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Today you and I are digging into three things you must accept about other people.
It took me years to understand these truths.
It sounds horrible, but I always wondered, “What’s wrong with people? Why don’t they change?”
I know you can relate. Because today I’m taking your questions about trying to change other people.
You’re frustrated by the fact that your spouse or partner won’t exercise more. You get angry seeing how much money your daughter wastes going out every weekend. You’re annoyed by how stubborn your parents have become the older they get.
I’ve tried every tactic you can imagine to get other people to change. And recently I realized the true source of my frustration: It’s not them, it’s me.
I’m refusing to accept three things.
These things are hard to accept, and they’re true.
Once you hear them and you apply them to your life, your relationships will be way easier.
In addition to the three truths about other people, you’ll learn research that explains why it’s so hard to get other people to change. And like all episodes, this one is packed with tactical advice and takeaways that you can put to use immediately.
And, if you’re the one who’s busy making changes but your loved ones are not being supportive, I answer that question from a listener, too.
I feel compelled to answer your questions because so many of you are improving your life with the tools you’re learning on this podcast and your family is starting to get annoyed with you. That’s okay. It shows you’re making progress (but it doesn’t make it easy).
Hopefully today’s episode will.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- 3:12: 3 powerful truths you have to accept about people.
- 4:33: Rule #1 explained
- 6:02: How do you deal with people who don’t want to change?
- 9:00: Why some people can’t change.
- 12:42: I’m embarrassed to tell you this story.
- 19:49: Rule #2 explained
- 20:37: Rule #3 explained
- 21:44: My “6-month rule” for any complainer
- 32:03: What do when the people around you don’t support the changes you’re making
- 40:23: The science of “Myside bias” and what it says about human nature
- For Closed Captions: Watch on YouTube and turn on “CC.” For instructions to turn on closed captions, click here.
- Do you want to create a better morning routine? Join my free 5-day Wake Up Challenge and I’ll coach day by day on setting your day up for success here.
- Dr. Keith Stanovich: “The Bias That Divides Us”
- Dr. Keith Stanovich: “Myside Bias, Rational Thinking, and Intelligence” study
- Short article on Myside Bias
- The New Yorker: “Why Facts Don’t Change Our Minds”
- National Library of Medicine: “Bias in bias recognition”
- Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay: “How to Have Impossible Conversations”
- Kurt Lewin’s 3-step model of change: Explained
- Berkeley’s Greater Good Center: “Why Is It So Hard to Change People’s Minds?”
- Harvard Business Review: “Change Is Hard. Here’s How to Make It Less Painful.”