Episode: 53
Every Tattoo Has a Story: Here’s Mine
a Solo Episode
Create and use positive triggers and meaningful mantras to improve your life that remind you of your a deeper purpose.
By the end of this episode, you’ll not only be inspired to create your own meaningful mantra, you will have several specific examples of how you can create a positive environmental trigger using things you have around your house.
Listen on:
That's why I started the Mel Robbins Podcast because twice a week I wanted to not only remind myself of that, I wanted to remind you of that too, that you are capable of creating more in your life, more happiness, more meaning, more love, more connection.
Mel Robbins
Featured Clips
Transcript
Mel Robbins (00:03):
There is something in the air today. I cannot wait to jump into our topic today. The universe is saying we have to talk about tattoos. I'm really excited because first of all, my husband Chris is here. Hi Chris.
Chris Robbins (00:15):
Hi Mel.
Mel Robbins (00:17):
And I had to get Chris here because I am going to answer one of the most frequently asked questions that I get, and it is a question that is very personal. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to an episode of the Mel Robbins podcast that will leave a lasting impression. Woo, there is something in the air today. I cannot wait to jump into our topic today. For those of you that are new, I just want to say welcome. I'm Mel Robbins, I'm a New York Times bestselling author and one of the world's leading experts on change, motivation and habits. And I believe that there are simple things that you and I can do based on research and common sense that'll help us create a better life. And today I'm really excited because first of all, my husband Chris is here. Hi Chris.
Chris Robbins (01:09):
Hi Mel.
Mel Robbins (01:11):
And I had to get Chris here because I am going to answer one of the most frequently asked questions that I get. And it is a question that is very personal. In fact, so many of you are curious about this, that you've gone to Google to try to figure out the answer to this personal question about Mel Robbins, just like one of our listeners, Jonathan did.
Jonathan (01:38):
Hi Mel, it's Jonathan. I'm a big fan of the podcast. I often watch the video version on YouTube. I noticed in one of the recent episodes that you have a tattoo on your wrist. I tried looking it up online. I found a bunch of people who have the five second rule tattoos, but I couldn't find the story behind your tattoo. So I know everything in your life is very intentional. So I'm curious what is it and why did you get it? Thanks, Mel.
Mel Robbins (02:04):
Jonathan, I love that you asked this question. I love that you went to Google and saw all the five second rule tattoos, and I get asked all the time about this tattoo that I have on the inside of my right wrist. In fact, just last week I was speaking at this major event for all of these leaders that are figuring out advanced solutions for diseases like cancer. And can you guess, Chris, when I opened it up to q and a, what the first question was that I was asked by this audience of pharmaceutical executives,
Chris Robbins (02:42):
What's your tattoo say?
Mel Robbins (02:43):
Yes. And even last night, we had three couples over and what were we talking about?
Chris Robbins (02:48):
Tattoos?
Mel Robbins (02:49):
Tattoos. And this morning, this morning, every single morning, many of, if you've been listening to the podcast that I have a really good friend and colleague named Amy. And Amy always pulls cards in the morning that helps us set an intention. And this morning she pulled a card and what was on that card, Chris,
Chris Robbins (03:11):
All about tattoos,
Mel Robbins (03:12):
All about your intention and it being etched in with this permanence like a tattoo. And so I'm like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Something is going on here. The universe is saying we have to talk about tattoos. And so I have dragged Chris here and he is got a kind of a smirk on his face, and our dogs are also sitting here sleeping at our feet. So we're going to dig in to the story about the tattoo, but I want to just say something that the tattoo story, it's just the tip of the iceberg. What we're really talking about today is a really important subject that both of us believe, and that is that there are simple tools that you can use that act like lifelines in your life. And those tools are meaningful mantras, temporary or permanent tattoos, or there are ways that you can use even a simple post-it note as a environmental cue.
(04:17):
That's what a researcher calls it. You can use a simple post-it note to act like a lifeline to remind you that you have the power inside of you to face something. And in those moments where it really counts and you're trying to level up that yes, you can show up in this moment and you can perform your best. And so while we're going to start with the tattoo story, which is a great story, we're going to get to a deeper topic here. And by the time you're done listening to this episode, you're going to have a phrase that you've identified that will act like a lifeline for you moving forward. And because I always say this is not just a listening podcast, it's a doing one. I'm going to ask you to do something specific and know it's not to go get a tattoo. So on the topic of tattoos, if you have a tattoo or someone who does, you know that every tattoo has a story. And mine begins just a few weeks before our 15th wedding anniversary. Can you believe this? We've been married 26 years, so this would've been 11 years ago, right? 11 years ago. Yeah, 11 years ago. 11 years ago was 2012. And Chris, let's just set the table for everybody because 11 years ago our life looked really different. 2012, you were still in the restaurant business.
(05:43):
We were 800 grand in debt. We were struggling with drinking issues and we were trying to make the ends meet
Chris Robbins (05:54):
And we thought a tattoo was going to save us.
Mel Robbins (05:58):
We thought it would distract us. We decided that
Chris Robbins (06:02):
No, it was our anniversary. It
Mel Robbins (06:03):
Was our anniversary. And so we decided that it would be cool if we got tattoos on the date of our 15th wedding anniversary and
Chris Robbins (06:14):
Provided it wasn't the same tattoo.
Mel Robbins (06:16):
Well see, this is the thing. I wanted to get matching tattoos. I thought it would be super cool if you and I got the exact same tattoo on our 15th wedding anniversary. And what was your response?
Chris Robbins (06:30):
Never.
Mel Robbins (06:31):
Yeah, I think it was no fucking way. I think you said that is so cheesy. We are bound for divorce. If we get matching tattoos, we are not doing that. And so that was kind of my idea. And Chris just shot it out of the sky. Boom, not happening. And so we got,
Chris Robbins (06:48):
Do you remember what my reaction was to even getting, we had been talking about it maybe a little bit.
Mel Robbins (06:54):
I don't remember. Do you remember yours?
Chris Robbins (06:55):
Was it an out of the blue idea that, Hey, let's do this for our anniversary, or we had talked about it before.
Mel Robbins (07:00):
I think we had talked about how we both wanted to get one, and then we decided we'd get it for our 15th, and I thought we'd get matching. You said, absolutely not. And then all of a sudden we went into our corners and we were individually thinking about our tattoos. And as the date of our anniversary, August 24th, came closer and closer and to the appointment, I started to panic because I had no idea what I wanted for my tattoo. And then all of a sudden, you guys, Chris walks into the room one day and says, I've figured out what my tattoo is going to be. Why don't you tell him the story? I wanted to kill you when you told me what it was going to be.
Chris Robbins (07:42):
I grew up as a ski racer and was competing in races every weekend in my teenage years. And I was always that kid in the starting gate that was shaken like a leaf and worried about not the race, but the outcome. I was in my head thinking about what was going to be my time and how it was going to line up and
Mel Robbins (08:16):
Would it freak you out?
Chris Robbins (08:18):
Yeah, it was always about the result, the end game, if you will, for me, or at least this was the observation that ultimately my dad had of me. And my dad was often at these races and he helped me see the racing and the course a little bit differently by constantly suggesting that I just take it one gate at a time to just, rather than think about the big picture or the end game, just one gate. One gate at a time. And along the years, my dad and I would converse about this without ever necessarily giving it a name of a philosophy, if you will. But he wrote a letter to me about it one day, and that was my tattoo wake up call that I decided to pull the handwriting off of a letter my dad authored about just taking things one gate at a time. And so that became my tattoo idea.
Mel Robbins (09:36):
And so describe where it is and what it is.
Chris Robbins (09:40):
I put this tattoo on my forearm, on my left forearm, and I didn't necessarily have a vision for having it kind of be oriented such that I could read it really easily, but ultimately it was the tattoo artist who suggested kind of the right placement of it. But yeah, it just says the word one and the word gate, one gate written in my Dad's handwriting.
Mel Robbins (10:09):
It's beautiful. And so being the shallow piece of shit that I am at times when Chris announced that he had figured out his tattoo and that he was going to take his dead father's handwritten letter to a tattoo artist and have that tattoo artist lift those two words, one gate in his father's handwriting and put it on his left forearm where he could see it and have as a reminder, I thought that is the best damn idea. And now I have no idea what the hell I am going to tattoo on my body. I was so pissed and so jealous that you had such a good idea. And you guys, I freaked out and stressed out until the night before we were supposed to get tattoos
Mel Robbins (10:57):
The night before we were going to go into this appointment, our 15th wedding anniversary, I still had no idea what I was going to put on my body. And then luckily a friend of ours who was one of my very first clients when I became a life coach DA who owns the amazing store in Boston called Matsu, she stopped by to say hi. And we started talking about the tattoo and I said, I have no idea what I want. She agreed Chris's idea. That was a really good idea, really good idea.
Chris Robbins (11:32):
I didn't know Deva was the origin of this idea for you.
Mel Robbins (11:35):
Yeah. So what happened is I started saying, I dunno what to do. And she said, well, I know what it should be. I'm like, you do? What should it be? And she said, it should say it shall be. I said, what? What do you mean? It should say? It shall be. She said, you say it all the time. I said, no, I don't. She said, yes, you. I said, no, I don't. She said, Mel, you have coached me for years. You always say if you put in the work and you hold the belief, that'll happen at some point it shall be. I had honestly never realized that I had used that phrase when coaching other people. And as she said it in that way, it just kind of went clunk. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to put the words, it shall be on the inside of my right wrist, and it'll be both a reminder to me that if I do the work, if I have faith, if I keep my head down and if I give up my timeline, it shall be, it'll all work out. It'll be fine. And so that was that. Now, meanwhile, there's another twist of this story
Mel Robbins (12:50):
Because do you remember what happened on our actual 15th wedding anniversary?
Chris Robbins (12:54):
Do I ever? That's the funniest part of the whole story.
Mel Robbins (12:57):
Okay, well tell everybody.
Chris Robbins (12:59):
Well, just that Mel had, Mel, you were in radio at the time,
Mel Robbins (13:05):
Right? Yeah, it was when I was a radio host. So you guys, Chris was still in the restaurant business. We were struggling financially.
Chris Robbins (13:11):
She was doing some show in Boston and she had, it wasn't the tattoo artist, you had had some show talking about tattoos, right? Throwback and
Mel Robbins (13:27):
All these people called in
Chris Robbins (13:28):
And they suggested the best tattoo parlor in town.
Mel Robbins (13:33):
Correct.
Chris Robbins (13:33):
If you're going to get a tattoo, you have to go to this guy. Yes. And you of course took it upon yourself to book us the appointment, which was at that point, had to have been six months out.
Mel Robbins (13:44):
Yes. And they had a huge wait list, so you couldn't even get in until like four months out. We booked this thing six months out, you guys,
Chris Robbins (13:51):
So you plan it for put down this
Mel Robbins (13:52):
Big ass deposit
Chris Robbins (13:53):
For our anniversary.
Mel Robbins (13:54):
We have a babysitter. We're going into Boston, we got our appointment, we're about to pull on the Mass Pike, and what happens?
Chris Robbins (14:04):
No, we're pulling out of the driveway. And you're like, well, where we go? Let's get the address of this place. And then you said, well, let me just call him just to make sure, let 'em know we're coming, and you call him. And sure enough, the guy says, oh, no, no, we got you on the books for next week.
Mel Robbins (14:22):
And I start pleading with him, oh, you can't, blah, blah. We made this six book, blah, blah. No, no, no, no. It's next week. It's a week from today. But that's not our anniversary. I never would've screwed this up. This must be a mistake. Can you just fit us in now? No.
Chris Robbins (14:36):
And we were going away. We couldn't even make the following.
Mel Robbins (14:39):
But also the thing was it was supposed to be on the anniversary.
(14:43):
So now here we are with a babysitter. We have our tattoos, you've got your letter, I've got my phrase. We have no appointment. I start calling tattoo parlors. We decide, let's just head into Boston. And I'm like, how hard could this be? Do you know the first five or six tattoo parlors that I called we're booked, no openings? I didn't know you couldn't just walk into a tattoo parlor. Who the hell is getting all these tattoos? So I finally call the sixth or seventh place, and it was a place that was right around the corner from this apartment that we used to live in Cambridge, Massachusetts when we first moved to Boston before we had kids for you to go to graduate school. And the guy answers the phone and he says, sure, come on in. And then he says, what's the name? And I say, Mel Robbins.
(15:38):
And he goes, you mean from WTKK, Mel Robbins? I thought I recognized this voice. I love your show. My wife's a huge fan of yours. Come on in. It turned out to be a guy that listened to my old radio show. So we drive to this place. The guy is this amazing big bearded teddy bear of a guy. He gives us this big old bear hug. Chris goes first because here's the next twist that happened.
Mel Robbins (16:08):
It had completely been lost on me that I hadn't even picked out a font or handwriting. And so I had the phrase, it shall be, but I had no idea what I wanted it to look like or how big it was going to be. So while Chris got his tattoo, I pulled up Microsoft Outlook and I started going through the font choices and ended up picking the only font that looked somewhat cool, which turned out to be something called Zigs or Dab Bigs or Z. It was like a Z printed it out on his printer, and that became what I permanently put on my body. And I was having doubts and second guesses, and Chrises looked so good, but I was just like, why didn't I think that I should have thought about the font?
Chris Robbins (16:56):
It looks a little bit like your handwriting though, so that's good.
Mel Robbins (16:59):
Yeah, it's okay. I mean, it's fine. I love my tattoo. I love my tattoo. And so I've got these sort of curved, it shall be right on my inside wrist and big hooky things. And if you're watching this on YouTube, you can see it. We'll put it on the stories. And the thing that I love about this, and
Mel Robbins (17:19):
This is why it's so important for us to talk about meaningful mantras today and environmental cues that you can use to help you stay steady, to help you tap into that courage and that confidence and that power that's inside of you. And over the years, I can't tell you how many times I've looked at this tattoo and these words, it shall be, they are a lifeline for me. When think about moments where I was failing at something or life was going off the rails, I would see those words. It shall be, and I'd take a deep breath and I'd put my head down and I'd say, Mel, you just got to keep believing. It's going to all work out. You got to keep putting in the work. If you're a good kind person, it'll happen, maybe not on your timeline, but just keep going. When times were tough, these three words, it shall be reminded me that this is just a moment and all moments this will pass. And now our puppy homie is wanting to go to the bathroom. It shall be
Chris Robbins (18:30):
No. But really thinking about the question that Jonathan wrote in and saying how you're so intentional in everything that you do, it was a very thoughtful question. And I would agree that your application of that in life is very pronounced and interesting how you didn't necessarily see it like Dava saw it and how the only thing that was not intentional about it was the scramble to get the right tattoo before the evening itself.
Mel Robbins (19:14):
Well, what's great about this,
Chris Robbins (19:15):
Actually I shouldn't say that. You booked the appointment. We had it on the anniversary. We were organized, we were ready to roll. There wasn't intentionality.
Mel Robbins (19:24):
The entire story of the tattoo is a demonstration of the philosophy at Shelby because nothing went according to plan. And yet we just took it one gate at a time. And I was fierce in my belief that it was all just going to work out. What are the odds that the appointment is on the wrong date or that the first five places I call are not available for appointments, but the one that is happens to be a guy that listened to my little local Saturday radio show and recognize my name and voice. It's just a little bit of optimism that acts like a lifeline for me. And it reminds me that it's going to work out that I have the power within me to face things. That's how I've been using this phrase. It shall be over the last 11 years because these have not been the easiest 11 years of our life.
Chris Robbins (20:25):
I would argue some of the hardest.
Mel Robbins (20:27):
The hardest for sure. I mean, when I think about the state that you were in when you left the restaurant business just two years after I got this tattoo and you just checked out a life, you're like, I'm getting sober. I have to heal. I have to take care of myself. And for two years you were just comatose and in survival mode. And I would look at this, my tattoo at Shelby. At Shelby, and it gave me faith that if I just kept working hard, we'd figure it out, that we'd figure out how to pay the bills, that I would figure out how to build this business, that you would figure out how to heal and find your way back to yourself and to me, and even things like moving up here to southern Vermont and how hard that was and feeling like I've just turned my whole life upside down. And yet there was this deeper knowing that drove our decision to move and to change our life profoundly from living outside of Boston to being in this tiny rural town. And on those days that I just felt so lost, I would look at my wrist and go, it shall be, it's going to work out. I can do this. And even with the podcast, everybody was like, you know how crowded that is? You know how there's 5 million podcasts? I was like, you know what? I'm playing the long game.
(22:04):
It shall be, I'm going to put in the work. I'm going to go for it. And I even feel that when our kids are struggling, it helps me, this phrase, it shall be to put almost like a beacon out in the future. It's a reminder that at some point the road ahead is easier and great things happen, and it gives me faith to keep going.
Chris Robbins (22:33):
I think the location of that tattoo is also properly aligned with you and your own, just being reminded of that, right? Because if you had that tattoo on the back of your shoulder,
Mel Robbins (22:46):
I'd never see it
Chris Robbins (22:46):
Where you weren't seeing it all day every day. You had always wanted to put it right, something, whatever it was you were thinking,
Mel Robbins (22:53):
Well, why get a tattoo and hide it? How has one gate as a phrase, a meaningful mantra, a lifeline for you, a philosophy? How has that helped you on your journey in the last 11 years?
Chris Robbins (23:12):
I mean, I would say just even right this minute, as I am putting together this online program for sole degree, and
Mel Robbins (23:22):
What is sole degree for people who don't know
Chris Robbins (23:24):
Sole degree is a men's retreat that I've hosted for the last six years, often taking place in the wilderness away from it all. And this year I'm trying to spark the conversation online and bring people into a
Mel Robbins (23:40):
So you're doing an online program,
Chris Robbins (23:42):
A digital, yeah.
Mel Robbins (23:44):
Chris is scared about this. This is why he's in the starting gate, right? You're like the little 10 in the starting gate going, is anybody going to sign up for this digital course? Oh my God.
Chris Robbins (23:56):
There's certainly, I think some of that is present, but some of it also is just in the act of having to put something out there and to do something that makes me feel uncomfortable, which is being in that marketer promoter seat
(24:15):
And having to speak out loud and be a storyteller in front of a microphone and a camera, which is really, it makes me, yeah, I'm in the starting gate for sure, looking, wondering about whether I'm going to make it to the bottom. But no one gate is a perfect example of just one foot in front of the other. Just take it one day at a time and get up and think about what I want to share or how I want to write it and not get wrapped around the axle about how it's all going to play out.
Mel Robbins (24:57):
I love that. What you guys don't know is, so Chris created this men's retreat called Soul Degree six years ago, something that he desperately wanted for himself, he created, and the thing is filled up organically every time you lead an in-person retreat for the last six years. And so now Chris is trying something new. He's going to create a webinar and create a online course and a digital version of this for men because you have a huge mission to help men discover themselves and to help men create deeper connections with other men. And you are so driven to do this, and yet you've never done it before. And I can tell that you're scared.
Chris Robbins (25:45):
Yeah. Even the word webinar makes me cringe. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
Mel Robbins (25:52):
No. And now we can't wait to see what you create. We're all like, Ooh, what does Chris Robbins look like? So what does one gate do for you? How does that even help you?
Chris Robbins (26:03):
It slows me down and allows me to just take it one step at a time, one gate at a time, just one foot in front of the other, like I said, and not losing myself in what it's going to look like, but instead just being present to the experience I'm in right now, putting the pieces together.
Mel Robbins (26:27):
I love that. I absolutely love that. Alright, now it's your turn. I want to pass the mic to you and teach you how you can create a meaningful mantra that acts like a lifeline in your life. And we're going to do that after. Quick word from our sponsors. Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins. I'm here with my husband Chris, and we're talking about meaningful mantras and how they can create this really grounding force and they can help you tap into your power and your optimism and your resilience in life. So I now want to pass the mic to you wherever you are listening in a car, taking us on a walk with you doing errands, wherever you are right now, I want you to think about your own guiding phrase, your own mantra that's very meaningful to you. And I want you to stop and ask yourself today, at this point in my life, what is a mantra that I'd really love to live by?
(27:42):
Something that could act like a lifeline, some form of reassurance, something that maybe you wish somebody else would say to you. It's interesting that we're having this conversation because Kendall, who is our middle child who's 22, she's about to graduate from college. She's been talking about getting a tattoo, talking about getting a tattoo when she graduates, but she doesn't know what it might be. And she's been thinking in the form of symbols. But for the purpose of this conversation, I really want you listening to us as I pass the mic over to you to be thinking about a phrase, whether it's a phrase, Chris's one gate that maybe one of your parents would say to you, or it's a phrase, it shall be that a friend of mine reminded me that I say all the time to her when I'm trying to get her to push through her fears and to believe in herself. And here's the interesting thing. As you start to formulate in your own mind, what could that phrase or that word be for you? And I find this to be really interesting. See, mantras cut both ways because there are good mantras and bad mantras. There are mantras that work and mantras that don't. Mantras are powerful, but they don't work unless you believe what the mantra or the phrase says. And I'm going to unpack this because I think this is super important. It's why so many of us get positive self-talk or self-love completely wrong.
(29:24):
A mantra is only going to work if you believe intrinsically in what the mantra means. And so I'll give you an example. A lot of you have been told that you need to have more positive self-talk, which you do. But if you've been beating yourself up for 40 years, there is no way you can stand in front of a mirror and say, I love myself. Or if you've been just hating on your body for decades, you're not going to be able to stand in front of the mirror and go, I look beautiful. I want you to feel those things. But if your behavior and your own mindset proves day in and day out that you don't love yourself, that you not only don't think your body is beautiful, you think it's disgusting, or you think it's gross, or you think it's this, or you think it's that simply saying a mantra because you think you should, it will not work.
(30:21):
It actually makes things worse because your mind is like, oh, what do you mean you think No, you don't. Do you know what you said to yourself all day yesterday? No, it's not true. And your mind starts to fight against it. And so it makes your negative beliefs worse. And so one of the things that I want you to think about is that as you come up with this phrase for yourself, rule number one, it has to be meaningful. And what I mean by that is a meaningful mantra is one that you can get behind. It's one that when you say it or somebody else says it to you, you're like, yeah, I can get behind that. So for example, if you struggle with how you look, instead of saying, I'm beautiful. When you don't quite feel it and believe it yet, start saying, I deserve kindness. I'm trying my best. I deserve to feel better, my body needs me to take care of it. Those are all things that you can get behind. And so oftentimes, one of the things that
Mel Robbins (31:29):
I say, if you're just kind of new to thinking about some guiding phrase or a meaningful mantra or some sort of word that you're going to use as your theme or your lifeline is bring it down just a little. Don't jack the mantra up. I'm the best. Because some days you're not going to feel that way. And so if you have that tattooed on your wrist, you're going to be like, I don't feel like the best right now. You want to ratchet it down just a little so you can always get behind it. I'm trying my best. Anybody can get behind that. Here's some other ones. What if it works out? Talked a lot about that on the podcast. I love that one. What if it works out?
(32:10):
So many people don't even realize that their guiding philosophy right now is what if it doesn't work out? Imagine adopting the meaningful mantra. What if it works out? Another one that I love is courage. Courage. I think courage comes first. We often sit around and feel self-doubt or feel unmotivated in those moments. Courage, that courage inside you to act, to say something, to show up when you don't feel like it. Courage is what you need first. And so courage is a beautiful reminder. You got this. You got, this is just encouragement. I believe in you. I love that phrase. I believe in you one day at a time. That's sort of like one gate, isn't it, hun?
Chris Robbins (33:05):
Yeah, it is a little bit like that. But I think what you're speaking to also is that everything that you just mentioned almost alludes to a way of being or an attitude, or certainly a reminder. I'm glad that our kids haven't decided yet on what or when to put ink on their body, but I like the fact that they're clearly reticent until they find that thing. And that thing is by way of having watched us find our own phrase, which is very meaningful and has a profound message to us. And it is sort of embodied in a philosophy, for lack of a better term, that they haven't found that yet. And some of that could just be that they haven't grown up enough yet, if you will, to have put their finger on, well, what do I really need in those times to be reminded or to be encouraged at least. I think that's the hiccup so far for our kids that they haven't arrived on that yet.
Mel Robbins (34:31):
You just gave me a huge breakthrough. One way that you could figure out a meaningful mantra or this sort of guiding phrase for you is think about the future, the person that you want to become, and just assume that it all works out. Just assume that you become the person that you dream about becoming. How about you let the future you give, the present you that assurance and that advice so that the tattoo or the post-it note or whatever it is, the mantra that you say to yourself over and over, that it is a reminder from the person you're becoming, that you got this believe courage. All of that is incredible. Whoa, I love that. Tracy, who's also a friend and a colleague, she has a great one that's been on her bedside table for a year. Every day I'm learning and growing. I love that. Every day I'm learning and growing. Every day I'm learning and growing. And by simply repeating it over and over and over again, you will, because what they always
Chris Robbins (35:58):
Say, and that's on our bedside table, not on our body.
Mel Robbins (36:01):
Yes,
Chris Robbins (36:01):
That's an option too for anybody tattoos.
Mel Robbins (36:06):
That's the reason why tattoos can be so powerful is because a tattoo is what researchers call an environmental trigger. An environmental trigger is something that you encounter visually in a space that cues a certain thought or behavior. And a lot of us are aware of triggers in the negative sense, oh, you trigger me. Oh, that sound triggers this. But you can use environmental triggers in a very positive and profound way. And I talk about environmental triggers extensively in the episode that we did called Five Essential Hacks to Make New Habits Stick, and I love environmental triggers. And so for sure, this tattoo and your tattoo, that is a visual reminder that triggers a certain positive way of thinking, but you can use a Post-it note. In fact, this is the assignment everybody. I want you to come up with a phrase and you can borrow one that you've heard us say today and try it on for size, sort of like you got to see if it fits.
(37:11):
And how do you know if the phrase fits? You're not resisting it, you're not arguing against it. You're not saying the phrase, I'm beautiful, but no, you got to come up with something that feels right. It's sort of like Goldilocks and the Three Bears, right? One's too little one's too big one feels just right. That's how you try this on. Then I want you to take a sharpie, a permanent pen and write it on a Post-it note and stick that sucker on your mirror or on your laptop, somewhere in your physical space that you're going to bump into it your bedside table the way that Tracy does. Heck, if you're thinking about a tattoo before you get a tattoo, make the tattoo in a sharpie on your arm. And I got to say, I don't want to hear any of you saying, Mel, I got a tattoo because of you. You get a tattoo because you want a tattoo. Do not have me pressure you to get a tattoo. And I so believe in this. Don't you believe in this?
Chris Robbins (38:06):
Absolutely.
Mel Robbins (38:07):
Yeah.
Chris Robbins (38:08):
I mean, the environmental trigger piece just makes such a difference.
Mel Robbins (38:12):
Yeah, you have an interesting environmental trigger on your bulletin board. It's a photo of you. Why are you giggling?
Chris Robbins (38:25):
I knew somehow you were going to raise this topic again. Why?
Mel Robbins (38:32):
Guys? He is the cutest photo that our friend Jenny Maloney took, and it's a black and white photo of Chris, and he's looking off to the side and he's sort of smiling, and he posted it. He pinned it to his bulletin board, and he wrote in a sharpie, you with an arrow pointing at himself, and it sits right on his bulletin board at his desk, and I can see you tearing up. What does that photo mean? What does it trigger you to think?
Chris Robbins (39:15):
Just to, I don't think I was prompted to print the picture and tack it on my board as a piece of a homework assignment in a class that I'm taking where I found myself through dreamwork and dream analysis to just need to be reminded that I am perfect the way I am. That am I am, yes, I'm good enough, or that who I am is who I am. And so it was a spontaneous response to work that I was doing in this class to say this was one of those hacks or habits I was going to develop was to look at that picture every day and see me as I am and embrace and love that person.
Mel Robbins (40:31):
Oh, this is for your masters in psych?
Chris Robbins (40:34):
Yeah.
Mel Robbins (40:35):
That's pretty cool. I think everybody's going to steal that one too.
Chris Robbins (40:38):
I mean, I don't have a mirror in my office, so instead I put a picture of myself,
Mel Robbins (40:43):
Environmental trigger everybody, and I'm really serious about this. Positive triggers in the environment, triggering positive thinking patterns and positive physical change, and I want to keep inspiring you. So I'm going to share a couple things that some of our listeners have shared with me on social media, and the first one is from Denise.
Denise (41:10):
Hi, Mel. It's Denise from Phoenix, Arizona. The meaning of my tattoo, which says, love yourself first is a reminder that self-love is not selfish. It is necessary. As a single mother who was used to always putting others' needs before her own, I have learned that order to be present for them, I first need to be present for me, show up for me, and loving yourself is a perfect example of how we could all do that. It was an inspiration by my brother and my aunt who were always constantly reminding me and always telling me, you have to love yourself first.
Mel Robbins (41:56):
Love yourself first. That's a great one. That's a great one. That doesn't hit for me though. I mean, it's great for Denise, might be great for you, but this is why it's important to try it on love yourself first. When I think about it on my wrist, that doesn't give me the tingles.
Chris Robbins (42:14):
Well, I think what you had said earlier was really cool about just that a mantra like this can help you on your path of becoming rather than the tattoo needing to be a reminder of the end game or being symbolic of something that you aspire to complete rather than just, this is my evolution.
Mel Robbins (42:46):
I love that that sort of shifted how I feel about love yourself first for me, right? It is part of the becoming awesome, and it doesn't have to be a tattoo, you guys. Again, this is not an episode about tattoos. This is an episode about using research to create a lifeline to your power and to optimism and to resilience and belief in self, and I love this example from another listener named Monica.
Monica (43:19):
Hi, Mel. It's Monica from Italy. I don't have tattoos, but I think the best sentence for me right now would be the little things. It helps me keep going when I think that my goal is too big for me, too far away, and that I'm just wasting time, and it also reminds me to enjoy the small, beautiful things of my life. Bye.
Mel Robbins (43:46):
Ooh, that's a good one too.
Chris Robbins (43:49):
Yeah, I love that.
Mel Robbins (43:49):
I love that. That reminds me of the thing that Oakley said at the end of the episode that we did just recently about anxiety, where he refers to your ordinary, extraordinary life, and that phrase, I could see him getting that tattooed on him at some point because he is so much a guy that focuses on finding the extraordinary in the ordinary, the little things, if you will. Wow. Love yourself first, the little things. One gate, it shall be.
Chris Robbins (44:29):
Yeah. The little things is it's got a calming tone to it a little
Mel Robbins (44:34):
Bit. I love that we're kind of dissecting these because I think it's really important that you truly pick a phrase that feels a certain way to you, whether that's calming or uplifting or energizing, or it just feels like the truth that no matter what's going on in your life, you can count on that. This phrase is true.
Chris Robbins (45:03):
I think that's what makes it also somewhat hard is feeling. I think most people's reaction is to react swiftly to how that phrase or mantra sounds or feels in that moment, and then they move on as opposed to, as you say, kind of sitting with it, letting it marinate, posting it on a wall, putting it by your bedside, but allowing it to seep in over time a little bit to see truly, how does that feel?
Mel Robbins (45:37):
Try it on. I now want to get another tattoo
Chris Robbins (45:40):
Because of this conversation.
Mel Robbins (45:43):
Maybe I'm going to get my mom to write something.
Chris Robbins (45:46):
Remember, this show is not about getting a tattoo.
Mel Robbins (45:48):
Okay. Now, listen. Are you saying I shouldn't get a tattoo?
Chris Robbins (45:51):
No, not necessarily.
Mel Robbins (45:52):
Well, I will tell you what I do want everyone to do. I do want you to take us passing you the mic very seriously, and I want you to try the power of creating a meaningful mantra or a word or a phrase that you can turn to every day, and I do want you to get a post-it note or a piece of painter's tape or something that you can write your phrase, word or mantra that's meaningful to you on it, and let's take it a step further. I'd love to see these.
Chris Robbins (46:27):
I believe in you is a good one.
Mel Robbins (46:28):
I believe in you. I believe in you for years though that probably, well, if I think about it from me in the present moment, it wouldn't sink because there have been plenty of moments where I didn't believe in myself, but if I think about it as a message from the future, Mel, the person I'm becoming as if she was saying to me, I believe in you, Mel, and I know what's coming, and that's why I believe in you, that would go, Ooh, I love that. Maybe that'll be my next tattoo.
Chris Robbins (47:16):
But it's interesting how you describe that as though it's something outside of you or a voice or something external. I don't think one gate as I don't hear my dad talking to me per se, I don't see my dad all the time. I think of it. Whereas what you were just describing is some larger voice, which is profound and can be powerful, but it conjures up a visual.
Mel Robbins (47:50):
It shall be as a larger voice for me.
Chris Robbins (47:52):
Yeah,
Mel Robbins (47:56):
And so I would love to see your meaningful mantra, and I'd love to see you. So take a photo of you and your post-it note or you and your Sharpie and share your phrase or word or mantra and tag me, Mel Robbins tag, the podcast, the Mel Robbins podcast. You might even be featured on our social media channels, but mostly I just want to see you and give you a virtual hug and a high five, and I want to get inspired by you speaking of meaningful mantras that you say to yourself, there's something I want to be sure to say to you in case nobody else tells you this today, I wanted to tell you that I love you.
Chris Robbins (48:42):
I love you too,
Mel Robbins (48:43):
And I believe in you.
Chris Robbins (48:47):
I believe in you,
Mel Robbins (48:50):
And I believe in your ability to create a life that you love, one gate at a time, and if you do, it shall be, oh, let's go get tattoos. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video by God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.
Key takeaways
Your mantra only works if you believe it, so stop saying things like “I love myself” if deep down you don’t mean it. That just makes things worse.
A meaningful mantra is one you can actually get behind, one that feels true, even on days when everything falls apart and you want to give up.
Sometimes the phrase you need is already something you’re saying to others. Listen for what gives you strength when you’re struggling.
A tattoo, post-it, or photo can be an environmental trigger to reconnect you to your power, your courage, or your most grounded self.
Your mantra shouldn’t be about the finish line. Pick words that support you in the becoming, that remind you to just take the next step.
Resources
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- The Mel Robbins Podcast: Goal Setting Toolkit
- Inc Magazine: Why environment is the biggest factor in changing your life.
- Forbes Magazine: Create a work environment that sets you up for success.
- Smithsonian Magazine: Did you know tattoos are thousands of years old?
- Thinking of a tattoo for yourself? Read about how to find the right artist.
- The Washington Post: How to make self-affirmations work, backed by science.
- Plos One Journal: Self-affirmation improves problem-solving under stress.
- The Chopra Center: 7 benefits of a daily affirmation plan.
- The New York Times: 36 questions that lead to love.
- Brigham Young University: Couples that play together stay together.
- If you’re looking for a book of badass affirmations, check this one out.
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