Outsmart a Narcissist: A Proven 4-Step Plan to Take Your Power Back
The Mel Robbins Podcast with Rebecca Zung
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Is it possible to be around narcissistic people and not lose your power? Especially when it's your mom, dad, ex, or boss who’s acting toxic?
Today, Mel is joined by Rebecca Zung, an expert on narcissism and a globally recognized high-conflict negotiator. Rebecca is also a top-ranked trial lawyer who has studied narcissism so that she could win against them in the courtroom. She’s written the playbook, SLAY the Bully: How to Negotiate with A Narcissist and Win.
She is here to make the case that you CAN stay in power no matter how toxic the people are around you. And by following her 4-part plan, you can even win when dealing with narcissism.
In this conversation, Rebecca discusses topics like:
Narcissism: what is it?
The 3 types of narcissism
What a covert passive-aggressive narcissist is
What a malignant narcissist is
What a grandiose narcissist is
The link between narcissism and divorce
The exact phrases that can change the dynamic between you and a narcissist
The top 3 sentences to disarm a narcissist without causing rage
Why “cutting off” a narcissist won’t work
The physical symptoms you can have when dealing with a narcissist
Why being “the victim” is keeping you trapped
What narcissistic supply is and why it is so important
The 2 ways a narcissist gets their “narcissistic supply"
What happens in a narcissistic brain in childhood that flips a switch
The tie between trauma and narcissism
What the 4 non-verbal triggers for any narcissist are
Why a narcissist is just an 8-year-old throwing a tantrum
The reason why a narcissist actually fears you
The definition of love bombing and why it’s so addictive
What the 3 phases of a narcissistic relationship are
How you can be physiologically addicted to a ‘love bomber’ (it’s as addictive as cocaine)
What narcissistic rage is and why it happens
What your 3 options are in a relationship with a narcissist
What happens when you become the focus of narcissistic rage
What those passive-aggressive or back-handed comments mean to a narcissist
What triangulation is, and how to protect yourself
The biggest myth about narcissists
The real reason why narcissists string you along
The 4-step process to getting your power back from a narcissist
The $2M apology
What to do when a narcissist is raging at you
When it's okay to tell a narcissist what they need to hear
The 3 things to stop doing now in a narcissistic relationship
How to respond to an accusatory email at work
What you need to know about negotiating with a narcissist
Why saying “I’m anticipating…” disarms any narcissist
The first boundary you need to create with a narcissist
What to look for as signs that you are dating, engaged to, or married to a narcissist
You can purchase Rebecca’s book, ‘SLAY the Bully: How to Negotiate with a Narcissist and Win’, here: https://a.co/d/bLWp5YZ
Follow Rebecca Zung:
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Webpage: rebeccazung.com
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In this episode:
- 01:36: Why “cutting off” a narcissist won’t work.
- 06:10: What is a narcissist? (It’s not what you think.)
- 08:21: You need to stand up to the narcissist in your life.
- 11:58: The 3 types of narcissism look like this.
- 17:01: This is the scariest type of narcissist.
- 22:20: What happens in a narcissist brain in childhood that flips a switch?
- 31:57: This is what “narcissistic blindness” is.
- 34:50: Narcissists aren’t born; they are made. Here’s the research.
- 39:34: Do narcissists feel fear?
- 41:45: The 2 ways a narcissist gets their “narcissistic supply"
- 48:54: What are the 3 phases of a narcissistic relationship?
- 50:03: What is love bombing, and how do you detect it?
- 1:01:04: This is why even the smartest people fall in love with narcissists.
- 1:07:09: What do those passive-aggressive or back-handed comments mean to a narcissist?
- 1:08:32: The biggest myth about narcissists
- 1:14:05: The first boundary you need to create with a narcissist
- 1:17:01: Why does saying “I’m anticipating..." disarm any narcissist?
- 1:19:30: Rebecca’s 4-part framework you need to deal with a narcissist
- 1:29:09: When the rage hits, here is how you can stay in your power.
Resources and go deeper:
- Dr. Ramani’s book: Should I stay or should I go? Surviving A Relationship with a Narcissist
- Harvard Medical School: Can you spot a narcissist?
- National Library of Medicine: Can neuroscience help to understand narcissism?
- University of Chicago Medicine: Study shows Narcissistic Personality Disorder may have a biological component
- New York University: Narcissism driven by insecurity
- Harvard Business Review: How to work for a narcissistic boss
- American Psychological Association: Recognizing a narcissist, with Ramani Durvasula, PhD
- Harvard Business Review: How to manage a narcissist
- Narcissist Abuse Support: Slay your negotiation with a narcissist
- Tina Swithen: Implementing Yellow Rock Communication When Co-Parenting with a Narcissist
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In The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel takes you behind the scenes in real-time. Every episode is packed with tactical advice, hilarious screwups, compelling conversations, and the tools and inspiration you need to create a better life.
