5 Ways to Actually Make Your Habits Stick

(00:58):

I have had to figure out how to hack my way through tips and tricks to changing. And we're going to be talking about habits today and I'm going to share with you the five essential secrets and tools you can call these things. Whatever the heck you want, they just work. And I'm going to avalanche you with takeaways today. So get ready. You're going to not only want to bookmark this and listen to it two or three times, but you're going to want to come back to this over and over and over again because this is gold, pure gold. This is the shortcut to making new habits stick. But before I jump in, I also wanted to just take a beat and welcome you. If you're brand new to the Mel Robbins podcast family, this is one of those episodes that I know you're going to share with everybody that you care about.

 

(01:47):

And so if somebody that loves you sent you this, I want to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time and finding the time to hit play and to listen to something that is going to set you up to win this year. Thank you for being interested in your own improvement. Thank you for wanting to learn shortcuts and things that you can do in order to make new habits stick because that's what we're going to be talking about. So the fact that you chose to listen to this tells me something about you, it tells me you're my kind of person because you're looking to learn and you're interested in improving yourself. And I just think that's super cool. And the other thing that I think is really cool in life is the more that I can save you the headaches and the heartaches that I've caused myself because I didn't know what I was doing, I was missed.

 

(02:34):

Let's set some goals. Let's go for it for a week and then let's get tired and blow it off and feel like a loser. Well, it took me a long time to realize that habits are simply a skill. You can learn, learn. You're designed to learn new behavior. Your mind and your body, they're actually wired to learn patterns and you can use this to your advantage. And so today, I am going to give you everything that I've learned the hard way...

(04:32):

And I want to use the word patterns right now because again, I find that the big words like habits, it makes you sound really smart, but let's just dumb it down so we can embrace what we're talking about. All we're talking about when it comes to making new habits stick is how do I make a pattern automatic? Maybe you want to make it a habit to floss your teeth every night. Maybe you want to make it a habit to get up and exercise. Maybe you want to make it a habit to save more money or become better at meditation or anything at all that you want to be a pattern. There is a science and a system for how you can make patterns stick. And here's one of the fundamental things that I'm going to probably talk about over and over with you again today, which is the nature of human behavior is this.

 

(05:16):

You are wired to learn patterns and that's both a good thing and kind of a bad thing because here's the thing about patterns, which are basically habits. Patterns are designed to repeat. And so technically speaking, you can't just break a pattern, you have to interrupt it. And here comes the big part, replace it with something new. One other thing I want you to really keep in mind is this. You already have patterns in your life. You do. If you wake up every day and you hit the snooze button five times, that's a pattern. That's what you repeatedly do. And what you repeatedly do becomes who you are. And one of the first things I want you to think about as we jump into this is I want you to think about who do you want to become? What kind of person do you want to be?

 

(06:08):

Because when you start to marry your vision for the kind of person that you want to be with the new patterns that you want to learn, what's really cool is that since you are what you repeatedly do, the new habits start to become part of your identity. For example, let's just go back to the snooze alarm. I was a massive snoozer my whole life. My first decision every morning was to procrastinate by hitting the snooze button. That was a habit. It was a pattern. I repeatedly did it. And that meant I was the kind of person that couldn't get out of bed. I was the kind of person that was hitting the snooze alarm. And one thing that's helped me a lot is thinking about, well, Mel, what kind of person do you want to be? I don't want to be the kind of person that starts the day by procrastinating and bed rotting and spending an hour looking at social media.

 

(06:56):

I want to be the kind of person that gets out of bed and gets going and has a rock solid morning routine, which by the way, just another pattern, just another habit. But when you start to also think about the fact that the patterns and habits that you want to make stick, they're not really about what you should be doing. They're much bigger. They're about who you want to become. Now they become even more interesting and important because it's one thing to say to yourself, I should stop hitting the snooze button. I should stop bed rotting. I should stop doing all that. You're never going to develop a positive pattern that way. I want you to think, I want to become the kind of person that takes care of themselves. I want to become the kind of person that prioritizes their time. I want to become the kind of person that is stronger than my mood in the moment that I align my action with the things I want to do.

 

(07:47):

That's a pattern by the way that you can learn to be able to take action regardless of how you feel. And so I'm so excited about this for you because this is the gateway to a whole new experience of life, and it doesn't have to be hard. You just need these five things based on the research that I've learned the hard way that are going to help you identify the patterns that make you proud of the person that you're becoming and that align with the vision that you have for your life and the simple things that make it easy to repeat the patterns, all that this is, let's just dumb it down. You're capable. I'm capable. Let's remove all the drama and let's remove all the fancy academic stuff and let's just learn how to do this. Okay, great. Now one more thing. Here's how this is going to go down.

 

(08:35):

I was thinking about the fact that I got to talk about habits because you guys are slamming the inbox. It's the time of year everybody wants to talk about habits. I love it, I love it, I love it. Let's learn some new patterns. And the truth is there's no new information here. And I sat down to record an episode for you and I'm like, wait a minute. I already have this extraordinary conversation that I recorded like a year ago, and it's all the same stuff I would say to you now. So instead of having this pattern in my life where I keep reinventing the wheel, why don't I just create a new pattern and I set up the most important conversation you could listen to right now because even if you heard me share this with you over a year ago, these five things that I'm going to teach you, you're a different person right now.

 

(09:21):

You have a different vision for who you want to be. You need this reminder. And so even if you start to listen, you're like, I think I've heard Mel talk about this darn straight, you have because the advice that works is the advice that works. And these five things are the five things I need to remind myself of I need to remind you of because this is what will make your habits stick. And so here's how this is going to roll. I have got your fellow listeners from the Mel Robbins podcast lined up. How about we get this party on patterns and habits started? Okay, let's kick it off with a question from a listener named Eric.

 

Eric (09:54):

Hi Mel, my name's Eric. How do I create habits that'll stick? So once I keep going, I'll stay with it. I want to make it easier.

 

Mel Robbins (10:01):

Eric, I'm so glad you asked because you know what? I don't want that new treadmill that you just invested in to become the most expensive coat hanger in your house. And the truth is, there are simple, fun and easy ways that will help you stick with the new habits that you're trying to create. And look, I want to say something right up front. I'm not exactly the expert in this. I'm applying the same tools that you're going to learn in this episode. I'll tell you a quick story because I'm in the same boat as you. I signed up this year to do this 75 day mental toughness challenge that is requiring me to do a bunch of brand new behaviors every single day. So I am in the habit formation soup with everybody, and I have a confession to make. This is the second attempt that I'm making at completing this 75 day challenge because I failed last time I did it, I signed up last year and this challenge was so hard.

 

(11:01):

I bailed within a week. So all the stuff I'm about to share with you are the things that I'm using that I've seen other people use so that I don't fail at it this time. And here is what the challenge says. I have to do for 75 days, no alcohol. I have to eat a healthy diet, which for me, I've decided I'm going to just eat a normal diet because I'm a healthy eater, but I'm not going to have any gluten or dairy for 75 days. I got a workout twice a day and one of those workouts has to be outside. I have to drink a gallon of water, I have to take a progress photo every day, and I have to read 10 pages of nonfiction every single day. If you miss any one of those things that I just listed, you have to go back to day one period.

 

(11:46):

But the rules of this challenge are at odds with what the science around habits actually says. See, habit research says that if you miss a day, you don't default back to day zero. You don't lose progress by missing a day. And so I want to be very clear upfront that you can still be successful in making new habits stick. You can still be successful in seeing a change through if you miss a day or two days or a week. And I know you're concerned about this because I'm getting a lot of questions about, well, what do I do if I fall off like this one from Zoe?

 

Zoe (12:23):

Hi Mel, it's Zoe. And I am wondering how do you not let your setbacks keep you from getting back and trying again? On New Year's Day, I was resolving not to eat sweets and literally the first thing I ate was some chocolate birthday cake. And by noon it was all over. So thoughts, any suggestions, any tips? Thanks, happy new Year. Great job Mel and all your crew.

 

Mel Robbins (12:47):

Oh, Zoe, we love you. So for Zoe and every one of you listening, we're not robots. We're human beings. And habit research says that screwing up does not impact your progress or your ability to make habits stick in life. Unlike this challenge 75 hard that I'm doing, if you miss a day, all you do is miss a day and then move forward. That's it. And research shows the new neuropathways that you create, Zoe, once you start the new habit of trying to remove sugar from your diet, they're still there. And we know this based on research from Dr. Philip Olly at the University College of London, and there's something else it's called the what the hell effect science says You're not behind. The problem is is that in our mindset we have this quote, what the hell effect? You think, oh, one mistake, I eat the cake.

 

(13:43):

What the hell? I guess I'm screwed. Do that. And this comes from Duke researcher Dan Ley. He writes a lot about this. And you know what's really funny, Zoe? Is that even in Dan's writing and research, you want to hear what he's quoting. I just had one slice of cake when my goal was no sugar, so what the hell? I'll have a couple more. I swear to God that's the example that he used Zoe when he was researching the what the hell effect. And I'm raising this before I teach you the five simple systems that you can use to make habits stick because I want you to guys to go into these five simple systems knowing that if you screw up one day, you go a couple days, you go a week, you can still get right back on track, okay? I need you to think that failing is not a big deal.

 

(14:36):

You can recover, period. So Zoe, once you eat that piece of cake, just appreciate how delicious it was. Savor the moment and then get up, walk around the house, shake it off so that you don't eat another slice. Recognize, oh, here's that. What the hell effect, I'm not going to follow for it. And then get right back to your promise. Cut yourself some slack and keep going. That's all you need to do, Zoe. And this brings me to the fun part. Alright, I got these new habits, please, Mel, give me the five hacks. How the hell do I make these new habits stick? How do I create structured discipline in order in my life? Well, it's very simple. You're going to use simple hacks. That's all you're going to do. You can call them systems, you can call them triggers, you can call them cues, you can call them structure, you can call them whatever you want to be.

 

(15:28):

My friend Amy, who you have heard on this podcast has this term that I laugh about so much because it makes me think of belly buttons. But she basically says there are two kinds of people in this world. There are people that are any organizers, meaning you manage everything, any your head, you're thinking about it all the time. That's not how you're going to be successful when it comes to change. You have to be an Audi organizer. That's what you have to be when it comes to habits. Why there are only three parts to a habit based on all of the research and habits. Science has never changed the cue, the behavior pattern and the trigger. That's it. You have to figure out systems to have the cue or the trigger outside of you. And when you start to figure out how to get the cue, the thing that signals the new behavior outside of you, get it out of your any head and get it out into the world. When you start to do that, that's the secret to making behavior stick. And what you're going to learn is going to blow your mind. Because I know that when you're trying to change any your head, you're keeping it all in your head and you're not using systems outside of you. You are frustrated like Anne is.

 

Anne (16:45):

Hi Mel, I'm Anne, and here's my question. Why is it so hard to break through some daily habits and do things differently? Why can't I stay consistent in my daily tasks?

 

Mel Robbins (16:56):

I'll tell you why you're frustrated. The same reason why every any organizer is frustrated because you are trying to stay consistent in your head and you are not using simple systems and simple physical cues to keep you organized and to keep these changes top of mind. That's it. And you are managing so much and you listening to me, you don't give yourself enough credit for how much you are juggling in your own mind. Stop keeping behavior change in your own mind and let's get it out of your head because I want you to know something. You're not the problem. You have everything within you. You're not the problem. You are capable of learning new habits. You are capable of making amazing things happen. You're not the problem. 

(18:01):

That's how you stay consistent. Stop relying on willpower, stop relying on having to remember what you need to do. Absolutely not. There is no way you are going to achieve your goals or stay consistent or make all those amazing changes that you want to make, that you deserve to have happen unless you start to implement systems in your life. So system number one, and this is the Mac daddy of Audi organizing ready? Make it visible and by make it visible, I mean put it in front of your fricking face, okay? Because here's the cool thing. Instead of rearranging your mind and your mental to-do list, rearrange your house and your environment to support you in remembering your goals and achieving your habits, okay? That's how you make this stick. You make it visible, you make it obvious. So let me give you a list of some of the things that I've done.

 

(19:01):

So first, I have the list of all of the things that I need to accomplish in this challenge taped to my mirror, above my bathroom sink. Why is it there? Well, because I want to make it visible and obvious. It's the first thing that I see in the morning and it's the last thing that I see at night. Here's another example of a way to make the habit or the goal visible. My water bottle and the nonfiction book that I'm reading, I put that by the coffee maker every single night. It is sitting there in the morning. Why? Because I can't miss it. I mean, it's obvious. I walk in, I go to make my coffee, boom, there it is. It's like, Hey bitch, don't forget to drink the water. Hey, read that book. Don't pick up the phone. Do you see how much easier I make that on myself instead of having to go in my head and be like doing mental gymnastics with me?

 

(19:54):

Don't pick up the phone. Remember, you got to read the book. I don't want to read the book. It's like sitting right there out of me. I can't ignore it. Here's another way to make things visible, to support yourself. We have this little beverage fridge, and normally it's got a ton of beer and wine in it. What's in it right now? Not beer and wine. It's now stocked with kombucha, non-alcoholic beer and awesome non-alcoholic spirits and all kinds of spin dres and seltzers and topo chicos and all the kind of non-alcoholic stuff that I love to drink. Why? Because then when I feel a little craving and I go to open up the little beverage fridge because I'm going to sneak because I'm sneaky and I'm a rebel and I only made it a week through the challenge last time. So god knows I'm going to want to sneak it sometime.

 

(20:39):

What do I have? The stuff that I don't want to drink, but the thing that I need to drink is right there. It's visible. Here's another way that I make the habit visible. Every night before I go to bed, I lay out my exercise clothes on the floor. It is a giant middle finger to myself because you want to know what, when I wake up in the morning, do I want to work out? Do I want to have to work out outside? Hell no. It's 37 degrees in raining in Vermont right now. Who in the right mind wants to go outside? But when I wake up, it's visible. It's outside of my head, it's in my face. It is reminding me, oh, there's that promise that you regret that you made, Mel. And then I have to remind me of my why as I'm pulling on my tights. The question is why does this work? Well, let's turn to research from Harvard Business School because this research from Harvard Business School shows that when we make decisions for our future selves, we make better decisions. So let me unpack this for you. Okay?

 

(21:43):

When you wake up in the morning and you got all your habits and goals, any your head, it's the old you and you got a decision to make in the morning, right? Do I feel like exercising? Do I even remember? I need to exercise. It's sleeting, horizontal, disgusting, 37 degree rain outside. Do I feel like exercising? If you are in your head making a decision in real time, you are likely going to make a bad decision, right? I don't want to exercise so I'm not going to, I'll do it later. But when you make decisions for your future self and that's what you're doing, when you literally take the time to put a post-it note on a mirror, that's what you're doing when you take the time to pull all of the booze out of the fridge and stock it instead with better choices. That's what I'm doing when I put the clothes on the floor.

 

(22:45):

I am making a decision as my future self. I am saying I know Mel Robbins well enough to know at some point this woman is going to have no willpower. She's going to be weak, she's going to be desperate, she's going to be emotional. And so I need to make a decision for the future. Mel Robbins, the Mel Robbins wants to change. And when you think from that point of view and you set yourself up for success by making these things visible, you freaking win. Because according to Harvard Business School, you make better decisions when you think about who is the future you and what would that person do? So the night before, plan out as many decisions as you can because the other thing that you can do, and that means put the water bottle by the coffee maker, set the journal out where you're going to see it.

 

(23:31):

Lay out the clothes, put the phone in a different room so that it's not there to look at first thing in the morning. These are things that you can do as the future. You. What would the person who already lives this lifestyle be doing? Act like that version of you. And when you set yourself up and make all this stuff visual, here's the other cool thing that happens. You reduce what's called decision fatigue the very next day, and you're taking advantage of this planning for your future self. And you know what? There's a third benefit. I love this. It lowers activation energy. Activation energy is the force that you need to apply to doing something. So I'll go back to the example. It is so much easier for me to get going when my exercise tights are on the floor next to my bed. Duh.

 

(24:22):

It is so much easier for me to get my water consumption done to drink that big first thing of water if it's sitting out waiting for me. Duh. Because it takes a lot more energy, right? A lot more force, a lot more fuel for me to not only haul my ass out of bed, but to remember I need to put on exercise tights and to pull open the drawer and to figure out which pair to wear and then to pull 'em on and then to look at the jog brass and then to decide if I need a sweatshirt or I need a this. I've had to burn through fuel just to figure out what freaking outfit to put on by making decisions for my future self and making it visible. Boom. Sha lock of people. This is easy. I am setting myself up for success.

 

(25:08):

Here's another powerful way to make things visible. Use the alarm on your phone. Seriously, this is a genius hack. Put the alarm on your phone to use to help you be your future self. It's like a reminder from the future. Okay, cake's done. Get up. Go check on it. No, seriously. So every single smartphone has the ability to set an alarm and on the alarm when you go to set the time, there's a label right now says alarm. 

(26:17):

Simple systems work because your life is complicated enough. And if you can put that post-it note up, you are setting yourself up for success. I'm telling you it's true. And that leads me to system number two, and this is the one that Mel Robbins has to use even more than stick it in your face. And this is the opposite. Remove the temptation from your sight. Get it out of here, out of sight, out of mind. I wish that were true because a lot of times you're going to find that even when you say, okay, that's it. I'm not going to eat gluten, I'm not going to eat sugar, I'm not going to eat dairy, still going to be on your mind, which is why it needs to be out of sight. So the things that you don't want to do, the bad habits that you have, the little addictions like your phone, let's make it harder for you to just slip into those things.

 

(27:10):

Okay? So let me give you some examples. If you don't want to drink, put the alcohol away. Get it off the countertop, get it in a cupboard. Better yet, put it in the basement. If you need to get up early or if you want more sleep, here's what you need to do. Get your phone out of the bedroom. This one simple system, remove the phone from your bedroom will change your life because it won't be there. You won't look at it in the middle of the night. You won't look at it as you're laying in bed, get it out of your bedroom. You want to know why you can't be trusted? Neither can I? And I'm going to give you a really harsh example of this. Let's say the person you love the most has a really bad addiction. Let's just put it out there.

 

(28:01):

They're addicted to cocaine, okay? You love them. They're trying, they're recovering, they're doing great. Would you ever put an eight ball on the bedside table? Of course not. You are more addicted to your phone than people who are addicted to cocaine. I'm not kidding about this. The research is very clear. And so anything that you have a problem regulating yourself with, get it out of your sight. It's an addiction. I am dead serious about this because I am in that category when it comes to the phone. I know this intellectually any my head. I know that I shouldn't be looking at my phone, which is why I got to get it out of my bedroom so that I don't look at it. You only have to have that temptation, a tiny bit more inconvenient to have this system work. They did this really interesting study at Google where they used to keep m and ms in open bowls at Google, and they were curious in the Google offices, what if we just switched up the system here?

 

(29:08):

And instead of having m and ms in open bowls, what if we put them in bowls that had lids on 'em? The candies are still there. You want to know what happened? Employees ate 3 million less m and ms over the course of a year. Why? Because out of sight, out of mind, making it just a tiny bit more inconvenient to get the candy had people often pass on it and the candy wasn't so tempting because they couldn't see it. And this also proves what you've already learned. 

Jack (30:22):

Hey Mel, it's Jack. I've got a quick question for you. If I start setting goals, how do I know if I'm going to be successful? What's kind of the biggest indicator or way for me to know that I'm on track?

 

Mel Robbins (30:34):

Jack, great question. And it brings me to system number three, and I got to tell you to brace yourself because this is going to sound red ridiculously obvious. But the only way to know that you're on track is to track period. That's system number three. You have to track your progress. Again, let's go back to any organization versus Audi organization. You are no longer allowed to track your progress casually in your mind. You need to get it outside your mind, which means you need a system for tracking progress. And so back to 75 hard, I'm going to share with you my daughter's system, which I've stolen. What she did is she created this amazing grid on the wall using post-it notes. And so for every single day of the 75 days, she wrote one through 75 and then created this giant square grid on the wall.

 

(31:33):

And every single evening when she finishes the day, she pulls a post-it note off and pulling that post-it note off that is like, that's like a rip. That's like a yes that gives you the dopamine. That is like a box checked. If you are a to-do list, I love my boxes checked, I love my things. You will love checking boxes and keeping track. You have to make these systems work for you. An app may be the best damn thing that's ever happened to you. For me, when it comes to tracking myself, it's got to be paper. I got to see it somewhere like right in front of my face, which is why I use my bathroom mirror. I will also use the wall in front of my computer or the refrigerator places that I know that I'm going to bump into it for you. You may be fine doing it on your phone on a computer, but that system doesn't work for me.

 

(32:25):

And so that's the other thing. Kind of be flexible with this. Try things out, see what feels right for you, but tracking your progress, this is not negotiable. Get it out of your head because there is foundational research here. This is about streaks and progress and not breaking the chain of progress. And so in apps and social media apps, they've gamified this natural tendency in psychology. And so you can do the same. Create a system that's fun for tracking yourself. And remember what I said at the very beginning, Zoe, my cake eaters, my sugar cutter outers, my people who keep making promises that they don't know why they're doing it. Get clear about your why. And remember, if you're doing a grid and you have a day off, first of all, you'll know that it's a day off. Shake it off and try to get back on track tomorrow.

 

(33:25):

We don't really want to see two or three days off in a row, but if you're tracking your progress, this is the other magic of tracking it outside your mind. You see it and you're empowered to get back on track the next day. So you can check that box. Love it. And look, I think it's obvious, but also there's research that shows that the more often that you track your progress, the greater the likelihood that you're going to succeed. And the chances of your success are even more likely if you report your progress publicly or you physically record it. So this is what I'm talking about.

(34:45):

I'm going to say that again. Create a plan. We are not talking kindergarten habit here, people. We are talking college level, PhD habit, sticking systems. We're not screwing around. If you want to freestyle in your mind, you are not going to be successful. This is not jazz. We're not like just going off the rails. Here we are following the music score to the T. This comes from studies. Okay? I'm throwing the science at you because a lot of times when the stuff is common sense, yeah, I know I need to plan Mel. Yeah, well then why aren't you doing it? So let me tell you, the research at UT Austin, they found you're going to be more likely to succeed at behavior change if you make specific plans to implement it. Now, I don't mean to insult your intelligence because I think this is obvious, but when you unpack an example of this, it becomes very obvious why you're failing if you fail to plan.

 

(35:50):

So let's go back to 75 hard and my promise and commitment to complete two workouts every single day, one of which has to be outside. It is critical that I plan ahead critical because I travel for work. And so I'm looking at flights right now for a 16 day business trip at the end of January. And as I'm looking at flights, you know what I'm thinking? How the hell am I going to get an outside workout and an indoor workout in and I got to still fly from San Diego back to Boston? Or here's another way that I'm planning tomorrow in southern Vermont, we're going to have four inches of snow on the ground and when am I going to work out and what am I going to wear and do I need the grippy things on my feet because the driveway is like a luge run right now?

 

(36:47):

And what time of day am I going to, am I going to get this done before four o'clock, which is when winter comes and the death eaters are here and it's dark as hell. And based on my schedule, I got to plan this stuff because you know what? If I don't and I just start my day, here's what's going to happen. I am literally going to go, I'll do it later and then it'll be eight o'clock at night. I got to tell you a quick story about my husband, Chris, because this is when it occurred to me that I might be married to either a robot or to the world's most disciplined person on the planet. So Chris started 75 hard for the third time, well over a month ago. And so it was December 21st and we had woken up in New York because we go there every year during the holidays to see a show with the kids, just one of our traditions.

 

(37:46):

And Chris exercised at his first workout in the hotel gym in New York. We then drove to Connecticut. We had lunch with his brother, and then we drove up to Boston where we were going to stay with his oldest brother and we were going to go to a holiday party. Now as we're driving to Boston, the weather gets supremely crappy and we are driving in horizontal rain. You can barely see it is foggy as hell. And I'm looking at the time and I'm thinking, we are going to arrive 30 minutes after this big party has started this party with all of our old friends where we used to live in Boston. I was so excited to go to this party and I'm thinking in my mind, Chris hasn't gotten his outdoor workout yet.

 

(38:32):

Could he maybe just stick his head out the window and do some face exercise? It's like, could we do something? What are we going to? I want to go to the party. I'll tell you what, this is impressive. The man said, I have to get this done. I'm like, but it is raining horizontal outside. It is dark. You don't know the neighborhood we're going to. There are no street. He's like, I don't care. I'm doing it. He literally, we pulled outside, we decided to go to his oldest brother's house. He was getting this done. He said he would do this, but he was not going to let bad planning break a promise that he had made to himself. This is what integrity looks like. So we go not to the party, but we go to his brother's house and I sat inside because there was no way I was going to go to that party without him while I knew he was walking in the pouring horizontal rain. And he borrowed a pair of sweatpants from his brother, which were cotton by the way. We're not talking performance gear here and just this big old coat. And the man left and walked for 45 minutes at seven 30 at night in the horizontal 40 degree rain. And then he came in, toweled off, changed his clothes, and we drove to the party.

 

(39:55):

In 26 years of being married to Christopher Robbins, I have never been more attracted to the man than I was in that moment. There is nothing sexier than a person who keeps their word no matter what. And the way that you make it easier to keep your word is by planning ahead. Planning ahead is about looking at the week ahead. And if you're going to eat healthy, figure out what you're cooking for the week every night and then go to the grocery store. And if you're not going to be eating dairy or gluten like I am, this is new for me. I don't normally cook without dairy or gluten. And so this is requiring a lot of planning so that I don't just open up the fridge and hope that somehow this has magically happened that I'm going to be successful. And making a plan is a piece that's super obvious, but it's completely overlooked.

 

(40:52):

You're thinking about what you need to do. Again, you're any organizer, failing to plan is planning to fail. So let's go back to Zoe. Hi Zoe. Slice of cake. Four hours in. Don't make yourself wrong. You know what went wrong there? Either you really don't want to give up sugar or you just failed to plan. So if you're planning on cutting out sugar, what's your plan when you go to a party or a restaurant and cake is being served? This is what's called if then planning. And it's researched by Heidi Halverson who wrote about this in the Columbia University researcher. And if then planning is a way to keep yourself on task by creating a backup plan if your current plan doesn't work. And here's what's really cool about if then planning, if then planning boosts your ability to stick to goals. And they studied this with exercise from 39% success to 91% success.

 

(41:49):

If it rains, then I'll do this. If I miss my flight, then I'll do that. If I'm going to a party and I've committed to dry January, then I'm just going to bring a non-alcoholic beverage. If a friend invites me over for dinner, then I'm going to email or text 'em back and say, I'd love to, but I'm trying to cut out gluten and I don't want to be a pain in the ass and have you have to fuss about me.