What it Takes to Find & Keep True Love: The Best Advice No One Ever Told You

Mel Robbins (26:58):

I think this is a really important part because I do think that there's too much blaming of the apps. And not enough really thinking about, okay, well there's people all around me if I'm standing in a line, am I talking to people? I mean, as I mentioned, my husband met me by talking to me at a bar.

 

Logan Ury (27:16):

Yeah.

 

Mel Robbins (27:17):

And if you're not actually looking outside the apps, I don't actually think you're dating.

 

Logan Ury (27:22):

So one of my favorite people who I really admire is my friend, Sarah's husband, Sam Par. Whenever I talk to Sam about dating, he talks about what he did to make himself a more desirable partner. And he really had a strategy for it. So for example, he said, I think it's really attractive when people have passions. So I'm gonna work on developing a hobby that will be interesting to talk about. And he got really into denim. And when he was meeting up with girls, he would say, I'm going to this denim swap this weekend. Let me tell you about Japanese denim. And they,

 

Mel Robbins (27:51):

That's kind of cool.

 

Logan Ury (27:52):

Yeah, they would find it interesting. He, he really stood out. He was memorable, he was passionate. Then he said, I wanna become a better storyteller. So he did what standup comedians did. He would practice telling the stories, see what parts people found interesting, see what they found boring. And then on dates he would be able to be more compelling and tell better stories. And so I think we so often look out and say, who's out there for me? Nobody's good enough. I live in the worst city for dating. Well, what are you doing to make yourself a more attractive partner? What are you doing to show that you have a growth mindset? What places are you putting yourself in that would help you meet more people? And so of course it's a two-sided equation where both people have to show up. But what are the things within your control that can make you more attractive as a partner?

 

Mel Robbins (28:38):

Here's another question that I have. Yeah. Have situation ships always existed or is this a concept our generation has invented to avoid commitment?

 

Logan Ury (28:48):

I think about this a lot. How we constantly are reinventing terms for the same thing. Can we talk about this for a minute?

 

Mel Robbins (28:53):

I cannot track with the terminology. We're together, but we're not dating, we're dating, but we're not like this. We're exclusive, but we're not dating. Dating is this thing we're, we're like, I can't understand the terminology. And so what is a situationship and what do you think about all this?

Mel Robbins (29:22):

How is that not defined by your actions? This is the thing that I don't understand. Like don't your actions define the fact that you're in a relationship if you're having sex with somebody and you're hanging out with them.

 

Logan Ury (29:33):

I think this is part of a larger conversation about how when you apply language to something, it sort of solidifies and becomes more concrete. But people have been doing situation trips for a very long time. You know, I feel like I had plenty of situation chip in college, but we didn't call it that. Now it has a term and then now it's more stigmatized. But I think that if two people both agree that we are not exclusive or we do not have a future together, but we're having fun together, I don't think his situationship is necessarily bad. When it becomes harmful is when one person isn't expressing their needs or desires. I really do want something exclusive. It hurts me that you're going on dates with other people. I want to find a long-term partner. If that is the case for you, then have a conversation with the person and say, what are we, I'd be interested in deleting hinge. Would you? Then you have the data you need. If they're on the same page, congratulations. You delete your apps, you move forward. If they're not, at least you know, and I'm really all about know the data that empowers you so that you can make the right decision for yourself as opposed to what so many people do, which is I'm afraid of the answer. So I don't ask the question.

 

Mel Robbins (30:43):

Boom. Right there. You're not even asking, you're bitching about the fact that there's no commitment and you're not actually asking for it. You're hoping for it. And I think one of the huge mistakes that so many people make in relationships is they chase the potential of it. And you excuse away behavior that isn't acceptable, hoping that at some point, if I just hang out with you a little bit longer, if I insert myself into your life, at some point you're gonna notice and this is gonna become something bigger than it actually is.

Logan Ury (31:24):

I completely agree with everything you said, and I feel like a lot of people do need to embrace this because so many people date someone for their potential or they feel like I can coach them to the better job. I can help them overcome their social anxiety. I think if you would not want to be with someone for how they are now, then don't be with them because you cannot bet on their potential. And if you do, you might be disappointed or frustrated if it doesn't work out. And so people will show you who they are if you let them. But too often we wanna control everything. We want to play the mentor mentee relationship. We wanna say, oh, I think this person could change if this just happens. But instead be in the driver's seat of your life, but understand that you are not the driver of every other car on the road.

 

Mel Robbins (32:14):

Well, I don't think you're dating potentially. I think you're dating a project. And I also, it's not only that it won't work out, it's that it's not fair. Like imagine being in the other seat, imagine somebody choosing you and going, well, if I can get her to lose a little weight.

 

Logan Ury (32:32):

Yeah.

 

Mel Robbins (32:32):

Well, if I can get her to change her tone of voice, well if I can get her to just like the sports, then this is gonna out. I mean, would you wanna be in a relationship with someone?

 

Logan Ury (32:41):

No, not at all. And that would hurt me if I found that out in many aspects of life. If you set a goal and you do certain steps to to achieve it, that will happen. If you have a financial goal and you work on making more money and saving more money, if you wanna run a marathon and you follow a training plan, you can get there because those things are within your control. But dating is about you and another person choosing each other, and you cannot control somebody else's behavior.

 

Mel Robbins (33:10):

And the hardest thing about that is that sometimes they won't choose you all the time. And what do you see as kind of the top big behavior mistakes that people make when they date for the potential or when they are excusing away red flags based on your experience as a coach in this realm?

 

Logan Ury (33:31):

I think people don't take that step back and zoom out and really look at who they're dating. So when I work with dating coaching clients, we do a relationship audit and we really go through all the major relationships in their lives. We even start in middle school and we start with the stories. Were you popular and people were interested in you? Were you the only South Asian kid in a white school and nobody was attracted to you until you went to college? Were you a late bloomer? And really looking at your life as a series of experiences and how they impacted who you are now. And then you start to see the patterns. Wow, I'm not ready to date. So I always dated emotionally unavailable people, and then I blame them. But it was really me. Or I'm such an optimist that I choose people because I think that they could reach their potential. But what ends up happening is I'm frustrated because I'm dating them for their potential for the project and not for reality. And so taking that step back, do it alone, do it with the therapist, do it with the friend, and really say, what are the patterns? What's holding me back? And how can I make a different choice in the future?

 

Mel Robbins (34:34):

I think it's this deep fear of being the single friend. Like one of the things I wanna acknowledge that's not talked about a lot is the fact that the twenties is one of the hardest decades of your life because you've spent the first two decades moving through life with all your friends. And then what I call the great scattering happens, and everybody moves in different directions when you graduate from college and they're in different cities and different friend groups and have different jobs. And then people's trajectories and timelines start to change. And then you start to notice that people are either pulling ahead or so you think, or they're pairing off. And I am seeing this right now with my daughters, where friends who are living together are now moving in with significant others. And so you start to see relationship status and milestones against your own. And I think it creates this sense of panic. What do you wanna say? Or have someone who's listening that's feeling that like, I'm the single friend, I am the one that can't find someone. What is the good news? Or what do you wish you knew when you were in that place?

 

Logan Ury (35:41):

So I actually wanna take your question in a slightly different path. Great. Which is that this sounds so cheesy, but the thing that I would wanna say is hold onto your friendships because your friends are your life board of directors.

Mel Robbins (36:54):

Ghosting has become so common. How can someone navigate the emotional toll of ghosting and rejection in modern life and dating?

 

Logan Ury (37:05):

The interesting thing about ghosting that we found in our research at Hinge is that when you ask people, the majority of people, 40% say that the reason why they ghost is because they don't know how to explain to somebody why they're not interested in seeing them. Again. On the other hand, when you say to people, would you rather be ghosted or have somebody reject you? 85% of people say, reject me. It hurts in the moment, but I'd rather know. So one side of the population is saying, it's too hard to tell you why. And the other side is saying, no, please tell me why.

Mel Robbins (37:49):

Give it to us.

 

Logan Ury (37:50):

Hey, so and so. It was great meeting you, but I don't think we're a romantic match.

 

(37:57):

That's it. It's short and sweet. Do you need a, I wish you well. I hope you're the best. Like all that kind of thing. You can say that. You can say, I wish you the best of luck with your triathlon. I hope you get that job you interviewed for. You can add whatever you want. But what I wouldn't add is any feedback because you are not an expert on this person. You just met them and you don't owe them an explanation. What you do owe them is the kindness and the decision of, I'm not interested in seeing you again. And so often we let people just sit there in ambiguity wondering, well, I don't know if I should move on. 'cause maybe he's just away and maybe he'll text later if he can just let you know he's not interested. It actually gives you the clarity to move on and find someone else.

 

Mel Robbins (38:42):

For people in their twenties, many of them feel like, okay, I'm in this situation, chip, this is like casual, but I really wanna move this to something serious. But they don't know how to have the conversation. What is your advice?

 

Logan Ury (38:56):

Yeah, so a lot of people do avoid the what are we conversation? Because they either don't know how to do it or they're afraid of the answer that they're gonna get. So let's start at the beginning. I think first, check in with yourself about why you wanna have this conversation. For some people who are anxiously attached, they actually rush to this conversation because they just wanna lock somebody down. And so if you are somebody like that gut check with a friend, we've been dating for this long, this is what we've done together, just gut check that it's a good time to bring it up. Then you can bring it up more directly. Like, Hey, I'm really interested in you. I'd love to be exclusive. How are you feeling? Or if you need a little help, you know, you can say, we're gonna be meeting my coworkers later.

 

(39:35):

What should I call you? You can ease into it. Then. This is a really important part that people often miss. This is a conversation. This is not a negotiation. If the person gives you an answer that you don't like, it's not your job to convince them otherwise. Let them, you now have the information that you need to decide, okay, they wanna revisit this in six months. Do I wanna revisit this in six months? That's fine with me. I'll stay. Or they just got outta relationship. They're not looking for anything serious. Well, I am, so I'm going to end this situation, situationship or whatever. And so really understanding that this is an opportunity for two people to check in. Where are you? Where am I? What do we want? Are we heading in the same direction?

Mel Robbins (40:24):

I have a another question from a listener named Emily. Let's play that one next.

 

Emily (40:30):

Hi Mel and Logam, thanks so much for taking my question. My name's Emily and I'm 32. I'm having trouble trusting my instincts and getting comfortable with dating again. What are some ways or signs I guess that I could know that I'm ready? Will I ever be ready?

 

Mel Robbins (40:49):

Sounds like she's ready. Sounds like she's just scared.

 

Logan Ury (40:53):

She might be hesitator, which is part of my three dating tendencies. So there's a lot of people that have unrealistic expectations. The romanticize has unrealistic expectations about relationships. The maximizer has unrealistic expectations of their partner. And Theor has unrealistic expectations of themselves. So she might be waiting until she's a hundred percent ready to start dating, whereas she should start before she's ready so that she can get better at dating. What I would say to her is that I think she should take the post date eight after every date because that's an opportunity for her to check in with herself. Am I going on dates that make me feel comfortable? What side of myself are people bringing out? It sounds like she's a little disconnected maybe from her body or what she wants or what makes her happy. And the closer that she can get to understanding herself and what she wants, the sooner she'll find a relationship because people who don't know themselves can go on a hundred dates and then say, there's no good girls out there, there's no good guys out there. Well, statistically, you probably met someone who would've been great, but you didn't know what to look for because you don't even know yourself.

 

Mel Robbins (41:59):

Hmm. Talk to the person that is burnt out. They've been off the apps, they are complaining with their friends about how toxic everything is, but there is that yearning deep inside. Like I, I should probably put myself back out there. How do you do this?

 

Logan Ury (42:18):

When I work with clients who are burned out and not putting themselves out there, I do tell them, you can take a break from dating. Sometimes people date in a way that's not sustainable. And I did this myself. I remember when I was on the apps and I was dating, I went once, went on eight and a half dates in one week. And it was so crazy. I was going on the date saying, did I already tell you this? Did did I tell you the story already? I couldn't keep track of who I was talking to. It wasn't fun and I got burned out. It wasn't sustainable. It's so much better for people to date. Slowly date one person at a time. If you're an introvert, give yourself time to recover. And then you don't have to go through this cycle of downloading hinge, getting burned out on hinge, deleting hinge, taking a break, then re downloading it.

 

(43:04):

That download, delete, repeat cycle doesn't feel good for people. I'd some, what should you instead? I think you should slow down and really look at yourself and say, I'm an introvert. I can't go on more than one day a week without feeling burned out, or I'm really passionate about my hobbies. I need to keep time for that. And so I think people should be going on a minimum number of dates to get themselves out there, but do it in a way where it feels like something you can sustain over time. Instead of going 60 miles an hour burning out and then needing to take a break. Other things that people can do to avoid burnout are also being more proactive. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but the research we found at Hinge shows that some of the women that feel the most burned out are the women that get the most attention, feel overwhelmed by choice, and they're actually being more passive. They're only looking at the people who come to them instead, if they take a different approach and go after what they want, that feeling of being in the driver's seat is negatively correlated with feeling burned out. In other words, the more that you go after what you want, the less burned out you feel.

 

Mel Robbins (44:06):

This question from Shay, I live in New York City and it feels impossible to date here for a laundry list of reasons. 90% of my friends and the people I know are all single no matter what age they are. Is this just a New York problem or is this across the globe?

 

Logan Ury (44:19):

Different states, different cities have different ages at which people marry. I'm sure we all know people from the south who got married earlier. I think it does differ based on region. But overall, many people tell me, I live in the worst city for dating. And I think that when people have that attitude, it can be very self-fulfilling.

 

Mel Robbins (44:40):

Julia, 25, statistically speaking, are people in their twenties living in a city more likely to meet someone online or in person? I do think that there's this kind of angst about where I live and am I in the right place? Am I meeting them online, in person? What are you seeing in the data?

 

Logan Ury (44:55):

Yeah, I mean, even if we just take a step back and look at the questions that you're getting. A lot of them are, am I living in the wrong city and can I only meet someone on a dating app? So what I would tell her is that since 2017, the number one way that couples meet is online. And that's research from Michael j Rosenfeld. So going back to the 1950s, people mostly met through friends and families. Starting in the nineties when more women were in the workplace, people were meeting through friends and family. And also at work, starting in 2010, 20% of people met online and it's now close to 60%. So statistically you are more likely to meet someone online. However, I wanna push people away from this binary of online versus offline. Why can't you just have an identity? I'm a dater. I'm open to connection. Do you know a great event? I'll come with you. Do you have a cute brother? I'd like to meet him. Oh, I also have a dating app where I meet people who I wouldn't have met otherwise. And I think this holistic portfolio of dating is so much healthier than feeling like I can only choose one.

 

Mel Robbins (45:58):

Thomas 26. I would love to hear your thoughts on the ick. What does the ick really mean?

 

Logan Ury (46:05):

Thomas, I'm so glad you asked this because I love talking about the ick For people who don't know what the ick is. My friend Jared, free, who's a comedian, really nails this. He talks about it in his Netflix special 37 and single. So he tells a story of a girl who's on a date with a guy, she's really into him. They hit it off. She wants to go home and sleep with him. And then he goes to pay the bill and you hear, and it's the sound of a Velcro wallet being pulled open. And suddenly she gets the ick and she says, I can't see this person anymore. And when Jared does comedy, he asks people in the audience for ick. So one is, I was on a date with a guy and I imagined him running to catch a bus that he was late for, not even didn't even happen in real life.

 

(46:49):

And she got the ick. And I hear this all the time from people, you know, he wore socks with sandals. He thinks that Nickelback is a good band. And I have such a big problem with the ick because I think that people use it as a way to push away connection. And I think it has to do with something on the inside where you don't feel ready for a relationship. You're scared, you wanna reject someone before they reject you. But we all know that somebody can get a new wallet that, somebody liking. Nickelback has no impact on your long-term relationship success. But when you focus on the iic, you really make it impossible to connect with anyone. And it's a way to stay single, but blame someone else.

 

Mel Robbins (47:29):

You know, there's a lot of questions that we got about the average of how many people are men and women talking to at the same time.

 

Logan Ury (47:36):

I don't have exact data on that, but what Hinge is doing right now with your turn limits is really trying to lower that. So we have research that people think that when you talk to five or fewer people at the same time, you're more likely to get to a date with them and you're more likely to get into a relationship.

Mel Robbins (48:30):

And tell me the mistake she was making.

 

Logan Ury (48:31):

She had so many matches that she wasn't responding to. And I was like, you went through the effort of indicating interest in this person and matching with them. You didn't even get to the third back and forth in your conversation. And then you're saying, where's my husband? He very well could be in your matches, but you're just getting more and more people instead of actually looking at each one and saying, do I wanna go on a date with you? Great, let's set that up. Do I not wanna ever see you? Great. I'll close out the conversation. And so I think that people don't understand the necessary steps of looking at one person at a time and saying, do I move forward or not?

 

Mel Robbins (49:06):

And making the decision to close. Yeah, because what you close also informs the algorithm of who's you're, who you're shown next. I love this question. Are we overthinking initial communication with a new person by playing games?

 

Logan Ury (49:19):

I'm really glad that this person asked this question because I've actually done a lot of research on this with Gen Z. So Gen Z are digital natives. They have something called digital body language. We all have this, but this is the unspoken messages that we send through our communication online. So for example, body language, when I sit back in my seat and I cross my arms, that gives you a different impression than when I'm leaning forward. Very interested in what you're saying.

 

Mel Robbins (49:44):

Yes.

 

Logan Ury (49:45):

We do the same thing online. So if you use periods or not, if you ask questions or you don't ask questions, how long it takes you to respond to a message. And what I saw is that a lot of different generations tune into digital body language, but Gen Z is very focused on it. And so they play these games of, I saw exactly how many hours it took for her to respond. So I'm gonna wait that plus an hour to respond. Nobody wins When you play games, the way to win is to find someone that you like, invest in the relationship, get off the app, get into relationship, and you never have to date again. But when you're sitting there playing games and over analyzing response times, I feel like you're missing the forest for the trees.

 

Mel Robbins (50:26):

So is the advice, just be yourself and if you wanna communicate? Communicate.

 

Logan Ury (50:30):

I think just be yourself can be hard for people to follow. 'cause I, I do hear from a lot of people where they're like, just be myself. But the most positive version of myself just be myself. But the self that everyone likes, that's fair.

 

Mel Robbins (50:41):

But I don't know what the hell to say to my kids because when I look at them obsessing over this kind of thing, yeah, I'm just se send the damn text. Like what the hell's wrong with you? But you just made me realize, oh wait, like I don't even think about digital body language.

 

Logan Ury (50:55):

So what I would say is that if you opt into the game, then you're both gonna play the game of waiting for a long time. But when people really like each other, they stop thinking about response times and they just get excited about the conversation. So my best friend Lana, I text with her all day every day. I'm not thinking about the response time 'cause I'm engaged in the conversation. Have a more engaging conversation, get excited about the person that you're meeting and get off the app and get off text and get onto a date. People spend way too long texting people spend.

 

Mel Robbins (51:25):

Well that's the thing. The thing about texting is it's easy.

 

Logan Ury (51:27):

Yes.

 

Mel Robbins (51:27):

If they wanted to see you, they'd be making plans. A lot of people in this age group mistake texting for somebody being interested. And I think you should look at texting as somebody being bored. And if they're not actually moving it into real life, they're not interested in you. Full stop.

 

Logan Ury (51:42):

I think that this is another place where people get confused by the technology. Texting is a tool that helps you connect with somebody, but it shouldn't be the whole relationship. So at Hinge we found that the sweet spot is after three days of texting, get to a date. Might be a phone call, might be a video date, might be meeting at a bar. But when you're like, oh, I need to get to know them more and ask 'em about their dreams, it's like, what do you think a first date is for? So I think people spend way too much time talking in advance, then they create a fantasy of somebody in their head. They show up to the date the person doesn't meet their fantasy because they made it up and then they're disappointed. The way to avoid that is to meet them phone date, video date in person, sooner than you think.

 

Mel Robbins (52:23):

I also love the emphasis on the whole point is to connect somewhere, whether it's in real life or it's on the app, it's all dating. And then get off the app as fast as you can to actually be with the person. I love the three day rule. I think it's a huge mistake to just text, text, text. I love the fact that you're calling people out that the longer you are just going back and forth. Mm-hmm <affirmative>. 'cause it's easy and convenient and it's fun to have somebody pay attention to you. The bigger the fantasy is in your head and the faster you're gonna get to reality is by getting in front of the person. And I also love that you're telling everybody close out the conversations you're not interested in.

 

Logan Ury (53:01):

Yeah. Move on.

 

Mel Robbins (53:02):

 Like treat people how you'd wanna be treated. And I love that you're also telling everybody, don't play the game because you're only inviting other people that wanna play a game.

 

Logan Ury (53:11):

A hundred percent. And guess what happens when you play a game? You're six months into the relationship, you take off the metaphorical mask, you show who you really are and maybe they don't like you because you are pretending to be a cool girl who doesn't care. Well guess what? You don't like football? You like watching men play poker. Be yourself. Find someone who's interested in who you are. And that is gonna save both of you so much time.

 

Mel Robbins (53:32):

So another question, Lexi, can you give us three proven tools to be more confident approaching people we wanna talk to out in public or at bars?

 

Logan Ury (53:41):

Okay, so a lot of people ask me, how can I meet more people out and about? And I recommend that they go to events. But what do you actually do at an event to make it easier to meet someone? And so here are a few tools that can help. So one is get into a line. It's very easy when you're in a line to talk about how long have you been waiting in this line? Um, oh, can I cut in front of you? Oh, what are you here at this event? It just suddenly you're part of the same team. You're on team line and you're stuck next to each other. You're stuck next to each other. Captive audience. Another thing you can do is just get into the flow of traffic. So let's say you're at a museum and people have to check in. If you're in a place with the flow of traffic, it's easier to just talk to someone.

 

(54:17):

'cause you don't have to physically approach them. Another thing is to ask for a recommendation. So at a bar, at a restaurant say, Hey, have you been here before? What do you recommend? You don't need a fancy opening line. You just need that bridge to connection. And the last one is peacock. Wear a loud sweater, wear an interesting hat. Make it easy for somebody to approach you. We so often want to connect with people, but we don't know what to say. People never approached me more than when I had a boot on my foot 'cause I broke it and when I was pregnant because they want to talk to you. But now they have an automatic in because they know what to talk to about, make it easy for people to connect with you by wearing something that's a conversation starter.

 

Mel Robbins (55:00):

How do you coach your clients? If you're at a bar and people are usually with groups and you see somebody and they're with a group and you're very drawn to them and maybe you make eye contact with them. Is there a particular strategy for approaching when somebody is actually with a group of other people?

 

Logan Ury (55:18):

This is cheesy and it might be stolen from the pickup artist community, which I don't necessarily condone. But you can walk up to them and say, Hey, can you guys settle a bet for me? Oh, engage with the group. You don't have to just go after the one person who you're interested in because they're probably having fun with their friends. But can you now become part of the conversation? Can you get to know the different people in the group? And by approaching the group confidently and just having an opening line, you can see if they're open to connecting, maybe their high school friends meeting up and they actually don't wanna be approached, that's fine. But approach the group. Try to create a conversation everyone can participate in and then read social cues.

 

Mel Robbins (55:55):

And if they're not interested, let them. Oh my gosh, Logan, Ury, I can already hear people going, share, share, share, share, share. My son, my daughter, the person I care about. They need to hear this. Thank you, thank you, thank you. What are your parting words?

 

Logan Ury (56:11):

My parting words are for that person listening who is feeling frustrated about dating. They're giving up on the dating pool. They're giving up on themselves. There is someone out there for you. There are probably multiple people out there for you, but you need to do everything that you can to make that possibility a reality. Get into the driver's seat of your life. Figure out who you are, figure out what you want. Figure out how to get there. It's not about controlling other people. You cannot be in everyone's driver's seat. It's about focusing on the things you can control. And for things you can't. Let's say it together. Let them.

 

Mel Robbins (56:50):

Logan, thank you, thank you, thank you for flying across country for sharing so many specific takeaways that anyone listening can use, that they can share with people that they care about. I am so excited by everything that you just shared. Thank you, Logan.

 

Logan Ury (57:07):

Yeah, it was a pleasure.

 

Mel Robbins (57:09):

And for you. Now you have simple things that you can do to shift how you're showing up. And they only work if you do 'em. And I want you to remind yourself that you get to choose who deserves to be in your life. You get to choose the kind of love that you want. And I promise you, you follow everything that you just heard today. You stay positive. You keep putting yourself out there and you will absolutely find somebody that is worthy of you. Alrighty. In case nobody else tells you, I wanted to tell you that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life and being willing to put yourself out there and to stay strong and stand for the love that you deserve. That's gonna be a huge part of it. I'm gonna see you in the very next episode, and thank you for watching all the way to the end here on YouTube.

 

(57:58):

I love that. I love that. And thank you, by the way, for hitting subscribe. If it's lit up, it means you're not subscribed. Just take a second, hit that it's free. It's a way that you can say, Hey, thanks Mel. Thanks for showing up here and doing your best to support me and creating a better life. And that way, by the way, if you're a subscriber, you're not gonna miss a thing. So you're probably thinking, Mel, what should I watch next? Oh, you're gonna love this one and I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play.