Your Dreams Are Not a Joke: It’s Time to Dream Big Again & 3 Ways to Get Started

(01:06):

And that's your dreams because you have given up on a dream that is buried deep inside you. And I am showing up today with a message that you need to hear at this exact moment in time. This is one of those episodes where I already have goosebumps because I know that you're meant to hear this exactly at the moment you're hearing it, that there is no mistake here. And I am expecting you to write to me after you listen to this and to tell me, oh my God, Mel, I needed to hear this. Because there is a dream that is meant for you. Your dreams matter. And you may be sitting here going, but Mel, I don't know what my dreams are. And I'm going to tell you baloney, you're probably so afraid that they can't happen. You won't give yourself permission to get in touch with them.

 

(02:01):

And we're going to change that today because I believe that you were born with dreams buried inside of you, hardwired into your DNA, into your soul that are personal to you, that you have a calling, a purpose that is personal to you and you were born with it. It is wired into your curiosity. It is wired into your imagination, your creativity, your self-expression. One of the reasons why you're drawn towards certain things or certain people or you're repelled by certain things or certain people is because inside of your energy and DNA and your heart and your soul is something that is trying to come to the surface. And your life is always sending you signals. It is trying to get you to see and to hear and to feel all of these clues about what's meant for you. And even more than that, these dreams that are inside you, there is a flame inside of you that is always burning.

 

(03:07):

And I realize when times are tough, you may not be in touch with that flame. You may be like, there's no flame inside me, Mel, that pilot light has gone out Well in a human being. It is impossible for the flame to burn out. That flame goes out when you die. As long as you're breathing, there is a flame inside you that is burning and your job is to start to fan that flame, that flame of desire, that flame of purpose, that flame is so tied to your dreams and to things that are meant for you. And here's another reason why we're going to talk about dreams and why this is so important, because I know you're like, oh my God, Mel, I did not realize that we were going to be doing this today. I thought this would be a January episode. No, you need this right now.

 

(03:54):

The signs are there for me. I'm a person that pays attention to signs and coincidences, and it is not lost on me that you have sent an avalanche of emails to my website about dreams. It's not lost on me that your dms are now starting to say, Hey Mel, I've always dreamt of doing this or I've always wanted to do that and I just can't get started. I dunno what to do. Or Mel, I don't know what I want. I feel that I'm meant for more, but I don't know how to tap into it. I am talking about this because it is very clear that this is something that you want me to talk about. This is something that's in the air. And so we're also going to talk about this because this is foundational to you being successful in life. See, this is not a show for losers, the Mel Robbins podcast.

 

(04:44):

It's funny that this is like self-help. I don't think this is self-help. I don't think creating a better life is self-help. I think creating a better life is your birthright. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be successful. You deserve to wake up every day and feel like you're living a life that is fun and meaningful. You deserve to have great relationships. Why is that? Why does that mean something's broken? I'm here talking about your potential. This is a show for winners. Let's just ask Harvard Business School about the importance of dreams. Do you realize 83% of people, according to the research reported by the Harvard Business School, do not have life goals and dreams? Can you imagine how sad it would be to go through life and not have dreams for what your life is going to be about? That sucks. That's not what you and I are doing.

 

(05:42):

In fact, I'd like to move the needle. I don't want it to be 17% of people have dreams and the rest of the 83% are like shit out of luck. I want this podcast to be part of a movement that shifts that so that it's 83% hell, a hundred percent of us have dreams. And why does dreams matter? Not just because they're hardwired into your soul. It's like this mandate that you're born with. There's a reason why a baby crawls towards things that they're curious about. Curiosity is a baby exploring things that calls to them. 

(07:36):

I believe in your ability to create 'em. I believe in the fact that you're a winner. And I believe that you deserve to have a life that you love. And that's why I am here like your biggest fan, clapping on the side of a road race. Go, go, go, go, go. You can do it. You can do it. That's how much I believe in this stuff, and I believe in it because there have been many years in my life where I have not had dreams, where I have been lost, where I have been spinning, where I have not been fanning the flame inside myself. I have been taking a bucket of water and with my excuses and fears and self-doubt, I have been trying to extinguish that flame inside myself. It doesn't work. It just makes you miserable. So here's what we're going to do today.

 

(08:20):

Number one, your dreams matter, period. Number two, having dreams and fanning the flame of those dreams, it's going to make you 10 times more successful than ignoring them. Number three, your dreams are your responsibility. And that's a good thing because when you accept responsibility for not only tapping into those dreams and giving yourself permission to claim those dreams and to feel those dreams and to work toward those dreams, you take responsibility for creating meaning in your life, for momentum, for growth, for goodness, for purpose, like all the good stuff that you deserve. And so the times in my life where I have given myself permission to dream, to want something, to just desire the things that I want, just be, I desire them. That's when I'm on fire in life. That's when things are working, when I'm arguing against myself, when I'm putting out my own flame, that's when I'm miserable.

 

(09:26):

And so today we are going to get a masterclass and knocking it off, you're going to get a master coaching session. In fact, you're going to get to listen in live where I'm coaching somebody else. And I'm going to use this coaching session that happened a couple weeks ago in Los Angeles as a way to hold your hand and step by step coach you, coach you on recognizing what your dreams are and to coach you on knocking it off. Your dreams are not a joke. Your dreams are serious business. And today we are going to get into the business of your dreams. And then I'm going to coach you on a simple thing you can do every single day to get deeply connected to those dreams, to train your brain, to help you achieve those dreams. And don't you worry. Don't you worry. We're going to do lots of other episodes about tools and momentum and continuing to make 'em a reality.

 

(10:24):

But we got to get clear that your dreams matter enough with denying. Okay, so here's how we're going to do this. A couple weeks ago I was in Los Angeles and I was doing a live event with a friend of mine named Kathy Heller. Now you may know of Kathy Heller. She's an incredible podcaster and she's a bestselling author. And she and I did this live event, it's really awesome with this audience in Los Angeles a couple of weeks ago. And during the event, it was my birthday, Kathy surprised me with a birthday cake. And her sister Barbara came up and her sister Barbara is this really awesome comedian and actor, and she did an impersonation of me. Here's the catch. One of my gifts is I have, I'd say a hundred percent accurate intuition. And the second Barbara got on that stage, my intuition went crazy.

 

(11:20):

And I just knew this was a person who had given up on her dreams. And so I decided to go there. What you're about to listen in on is a coaching session between me and a woman named Barbara. Barbara has a dream. She's very clear about what it is. Since she was 18 years old, she is known that she is wanted to be an actor. She has known that she has wanted to tour as a comic. She's known that she loved to have a standup special on Netflix. She has been working at it everyone for over 25 years. She has come so close. And when I met her a couple of weeks ago, she had given up on that dream. 

Barbara (12:20):

What am I not doing? So I moved back home two years ago.

 

Mel Robbins (12:28):

Where was that?

 

Barbara (12:29):

South Florida. The same place where,

 

Mel Robbins (12:31):

Okay.

 

Barbara (12:33):

And I feel so safe and comfortable for the first time in my whole adult life.

 

Mel Robbins (12:36):

You do?

 

Barbara (12:37):

Yeah. Well, no, not really. See, I've been an actor since I'm like 18 years old and it's been effing hard. So I started coaching people because I was like, I'm talking about Robins right now. I love that part too. And I started a podcast. I mean, I started directing and editing documentaries and I love it.

 

Mel Robbins (13:06):

What's wrong?

 

Barbara (13:10):

I still want to act. And

 

Mel Robbins (13:16):

Yeah,

 

Barbara (13:17):

I'm 46 years old, so I feel like it's okay to be comfortable and small.

 

Mel Robbins (13:28):

Hold on. It's okay to be comfortable if that's what you want.

 

Barbara (13:35):

Yeah.

 

Mel Robbins (13:36):

It's not okay to be small. That's not what you are. Alright? I'm going to say that to you. It's okay to be comfortable. It's not okay to be small. Being too small in life, telling yourself that you should be small, that it's okay. That's the number one issue. Shrinking yourself. You see, I for the last couple of years, every single January, I have taught a course about the science of dreaming and not just dreaming, but dreaming big and dreaming big as a way to create a whole new chapter in your life, a way to tap into your potential. And more than 200,000 people around the world have taken this science of dreaming course with me. And here's the number one thing that I noticed after teaching this course over and over and over again to people around the world. It's that telling yourself that you're small, putting a lid on your own dreams, on your own potential, convincing yourself that is okay.

 

(14:59):

That's the biggest problem. If you're somebody who doesn't know what you want, I guarantee you it's because you do things that make you feel small. And then you tell yourself, that's okay. And here's the thing that I'm really worried about. I'm worried about the fact that if you continue to do this, if you continue to tell yourself, I don't know what I want, I can never have it. I'm 46. I tried. It's hard. It's not going to work out for me. If you are the one that is against your big dreams in life, that is the reason why you're unhappy, that you are the single biggest loudest voice for why you can't have what you deserve. That is the source of misery, that is the source of feeling lost. And so we got to stop that right now because the fact is, I don't care how long you've worked on your dreams, how long you've avoided your dreams, how long you've been scared of your dreams, how long you've downplayed your dreams, those dreams are still very much alive inside of you.

 

(16:12):

You're not supposed to be small. You're not supposed to be arguing against your dreams. Let other people do that. You are the one who's supposed to have the biggest and the loudest and the brightest voice when it comes to the matter of your dreams. It reminds me of this quote that I just love. Let your light shine so bright that other people can find their way out of darkness. If you're not supposed to be small, what are you supposed to be? You are supposed to be this big beautiful flame, that flame that is burning so bright inside of you as you're marching toward the things that really call to you. That's your self-expression, that's your happiness, that's your creativity. That is a human being that is alive. And for those of you that look at me and that you're like, oh my God, Mel, you're just so inspiring.

 

(17:05):

You keep reinventing yourself every time I reinvent myself. Do you know how I do it? It's because I start to realize I'm feeling small. I start to realize that I'm feeling a little lost, that I'm feeling the energy drain, that I'm not feeling like a flame burn and bright, that I'm full of excuses. And I do this exercise that I'm going to share with you right now to get me back in touch with that dream that you can never run away from because what are you learning from me? Your dreams are meant for you and they are either going to be something that you pursue that helps you become brighter and more embolden and more of yourself or there something that's going to haunt you. I can give you example after example, after example of this. I'll give you an example in my own life.

 

(17:56):

So in 2007, so we're talking 15 years ago, I got a part-time job on Saturday mornings hosting a local call in radio show in Boston, Massachusetts. I absolutely loved that radio show, loved it. And from the moment I hosted the first call in show, I knew this is exactly what I want to do in life. And the truth is, I even knew it before. And the reason why I knew it before is because I had been a humongous fan of Howard Stern. I mean, I listened to Howard Stern way back in the day when he was like shock jock material before he went through psychotherapy and became really amazing at interviewing people. Like back in the really disgusting days, I was a Howard Stern junkie, and there was something about the energy of listening to Howard and everybody on the show that I just felt drawn to it.

 

(18:54):

I could not stop thinking what an amazing thing it would be to be able to do that with your life. And so here I get years later to be on the mic. I'm hosting this show. I absolutely love this show. That show ends up growing into a weekday show. I end up winning an award. Next thing you know, CNN is calling. And I find myself then in 2011 leaving radio and going onto television as a legal analyst for CNN. But here's the thing, radio never left me. Every time Howard Stern would pop up on my dial, I would feel the pull as podcasting started to happen and become a thing in 2011, 2012, and I started seeing more and more podcast pop up, I started to feel the pull. What is that pull? It feels like jealousy. It feels like longing. It feels like desire.

 

(19:52):

It feels like sometimes it can feel like inferiority, that you get close to your dream and you want it so badly that you literally put up all kinds of reasons to protect yourself from your dreams. So maybe it's the people you're really insecure around. That's my daughter. She has a dream of being a singer-songwriter of doing stadium tours. Just the other day I saw that Taylor Swift had just done something that nobody's ever done. She's got all 10 songs on the billboard, 100 top 10 freaking unbelievable. And I texted it to my daughter. And you know what? She texted back, please don't send this stuff to me. I'll never be able to do that. You know what that is? That's somebody who is deeply in touch with their dreams, but they're terrified of them. And so we're going to talk about that. But what I want to explain to you is there is something inside of you and you know it.

 

(20:54):

There is something meant for you and you were either so afraid of it that you push it away or you long for it like I did since 2011. If you watch my TEDx talk, which now has 29 million views, you'll notice that in that TEDx talk, I talk about my goal back in 2011 on that stage, I said, my goal is to be the number one radio host in the world. So here we are 11 years later and we're launching the podcast, and it's taken me 11 years to get closer than ever to the thing for these past 11 years, have I stopped thinking about the dream? Nope. Have I noticed other people that are pursuing my dream? Yep. Have I felt jealous? Have I felt insecure? Yes, I have all of those just like you do. That is evidence that your dream is alive. And what I'm here to tell you is today is the day we're going to stop arguing against your dream and

Barbara (23:34):

Right? Yeah. And it's not. I've come so close to it happening so many times and it hurts so much. It's all so scary. The part of me is like, no, don't do that.

 

Mel Robbins (23:45):

But why is it scary?

 

Barbara (23:47):

Because I don't want to go into debt and I want to be at least somewhere. So I thought, well, I have this,

 

Mel Robbins (23:57):

But here's what I want you to understand. You have not gotten honest with yourself about what you actually want. You are putting all the energy into, but I don't want to go into debt, but I don't want to do this, but I don't want to do that.

 

Barbara (24:13):

So then you do that anyway,

(25:47):

It really is because you allow yourself to feel desire. You allow yourself for just a second to feel possibility. Just imagine how incredible it would be to do a stadium tour and sing your own songs. And when you allow yourself to entertain the fact that that's the dream that's meant for you, you allow yourself to stand close to that flame. You allow it to burn a little brighter, and then we get scared. What if it doesn't happen? And you convince yourself that your dream is scary? I And your dream isn't scary at all. Your excuses and your fear of it and your joking is what's scary. And so how do you keep this dream alive? And this is a really important exercise, particularly for those of you who say, I don't know what I want, Mel. I don't know what my dream is. I have a very simple exercise that I have taught to hundreds of thousands of people.

 

(27:07):

It's backed by science. And this is an exercise that is going to help you get back in touch with dreaming. See, I think part of the problem is that we've all gotten into this mode where we don't want to get our expectations up. So we put a lid on our own desires. We don't allow ourselves to want what we want. We don't allow ourselves to be in touch with the things that we really long for. And it's the fact that you won't even give yourself permission to dream. That's also making you feel unworthy. And so how are we going to tap back into this dream inside you? How are we going to get your desires flowing freely? How are we going to get you to start to believe that you're worthy of the things that you long for? I'll tell you how it's very simple.

 

(28:02):

Every single morning you are going to make a cup of coffee or tea. And as part of your morning routine, you are simply going to write down five dreams a day. That's it. Five dreams a day. You are going to make it a habit to claim what you want if only by writing it on a piece of paper. And having taught this to hundreds of thousands of people, I already know what your questions are going to be. Are they the same things I write down? Are they big things? Are they little things? Are they things that can happen? What are they? Mel, here's how you're going to do this. Do not overthink it. Sit down, you have a blank piece of paper and just write down five things you want. It could be, I want that new Gucci handbag and you might not be able to pay for groceries right now.

(30:08):

Why shouldn't you do a stadium tour? Why shouldn't you have that new Gucci handbag? If that's what you want, you can certainly do the work to get it. Why shouldn't you be happy or healthy or heal your cancer? These dreams are there for a reason. We got to get them out of your head where you bury them with excuses and we got to get them into the world in real time where you can see them on a piece of paper. Now, reason number one, why you're going to do this five dreams a day. They can be the same dreams, they can be different dreams. They can be big dreams, they can be little dreams. They can be thematic, they can be specific stuff. They can be anything you want. We just need to get your dreams and your desires flowing freely without you putting the lid on, invalidating or arguing against them.

 

(30:57):

So there's a second reason why this exercise is so effective and it has to do with something called the Zy Garic effect. Now, the Zy Garic effect is a extraordinarily well-documented effect in your brain that was first discovered by a Lithuanian psychologist named Bluma Zy. And she had her first study published about psychology and this theory in 1927. So this has been around for a long time. And what is the Zy Garic effect? Well, the Zy Garic effect is this inside of your brain there is a mental checklist function. And whenever something is important to you, your brain is like, oh, ding, ding, ding. I guess she wants to do a stadium tour. Oh, ding, ding, ding. I guess she wants to get her cholesterol down. Whenever something's important to you, your brain takes notice, it opens up a mental checklist. And then your brain has this really interesting function where it will now work with you to help remind you of this thing that's important to do.

 

(32:01):

It's like a little to-do list in your brain. And the Zy garic effect is once your brain knows something is important, and it's important, if you keep writing it down, your brain is going to go to work trying to help you get it done. And the Zagar Effect is so pronounced that it is used everybody in software design. You know how they talk about gamification? You know how you got to film out a form and then all of a sudden a little reminder pops up that you're 64% complete? Well, that's the zy effect. That's this mental checklist thing saying, you're not done yet. You got a little bit more to go. And so this is so effective. And so again, I'm going to summarize this and I'm also going to help you if you go to mel robbins.com/dream big mel robbins.com/dream big, I got a free download for you.

 

(32:48):

Not only are we going to give you some of the key takeaways from this episode, but we're going to give you prompts so that you can print out this free sheet and use it every single morning to write down your five dreams to tap into the Zy Garic effect inside your brain to help you keep those dreams alive and to help you start letting your desires and your worthiness flow freely through you. Okay, so we've covered a couple key topics so far. Your dreams are not a joke. They matter. You got to claim 'em. This exercise of writing down five things you want every single morning is going to tap into that super highway, and it's going to help you build the neuro pathways to give yourself permission to want things. It's going to help you tap into this flame inside you that is burning and that is begging for you to let it help you.

 

(33:46):

And then what we're going to do next is we're going to talk about the fact that once you get in touch with this dream, you know what you're going to do. You're going to do what everybody does. You are going to start arguing against it. You're going to start making jokes. You're going to start making excuses. You're going to start getting afraid because once the stream keeps showing up on that piece of paper every morning, once you start to feel the pull of your heart, once you start to notice as I have for the last eight years that everybody and their mother has a podcast except for me, you're going to start to feel the pain of not working toward it and instead of turning toward our dream, you know what we all do? We do what you're going to hear Barbara doing back in la. You're going to hear her kicking up a dust storm of excuses, of jokes, of reasons of this. But here's the difference. She had Mel Robbins on her ass that day, and I was not going to have any of it because your dreams are not a joke. Your dreams are serious business that demand and deserve your attention.

 

Barbara (34:55):

What if you lived in south Florida and you were comfortable and you were big and I was big, big,

 

Mel Robbins (35:02):

Big, big, big.

 

Barbara (35:03):

Well, I tried that.

 

Mel Robbins (35:05):

Okay.

 

Barbara (35:07):

I actually am like a big fish in the Jewish community.

 

Mel Robbins (35:11):

Yeah, but so hold on a second. Stop making a joke of this. Okay,

 

Barbara (35:14):

I'm sorry. You're right.