Toolkit for Building Unstoppable Confidence (According to Research)

In this episode, you are getting a brand new definition of confidence.

This definition is based on research studies on how confidence is built.

Confidence is not what you think it is.

It is not a personality trait you’re born with, and it’s not reserved only for extroverts.

Confidence is a skill that anyone can master.

And today is the perfect day for you to start.

You and I are breaking down the science together, and you’re invited to join in as I coach several listeners who are struggling with self-doubt.

By the time this episode is done, you will not only have a brand new definition of confidence, but you will also know how to put that definition to use to start building unstoppable confidence in your own life.

Confidence is your birthright. You can’t lose it; you just lost your connection to it.

Let’s get that back.

If you are willing to get up every day and put one foot in front of the other, you, my friend, will not only be practicing and building confidence, but over time you’ll start feeling more confident too.

Xo Mel

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In this episode, you’ll learn:

• 2:00: The question Heather asked about confidence that so many of you have.
• 3:50: Honestly, here’s what happens when you have more confidence.
• 6:00: This is a “doing podcast," so here’s your first assignment.
• 8:30: This is what you and I were getting wrong about confidence. Until now.
• 8:45: Your new definition of confidence that embodies the research.
• 9:30: What exactly is the confidence-competence loop? Let’s break it down.
• 13:45: Here is one of the simplest and yet profound reasons for my success.
• 14:40: Did you happen to catch my 21-minute panic attack on TEDx?
• 15:45: Here’s how I handled my embarrassing neck rash.
• 16:50: Neuroscience says it gets easier to feel confident when you do this.
• 18:30: Here’s the mistake my taxi driver made that kept her from her dream.
• 21:40: Feeling like an imposter? Great! Here’s why.
• 23:30: Alex’s question led us to talk about Myth #1 about confidence.
• 24:20: Here’s a surprising fact about confidence.
• 25:55: Myth #2 about confidence needs to be laid to rest.
• 27:00: Telling yourself that you lost your confidence? Then listen to Myth #3.
• 28:10: I’ve loved this TED Talk for years. 
• 29:00: Use tool #1 to interrupt your self-doubt and do what you’re afraid of..
• 31:25: Confidence does not come before action; THIS does.
• 31:00: There are two types of people when it comes to action. Which are you?
• 33:30: Rule #2 is fun; research says it’s the fastest way to create new habits.
• 35:45: Rule #3 is absolutely essential if you want to build confidence.
• 38:00: Rule #4 is what I tell myself every time I’m about to do something scary.
• 40:50: I don’t want to come to the end of my life feeling this.
• 42:45: If you’re willing to feel this way, you’re guaranteed to keep growing.
• 44:15: Do you like this person you’re spending your life with?
• 46:00: Be careful who you give your number one commodity away to.
• 49:30: Ultimately, here’s why you’re not feeling confident. Now change that.
• 51:00: This is the hard truth about life that you need to hear.

Resources and go deeper:

• For Closed Captions: Watch on YouTube and turn on “CC.” For instructions to turn on closed captions, click here.
• Want me to answer your question on the podcast? Submit it here. 
• Self-doubts? Listen to You’ll Never Be Truly Happen Until You Do This.
• Love yourself. Learn how: The One Science-Backed Habit You Need in 2023.
• In case you missed my 21-minute panic attack on TEDx, here it is. 
• Forbes: Don’t fake it till you make it; match confidence to competence
• Read about confidence-competence alignment: Dr. Michael Gottleib et. al
• Harvard Business Review: To seem more confident, be more competent.
• The Guardian: Your attention didn’t collapse; it was stolen.
• TODAY: Social media is affecting the way we view our bodies.
• Listen to one of my favorite TED Talks from Prof. Brian Little. 
• Be okay with discomfort and boost motivation, by Prof. Ayelet Fishbauch.
• Read one of the best research papers on small wins by Daniel Chambliss.
• BBC: How thinking about ‘future you’ can build a happier life.
• Wharton Business School: The benefits of imposter syndrome. 
• The New York Times: Smart workers seek out advice. 
• The Washington Post: The connection between risk-taking and confidence.
• TED: Build confidence; spark it in others, Brittany Packnett Cunningham.