Why Am I So Triggered? 3 Steps to Control Your Emotions & Rewire Your Response to Stress


The Mel Robbins Podcast with Dr. Becky Kennedy


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Today’s conversation is required listening for everyone.

We are going to blow the lid off of emotional triggers.

Let’s get to the bottom of why you and I react the way we do, and more importantly, learn simple ways to take control of our emotions.

It doesn’t matter where you live, how you grew up, or even if you’re a freakin’ saint to everyone else, I know you have something that triggers you.

You have days just like I do when something sets you off and you either snap like a firecracker or withdraw like a turtle in a shell.

And just like me, you say and do things you later regret.

I’ll go first: I’m trying hard to work on the nasty tone of voice I use with Chris and our kids when I feel frustrated or confronted.

And it doesn’t end there. If you’re like me, you beat yourself up for getting triggered, and you now start feeling bad and regret what you did (or the fact that you did nothing).

It makes me feel like crap when I do these things. I have felt helpless for a long time because it’s been so automatic when I get triggered emotionally. 

I don’t want to keep living like this. I’d like to feel calm, peaceful, and more in control.

And that’s what this episode is about. 

Wouldn’t you love to get out of this cycle of feeling emotionally triggered? Wouldn’t you love to take control of your emotional life as an adult?

The good news: you can rewire your response to stressful and annoying situations.

And in turn, you’ll bring more happiness, presence, control, and closer relationships into your life, because you’ll be present in them instead of letting your emotions drive you. 

So, who is going to teach us about triggers?

I’ve tracked down a psychologist who teaches one of the most popular online workshops about this topic:

The incredible Dr. Becky Kennedy.

She’s the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Good Inside. And do not let the fact that she is a child psychologist and parenting expert keep you from soaking up and applying everything you can learn from her.

No matter how old you are right now, YOU were once a child. And that, my friend, is where your triggers got hardwired inside of you: before you even knew how to talk.

Understanding triggers (and taming them) requires you to go back before you can move forward.

Dr. Becky says, “Your triggers are stories from your past.”

Listen to this episode and really try to absorb what Dr. Becky shares, because the wiring and triggers that frustrate you right now are not permanent.

I know you’re going to send this to every one of your friends who is a parent, and please send it to your kids, nieces, and nephews, too. 

Learning how to rewire my response to stress at 54 is amazing. But imagine if you knew how to do this in high school. That’s why I’ve asked our three kids – ages 23, 22, and 17 – to listen too. Sure, it would be nice for us to pass this healing and confidence-building stuff down to every generation, right? If they get this information now, they can rewire themselves faster.

This is really important, life-changing stuff. And I love that it’s also so simple. And you know what else I love? You. Thank you for listening and let me know what you learn.


  • What a trigger is and how to watch for it.
  • When in your life you start to form internal memories.
  • The function of your “protector part.”
  • Why we have to be willing to look into our past.
  • How to reframe your triggers and build better relationships.
  • Why you shouldn’t shut down that negative voice and what to do instead
  • Why you need to align your actions with your values.
  • What tantrums really are.
  • Why it’s okay to have desires and how to prevent shutting them down in your kids.


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In The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel takes you behind the scenes in real-time. Every episode is packed with tactical advice, hilarious screwups, compelling conversations, and the tools and inspiration you need to create a better life.