A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go


The Mel Robbins Podcast with Jay Shetty


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In this episode, you and I are getting a masterclass on the topic of love.

And it’s not what you think. 

This is not an episode about relationships – it is an episode about YOUR relationship to love and how you can let more love into your life. 

My mission with this episode is to inspire you to stop and consider the profound subject of love, how important it is, and why you deserve to feel more love in your daily life. 

If you have felt alone or feel like your relationships are on autopilot, this episode is a real gift.

I am also excited because as you listen to this episode, I get to introduce you to someone I really love. 

He and his wife are very dear friends of ours and he just finished a two-year-long research project on the topic of love. 

This friend of mine is also a former monk with a tender heart and a global fanbase. 

His sage counsel on life is sought after by celebrities, world leaders, professional athletes, and the most successful artists in the world.

I’m talking about none other than my friend, Jay Shetty. He’s the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Like a Monk, and his latest book is 8 Rules of Love.

Climb into your favorite chair and get ready for a wild ride. 

I threw out the talking points from Jay’s PR team and just went for it. I love this episode because Jay delivered. 

He gets personal and reveals more about his own experience and mistakes with love than ever before.

This is a must listen and a must share. Listen as a family. Listen with friends. Listen as a couple. Listen by yourself. Love is what we need. And hearing two dear friends go deep on the topic will make your heart swell.

Even an old dog like me learned a few new tricks about how I can experience more love and be more loving in my life ❤️

Xo Mel

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • 3:40: Hear Jay’s 3-part definition of love I’d never heard that is so spot on.
  • 4:30: According to research, this is how many hours you need to spend to make a casual friend, a good friend, and a great friend.
  • 6:40: Are you doing this with your partner? Jay says that’s not love.
  • 8:00: Okay wow, here’s where I realize I’m not doing something for my husband, Chris, that I should be doing.
  • 11:15: If your relationship is new, be careful you don’t do this.
  • 13:40: Why do we chase relationships in order to feel worthy?
  • 18:15: Rule #1 for finding love. 
  • 19:50: What research shows will happen if you enter a relationship simply because you’re afraid of being alone.
  • 21:00: Hear Jay in a rare moment where he talks about his childhood trauma.
  • 27:00: Here’s why you keep dating the same kind of person over and over.
  • 29:00 One simple exercise you can do today to start building a healthy relationship.
  • 31:30: Jay leads us through a powerful meditation. 
  • 38:15: There are four phases of love: hear them unpacked and explained.
  • 40:00:  Dating someone new? Then you need to know about both the “halo effect” and the “context effect.”
  • 43:30: Jay’s best piece of advice if you want that new relationship to last.
  • 47:00: Here’s Jay’s Rule #4 of love and why it’s my favorite. 
  • 53:30: Is someone caring for you or controlling you? Here’s how to tell.
  • 55:00: What you might be doing in your relationship that’s hurting it.
  • 57:30: Here’s what I disagreed with Jay about.
  • 59:30: What is the purpose of love in your life? Jay answers.

Jay Shetty:

  • Jay's new book, 8 Rules of Love is now available for purchase at 8RulesofLove.com and wherever books are sold.
  • To catch Jay on his first ever global tour 'Love Rules', go to JayShettyTour.com for tickets.
  • Follow Jay on Instagram (I personally never miss a post.)
  • Jay’s website
  • Follow Jay on Facebook.
  • Follow Jay on TikTok.
  • Get Jay’s first book, the #1 New York Times bestseller Think Like a Monk.
  • Subscribe to Jay’s podcast On Purpose.

Resources and go deeper:

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In The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel takes you behind the scenes in real-time. Every episode is packed with tactical advice, hilarious screwups, compelling conversations, and the tools and inspiration you need to create a better life.