way that we know you really love what we're doing here on YouTube. All right, thanks for doing that. You are going to love this episode, so let's jump into it.

(00:02:26):

Please help me welcome Dr. Joseph Coughlin to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:02:30):

It's great to be here, Mel. Thanks for having me.

Mel Robbins (00:02:32):

I am so thrilled that you took time out of your busy lab over at MIT to come here today, and I am excited about your research. I would love to have you begin by speaking directly to the person who's listening or watching right now. And tell me what could be different about my life if I take everything to heart that you're about to share and I apply it to my own life and I really apply it to the people in my life that are getting older.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:03:01):

What could be different? The big difference is that if you're prepared, if you can envision what you think that future's going to be, and please it's not going to be all about beach walks and pickleball and maybe even grandchildren, those will be good punctuated moments. But hopefully the things that we're doing with my team at the MIT Age Lab and the conversation that we'll have is about being prepared for the little moments, the things that make you smile, the ability to stay in the home that you love and want to be with, the ability to provide care. It's about building capacity to live your best life.

Mel Robbins (00:03:34):

I know this is going to be one of those conversations where if you are older, you're going to feel seen. If you are in a caregiving role, you're going to feel supported and you're going to be given very specific things that you can do. And you have a real gift in terms of the way that you teach, and you have a way of making this topic that's hard to talk about and understand in some ways easier and more fun to think about, but you do it in a way that's very, very practical. And so I think one of the things that people are going to get out of this conversation is a whole new way to think about the people that they love and to think about the role that you have to play in your own life and aging and in supporting others as they do.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:04:20):

And Mel, I want everyone to give themselves a break. And what I mean by that is that not being prepared for old age is not an indictment. It's not like, oh my God, I didn't do my plan. Old age is quite new. In the context that we're living, how long we're living, the expectations, multiple generations alive at the same time. If you're caring for a loved one today, if you're aging or you're planning to age, this is an entirely new world without a map.

Mel Robbins (00:04:49):

So Dr. Coughlin, especially given the work that you do at the MIT Age Lab, how do you want us to think about age?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:04:58):

I want you to think about aging as an amazing gift of time. So I want you to imagine zero birth to 21 years old. Let's just make it easy for a lot of people, drinking age. From zero to 21 is about 8,000 days. Be generous with the math, but it's about 8,000 days. From 21 to midlife crisis, classically 46, 47 years old, 8,000 days. And from 46 to 47 to that new Tonian law of physics of retirement, 65 is 8,000 days. But most people don't know that the fastest growing part of the population worldwide, by the way, is 85 plus. And 65 to 85 and change is 8,000 days. So if I take zero to 21, I'll just call that gently, push it off to the side, call it childhood, or if you're a parent, expensive, you cross off to the side. All of a sudden retirement is not this short period of trip with the grandchildren to Disney.

(00:05:55):

It's one third of your adult life. It's a full 8,000 days. I

Mel Robbins (00:06:00):

Love that 8,000 day framework because when you think about your own life, especially looking backwards, you can see whether you're going zero to 21 or 21 to 46 or 46 to 65 or 65 to 80, whatever. There are so many different versions of you in each one of those 8,000 day segments of your life. And we do, especially as you get older, just kind of think, oh, well, now you're just in that bracket. And I think it's very hopeful and exciting to recognize that whether you are in the zero to 21 or 21 to 45 or 45 to 65 or 65 to 80 or 80 and up, that you have all of these different slices of life and future versions of yourself that you are going to get to experience. And a lot of what we're going to learn today from you will fundamentally shift your mind and perspective about those future versions of you that will experience a decline in capacity potentially as you age.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:07:07):

And that notion of future you, Mel, what you and I will be able to do is to put questions in people's minds to help them navigate basically an entirely unknown land. There's really no map for that older age other than did you save enough money and are you going to take a cruise ship? Life is far more complicated than that overall. And those questions will start conversations.

Mel Robbins (00:07:29):

You say there are three questions every one of us needs to ask ourselves when it comes to how we think about aging.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:07:36):

The three questions, not necessarily in this order. The first one is how are you going to get an ice cream cone? Sounds really silly, but it's got a number of dimensions to it. When we plan for older age, we tend to think about what do we want to do in older age? Well, I'm going to travel, spend time with family. There's so much to do around the house, I'll never get bored. Mel, do you remember COVID? We found something out about COVID. Except for the travel part, we found out that A, all those hobbies you thought that were going to keep you busy and painting the spare bedroom three times was going to keep you busy for a lifetime got boring real fast. And secondly, we found that our significant other got tired of seeing us significantly twenty four seven.

(00:08:18):

And so the first question is, how are you going to get an ice cream cone? Do you know the little things that make you smile? Not that we're going to take the kids to Disney. Not that we're going to maybe if you're one of those folks to downsize those big monumental moments. Longer life or life at any stage is about the little moments. And so do you know the little things that make you smile? So for me, I want you to imagine it's a hot summer night. I want a soft syrup. I want a spiral. I want a chocolate and vanilla. The other side of that question is not do you know the little things that make you smile, but do you have access to them? 70% of Americans over the age of 50 live where if you don't drive, you don't get out. And an ice cream cone is one of those things on a hot summer night, you want it to spur of the moment.

(00:09:01):

You don't book a ride, you don't bother an adult daughter. You may not call up a neighbor. You just want it. The peepers are out. It's a hot summer night. You'll want it now. So do you know how you're going to get ice cream gum? Second thing, what are you going to do on any given Tuesday at 10:30? Sounds really crazy, right? But when we think about retirement planning, old age planning, we think about the big things that we're going to do. I've got so much I'm going to do. But believe it or not, research, you imagine somebody got money for this, did research and found out that Tuesday apparently is the most boring day of the year. Look, most of us don't want to have breakfast with anyone. Just give me my coffee and leave me alone. The bottom line is that by 10:30 in the morning, all of a sudden you now need to structure your life, whether it was work, family, children.

(00:09:50):

Frankly, if you're no longer a caregiver, you had structure, you had things to do. Now at 10:30 on Tuesday, the average couple over age 65 watches upwards of four to five hours of TV per day.

Mel Robbins (00:10:02):

Oh, wow. So

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:10:03):

That notion that we're all going to be cruising and doing all this fun stuff, again, not totally incorrect, but there's a lot of Tuesdays out there. Third thing, third question, if you will, who's going to change your light bulbs? Sounds again really silly, but I want you to start making a list. And I want that person who's listening to me right now, start making a list of all the things that you take for granted that you do every day, maybe for yourself, for your spouse, your partner, or for a loved one, taking out the trash, making a meal, changing a light bulb. And look, as a guy, I do have to confess that I do want to climb the ladder and change the light bulb. I am likely to fall and break my hip because my wife's going to be at the base of the ladder saying, "You're going to fall and break your hip." And that will be the thing that takes me down.

(00:10:54):

But here's the thing I want you to think about because when things break, you need redundancy. So that person that's going to change your light bulbs, it's not just whether you have the money to do that. In fact, in many ways, that's the easy part. Do you have someone that you trust? Someone that would go into your mother's home, she's 85 years old, cognitively not as sharp as she used to be. You can write the check perhaps. Do you have somebody you trust to go in there by themselves? Is somebody that your mother's going to accept? Do you have somebody who's going to check on? If you don't call home or call a friend, who's going to call back to make sure everything's okay? And frankly,

Dr, Joseph Coughlin (00:11:29):

I'll throw one other in there and we can talk about this. Who are you going to have lunch with?

(00:11:35):

And that is the social question. That is the question about how big is your social. Well, maybe we'll make it geeky, social network. Frankly, how many friends do you have? And how do well those friends come together is frankly, in many ways, a bigger predictor of how well you'll age. Some really great research done by Joanne Holt Lonstead suggests that, do you know that being lonely or social isolation has the physical health impact of smoking 11 to 15 cigarettes per day? So it's not about, oh gee, you're lonely. It's emotional. Yeah, it's all that, but it's also about hypertension, depression, and everything else.

Mel Robbins (00:12:13):

How many friends do you need?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:12:14):

Generally speaking, we only have maybe one, two. And if you're really wealthy, and I mean wealthy in the social sense, three friends. And these are the folks that have your back. When something happens wrong at two in the morning, when a loved one is critically ill, they're the ones who support you overall. And then I added friends under development because as I remember a woman I was interviewing in Chicago said to me only a few years ago, I was asking her about her social connection and she leans over, and I think she was at 82, she leans over and she says to me, "Son," which if you look like this, being called son is a pretty cool thing. She goes, "Son, at my age, there's a natural attrition to friendship." You don't think about that. But over time, and it's not just the existential you lose friends due to death or disease, but they move on.

(00:13:08):

They move away. And many people are going to hate me for saying this, but grandchildren actually hurt your friendships because what you used to do on a Friday night to go out to have dinner or a movie is like, oh no, I'm going to babysit her. I can't wait to see baby Joey or whatever it might be. Those are great things. But you need to start thinking of your friendships as a portfolio. Indeed, I like to call it a social portfolio. We worry about our wealth portfolio, but think about your social portfolio. How robust, how rich is it overall?

Mel Robbins (00:13:39):

I want to stay on that grandkids really impact your friendships as you get older as an adult. Because one of the things that I've noticed just as my own parents are getting older, my mom is in her late 70s, my dad is in his early 80s, is I have seen the friendship attrition that you're talking about. And I've seen how they used to have this big group of people that they hung out with. And as they've gotten older, and certainly as people have died, or people have moved away, or people have stopped making the long drive down to Florida for the month in a cold winter month, their friend group has started to completely evaporate. What was once 20 couples they hung out with, it's now two. And I also hear what you're saying about how when your family starts to grow, which is a wonderful thing, whether it's with son-in-laws, daughter-in-laws, or it is with kids or it is grandkids, it's a wonderful thing, but you tend to then focus in on prioritizing family, which is very important, and you forget about the importance of the social network that's your age that you also still need.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:14:54):

So really this older age is about time and structure and connection more than anything else.

Mel Robbins (00:15:00):

Well, that brings me to the work that you're doing at the MIT Age Lab that is so revolutionary and profound because you have created a way for us to go there and to not just try to imagine what it's going to be like, but to truly experience the impact of aging. I would love to hear you just explain to the person listening or watching right now, what is the work that you're doing at MIT? And you brought along what looks like an astronaut suit complete with a helmet that I am going to call the astronaut aging suit that you put people in. And it simulates what it can feel like to be the future you who is 90 years old trying to go through your day-to-day life. And it really just hits you right in the gut.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:15:57):

And I think that kind of frames up best what the MIT Age Lab is. Look, I have the privilege of being here to speak with you, but the AgeLab is made up of 30 really gifted researchers and students that do the work. I get to talk about it. And look, while we are attentive to nutrition and exercise and things like that, what we really look at is where does design, technology, and human behavior come together to rethink where you're going to live? What is the future design of communities? What does the future of the vehicle, the car look like? How will you receive care? So we're on the physical side of doing. And so the lab looks at things such as what is the future of transportation? How do we redesign our communities? Not to be just friendly for aging, but to be age ready.

(00:16:46):

Caregiving, how do we actually provide care to loved ones? And how do we receive care? And much of what we will be speaking about, longevity planning. How do we not just plan for our financial security, how do we plan for a longer, better life overall? And then probably the other main area that we like to work on is the multi-generational workplace. Do you remember when the workplace was there are younger workers and there are older workers? Imagine this. We now have not one, two, three, four, or five. We have upwards of six generations in the workplace, shall we say, a generational kinetics of expectation, how we work, what we do and the like in the workplace. So longer life longevity changes everything. And the Age Lab is about trying to redesign the systems to support living longer and better.

Mel Robbins (00:17:38):

And they also happen to have a profound impact on the systems in your mindset. Yes. That have you not be able to predict what it's going to be like for you as you age, and to also have you not understand what the people that you love are going through right now as they are aging. And you have this astronaut aging suit.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:17:58):

AGNIS.

Mel Robbins (00:17:59):

AGNIS. And what does AGNIS stand for?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:18:01):

AGNIS. We love acronyms at MIT. So AGNIS stands for the Age, Gain, Now, Empathy System.

Mel Robbins (00:18:09):

Dr. Coughlin's brought his team. The suit is hanging outside, and I'm going to try it on and I will narrate step by step by step what's happening. I will do my best to explain what I am feeling in real time as I am experiencing the MIT Age Lab simulation of the way that aging can compromise your capacity to move, to pick things up, to see, to do the simple things day to day. And I am really excited because I think this is going to have a profound impact on me and you, whether you're listening or watching.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:18:47):

And it's aging, and it's more about the health conditions that kind of correlate with aging quite often. So diabetes, arthritis, diminished vision function. But Mel, one of the things I think you're going to experience as do my students and the companies we work with is the aha moment, which is, yeah, we interview older adults. We watch them in the wild. We're kind of creepy. We watch in the house, the car, the store, in a home, whatever it might be. But it's when you wear the suit that you kind of get it. It's like, why is this more difficult than it should be? Because as a designer, as an engineer, you say, "That's not acceptable. I can change the material. I can change the design. I can make it better." So just so you know, Mel, and for all the listeners, you may hear some tearing and clinking and clanging.

(00:19:33):

It's going to be Velcro weights and some belts. So we promise we'll be gentle, Mel.

Mel Robbins (00:19:38):

But that's the sound of the suit going on. That's the sound of the

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:19:40):

Suit going on.

Mel Robbins (00:19:41):

All right. So Dr. Coughlin, we're going to walk outside the studio where the age suit is. This is the first time we've ever filmed and recorded a part of the podcast outside of this studio. Oh, wow. So I'm super excited to experience this with you.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:19:58):

Very cool.

Mel Robbins (00:19:59):

All right, let's go do this. All right.

(00:20:01):

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Mel Robbins (00:20:39):

I see this suit. It almost looks like I'm going to go into a spaceship.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:20:42):

Yeah, it looks like. Well, frankly, if you think about it, aging is an extreme environment. It's not for wimps.

Mel Robbins (00:20:48):

Uh-oh. We're all forced into it. Okay, so I'm just going to put that on.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:20:52):

No, you're going to wait.

Mel Robbins (00:20:53):

Now

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:20:53):

My colleague, Lauren Sereno, here's going to help you show us age.

Mel Robbins (00:20:56):

Well, you guys have actual. She's wearing a jacket, if you're listening to this, that has the lab -

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:21:02):

Exactly.

Mel Robbins (00:21:03):

Emblazoned on it. That's great. Okay, so here we go.

Lauren Sereno (00:21:06):

So I'm going to start by having you take off your shoes.

Mel Robbins (00:21:08):

Okay. Is the first test that I have to balance wiring this? And

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:21:12):

That's without - Okay.

Mel Robbins (00:21:13):

I'm sitting down on the chair to take my shoes off, and now I'm regretting the fans that I wore stylish jeans that have no stretch in

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:21:20):

Them. It'd be a lot harder if you were wearing a skirt, so this works. Here

Mel Robbins (00:21:24):

We go. I'm already having trouble and I don't have the suit on. I'm just getting my shoes off here. Okay. All right, here we go. So I'm putting on a weighted vest.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:21:33):

Yep. And now this is not necessarily because you're going to be gaining weight, but you're going to be losing muscle mass.

Mel Robbins (00:21:39):

Oh, so I have to put on a weighted vest because when you lose muscle mass, you're -

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:21:45):

Everything is starting to feel a little heavier, a little more difficult to move. So you may maintain certain weight, but it doesn't mean you have a certain muscle mass. Wow.

Mel Robbins (00:21:55):

Which gives you

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:21:55):

That strength.

Mel Robbins (00:21:56):

Wait, so hold on. I just want to make sure I understand this. So if you're looking at somebody in your life that's getting older and they haven't put on a lot of weight, they may still just feel like their existing weight feels heavier.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:22:10):

Exactly. And if they've lost muscle mass, that means things that were once lighter or just getting up out of the chair as you did becomes just a little bit more difficult.

Mel Robbins (00:22:18):

I never would've thought about that.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:22:19):

So we take a lot of it for granted because it doesn't look like it's changed, but it has.

Mel Robbins (00:22:24):

Well, when you think about, I'm just thinking about, for example, my grandma and her not changing her body shape at all, but it seemed to get harder and harder, and that's due to loss of muscle mess. Loss of

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:22:34):

Muscle coordination, and we're going to make it a little bit worse as we go along.

Mel Robbins (00:22:38):

Oh my gosh. Okay. Thank you for bending down because these pants do not have stretch in them. This was really dumb of me. Okay. All right. So I'm putting on one leg of. This is the easy part, I think. I need to hold onto your shoulder. This the jumpsuit. Okay. My pants literally are done. Okay, so I'm getting on the jumpsuit, everybody.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:22:56):

Yeah, don't fall over because

Mel Robbins (00:22:57):

I will - Just kind of your typical think auto mechanic think. If you're a farmer wearing your big Carhartt kind of zip up cold weather thing. So I've got on my. Okay. Zip this up. Okay. And I've got the vests on underneath.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:23:15):

Yep. Now we're going to start getting interesting. So Lauren, what are we putting on now?

Lauren Sereno (00:23:18):

We are putting on this harness. It's going to go right around your waist here, and it's going to connect to some of the other components that

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:23:24):

We're on later. So what you're looking at is a harness with a number of bungee cords. Okay. And the bungee cords are not to make you more flexible. Actually, each one is a certain level of reducing your gait, that is your walk.

Mel Robbins (00:23:38):

Restricting how I walk?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:23:39):

Yeah. So suddenly the span that you're going to be able to walk is going to be a little bit more resistant or less. It's not that you're not going to be able to fight it, but it's going to start to wear you out.

Mel Robbins (00:23:50):

Well, the vest is already wearing me out. I mean, I'm standing here with this kind of heaviness because I have this vest on. I'm just kind of dumbstruck by the fact that you may look at somebody who you love who's getting older, and you may see it in their face, but you don't understand that there's this heaviness in their body.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:24:13):

Basically, the way we like to think about it is that what we're adding to you is a certain amount of friction of an environment, interaction with everything from chairs to kitchen, whatever it is, but friction, fatigue. And then often what you'll see in their face is frustration because you remember what it was like to be easy. Why am I fighting with this or having difficulty moving? Because you remember what it was like to be seamless and smooth. And

Mel Robbins (00:24:39):

Now it's

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:24:39):

Suddenly getting a little slower, a little bit more difficult, and frankly, a little bit more frustrating.

Mel Robbins (00:24:44):

So you said three Fs there.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:24:46):

Yep. The friction, the fatigue, and the frustration.

Mel Robbins (00:24:51):

Yes. And then I can imagine there's a fourth, you start to feel kind of frail.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:24:54):

Yeah, a little frail. Exactly. And also, this is when we really start to have to understand, you know that cranky old man? He's not cranky. He's dealing with a lot that you can't see. And he remembers what it was like not to have to manage that.

Mel Robbins (00:25:08):

Wow. Okay.

Lauren Sereno (00:25:09):

Now we have a pair of Crocs with a thick layer of foam on the bottom.

Mel Robbins (00:25:13):

Okay. Now what are these designed to do?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:25:15):

Lauren, is this a style statement? Well,

Lauren Sereno (00:25:17):

In part, in part, but in part also for balance.

Mel Robbins (00:25:21):

Oh, they're wobbly.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:25:22):

Yeah. So what I want you to understand, this is not the destiny of aging. There's no birthdate around this, but age-related diseases start to gather. So the wobbly is whether it's neuropathy, maybe change in foot pad, all of a sudden now you're not as sure. You see people moving slowly in the store. Yes. It's often not because they're slow, they're not sure they're footing anymore.

Mel Robbins (00:25:46):

Holy cow. And you're putting ankle weights around me?

Lauren Sereno (00:25:49):

So this is getting out similarly to the vest. It's some of that muscle loss.

Mel Robbins (00:25:53):

Well, I think the thing that's really striking about even just getting the suit on, and I have not even tried to move in it yet, what's very striking is just this idea that you used to feel a certain way in your body, and now you don't feel like yourself. And given that I'm not at this stage in my life yet where I'm wobbly on my feet, unless I've had too many gins or beers, you don't appreciate what it must feel like to be inside a body physically that doesn't feel like yours and how frustrating it must be. I mean, I'll tell a quick story. My dad recently had cataract surgery and it didn't go according to plan. And there was one of these floaters. And you can see it in his eye. It kind of twinkles and it really bothers him. And it's been a year now and there's kind of this, oh, well, you just kind of have to deal with it, but I can tell how frustrated he is by it.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:27:03):

It's just the little things start to add up

Mel Robbins (00:27:06):

And

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:27:06):

They become bigger. One of the things that has been amazing is that Agnes is a teachable moment. So when young students wear it, or frankly, we even had teenagers wear it, all of a sudden they go, "I'm going to be nicer to grandma and grandpa or older people." I start to understand why I should hold the door open. Not just because it's an honorable, polite thing to do. All of a sudden now I get why they're a little slower, why it's more difficult.

Mel Robbins (00:27:29):

Okay. Now what's coming?

Lauren Sereno (00:27:30):

So I'm actually going to have you try to pull on - This? Then tighten it just a little

Mel Robbins (00:27:37):

Bit. This is hard to do. You're making me get my own. So she's asking me to tighten this thing.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:27:42):

That's right. We haven't given you arthritic hands yet.

Mel Robbins (00:27:45):

And I actually can't get this thing done. So now I feel demoralized because I can't get my own belt tightened and I'm going to have to ask Doc to help me here. Oh my, this is so much harder than I thought it was going to be. It makes me feel two things at once. I feel a lot of compassion for anyone who's getting older and who is having trouble moving or who is feeling fragile or frustrated or that there's just the friction is the right word. And the second thing that I felt was just this sense of urgency for why I need to be lifting weights right now, why I need to be eating healthy, why I need to pay attention to mobility and balance now before I get into a situation where everything's breaking down.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:28:31):

And think about when we think about aging, most people don't really have a definition of it. They think about it is a number of birthdays that's older.

Mel Robbins (00:28:38):

Yes.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:28:39):

Actually, aging is about diminishing capacity over time.

Mel Robbins (00:28:43):

Aging, hold on, let me make sure. Aging is about capacity diminishing over time. Over

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:28:48):

Time. So your weightlifting is increasing your capacity. You're pushing out the clock. Learning something new keeps you cognitively well. So the idea is not to, shall we say, go quietly into that good night, but to do the things like eating, exercise, social condition, to push aging out further out.

Mel Robbins (00:29:07):

What I noticed is the Crocs are making. I feel like I'm doing a drunk driving test. Yeah, exactly. I walk a line and I'm wobbling. You feel unsure as you walk. And when you hear then that if you break a hip, you're dead in a year. Now I don't want to fall, so I'm feeling a little nervous about even taking a step. And if you're listening, it's a belt around you that has bungee cords attached to your shoes. And so as you're walking and you're kind of stepping on a shoe that's round on the bottom, your ankles are like a weeba wobble. And then the spring is keeping you, you feel the tension so you don't really want to stride it out. You feel hesitant. Wow. Oh God. She's about to put a neck brace on now. And the

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:29:54):

Hits keep on coming.

Mel Robbins (00:29:56):

I don't love this part. Okay. Why do I have a Neck brace on.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:30:00):

Well, think about this. My lab started around older drivers and transportation. One of the

Mel Robbins (00:30:06):

Things

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:30:06):

People will say, "These cars aren't designed very well. I can't see out the window." Well, here's the secret. By the time you're in your 30s, yes, you heard me in your 30s, your neck rotation is starting to reduce. And so suddenly, no, the car's fine. You're just not turning your neck. Well,

Mel Robbins (00:30:23):

I'm trying to turn and look at you now and I can't actually turn - You're

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:30:26):

Missing the car behind you over here.

Mel Robbins (00:30:28):

If you've ever had a stiff neck, you know that you turn your whole body in order to see. And if this is what you have to do every day, this suit makes you feel like a gigantic jerk for being impatient with people

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:30:42):

That are older. Yes.

Mel Robbins (00:30:43):

Yeah. It really does because it puts into perspective the physical friction of just getting through the day.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:30:49):

And the irony is we always talk about them, they, older people. With any look, we are they because the alternative is not nearly

Mel Robbins (00:30:58):

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:30:58):

Positive.

Mel Robbins (00:30:58):

That's true. Okay. Now what are you

Lauren Sereno (00:31:00):

Doing to me? So the next thing is vision. So we have hairs and goggles that simulate different vision

Mel Robbins (00:31:07):

Conditions.

Lauren Sereno (00:31:07):

This one is impaired acuity, which is just standard low vision.

Mel Robbins (00:31:11):

Well, I have that when I don't wear my glasses. So

Lauren Sereno (00:31:13):

What we can do is take off your glasses and actually have you put on these yellow glasses.

Mel Robbins (00:31:18):

And even just lifting up to take my glasses off. Okay.

Lauren Sereno (00:31:23):

So this is a helmet. Why do we have

Mel Robbins (00:31:25):

A helmet? In case I fall? Well, it's

Lauren Sereno (00:31:27):

For safety. Oh my God. It's also

Mel Robbins (00:31:29):

For, you'll

Lauren Sereno (00:31:30):

Notice some things.

Mel Robbins (00:31:31):

This is exhausting.

Lauren Sereno (00:31:32):

Velcro, that'll be the last

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:31:34):

Bungee. This further reduces movement. Okay. And

Mel Robbins (00:31:37):

Again - All I want to do is sit down. And I'm exhausted already and I haven't even started walking. That's

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:31:43):

Right. We're going to have some fun

Mel Robbins (00:31:45):

Here in a few minutes. Wow.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:31:46):

So why don't we go for a little bit of

Mel Robbins (00:31:49):

A walk? Okay. Easier said than done, Doc. Okay. So I'm going to follow you. Come

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:31:53):

On, speed it up. We don't

Mel Robbins (00:31:55):

Have all day yet. Oh my God. You're like my petulant grandson.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:31:58):

So we're going to do some just basic everyday things. So let's go gor a walk. I want you to step around the cones because you're just basically going around your house.

Mel Robbins (00:32:07):

In this suit, you just feel a little like -

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:32:10):

Your balance is off. Oh wait, you got daily activities. You got some laundry to pick up here.

Mel Robbins (00:32:14):

I don't want to pick it up because it feels like it's going to be hard. That's why sitting there.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:32:18):

That's why it's been sitting there for a while.

Mel Robbins (00:32:20):

Now I'm feeling friction because why am I the one that's picking this thing up? Oh my God. Okay.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:32:25):

So we're going to keep walking.

Mel Robbins (00:32:27):

Okay. Walk around

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:32:28):

The -

Mel Robbins (00:32:29):

No I'm walking around close. Now

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:32:30):

Those missing socks that are always missing, they're right

Mel Robbins (00:32:32):

There. There's socks on the floor. I have the laundry basket that just burned through like a hundred calories to. I can't bend down. Oh my God. Okay. Now I'm bracing my hand on my knee to get the socks and I'm getting back up.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:32:49):

We're going to step over here because the room that you're going to is this way.

Mel Robbins (00:32:53):

Okay. And

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:32:53):

Now we're walking out. How'd that feel?

Mel Robbins (00:32:55):

That's exhausting. That was a lot of friction. And these rounded crocs do not make it easy.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:33:02):

No. And this is where we start to worry about balance, not just strength, but the power of balance. Because as you mentioned before, if we fall and we break something, that can be lethal, let alone just a fracture.

Mel Robbins (00:33:13):

Well, also if you're feeling wobbly, you don't walk in a way that probably stabilizes you because you're thinking about falling. The whole time I was walking, I'm like, I can't believe how unstable I am right now. And

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:33:25):

Remember, your suit is only simulating how you feel in the built environment. I'm not simulating, for instance, right now, hearing balance related issues with your ears or maybe frankly having bent down, maybe you have high blood pressure, you went to get up, your blood pressure dropped, you're feeling a little off balance.

Mel Robbins (00:33:40):

Wow. It's really stunning how this hits you. Okay, next task. So you

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:33:46):

Want to go for a walk perhaps?

Mel Robbins (00:33:47):

Yes. While I'm up, I think I better keep moving because I think if I sit down, I'm not going to way to get up. I'll

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:33:51):

Tell you what, one of the challenges, now I want to be careful about this. And one of the challenges is going up and down stairs.

Mel Robbins (00:33:56):

Yes.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:33:57):

There is a strong philosophy out there. It's like everyone should live on a one floor home, perhaps. But remember those stairs also become, shall we say, exercise. Okay.

Mel Robbins (00:34:08):

You

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:34:09):

Never want to make a life so easy that you lose all the friction because that friction is what's giving you a little bit of muscle mass. It's giving you a little bit of activity, if you will. Gotcha.

Mel Robbins (00:34:18):

Now

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:34:18):

That said, let's do the stairs.

Mel Robbins (00:34:20):

Okay, let's do the stairs. Okay. Here we go. And

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:34:25):

Here's just one of those daily activities

Mel Robbins (00:34:28):

That becomes a little bit.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:34:28):

No.

Mel Robbins (00:34:30):

Daunting.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:34:31):

Yep.

Mel Robbins (00:34:31):

Okay. I

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:34:32):

Would use the railing. I'm

Mel Robbins (00:34:33):

Definitely going to use the railing. Frankly,

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:34:34):

Everyone of any age should use the railing.

Mel Robbins (00:34:36):

Oh my Lord. These bungee cords that are around my waist attached to my wobbly Crocs make every step super deliberate. I mean, I'm not even injured. I feel like I'm injured. And

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:34:50):

You can feel how the rise in the stairs are just sometimes a little bit more challenging than you expected. I

Mel Robbins (00:34:56):

Feel this in my hips.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:34:57):

Yep.

Mel Robbins (00:34:59):

Oh my Lord. Yep. Let me get to the landing so I'm stable when I turn around.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:35:09):

Down is often harder on your knees than going up.

Mel Robbins (00:35:12):

So it is very daunting to go downstairs. The crocs are wobbly. The bands just kind of remind you that your legs are there. So something that you took for granted, you now have to think about every single step that you take.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:35:30):

And your vision should be distorting a little bit of your

Mel Robbins (00:35:34):

Depth of field.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:35:35):

Oh, it is. All of a sudden when the world starts to have a little bit more friction, whether it's going up or downstairs, suddenly I might want to go downstairs, make a cup of tea or make breakfast or something like that. I just don't feel like it right now. So I think I'll stay in the bedroom and watch TV a little bit

Mel Robbins (00:35:52):

Longer.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:35:53):

So suddenly now what was once a very large world in your youth starts to compress and get smaller because the physical environment is not adapting to what you're doing.

Mel Robbins (00:36:02):

Well, I can see that. And I think every one of us, if you're listening or if you're watching right now, I want you to think of somebody in your life that you care about who as they're getting older, you've noticed that their entire world has gotten smaller. Their friend circle has reduced. They've become less active. And you really understand when you put this astronaut aging suit on, that it's because it's easier to stay home. It's easier not to get in the car or go, or it's easier not to push yourself out the door because everything just involves a lot more effort. That's the piece that I think is very striking that you have a memory of what it was like to trot down the stairs. You have a memory of what it was like to be able to pick up the laundry basket and not even think twice about it while you were talking on the phone and you had something under your arm.

(00:36:54):

And the friction for me is not even the physical as much as it's the mental of confronting the decline in capacity knowing that it wasn't always like this. And

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:37:05):

Don't underestimate when you're talking about the world getting smaller, it's not just about navigating stairs or the kitchen. All of us worry about how people look at us in the world.

Mel Robbins (00:37:14):

Yes. And

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:37:15):

So there's a certain frustration too of like, I don't want to be seen as struggling or

Mel Robbins (00:37:21):

Somehow

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:37:21):

Less. We're living in a faster, faster world where the population is getting older and may not be able to adapt to that speed and tempo. So what happens? I don't want to go out Friday night with you. It's not that I don't feel well. I just don't feel like it. And part is because I just don't want those public eyes watching me go through the door having a hard time taking my jacket off.

Mel Robbins (00:37:45):

Yes. That makes a ton of sense.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:37:47):

Pride matters at all ages. Okay. I know you're tired. So I'll tell you what, why don't we have you sit down for a few minutes? You're

Mel Robbins (00:37:53):

Reading my mind up. That's all I want to do. Sounds good. Is turn on the news and go watch out the news. Thank you.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:38:00):

So I think you're about ready for a rest.

Mel Robbins (00:38:01):

I am ready to sit down.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:38:03):

So why don't you take a seat over here?

Mel Robbins (00:38:05):

One of the things that's also happening is I just keep expecting the suit not to be here. And I'm trying to move through it and I just feel this sense of like, fuck it. Resignation. Okay, this is just how it is. It's just

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:38:21):

Another day. Oh

Mel Robbins (00:38:22):

My God. Okay. This chair's really low.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:38:25):

Okay. Here's

Mel Robbins (00:38:27):

A little bit.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:38:28):

And

Mel Robbins (00:38:28):

It's back. Well, exactly. How the hell am I going to get out of this?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:38:30):

Well, that's part of the challenge. I mean, this is the little things that people forget about as we age or we think about our parents aging. I'm going to get them a nice comfortable chair. I'm going to build an office where it's nice and comfortable. Low, soft chairs.

Mel Robbins (00:38:42):

Just three weeks ago, I was visiting my parents in Florida and we went to a furniture store. And I sat down in this chair and I thought, oh my God, this chair is so comfortable. It's amazing. And I said, Hey mom, sit down in this. And my mom who is in great shape sat down and she's like, I couldn't sit in this. I said, why? She goes, it's too low. It's too hard to get out of. And I though, oh, for God's sakes. And now I'm thinking I'm such a jerk. And

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:39:09):

Think of the little friction points you take for granted. So you're talking about the chair, right? Getting in and out of car. We work with the auto industry about getting in and out of the car is more than the battle of driving the car. How about going to the toilet? A low toilet? Oh

Mel Robbins (00:39:21):

My gosh. Good

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:39:21):

Luck getting back up.

Mel Robbins (00:39:22):

Well, that's hard enough for any of us. But I mean, I can't even imagine how hard it is when you walk in and you see a toilet that low and you think, uh-oh, here we go.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:39:30):

All these things need to be re-engineered for the society that is coming, not the society that we used to be.

Mel Robbins (00:39:36):

Well, I think what needs to be re-engineered immediately is just your attitude toward the people that you care about that are getting older and your attitude and patience level with people that you encounter every day in your life. The person who might be taking a little too long in front of you in the line, the person that's driving a little slower because they're hesitant. It's just so striking the friction that you feel. And for the first couple moments in this suit, I'm like, okay, I can get through this. These are wobbly crocs for crying out loud. But then you get to the point where you're just like, this is it. I just have to stop fighting it. And this is just kind of what I'm going to have to deal with. I don't want to get out of this chair because I feel like there's going to be a chore.

(00:40:19):

If I were sitting here without this astronaut aging suit on, I would just stand up. And what I actually have to do is I need to brace and pull myself forward. And now I've got to get my feet up underneath me with my wobbly Crocs. And now stand up, which basically feels like your 12th rep of a squat at the gym weighted with weights up here. That's what it felt like to get out of that chair. And

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:40:45):

You're taking your time. Imagine you were at a restaurant, you just had about an hour, hour -

Mel Robbins (00:40:48):

And everybody's already stood up and gone. And now there you are trying to get yourself up.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:40:52):

Or you feel, even if they're not, they're watching you do it. Yes.

Mel Robbins (00:40:55):

Oh, grandma's looking old.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:40:57):

Grandma's

Mel Robbins (00:40:58):

Like, grandpa's really kind of slowing down because we all say it. Now we know why. But you're

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:41:02):

Looking a little thirsty. Would you like a glass or a bottle of water?

Mel Robbins (00:41:05):

I would love some water. I' tell you what, why

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:41:06):

Don't we step right

Mel Robbins (00:41:07):

Here? Let's wet the whistle. Okay.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:41:08):

And let's try out those hands that you've got.

Mel Robbins (00:41:11):

Okay. So I have on fingerless gloves that. What do these simulate?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:41:16):

These are more around arthritis, loss of dexterity, but also arthritis, stiff hands, a little bit of pain going on there. So you start. One of the number one indicators of older age is grip strength. Okay.

Mel Robbins (00:41:28):

I'm holding a plastic water bottle. Just your average plastic water bottle. I take it nobody here glued this shut. Okay. Even getting my compromised hands - You're spilling

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:41:41):

It everywhere.

Mel Robbins (00:41:42):

I am. I did spill that, didn't I?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:41:44):

So here's the funny thing is that we are trying to be environmentally sensitive with thinner plastic, smaller cap. But that's where green is now conflicting with a graying society because you need a bigger cap to get a grip. And with thinner plastic, you're squeezing it hard and that's why we have water

Mel Robbins (00:42:01):

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:42:01):

The floor. I

Mel Robbins (00:42:02):

Literally squeeze this on my hand. You're absolutely right. Wow. Okay. That's a pain. So

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:42:08):

You want to phone home?

Mel Robbins (00:42:10):

I'd love to call my husband and tell him to get me out of this aging suit. Okay, so here's my phone. My vision is compromised. I even have the giant font on my phone, everybody. So I'm supposed to call Chris now. Text Chris. Okay. Let's see here. Okay. You know how I can tell it's him? Because there's his blurry photo. And thankfully he's on my favorites. And if you're listening, I want you to know the phone is approximately two inches from my face. I just typed the words high and I can't make out the H in the I, but I know that that's what that is. Okay, hi. I'm going to do the little emoji that's popping up.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:42:54):

So why don't you send him a photo as well? Okay. I

Mel Robbins (00:42:56):

Probably should since he doesn't know what age suit is today. You sure you sent it to

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:42:59):

Chris and not somebody else.

Mel Robbins (00:43:01):

It wouldn't be the first time that I. Okay, here we go. Okay. Well, I can't reach. Oh, okay. This sucks. I'm trying to take a photo in the age astronaut suit, everybody. You know how you have to hold up the phone with a selfie? Now I'm trying to reach forward to hit the button in the center because none of my grandkids taught me that I can do it on the side. So now I look like an idiot in front of everybody. We need a

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:43:25):

Spare Gen Z or millennial to

Mel Robbins (00:43:27):

Do it for us. Yes. Okay. So I'm going to hit this button. Here we go. I'm faking a smile because this is awful. Okay. There we go, Chris. Now let's see if I can get this to him. Oh, I don't know what that means. I don't know what the buttons are. Okay, hold on. There he is. Thank God for the photos. There we go. I just sent it to him.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:43:47):

So if you think about these technologies, the way they're designed, they're designed primarily for younger fingers, younger eyes and whatnot. But they're vital to our connection. We are now more, shall we say, connected by high tech than we are with high touch. So all of a sudden now that was more important than just the interface. It was about how you stay connected, not just with your husband, but everyone else. Well,

Mel Robbins (00:44:07):

You can also see how you would lean back and opt out from tech because it feels overwhelming. And if nobody's there to help you really assimilate it into your life, you just sort of opt out. And then we make fun of somebody for not being with the times or not knowing the trends or not understanding. And so you can see how somebody would just slowly back away from wanting to be in touch with everybody. Because

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:44:30):

You don't want to feel like you're incompetent on something. But I have to tell you at the Age Lab, you know what we call technology that's hard to use, hard to see and difficult to understand? Bad technology. It is the only industry in the world that dares to accuse the consumer of not being competent. If you can't use it, that's the technology's fault, not yours. This

Mel Robbins (00:44:50):

Is so second nature to be able to text Chris that I would've typically been able to do that in five to 10 seconds. No question. And what's really interesting about this experience as you're listening or watching is that keep in mind, you are having trouble doing things you have always done. And that's where a lot of the friction comes. I mean, you've spent your whole life getting in and out of chairs and now suddenly you can't. You've spent your whole life going up and down stairs. Suddenly you can't. For the person that is actually living in the age suit right now, you already have the tight joints. It's hard to pick up the laundry basket. What is the message that you want that person to hear from you about what's possible in terms of gaining some of your strength and autonomy back and tapping back into your life and widening the aperture rather than making it so small?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:45:43):

There are three things that that person, but not just that person, but the people who love them, their adult children, their spouse, their partner, whatever it might be. Three things to think about. One is that you can get some capability back. So

Mel Robbins (00:45:55):

That

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:45:56):

Working out, that nutrition is about what you can do to improve, shall we say, the original equipment. The second thing is the built environment itself, the house, the car, whatever. Start to arrange things, not just because you think they're aesthetically nice, but how do you arrange the right furniture, the right way to organize your kitchen to make it so it's easy for you to maneuver every day to

Mel Robbins (00:46:17):

Reduce

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:46:17):

That friction? And the third one, and this is the hardest, you can eat, you can do nutrition, you can rearrange your lifestyle. The third one, ask for help. Ask for support. So think about yourself, the environment, and the human element. What

Mel Robbins (00:46:31):

I love about this episode that we're doing is that you can use this episode as a resource. You can send it with somebody in your life who is older or send it to somebody in your life who's younger, who doesn't understand, and use this as a way to open up the conversation with the people in your life about the support that you need.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:46:52):

Mel, you just put your finger on the most important thing you could do to plan for a better longevity. The conversation. There's no reason to feel that aging has to be something you do alone. It's a conversation with the people you love, the people that you call friends, about how do we rearrange the environment.

Mel Robbins (00:47:10):

What

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:47:11):

Is it that we can do to improve each other's lives? I

Mel Robbins (00:47:14):

Also love that we have this now as an episode for doctors, physicians, therapists, nurses, people working in nursing homes and schools to be able to send to families as something to listen to so that you can have the conversation in a very powerful and supportive and empathetic way. And

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:47:34):

Again, it's not about those old people. This is something that we all have a vested interest in.

Mel Robbins (00:47:39):

Yeah. It's coming for all of us, everybody. There's

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:47:42):

No exit.

Mel Robbins (00:47:43):

There's no exit. There's just how you move toward it.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:47:46):

Well, I think you've had enough fun. It's time to take a suit off.

Mel Robbins (00:47:50):

Those are music to my ears. We're going to start ripping off the Velcro. Can I just say something? I can't even get the damn Velcro off these weights, the way to vest with these gloves on.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:48:00):

Lauren's here to help you.

Mel Robbins (00:48:02):

While

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:48:03):

You're taking this suit off -

Mel Robbins (00:48:04):

I can't get these weights off. It's not that it's hard. It's so frustrating. You feel almost like, I don't know, a little demoralized.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:48:16):

Did you have an aha moment though about being able to see, frankly, this could be my future self and now you're more empowered or wanting to go to the gym perhaps?

Mel Robbins (00:48:26):

Well, I don't want to do the interview. I want to go do some weightlifting because I don't want this to be my future. And I know based on the research that if you stay active and you can start at any age, it helps your joints from getting stiff. It helps your balance. It helps your muscles be able to stay strong so that they're not hanging off of you when creating all this extra weight. And that it really is important. We can talk all we want about how longevity, living a great life for me means I want to be able to put my suitcase in the overhead when I'm traveling to visit a grandchild in my 90s. I want to dance at weddings. I want to be able to walk with my friends. I want to be able to cook and live independently if that's what I choose.

(00:49:14):

And so it's

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:49:15):

Funny, in older age, we often think about, will I have enough money? But what you're talking about is the real currency of longevity. The capacity to put that suitcase up and go visit. Yes.

Mel Robbins (00:49:24):

Preferably

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:49:25):

Without a lot of help. Well,

Mel Robbins (00:49:26):

And I'll take the help, but I don't want to feel like I need it to. I can't get the hand weights off. These are only two pounds. That's nothing. And it feels like everything. And so the big aha moment for me, again, in two areas. One is for myself personally. There are things I need to be doing and you need to be doing as you listen to this or watch this that extend your life and the joy you will feel and the energy you will have by decades. And how it's not the, what is it? It's not the years in your life. It's the life in your life in your years. And that's what this is really about. And the second thing is I feel like a giant shmucko for, I'm not kidding, for either being frustrated with the people in my life that have gotten older or being impatient with somebody who is taking a little longer or driving a little slower or walking a little slower or being judgy of somebody who is asking about tech or asking the same question again or doesn't like the chair because it sits a little low and it's hard to get out of.

(00:50:38):

And you like the chair because it's nice. And so I just have had two massive aha moments, one related to personal motivation and why it matters at a deeper level. It's not about bathing suits and fitting into pants. It's about putting more joy and years into the life that you have. You've got

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:50:56):

More time. Now how do we cash that time in to be joyful? And I'm hoping that through your experience just now that there's another point. It's not just about how we individually need to eat, exercise and all that to improve our personal function, but also people often pursue behaviors because other people encourage them to do it or other people around them are doing the same thing. So if you're a younger adult child or something, the idea of really give your parents or a loved one a that a boy, that a girl for working out or encourage them to work out

Mel Robbins (00:51:28):

For their

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:51:28):

Own good. And frankly, if you're a caregiver, for your good too. Well,

Mel Robbins (00:51:31):

We're going to talk more about caregiving and why this matters so much for you if you're caring for little kids, if you're caring for aging parents, why it is so important that you figure out small ways to take care of yourself. And by taking care of yourself, we're talking sleep. We're talking you making time to still exercise. We're talking about you eating what you need to eat. You finding one point every week where you're doing something just for you, whether it's reading a book. Yep. Or going to a spiritual thing. Oh, just shimmy that sucker right off. There we go. Couldn't get the belt off everybody, even without the hand restraints. With my own hands, I wasn't that good on it. All right, we're going to take off the suit. You're

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:52:13):

Going to feel a momentary relief as soon as this

Mel Robbins (00:52:15):

All starts

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:52:15):

Coming off.

Mel Robbins (00:52:15):

Oh my God, you guys. I have to get this weighted vest off.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:52:20):

Boy, you can't wait.

Mel Robbins (00:52:22):

How do we get this off? Okay. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. Wow. Wow. Wow. Get these Procs off. Careful. I want to feel my feet on the ground. Yep.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:52:38):

Steady.

Mel Robbins (00:52:38):

Steady. Steady. Oh my God. Get these goggles off. You can get your glasses

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:52:44):

Back on.

Mel Robbins (00:52:44):

Get my glasses back on. Holy cow. I feel like a completely different - See,

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:52:49):

Lauren looks really sweet, but see what she does to a person in five minutes.

Mel Robbins (00:52:54):

It's weird how different that was. I don't want that to be what happens. So

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:53:00):

You got to work for it.

Mel Robbins (00:53:02):

You got to work for it. I think now that you understand what's coming, it's important to understand what you're working for. And that the body and the. Thank you. The human body is incredible and that it is. I like to think about the fact that we're all like wilting plants in the corner. A little bit of sun and water, we percorate back up. And I think that's true about sleep and movement and resistance training and exercise. And by

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:53:28):

The way, it's not just what we're doing for ourselves. We invest financially for our own security so that we're not a burden on others. Investing in yourself physically, nutritionally, cognitively is an investment for others as well. Look, aging is inevitable. How you age is not necessarily so. And

Mel Robbins (00:53:47):

How we support the people around us who are aging is 1000% in your control. Exactly.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:53:52):

And

Mel Robbins (00:53:53):

That's one of the biggest things that this experience has taught me that I have major amount of changing to do personally. So I want to unpack this step by step by step to make sure that as you've been listening or you've been watching, that you really get the most important takeaways for you and yourself personally, and also for your family and the people that you care about. Because I know this is going to be one of these conversations that spreads around the world and creates so much positive change for people personally and within their families. So let's go back in the studio. Sounds

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:54:28):

Like a plan.

Mel Robbins (00:54:29):

Let me put my boots back.

Mel Robbins (00:54:30):

So we are back in the studio and everybody on the team, Dr. Coughlin, has come up to me since doing the suit and just said, "What was it like? Holy cow. It was unbelievable to see you do that." And I really did feel like my grandmother.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:54:48):

Is it a perfect simulation? No, but it's close enough to give you that aha for your grandmother or frankly, the way my students, the researchers and the companies we work with is to give them a sense of what it's like to walk in that consumer's shoes, whether it's senior living, the drug store, frankly, just going out to eat.

Mel Robbins (00:55:04):

I have to ask you, how prepared are people in general for facing the phase of life where it's retirement or your capacity to move through your life is starting to decline? The

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:55:20):

Fact of the matter is that most of us plan for retirement, but we don't prepare for retirement. It sounds like a word game. I don't mean it to be. I want you to think about this. Planning is much like a grocery list. It's the intent to eat. But anyone who's in charge of shopping, shall we say, we know that until it's in the cart, in the cabinet or frankly on the plate, you're not eating. And that's the preparedness. The preparedness part is, are you aware of the things you need to do? Are you giving it a little attention? Then ultimately, are you taking action? And so bottom line is we are not prepared very well at all. And

Mel Robbins (00:55:57):

What do you want us to know about what's actually possible? Think

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:56:00):

About this. The 30 extra years we have gained in longevity since the year 1900, that's a dividend to be cashed in, not something to be wallowing a sadness about. So what I want people to think about is that the joy that they can achieve, the daily moments, but more importantly, being prepared is not just about being good, rational person. It's also an act of love. An act of love for yourself, an act of love for those that you love and the like. For

Mel Robbins (00:56:27):

The person who's in the state that I am in, all of my friends are in right now, we're all talking about it. We're trying to gently open the door and have the conversation. I'm grateful that you're here because this episode is a wonderful way to open the door. But what's one step that the person listening or watching can take to start having this conversation about setting somebody up to age well and have all these components in place so that you can?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:56:59):

For the most important technology out there is the conversation. It's not an app, it's not a geewhiz, it's not genetics or space travel. It really is the conversation. And one of the things I want you to think about, I want everyone to think about is that we do not have a story for old age. We have a story that old age is somewhere between cruises and crutches, and we forget all the chapters in between. And so my team at the MIT Age Lab did some awesome work with our partners at John Hancock to develop a map of what longevity's going to be like. In fairness, we've never had a generation of people living this long with this high of expectations, with not just one generation caring for another. We all talk about the sandwich generation. The heck with that, there's no sandwich generation. We have a panini generation now because people in their 60s are caring for parents in their 80s and 90s.

(00:57:56):

And by the way, that 40-something-year-old mom with kids and working full-time is worried about the 60-year-old as much as she's worrying about the grandparents. So suddenly this is new. We've always had older people, but not with this much time and expectation. So we created this idea of a longevity preparedness index. And so we pulled all this research from around the world and stuff we've been doing at the lab for 25 years, and we found eight different dimensions to start that conversation that we're talking about. And

Mel Robbins (00:58:25):

We're going to go through the longevity preparedness index. There are eight different stages. Eight dimensions.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:58:30):

All right, so let's look at those eight dimensions. First one is the obvious one, and certainly with agonists, you can appreciate this, is the health-related issue. Are you pursuing behaviors and nutrition that makes sense? Finance, hey, when you think about old age and retirement, basically the entire world has you believing it's either health or it's wealth. That's true.

Mel Robbins (00:58:50):

That's all you think about, health and wealth.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:58:52):

Those are the bookends, but think about all those chapters in between. So finance is certainly an important part.

Mel Robbins (00:58:56):

And those are just the first two. So first one is health. Second one is finance. And now what are the other states? And by the way, this

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:59:02):

Is not priority, but this is just the list. I know you're interviewing me, but I'm going to ask you the question, what's the most important number in your old age?

Mel Robbins (00:59:09):

I don't know. It's not

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:59:11):

Your 401k balance. It's not your blood pressure, your cholesterol or even -

Mel Robbins (00:59:14):

Is it the number of people I'm living with?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:59:16):

Actually, it's your zip code. Your zip code predicts everything from the access to the people that you love, the things that you need, to that ice cream cone that we were talking about. In fact, do you know that studies have been done that shows that zip codes right next to each other can mean nine to 13 years difference in your longevity overall? Really?

Mel Robbins (00:59:36):

So the

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:59:36):

Third dimension is community. Choose well. Choose where you live. We all

Mel Robbins (00:59:41):

Want to know the zip codes. So

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (00:59:43):

I teach urban planning, so I'll say it's intensity, density, and accessibility. Intensity is, are there things to do that are fun that kind of keep you alive, but also the things you need, access to transportation, access to healthcare. And by the way, access to Volunteering work and the parks and the like, density, are they close enough where you can get to them? If you choose not to drive, can't drive, are they nearby? That ice cream cone that's too far away, you don't need it, but boy, that doesn't bring a smile to your face. And then frankly, the accessibility part, which is how accessible are these things both physically and affordability and the like? And I'll even give you a tool. AARP's got a livability index where you can pop in a zip code and it'll give you a score as to what the livability is of that given community that you may be planning for, or frankly, the one that you live in now.

Mel Robbins (01:00:38):

And it makes sense. As I'm sitting here thinking, I live in Southern Vermont. I have to drive everywhere. I don't see another house from where I live. I'm in a rural area, even though I'm just a couple miles from a really nice town with all the things that I could possibly need. I can't get there unless I want to walk for two hours or I am in a car and I'm thinking, okay, I can only live here for so long that I'm going to have to go somewhere else. This is not a good retirement option unless I have kids all over.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:01:03):

Part of aging well is choosing where to age is one of the most important things. Fourth one is home. Is your home going to support you? Whether it's not just about stairs, but it's about maintenance. It's about how difficult is it to remain in that home overall? The next one, life transitions. How well are we prepared for the transitions we have in life from retirement to caregiving to having to move and the like? Have we thought about how we're going to do that? Who we're going to do it with? Daily activities. This is the Tuesday morning question at 10:30. Have you though about what you're going to be doing on any given day without the structure of work, without having the structure of caregiving kids and the like? Social connection. Again, the social portfolio idea. So we talk about what's in your wallet, what's in your portfolio?

(01:01:55):

And the last one is caregiving. And probably the biggest thing that was overwhelming is caregiving. Had the lowest score in terms of people being prepared to provide care for another. That one was a 42 score.

Mel Robbins (01:02:10):

Oh, you are flunking out of school if you're getting a 42. And what's

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:02:13):

Amazing about that, to quote Rosalyn Carter or to paraphrase her, one of the things that she said is that at some point in life, all of us will either be a care recipient or a caregiver. The problem is, Mel, we don't have the conversations. Our same study with Hancock indicated 70% of us believe that our significant other or our adult child will provide us with care. Only 30% of us have had the conversation. So it's like going to your typically, and I keep on hammering the adult daughters, I'm sorry guys, but yes, men are caregivers, but overwhelmingly the number one caregiver in your life is your spouse. And after that, the oldest adult daughter. Without that conversation, it's like, surprise, I'm home.

Mel Robbins (01:02:56):

For the person who's listening, and you're part of the 70% of people - Who have not had the conversation. Who have not had the conversation or you've tried and it got nowhere. What is the best first step, Dr. Coughlin, to begin the conversation?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:03:12):

I would cut it down to, shall we say, some simple questions overall. You have a conversation, multiple, because there's no one and done. This is going to continue. About who, where, what, and how. So the who part is kind of gently go into who is going to provide care? Who do you think is going to provide care? Who's going to help with the hands-on caregiving we're talking about overall? But there's another side of who. A lot of us have somebody to care for us for medications and dressing

(01:03:47):

Around the house, but also who's going to make the decisions? Who do you want making decisions if you can't any longer? So those are two different conversations that need to be had gently over time, but they need to be had. How about the where? When it comes time for caregiving, where do you want that care to happen? Do you want home care? Do you want to come live with your adult children? Do you want to be in senior living? What are the values, if you will, about the where? And by the way, the what overall is, and this is the hardest conversation, what matters? How about dignity? What are you willing to put up with to either maintain your life, extend your life, and the like? And then there's the obvious question that everyone goes to first, the how. How do we pay for this?

(01:04:36):

How do the mechanics? So when we have the conversation, it's multiple. It's who, where, what, and how.

Mel Robbins (01:04:42):

Dr. Coughlin, when you talked about this longevity preparedness index, and you found after doing this massive study, and you discovered that the area where people are the least prepared is caregiving, that 70% of us have not even had the conversation yet. And that based on the research and common sense, it tends to fall based on catastrophe to the oldest daughter. Yes. Do you have insight into why is it the eldest daughter that always tends to be the one that the caregiving falls to?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:05:17):

Look, it's unfair. It's not about gender. It's not about biology. It's about role. And traditionally across cultures, women tend to be the caregiver. Look, I don't want to indict my gender of guys. We will clean your gutters. We may help you with your finances. I'll take out your trash. Generally speaking, and I said generally, so please don't get all excited there. Generally speaking, it will be the older adult daughter. It's going to help you when you need to get dressed. So it tends to be a role there. But I have to tell you, while caregiving has great joys and rewards, and you hear caregivers say after the loved one has passed, it was the most important, most thing they've ever done. There is a cost. It's physical, it's emotional, and indeed it's also financial. And she is more likely to pay for it than anybody else.

Mel Robbins (01:06:15):

I think this is one of those conversations that people are going to listen to and be moved by and then share it inside their family. If the person that's listening right now got this sent to them by somebody in their family, what do you want them to know in terms of the invitation that's here right now about your role to play? Whether it's in your own aging or it's in your role to play related to how somebody in your family may be aging?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:06:50):

There are a few things, and my team at the MIT Age Lab has a panel of caregivers. We call it care hives. So several thousand caregivers around the world that we tend to ask them about those micro moments of caregiving. And when my team came up with the idea, I did not wanted to do it. I said, "Really guys? These people are busy. They're stressed and you want to hammer them with focus groups, surveys, whatever?" One of the things that we learned, the caregivers wanted to participate because here's a question no one ever asks the caregiver. How are you doing? Not just the loved one that they're caring for, but how are you doing? And so that little study that's ongoing, asking people not just what you're doing, but how you're doing. So one of the things to think about is make sure that you're asking how they're doing and helping them care for themselves.

(01:07:42):

Because the cost, as I mentioned, is the physical. Do you know that caregivers are more likely to express fatigue, headache and like emotionally, depression, feeling alone and financial? And this is the really hard work that we've been doing with the financial services industry. Women are more likely to either step out of a job entirely because they're having to care for a loved one full-time or not take a promotion because the promotion may have travel and I've got to make sure I take care of mom overall. Or because of the financial cost of caregiving, even if that loved one has finances, is going to set her back. So women effectively have a triple threat. They're caring for others. They're jeopardizing their own finances, which means that by the time the third they get to their own old age, they're not prepared for their own old age.

Mel Robbins (01:08:30):

I hadn't even thought about the financial impact because even if you're caring for somebody who's aging who has their own money, if it's compromising your ability to make money.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:08:40):

One in four families in the United States, and even more so in Europe and the like, provide upwards of 25 to 29 hours a week for caregiving. If you're over 50, one in three families are providing upwards of 25 to 29 hours a week for a caregiving. This is a personal issue that should be a public problem, a public discussion. But here's the thing, Mel, women tend to find a partner or marry someone who's a few years older than they are. They also tend to live seven to eight years longer. That means that while you're planning for old age and retirement together, she lives in second retirement of a decade alone. And so preparing for all the years that she gave to everyone else, she now needs to make sure she's financially, emotionally, and physically cared for in older age.

Mel Robbins (01:09:28):

What are the top three challenges, frictions, if you will, that caregivers face?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:09:34):

Caregivers are more likely to point to first one, health. Not just managing health, but the complexity of managing the health. When you start managing three, four, five, more likely seven medications a day, you may have a loved one who's not exactly being as compliant as you wish. The person who said that they're feeling dizzy and not well on weekend, you take them to the doctor on Monday morning, you're trying to be their advocate and they're going, "Oh no, I was fine." So you're kind of in that middle ground. Second one is largely around finance because it's interesting. We are more willing to talk about our health, our caregiving, our failures than we are about our money. And at some point, a family member, hopefully one that you trust because fraud and scams are more likely to come from someone close to you than someone in a foreign country over online.

Mel Robbins (01:10:24):

Wait, the scams are more likely to come from somebody close to you?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:10:28):

Unfortunately, you've got a lot of fraud that you have with family members, caregivers that mean well and eventually do not mean well. And that's a major point of research at the Age Lab right now. So the financial considerations of how are things organized? Where do I have the ability to make a decision for you if you can no longer do it? And how do you have the conversation when somebody says, no, that's none of your business even if the person's meaning well?

Mel Robbins (01:10:58):

Wow. And what's the third?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:10:59):

The third one is the one that is the sleeping giant because this has been consistent for more than 60 years of aging research and caregiving. The third one is transportation. In fact, Mel, I'll give you a data point that even the best financial advisor does not know. Do you know the top three costs of retirement for a couple over 65? Everybody always jumps up. Healthcare. Okay, that's number two. First one is home. Number three is transportation. 70% of Americans over age 50 live in suburban and rural areas where there's no transit or it's not transit you want to use, or there's no alternatives. So caregivers often report that the big challenge they have for that number three is, God, I got to take time from work to make sure mom gets to the doctor or Saturday morning. I have a lot of things I need to do.

(01:11:48):

I got to go take the kids to practice or whatever it might be, but also I got to make sure mom gets to the grocery store or I got to check in on mom to make sure I can help clean up around the house and give her a ride to a friend or get out. Transportation is not about getting from point A to B. That's the easy stuff. Transportation is the very glue that holds the big and little things we call life together.

Mel Robbins (01:12:10):

Can we talk about keys? You mentioned do not roll into a holiday and say, pass the keys and give me your keys, mom and dad.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:12:18):

Yeah, no, overall, and here's the challenge. A lot of people think that older drivers is that they show up at Thanksgiving, they haven't seen mom or dad for six months, maybe a year, maybe even more. And they kind of look at the table and go, gee, he's gotten kind of older, hasn't he? And it's like, I don't think he should be driving. Mel, this is how the AIDS lab started around older drivers. We know this area very well. It is not about birthdays.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:12:43):

Birthdays do not kill. Health conditions do. And so it's about the health conditions, the medications they're taking, what combination? Nutrition. As I like to say, I'd rather get in a car with an 80-year-old who's in decent shape than a 30-year-old taking allergy medication. And so one of the things we have to think about is how do you have that conversation when there does come a time when driving is a problem?

(01:13:05):

If they confuse the pedals, we're done. Look for patterns, not just like one mailbox being knocked over. Well, a lot of us do that and we don't talk about it. But doing it as a pattern, now we got an issue. So yeah, having the conversation is not simply about passing the keys and handing over the keys. It's about doing your homework. How's that person going to get out? How are they going to get to the things they need? But more importantly, in terms of quality of life, how are they going to get to the things and the people they love and want? So first thing to do with them, start experimenting. Start coming up with who's going to provide rides. If they've never taken a rideshare opportunity with Lyft, Uber, or whoever is in the neighborhood, do it while they don't have to so they get it over with.

Mel Robbins (01:13:48):

I can feel that sense of urgency building inside me. I know there are very specific people I'm sending this to in my family. Hi, mom and dad and my brother. How are you? Let's talk about this episode. And I'm sure you're feeling the same way. And that's why I wanted to ask you, Dr. Coughlin, after all the extraordinary things that you have taught us today, shared with us today, educated us about today,

Mel Robbins (01:14:16):

If the person listening takes just one thing from this extraordinary conversation, what do you think the most important thing to take away is?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:14:26):

My dissertation advisor taught me that if you don't have three examples, you don't have a point. So I'm going to give you three takeaways, but this one is the most important one. Have the conversation. Longevity's a family project. It's not an individual thing. Talk about care, housing, what matters before the crisis happens.Because when the crisis happens, somebody falls, breaks a hip on Friday, they're hospitalized surgery by Sunday. By Monday, the hospital's saying, "Congratulations, mom's coming home." Who? What? Where? How? Remember those questions around caregiving. The second one, this becomes more personal for a couple or individual. Plan for Tuesday. That Tuesday at 10:30, that's really real. You need to add structure to a life that was always structured until the day you retire. And the third one, stop postponing your future you. There are things you can do today. Preparation is not about control. It's not just about independence.

(01:15:25):

It's not about financial security alone. Preparation is an act of love. A love of self, a love of your significant other, and a love of all those that you think you're going to be depending on over time.

Mel Robbins (01:15:38):

Dr. Coughlin, what are your parting words?

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:15:44):

Parting words is I don't want anyone to believe that older age is something that we should fear. This is a gift of time. Since people crawled out of the ooze, if you will, we've wanted to live longer, whether it's endless life, eternal life, trying to find all kinds of things going on to make sure that we live longer. In fact, think of the billions now going into longevity tech that we're going to live to 100, 150. That's great. But I want you to look at older age as a gift of a dividend of upwards of three to four decades longer than our grandparents, great-grandparents may have enjoyed. A child born today, one half of them, it has said, are likely to live 100 years. Wow. We don't know how to cash in the years we have. Let's make living longer living better.

Mel Robbins (01:16:40):

Well, Dr. Coughlin, I just have to say you are a gift. This research is so important. There are very few conversations that you have that both change your mind, that open you up to an entirely different perspective, and that soften your heart in a way that can not only transform your own life, but can improve the relationships that you have with the people that you care about. And this one has had a very deep impact on me personally. I know it's going to have an impact on my family. And I am also certain that there will be millions of families around the world who will navigate this differently, more compassionately because of what you taught us today. So thank you.

Dr. Joseph Coughlin (01:17:33):

Mel, my team has done amazing work at the MIT Asia Lab, but you're doing something that we cannot do. Before their action, there must be a tension. And thank you for making that happen.

Mel Robbins (01:17:43):

You're welcome. And I want to thank you. Thank you. Dr. Coughlin just said it. You gave your time and attention, your most precious resource to this conversation, and that really matters. And in case no one else tells you as your friend, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And what Dr. Coughlin has taught us today about the opportunity, the gift of all of these additional years, he has taught us how not to just live more years, but to put more life into those years, and what a gift that is. Alrighty, I'll see you in the very next episode. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play. Was this not fantastic? Send this to your parents if you're lucky enough to still have them here and your grandparents or your siblings, your friends.

(01:18:32):

Be generous with this. And I know you want to watch another video now that you're all inspired and fired up, and I think you're going to love this one next, and I'll be there to welcome you in the moment you hit play.

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Key takeaways

You are shrinking your future every time you ignore strength, mobility, and balance, because aging is really the slow loss of your daily capacity and freedom.
Your life does not get smaller because you stop caring; it gets smaller because every stair, chair, and errand starts creating exhausting physical friction, fatigue, and frustration.
The most important retirement plan is not your savings account; it is your social portfolio, because deep friendships, real connection, and trusted people protect your health.
If you never talk about caregiving before a crisis happens, somebody you love will be forced to make painful decisions while exhausted, financially stressed, and completely unprepared.
You do not need to fear aging, but you do need to stop postponing the habits that build strength, protect your independence, and keep real joy and movement in your life.

Guests Appearing in this Episode

Dr. Joseph Coughlin

Dr. Joseph Coughlin, director of MIT’s AgeLab, studies how longer lives reshape independence, caregiving, and design.

Follow Dr. Coughlin on Instagram & LinkedIn
Visit the MIT AgeLab’s website for additional resources and research
Watch Dr. Coughlin’s TedTalk

The Longevity Economy: Unlocking the World's Fastest-Growing, Most Misunderstood Market
Over the past two decades, Joseph F. Coughlin has been busting myths about aging with groundbreaking multidisciplinary research into what older people actually want -- not what conventional wisdom suggests they need. In The Longevity Economy, Coughlin provides the framing and insight business leaders need to serve the growing older market: a vast, diverse group of consumers representing every possible level of health and wealth, worth about $8 trillion in the United States alone and climbing.

Coughlin provides deep insight into a population that consistently defies expectations: people who, through their continued personal and professional ambition, desire for experience, and quest for self-actualization, are building a striking, unheralded vision of longer life that very few in business fully understand. His focus on women -- they outnumber men, control household spending and finances, and are leading the charge toward tomorrow's creative new narrative of later life -- is especially illuminating.

Coughlin pinpoints the gap between myth and reality and then shows businesses how to bridge it. As the demographics of global aging transform and accelerate, it is now critical to build a new understanding of the shifting physiological, cognitive, social, family, and psychological realities of the longevity economy.

Resources

- MIT AgeLab: Longevity Preparedness Index
- MIT AgeLab: 8,000 Days Workbook
- MIT AgeLab: Learn More About AGNES
- MIT AgeLab: CareHive: AgeLab's Caregiver Panel
- NPR: The oldest millennials are 45! This tool helps plan for longevity
- Forbes: America’s Retirement Curriculum Needs A Longevity Rewrite
- Robert Wood Johnson Foundation: What makes a long life? Look to your ZIP Code
- National Institute on Aging: Infographic: Home Safety Tips for Older Adults
- Annual Review of Psychology: Family Caregiving for Older Adults
- Behavioral Sciences: Emotional Regulation, Coping, and Resilience in Informal Caregivers: A Network Analysis Approach
- New York Times: The Quiet Cost of Family Caregiving
- Innovation in Aging: The Ripple Effects of Elder Family Financial Exploitation on Family Systems
- Journal of Applied Gerontology: Elder Abuse Characteristics Based on Calls to the National Center on Elder Abuse Resource Line
- Mayo Clinic: Aging at home: Advice for staying independent
- Johns Hopkins Medicine: Staying Active as You Age
- Center for Disease Control: Promoting Well-Being and Independence in Older Adults

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1 Life-Changing Newsletter