Signs You’re Dealing With a Narcissist (New Research From World-Leading Expert Dr. Ramani)

Today’s episode is a masterclass in narcissism. 

If you want to know how to protect yourself from a narcissist, you first have to know how to identify one. 

You’ll learn the top 10 personality traits to look for, how to handle a narcissist in your life (that you can’t avoid), the difference between ‘love bombing’ and infatuation, and a whole lot more.

Joining Mel today is Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and one of the world’s leading experts on narcissism.

Her mastery of all things narcissism has made her the #1 most requested guest on The Mel Robbins Podcast.

Dr. Ramani has been researching this topic for over 20 years and is here to give you the wisdom, practical advice, and well-researched tools and tricks to navigate what is one of the most unpredictable experiences: being in a relationship with a narcissist. 

According to Dr. Ramani, 1 in 5 people has narcissist traits, which means you know (and may love) someone who is a narcissist. After you listen, you’ll know what to do.

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In this episode, you'll learn:

• 7:45: How Mel learned that she had a narcissist in her life
• 9:00: What we need to change about the narcissism conversation
• 10:00: The top 10 characteristics to help you identify a narcissistic personality
• 11:30: The emotion narcissists manipulate to get what they need
• 12:30: What is the empathy flip flop?
• 15:50: The one quality that makes a narcissist different from a vain person
• 18:30: What if you think you’re a narcissist?
• 20:00: Why there is no such thing as a “healthy narcissist”
• 20:50: Two questions to ask if you’re concerned that you’re a narcissist
• 22:15: How to manage a relationship with a narcissist (that you can’t avoid)
• 27:25: Two of the ways narcissism begins in a child
• 30:30: How to prevent raising a narcissist (7 qualities of good parenting) 
• 32:10: Why does it seem like there are so many narcissists?
• 35:30: The 3 things to look for if you think someone in your life is a narcissist
• 38:40: What is triangulation? And what it might look like in your life
• 40:00: What vulnerable narcissism looks like at work
• 43:30: Does a narcissist understand what they’re doing?
• 46:40: How to identify a narcissist personality in a room
• 48:15: The #1 myth of narcissistic personalities
• 49:40: What is malignant narcissism and why is it the worst form?
• 50:50: The second myth of narcissism and why we have to be careful
• 52:20: Where TikTok is getting it wrong with narcissism
• 55:15: The third myth of narcissism
• 59:00: The shocking estimate of people with narcissistic personality
• 59:30: How the acronym ‘DIMMER’ helps you identify narcissists in your life
• 1:01:00: The one thing narcissists especially do NOT like
• 1:04:00: What does ‘love bombing’ look like and how can it happen in families?
• 1:11:30: How to tell the difference between love bombing and infatuation
• 1:15:45: How the ‘C-Suite’ is the gateway to love bombing
• 1:17:00: Why are narcissists nice sometimes and other times not?
• 1:21:20: Is it possible for a narcissist to change?
• 1:22:00: The story of a former client that broke Dr. Ramani’s heart
• 1:25:40: The #1 topic you want to know about when it comes to narcissism
• 1:26:45: And let’s not forget the bloopers!

Resources and go deeper:

‍

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, PhD

Check out Dr. Ramani’s website.

Order her book, It’s Not You.

Subscribe to her YouTube Channel.

Follow her on Instagram.

Listen to her TEDx Talk.

• Memory: narcissism, memory, phenomenology of autobiographical memories.
• Self and Identity: The many faces of narcissism.
• Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotional Dysregulation: Living with pathological narcissism.
• Psychology Today: Why self-compassion may be the antidote to narcissism.
• Dr. Kristin Neff: Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up & Leave Insecurity Behind (book)
• PsyPost: Childhood abuse increases risk of vulnerable narcissism.
• PsychCentral: Why unloved daughters fall for narcissists.
• Child Development Perspectives: Raising children with high self-esteem but not narcissism (Brummelman).
• Psychological & Cognitive Sciences: The origins of narcissism.
• Psypost: Research connects narcissism to grudge holding.
• American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry: “Failure to launch”: shaping intervention for highly dependent adult children.
• Scientific American: Failure to Launch Syndrome. 
• Psychology Today: How narcissistic triangulation gets people trapped. 
• Stanford School of Business: How narcissistic leaders destroy from within.