Episode: 383

6 Words to Tell Yourself Every Morning

with Erin Walsh

One question. Six words. Your whole day changes.

If you’ve ever stood in front of your closet thinking:

“I have nothing to wear.”

“Nothing fits right.”

“I don’t feel good in my body.”

“Whatever… I’ll just wear the same thing again.”

This conversation will change that.

Erin Walsh is a celebrity stylist and she will teach you the simple trick to use what you already own as tools to help you become the version of yourself you’re ready to step into and look good.

It’s so easy, you can start tomorrow morning.

You have to get dressed every day, so why not get intentional about it?

Listen on:

You have to get dressed anyway, so why not dress as your most supernova self… and not be afraid to be that person? What are you waiting for?

Erin Walsh

All Clips

Transcript

Mel Robbins (00:00:00):

This is going to be one of the most eye-opening and transformative conversations you've ever heard on this podcast. Erin, what's the one question you want people to ask themselves before they even open the door to the closet in the morning?

Erin Walsh (00:00:16):

How do I want to feel?

Mel Robbins (00:00:18):

How do I want to feel?

Erin Walsh (00:00:19):

Six words. We all have to get dressed in the morning the same way we have to brush our teeth. So aren't you going to want to walk as your most supernova self and not be afraid to be that person? What are you waiting for?

Mel Robbins (00:00:31):

Erin Walsh is one of the most sought after celebrity stylists on the planet. She has styled some of the biggest names in Hollywood for red carpets, magazine covers, press tours, and defining career moments. She believes getting dressed. It's not about trends. It's about who you are. It's about your identity and who you want to become. She is the bestselling author of the new book, The Art of Intentional Dressing. And you're going to hear three women on our team who are part of this episode admit deeply personal things about how they feel and how they felt and how much they've changed since just trying this different way of getting dressed. This is about using what you have in your closet. To help you feel confident, energized, more powerful, protected, it's a mindset shift. It is simple. You can do it immediately and you will feel the impact every single day for the rest of your life.

(00:01:32):

My team showed me something. 58% of you that watch here on YouTube are not subscribers. My goal is that we get that number to 50%. If you are loving the videos that we are putting up here, bringing you world-renowned experts, this one today is going to blow your mind with Aaron Walsh. Just hit subscribe. If that's lit up, the subscribe button, you're not a subscriber. First of all, it's free. Second, it's the best way you can say, "Hey, thanks, Mel. Hey, thanks Mel's team for showing up and supporting me and creating a better life. Thank you in advance for hitting subscribe. It means a lot to me and I appreciate your support. Now, get ready." This conversation with Erin Walsh, it's going to blow your mind. Let's get into it. Aaron Walsh, welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.

Erin Walsh (00:02:16):

I have no words. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you.

Mel Robbins (00:02:19):

Well, I'm thrilled that you came to Snowy Vermont. I love it. It's the first episode that we have taped here in the barn.

Erin Walsh (00:02:25):

Fireside chat.

Mel Robbins (00:02:26):

Fireside chat is right.

Erin Walsh (00:02:28):

Sexy unplugged.

Mel Robbins (00:02:31):

Well, you're going to help us be sexy if that's what we want to feel. We're going to try. I want to start by asking you,

Mel Robbins (00:02:38):

How is my life going to be different? If I take everything to heart that you're about to teach us today about using clothing as a way to embody the feeling that we want, the person we want to become. How's my life going to change?

Erin Walsh (00:02:54):

Number one, I think your life will change when you start to see what you wear as a means to embody your best self every single day. When you start to believe and embody the idea that you matter and that how you enter a room and how you live energetically all day long will not only serve the story of who you are and why you're here, but it will impact everybody. The possibility itself is limitless.

Mel Robbins (00:03:22):

You think that's possible based on changing how we get dressed in the morning?

Erin Walsh (00:03:26):

I think you become the change that you see as possible in yourself. You learn to wear the change you want to see in the world. And the whole thing with embodiment, people, they look at clothes as a luxury and it's not. Fashion is not something that's frivolous. So why would you not get intentional about it? Because it's a means to arm yourself to tell the story that you want to tell to the world of who you are every day. And how you spend your days is how you're remembered. And it's like the legacy you leave behind.

Mel Robbins (00:03:52):

When you say fashion, what do you mean? Because when I look at my closet, I see clothing.

Erin Walsh (00:03:56):

I think-

Mel Robbins (00:03:57):

I don't think fashion because I'm like, "Oh, well, that's red carpet." Totally. That's fancy stuff. That's not something I'd wear to work. What do you mean when you say fashion?

Erin Walsh (00:04:04):

I mean fashion-like tools. I may be a celebrity stylist or a fashion stylist, but I've never seen it that way. I see myself as a fashion therapist. I love clothes. I always have since I was a little kid, but fashion is the incidental part. The clothes are the choices. The clothes are the tools and how you put them together and the texture and the color and the silhouette and the proportion and ultimately how each piece makes you feel is the story. What you wear is the story. Fashion is like the icing on the cake. That's the next level part, the style. But I don't think the point is style. I think it's about learning to use fashion or what you wear as a tool to embody your best self that's possible to you.

Mel Robbins (00:04:45):

So when you say fashion therapist, what are you teaching women to learn about themselves based on the decisions they're making when they open their closet in the morning and they decide what they're going to wear?

Erin Walsh (00:04:59):

Number one, I want women to stop. I want them to take a pause and get clear on who they want to be and what their potential is. And I think the therapy is you can't do that without having compassion for yourself because you don't get to decide how you feel when you wake up in the morning. And most days, we may feel anxious or tired or bloated or jet-lagged or confused or not our best self. So how can you have compassion for yourself and take a pause to get clarity, to return back to who's that person I want to be and how do I want to feel?That's where the compassion comes in. And that's like self-thrapy, that's self-care ultimately. It's a pause that those moments and those rituals, if you choose to bring them into your life every single day, they will change your life.

Mel Robbins (00:05:44):

Even just taking a pause is a radical idea because I'll just say before meeting you, I would throw open the door to my closet and I don't pause. I throw open the door and I think the first thing I think is, "Okay, what am I going to wear?" Maybe I think about my day and then I go through the process that I think a lot of us do of looking through a lot of things that probably don't fit me. And I feel discouraged and overwhelmed because unlike you, I was not into style and fashion. I was like a granimal's kid, match the clothes, just buy them at sears. Totally, totally. And so it feels overwhelming. So I think even just that first piece as you're listening or watching on YouTube, I want to make sure you know there's a pause that you need to take because I don't think most of us do.

Erin Walsh (00:06:34):

I think the reason why most women, they go to the closet and they're like, "What the F do I wear?" And it's the starts the spiral of you feel bad about yourself, you start to feel like you're not enough either for the outside world or even for your own closet and you don't feel connected to your body. So all of that is going into action before taking a pause, getting clear, taking a moment. How do I want to feel? Who do I want to be? How do I embody that person? What tools do I need at my disposal? I believe so much in this intersection of style and spirituality and style and wellness, and people think they're mutually exclusive. I'm not trying to prescribe any kind of spirituality or something too woo-woo for people, but the idea that your insides connect to your outside is so fundamental and so foundational, and that is so wildly transformative and empowering.

Mel Robbins (00:07:23):

What are the layers of why this is so emotional?

Erin Walsh (00:07:27):

Oh, there's so many. I think-

Mel Robbins (00:07:30):

Let's have them all because I think we all feel it. I look at all the money I've wasted on things I've never ... I look at all the things I just can't get rid of. I look at the things that I bought for the person I wanted to be that never ... There's so much wreckage in my closet.

Erin Walsh (00:07:49):

Totally. Well, the thing is, it's such a vulnerable place. It's such a minefield, and there's so many metaphors to it. I always think of someone's closet like their insides, like their soul. And most people's closet, it's not who they are, who they want to be. It's all these people that they used to be. And that's why it's such a mindfield for feeling not like your best self, because you see these genes that used to fit when you were hot in your 20s, or you had a baby and your body, you don't relate to it anymore.

(00:08:14):

And as most women I know, it's not just the postpartum or the perimenopausal or even aging in general. Our bodies change all the time. So it's not like there's ever ... You need options. There's not something that's always going to work for you. And that's where the compassion piece comes in. Like it or not, we tell the story of who we are every day, by how you are, by every single choice you make, by how you talk to people, by how you enter a room, by your energy, by how you choose whether or not to embody your best self. It's about knowing every single piece that is a part of your life, getting intentional with it and understanding why it resonates with you and how it can help be transformative and console you. So if you start by being intentional, you live more intentionally and you feel better, and that's the game changer.

Mel Robbins (00:09:00):

I'm thinking about getting dressed in the exact opposite way.

Erin Walsh (00:09:06):

Tomorrow you're not.

Mel Robbins (00:09:07):

No, but I feel like there's an opportunity to lean in because there is so much about life that we do on autopilot and that we just kind of phone it in on. And common sense tells you, and as you're listening or watching, you've had this experience where you intentionally choose to wear something different and you feel different.

Erin Walsh (00:09:34):

You feel different. You're received differently. You move differently. You remember the day differently, and that changes what's possible for the next day. What I have found in doing this, the whole idea of dressing intentionally or thinking intentionally about your clothes, you start there, it starts to affect every single area of your life and how you think about everything from a conversation you're having with a friend to how you approach a meeting to how you talk to your kids.

Mel Robbins (00:09:59):

So you've styled all these mega celebrities and you also though talk about your aunts in the Midwest. Oh

Erin Walsh (00:10:06):

My God, I love that.

Mel Robbins (00:10:07):

What is the through line and the truth about getting intentional that connects the dots from these mega celebrities all the way to your aunts in the Midwest to each and every one of us that is listening to you right now?

Erin Walsh (00:10:19):

So when I wanted to make a book, it wasn't because I worked with famous people. It was because most women I ever met had this relationship with getting dressed that it made them feel bad about themselves. And I kept thinking, I'm like, well, that doesn't make sense. I know what you wear can be transforming, empowering and life changing. It changes how you're seen, how you're remembered. But what can I do? How do I shift that so that I can offer that to everybody? Because the bigger purpose to me isn't that the superstars we look up to exist. No, they're there, but they remind us of the possibility that we can see within ourselves.

Mel Robbins (00:11:01):

Well, what I got from what you just said is, and if I think about the context of you quote, styling a celebrity and the high fashion involved, a lot of us that have been looking at these images in magazines or looking at it in TV or online, we don't think about the fact that that is an example of somebody getting dressed intentionally for a very specific job versus how we all throw on sweats and go through our day-to-day life and the same stuff that we wear all the time and the idea of thinking intentionally about what you want to wear. And you said this earlier and how that presents a certain version of you.

Erin Walsh (00:11:45):

It does. People don't know what to buy. They think that buying is the solution and the solution, again, it starts with yourself. I think it's like, well, I don't know anything about fashion. That's the luxury part. It's not for me. And they remove themselves from the game. But no, whether or not you like it, you're in the game. So you

Mel Robbins (00:12:01):

Have to start- What do you mean

Erin Walsh (00:12:02):

You're in the game? You have to get dressed. Of being alive and being in the world. So aren't you going to want to walk as your most super nova self and not be afraid to be that person? What are you waiting for? Is this something you talk about all the time? This is it. It's not a dress rehearsal, but you got to learn how to play the part, not just play it, but embody the part so you feel it of the person you want to be.

Mel Robbins (00:12:23):

Aaron, what's the one question you want people to ask themselves before they even open the door to the closet in the morning?

Erin Walsh (00:12:33):

How do I want to feel?

Mel Robbins (00:12:35):

How do I want to feel?

Erin Walsh (00:12:36):

Six words.

Mel Robbins (00:12:37):

Six words that we're going to ask ourselves every morning, you're about to open the closet, you're going to stop for a second and go, okay, how do I want to feel?

Erin Walsh (00:12:45):

How do I want to feel? That's your compass. That's where you start.

Mel Robbins (00:12:49):

I'm pausing because I don't think anybody ever does that. I think we go, "What should I wear?"

Erin Walsh (00:12:58):

They

Mel Robbins (00:12:58):

Jump. "What fits?"

Erin Walsh (00:13:00):

And then that starts this spiral of dysfunction.

Mel Robbins (00:13:03):

Why do these six words, how do I want to feel? Why does this fundamentally transform the way you look at clothing and how clothing is a tool to help you create the life that you want?

Erin Walsh (00:13:19):

When you start from that point of view, number one, that first honors who you are. A lot of people jump to the doing or to the honoring how everybody else needs me to feel, or how do I want to be seen, which is a different thing. If you start from a place of how I want to feel, that honors you and it's like a message of you not just offering compassion to yourself or a lens of love, but it's deciding that you matter first and by you embodying your best self, you can better walk in the world.

Mel Robbins (00:13:53):

Well, what's interesting, and I'm just kind of getting this right now, is that when I ask myself, "What the heck am I going to wear?" And half the things in my closet don't fit or I don't like them or they feel like an old version of me, I'm already making a decision to dress based on what I think is going to look okay to the world versus stopping to ask myself this intentional question, how do I want to feel?

Erin Walsh (00:14:20):

And when you dress from a place of wondering if it's good enough for the world, you've already decided that you're not good enough for the world by you asking yourself, "How do I want to feel?" You're deciding that what you think and what you feel matters, and that's the lens to operate with the rest of the world. It's shifting it from a place of not good enough to ownership.

Mel Robbins (00:14:42):

That how you feel and your energy matters. I don't even consider it. Well, I consider how negative I feel.

Erin Walsh (00:14:48):

Totally. And that matters because you need to see that person to embody that person. They go together. It's not like you leave her on the bed and then you go be your best self all day. They go together. You need to honor that person. And what I want to do is shift how women see their possibilities and their potential and what they see from themselves. And that's why I see the closet as a portal, the possibility.

Mel Robbins (00:15:09):

There's a couple things that Erin has already said that I'm just going to highlight because I do not want to have you step over it. And the first step to the art of intentional dressing is unlike how we currently open the closet and then just move right in and do black, just like, "Okay, what am I going to wear today?" And you're already going in the wrong direction. We're just going to take a pause and then you're going to second step, ask yourself those six words, "How do I want to feel?" And that right there shifts everything because now what you're looking at in terms of the clothes is you're looking, you said your closet can become a portal of possibility. You are looking at your clothes as a tool to help you achieve that goal of how you want to feel. And what's really cool about this method and these six words is every single day is different.

(00:16:09):

Give us some examples of the breadth of how you might answer that question. How do I want to feel? So

Erin Walsh (00:16:16):

Yeah, absolutely. I think in general, three words are helpful. Okay,

Mel Robbins (00:16:20):

So three words.

Erin Walsh (00:16:21):

I like to operate from that POV. And I think the more and more you ask yourself this, you'll start seeing patterns that for me, I always want to feel effortless, easy, and elegant. You

Mel Robbins (00:16:30):

Use the same three words every day?

Erin Walsh (00:16:32):

Not every day. Okay,

Mel Robbins (00:16:34):

Because I think I would change it every day.

Erin Walsh (00:16:35):

Because there are some days, especially in New York City where I need to feel like a boss and I need some big empowered energy and bold energy.

Mel Robbins (00:16:45):

Well, let's just stop right there and hover on those words. Because if you put into your mind, imagine walking into your closet and saying, "I want to feel bold, empowered, and like a boss." What you would grab to put on your body is very different

Erin Walsh (00:16:58):

Than

Mel Robbins (00:16:58):

A day where you say, "I want to feel serene and peaceful and at

Erin Walsh (00:17:02):

Ease." Yeah, totally. So I think what the cool thing about unpacking all this and everything is a feeling, I want women to get super intuitive with themselves and how the fabric, how the shape, how everything of each piece in their closet resonates with them. So if I want to feel empowered and bold, it's not just about say a bright color. I might want a bold silhouette or really bold shoulder jacket or suiting, et cetera, structured pieces.

Mel Robbins (00:17:28):

Can you just put us at a typical Tuesday, it's 6:30, my energy is at the floor and I say, "How do I want to feel?" But I feel like I don't like anything in my closet and how does it work in real life in that moment?

Erin Walsh (00:17:54):

So first of all, I still am there all the time. So it's not like I make this method and I'm the one who's fixed. I have children crawling all over my head at night. I'm not getting a decent night's sleep. There's a lot of balls in there. And they're all under the age of 10,

Mel Robbins (00:18:11):

Three of them.

Erin Walsh (00:18:12):

They're delicious angels, but they don't let me sleep and that's okay. That's part of this process.

Mel Robbins (00:18:16):

So Erin's waking up exhausted just like you and me. I'm

Erin Walsh (00:18:19):

Waking up exhausted. My body's not perfect. I have had three kids. There's a lot going on that I don't necessarily need to unpack right now.

Mel Robbins (00:18:28):

Well, you hide it well in the clothing that you're wearing. Well,

Erin Walsh (00:18:30):

Thanks, Mo. What I love as an exercise is you need to know at least three pieces in your closet that you feel great about. For me, I need to have an excellent pair of jeans because if I'm into feeling effortless, easy, and elegant, they need to fit well. I love to have, and I'm wearing these things today. I love a great white shirt, not because it has to be white, but because the crispness of it, the structure, it makes me feel

(00:19:00):

A little bit strong, but also a little bit elegant. And I like those dichotomies. And then you hear a lot of talk about the perfect black blazer, and it's not because everybody needs a black blazer, it's because of what it does for you, like a little structure, a little bit of protection, black is a protective color. Again, I'm not going to tell each woman, "You need these three pieces in your closet. You need to go through this journey in your closet and pick out the things that make you feel great." And then look at your life. Is it that you tend to need to feel easy, empowered and elegant, or are you in a chapter of your life where you need to feel more supported, held and strong? Maybe you're not in a chapter where you're wanting all eyes on you, but you just want to feel put together and that's okay.

(00:19:39):

But I would find the other pieces of armor that bring you back to yourself. And that's where the compassion piece comes in because with our bodies changing and our lives changing, we're not meant to be the same people all the time. That's why it's important to get clear how each piece makes you feel.

Mel Robbins (00:19:53):

The second that you said, "Just start with three pieces." And you went jeans, white shirt, blazer. And when you explained it though, metaphorically, you feel comfortable in your own skin in the right pair of jeans, crisp white shirt or t-shirt or borrow one from your partner that makes you feel classic and makes you feel refined, but also something beautiful. But then when you said the black blazer is protection,

Erin Walsh (00:20:18):

Mel Robbins (00:20:19):

Felt that.

Erin Walsh (00:20:19):

Yeah.

Mel Robbins (00:20:20):

You know

Erin Walsh (00:20:20):

That deeply. I

Mel Robbins (00:20:21):

Knew I wanted to talk to you on the podcast because the second I learned this art of intentional dressing from you and beginning the day by asking myself, how do I want to feel? I see my closet completely differently. I saw things inside my closet that I never reached for that helped me feel the moment I got dressed the way I wanted to feel. And I'll give you a simple example. So last week we were in Boston and we were doing a big production week. We were taping nine episodes in four days.

Erin Walsh (00:20:58):

Wow.

Mel Robbins (00:20:59):

And I also happened to get this kind of seasonal sinus thing. You can kind of hear it in my voice right now. I was so tired. I felt so ugly and puffy and yucky. And I knew your method and I said, "All right, Mel, you feel like shit, but how do you want to feel?"

Erin Walsh (00:21:18):

How do you want to feel and how do you need to feel? Because you're Mel Robbins, "You need to lead this team through nine episodes in four days. How are you going

Mel Robbins (00:21:25):

To be that person?" And I can't afford to get sick right now.

Erin Walsh (00:21:27):

Yeah. You're not going to do it.

Mel Robbins (00:21:28):

I'm not going to do it. And so I said, "I need to feel invincible. I need to feel unstoppable and I need to feel confident." I

Erin Walsh (00:21:37):

Love these words. That is like a fire trio.

Mel Robbins (00:21:40):

Correct. So I could put on- Fire horse

Erin Walsh (00:21:43):

Energy.

Mel Robbins (00:21:44):

Yeah, I could put on my same uniform. I have worn the same black shirt for 10 years. I've worn the same black pants style for almost 10 years, but then I pulled out these boots that you had me wear for one of the events at the Golden Globe. And I always joke I'm trying to wear them as much as possible to get the purpose to wear down. But when I pulled on the boots, and I'm wearing them right now, they go up to the knee. They're crazy amazing. I was like, all right now I am invincible in these boots. It's like Wonder Twins Power Activate. And I powered through those days and I kid you not, it was the intentional nature of I have something I need to do. Now, when I got home Friday, that next morning I woke up and I felt horrible.

(00:22:36):

And I said, "How do I want to feel today?" And I said, "Safe. I want to feel protected and I just want to feel soft."

Erin Walsh (00:22:45):

Yeah, that's a shift.

Mel Robbins (00:22:47):

And I grabbed the coziest pair of sweatpants. They're hideous, they're old, they're amazing, and just this flannel- And that's where it matters. And I slept for three days straight, but laying on the couch in those clothes, I gave myself intentional permission to just ease in. And I know it sounds kind of weird, but I kid you not. When you go tomorrow morning and you use this and you pause and you say, "How do I want to feel?" Something crazy shifts inside you.

Erin Walsh (00:23:26):

It's like Jedi shit.

Mel Robbins (00:23:28):

Yes. It's wild how this works. I'm now going to go a layer deeper when I see somebody that looks really pulled together, I see a woman that really takes care of herself. And if I want to feel more pulled together, if I want to feel like I respect myself, if I want to feel worthy, I should put on clothing that makes me feel like I've done that for myself.

Erin Walsh (00:23:55):

Totally. And that's the action part of it. You talk about actions and the small steps you can take and the habits you make in your life all the time, that's a habit. You choose to honor yourself, you choose to get intentional, that's changing your life bit by bit. You got to get intentional about every single thing, whether it's your underwear, the first thing you put on your body, not to say that you have to buy super expensive underwear, but what if you invested in the first thing on your body being intentional to you and you'll only put in your drawer things that made you not necessarily sexy, but made you feel held in support, whatever the words are that you want that to do for you.

Mel Robbins (00:24:29):

Well, I think it would be an improvement for most of us if we opened up the drawer and it wasn't just stained and stretched out underwear that you're putting on as the first thing. Totally. Well, I'm 57 years old. Okay, I'm just about to confess some things here. I've only worn batching bras and underwear for about a year.

Erin Walsh (00:24:54):

Okay. First of all, thank you for being honest.

Mel Robbins (00:24:57):

And I thought, what is my hangup about buying myself matching bras and underwear and why am I holding onto this awful stained, stretched out thing that turns into dental floss or rides the wrong way? Why am I holding onto this? Why can't I spend $10 on myself and get a new pair of underwear? That's a part

Erin Walsh (00:25:18):

Of it. It's these small, small actions. So you start with a baseline. Start there. Start with your underwear.

Mel Robbins (00:25:24):

So you're going to buy anything new.

Erin Walsh (00:25:25):

Also have the supportive pieces because the supportive pieces, you can't be wearing a dress if you don't like how your body looks underneath the fabric. Yes. I think that's relevant and people forget about that. That's where they also ... The spiral happens when you don't have the tools in your arsenal to help you.

Mel Robbins (00:25:39):

Okay. So the first tools, and I love that we're thinking about fashion, not as you got to be the most stylish person, but it's a tool to embody how you want to feel today.

Erin Walsh (00:25:47):

Yeah. And the most stylish people, I don't think you're remembering what they wore. You're remembering who they ...

Mel Robbins (00:25:54):

What do you mean? Because we all follow people that we think have great style and then we're like, okay, what are we doing?

Erin Walsh (00:25:59):

It's what they're embodying. That's what we're responding to. Of course, there's going to be the element of that's a beautiful dress, but the people you remember because of what they wear, it's about how they are and how they are is informed by how they feel always.

Mel Robbins (00:26:13):

I'm so drawn to people that look effortlessly confident and I think happy.

Erin Walsh (00:26:20):

That's where the joy is because the joy comes when you are in alignment when your insides aligned with your outsides. That's the key to happiness and possibility. It's another reason why this is so important and so the key to becoming the person you want to be, because you can put on that suit, but until you connect it with an element of yourself and how you want to feel and who you inherently are, it's not going to make sense. It's certainly not going to tell the story of you to the world.

Mel Robbins (00:26:47):

Well, I just realized in this method of dressing intentionally, I've been doing this completely the opposite. So either I only anchor down on how I actually feel right now.

Erin Walsh (00:27:01):

And

Mel Robbins (00:27:01):

Then dressing- Heavy. Aligned with tired, exhausted, I got to get through the day. Oh my God. Or you're dressing to impress somebody else, but I haven't actually asked myself how I want to feel. If you're going to a networking meeting or you're going to a parent-teacher conference, imagine how you would change how you dressed if before this parent-teacher conference where you're really nervous, you got a kid with an IEP, you want them to get services at the school or you want to have a good relationship with the teacher, how do you want to feel in that meeting?

Erin Walsh (00:27:42):

Well, here's what people do. They jump to the thing that they should wear and how they want to be seen. And when they do that, then they don't feel like themselves. They don't act like themselves. They step on their words and they don't feel comfortable. They don't feel their best. When you start from a place of how you want to feel, then your choices allow you to feel like that person. That's the game changer.

Mel Robbins (00:28:03):

So we shouldn't dress for the part we want.

Erin Walsh (00:28:05):

You should dress to embody the person you want to be first for yourself, because by honoring who you want to be for yourself, then you offer that to the world. When you jump to how you want to be seen by others, that's missing the connection of yourself and you always feel uncomfortable.

Mel Robbins (00:28:19):

You know what I love about this is that we've had so many experts come on and talk about how you change your mindset or how you change your habits or how you change your health. And all of the research comes back to a very simple recommendation, not an easy one, but a simple one, that how you act today is a determination of who you're going to be six months from now.

Erin Walsh (00:28:46):

Absolutely.

Mel Robbins (00:28:47):

And your habits today predict the future. And if you want the future you to be in better shape or to be calmer or to be more confident, you have to act today like a person who does those things. Exactly. And now you're layering clothes as a tool in the toolbox that we have to be able to act today like the person you want to be six months from now. But I want to unpack dressing for yourself and how you want to feel and embodying in how you want to feel the person you'd like to become and you'd like to project in the world today and how clothing is a tool, just like a morning routine is, just like mindsets are a tool that you can use. I'm just thinking about the number of days that I get dressed in my exercise clothes.

Erin Walsh (00:29:40):

Yeah.

Mel Robbins (00:29:41):

Do you

Erin Walsh (00:29:41):

Like them? Do they match?

Mel Robbins (00:29:43):

No.

Erin Walsh (00:29:44):

We got to work on them.

Mel Robbins (00:29:45):

No, my exercise clothes are old and they don't match.

Erin Walsh (00:29:49):

That's not good.

Mel Robbins (00:29:49):

And I probably shouldn't go to the grocery store in them, camel toe, like saggy butt. I'm just saying this is not ... Poor Christopher Robbins, the Right. But what I'll say is that there's so many days that because I had not learned the art of intentional dressing where I will sit in a pair of leggings all day at my desk and just be doing my thing and the days that I bother, this is how. And then you wonder why you don't feel worthy. The days that I bother to take a shower and pull myself together.

Erin Walsh (00:30:26):

Yep. How'd you feel?

Mel Robbins (00:30:28):

Well, I feel different even without asking myself, how do I want to feel? This step of these six words is so transformational.

Erin Walsh (00:30:37):

It makes it matter.

Mel Robbins (00:30:39):

Yes. We're

Erin Walsh (00:30:40):

Here.

Mel Robbins (00:30:40):

And then you feel like you matter.

Erin Walsh (00:30:43):

And you're not letting other people decide for you. Yes. That's the part of telling your story. You could either enter a room and dress for how you want to be seen or you decide who you are and why you matter, and then you decide for them. And that's the story you tell to the world. Oh, I

Mel Robbins (00:30:56):

Love that.

Erin Walsh (00:30:57):

Yeah. It's like-

Mel Robbins (00:30:58):

Maybe this is why so many of us feel alone in the rooms we're walking into because we haven't even dressed in a way that makes us feel truly how we want to feel.

Erin Walsh (00:31:08):

You can't connect with somebody unless you feel like yourself. You're not going to. So of course you feel alone.

Mel Robbins (00:31:15):

All right. So we've talked some tactics. You've said we know the six words. We know we pause. We know we ask ourselves, how do I want to feel? Six words. Pick three words. You also said a great place to start is, are there three things in your closet right now?

Erin Walsh (00:31:33):

Start there.

Mel Robbins (00:31:33):

That just embody. You can wear this sucker like a uniform all week and just see how differently you feel embodied in these clothes that make you feel these three things.

Mel Robbins (00:31:43):

Now let's talk though about the next layer.

Erin Walsh (00:31:46):

The next layer.

Mel Robbins (00:31:46):

The next layer being that most of our closets are like a graveyard of the old versions of ourselves.

Erin Walsh (00:31:55):

Yes. So everybody does this. There's so many reasons. You might buy something that's very expensive and you have guilt about it. A lot of people have clothes with price tags in their closet. A lot of people do this.

Mel Robbins (00:32:04):

Yes, I have that.

Erin Walsh (00:32:05):

And then they won't even give it away or sell it just because they're like, well, maybe. And the thing with holding onto something because you might be that person, it still doesn't relate to who you want to be. It's like you're trying on that thing for size. You already know it doesn't resonate with you. I recommend trying everything in your closet on for this reason. In the exercise of knowing how every single piece makes you feel, you have to know how it feels on your body. Okay. So walk

Mel Robbins (00:32:28):

Me through- It's crucial. So you walk into the closet, the Art of Intentional Dressing, you pause, you say, "How do I want to feel today?" And you're looking for three words. If you're staring at things that represent who you no longer are or that make you feel bad about yourself because you can't fit in it. Or maybe that dude that dumped you, bought it for you.

Erin Walsh (00:32:50):

Totally. People hold onto the nostalgic items. I think with nostalgic pieces, if there are some, of course, if there's a sweater of your mom's or your grandma's or someone you loved, I'm not saying get rid of that. That's fine. You can even have a separate place for that if you want, if you have the luxury to do so. But I think the clarity, it all starts now and having clarity on how you want to feel, who you want to be, how you're going to operate in every single room, every single thing that you own, starting in your closet, but then later in your whole life should, even including the people you let into your life should reflect that.

Mel Robbins (00:33:28):

So we try and everything. So you've got to do that. And we look at it, we say, "How does this make you feel?"

Erin Walsh (00:33:32):

Every single piece, and that's the great part about it. You start getting intentional, you can feel when you're not. And then you start feeling like, "Oh, I'm not being true to myself." And even on the day when you're feeling so lazy and so fat and so not good, on that day, you get a chance to do that again and you can find her again. And then at the end of the day, when you're really tired and being your best self was really exhausting because you're sick and it's just been a little bit overwhelming. You can have a little compassion for yourself and put on the thing that makes you feel soft and cozy. It's all these chapters of the day. I have

Mel Robbins (00:34:01):

This- And I love that you're telling us, other than getting rid of the stained underwear and putting up some money so that you get some new ones, you're not saying you have to buy anything.

Erin Walsh (00:34:11):

It's not about buying. I encourage people to make a laboratory in their closets. So you want to make it fun. I think quarterly, you got to do this exercise of going through every piece in your closet. How does it make me feel? Try it on, take pictures of yourself in the pieces so you can create a photo album on your phone. And then even if you're next level, you put together the pieces that make you feel great and you experiment with outfits and you learn how they work and why. So that if you're feeling lost in the morning and what the F do I wear, you have a go- to greatest hit section that's quite helpful. You have to take some time to experiment. And most people, like we did this yesterday, I love with even your basic white shirt, you put it on backwards and that's telling a different story of you.

(00:34:48):

And that might sound very weird to some of you, so don't get scared. But I'm telling you, when you just try on things differently or you pin it up differently and you decide, "You know what? Those jeans I've been wearing for two years, I think they look cuter when they show my ankle because that's really feminine and that makes me move a different way. And all of us have something that we feel great about or at least okay with, and you can start there. That's your bassline and then you go up from there.

Mel Robbins (00:35:10):

So what do I do if nothing feels like me anymore?" I don't know why I feel this way, but I just feel like part of the uniform and the sneakers and just no fuss in terms of how I dress. Because I'm either up here in Vermont in Birkenstocks and a pair of dovetail women's workwear jeans and a jean shirt or a T-shirt or I'm in my uniform.

Erin Walsh (00:35:35):

But you know what? I see a lot of women who feel disconnected from fashion or even their own beauty, it's because as women and as working women and as women with lots of balls in the air, we get in the business of doing and we lose our understanding of being and then being energy and letting ourselves relax, that's when you can feel beautiful and your feminine energy. And when you're not used to that or you're not in the habit of it, you forget about it. And it feels uncomfortable and it feels foreign. We're not meant to just be putting on our clothes and doing all the things. We're also meant to use the energy of what we wear to feel into our possibility, and that includes the softness.

Mel Robbins (00:36:14):

I think there's so much depth to what you're inviting us to do.

Erin Walsh (00:36:21):

A lot of layers.

Mel Robbins (00:36:22):

Because when you said the piece about ... I think men feel this too, but women in particular, taking care of everybody else and no time to slow down,

Cindy (00:36:32):

And

Mel Robbins (00:36:33):

I'm always last on my list. And this is really when you lean into this, a way to put yourself first, first thing in the morning, and to name the emotions and the energy of how you want to move through the day.

Erin Walsh (00:36:51):

Instead of just writing down a list of like, these are all the things I want to feel, easy, empowered, elegant, fabulous, wonderful.

Mel Robbins (00:36:56):

Confident and unstoppable.

Erin Walsh (00:36:58):

Those are all great, but don't limit yourself. The idea is to become limitless. So when you, with every piece ask, how does this make you feel? It might surprise you your answer.

Mel Robbins (00:37:09):

Is it true that most of us wear the same eight things over and over again?

Erin Walsh (00:37:13):

Yes. I think people tend to wear what they know works. So that's also how you get stuck and you stop expanding and you stop learning how ... It's the same way people stop expanding who they hang out with or who they talk to. You stick with what feels safe. And safe isn't

Mel Robbins (00:37:31):

Bad. I'm guilty of that. I've been doing that for a decade. We

Erin Walsh (00:37:33):

Are. We all are. And you should have the pieces that make you feel safe, but they should also do other things for you. And when they don't anymore, you should keep just evolving.

Mel Robbins (00:37:42):

So what's the best way to look better, and dare I say, a little thinner, without having to lose weight. How do we look like our best when we're not at our best place?

Erin Walsh (00:37:54):

So number one, tailoring. Most people wear clothes that don't fit their proportions correctly. So even with a bold shoulder, you still want it to honor the lines of your body. Tailoring, number one, I think that does it and understanding proportionally what feels good and structured on your body. Structure will always offer you- What is structure?

Mel Robbins (00:38:15):

I don't even know what that

Erin Walsh (00:38:16):

Means. Structure from your undergarments. And that's not about undergarments hiding cellulite or whatever. That's about supporting the shape and the structure of your body. So I tell everyone, you don't need to have the Hollywood tailor to the stars. Your dry cleaner is an excellent tool for this. And make sure your pant hems mat, that you take care of that. Make sure with your jackets, they're not swallowing you. Or if you want an oversized blazer, make sure proportionally you're matching.

Mel Robbins (00:38:42):

So what parts of my body am I looking at? Am I looking at my shoulders, to my waist, to my- Waists,

Erin Walsh (00:38:47):

Hips. I would look at ... I think most women need a pant that they can wear with a heel. And as you were telling me, your pant that you can wear with the sneakers or whatever.

Mel Robbins (00:38:57):

So they need to be tendered for you. My favorite pair of jeans, although they're not my favorite anymore, but they were acceptable. They look good. I bought two pairs, one that I wear with a heel and one I can wear with a flat.

Erin Walsh (00:39:10):

Yeah. I think women need to invest in layering pieces too.

Mel Robbins (00:39:16):

What does that mean?

Erin Walsh (00:39:17):

So if you have your shape outfit that you like, that's my favorite turtleneck and that's my jacket that just ... I feel a little bit polished in that. And those are my jeans that cinch my waist and I can wear my cool boots and I feel like I got to ... You need to have ... I love tossing a sweater over the shoulders or even just because that offers more proportion to ...

Mel Robbins (00:39:37):

You're a big shoulder pad person.

Erin Walsh (00:39:39):

I am. And it's about being unafraid to take up space.

Mel Robbins (00:39:43):

Well, what I also like about even just thinking about throwing a sweater on to your jeans, your white T-shirt and your blazer is you're adding texture and softness- Softness. ... and layers and protection in some level.

Erin Walsh (00:39:55):

Exactly. Exactly. And everything that you put on your body is telling a story. So even down to your jewelry, all of it. I think that people should have the fun pieces that even by your door have that great pair of sunglasses, that funny, chunky shoe or clog or whatever. Just so if you have errands even or you're going to drop off the kids, there should be one element of your outfit, even if you're in your workout clothes with a white man shirt that makes you feel cool and great. And just a little bit turn up the volume. It's like even when you don't have that much time, there's always something you can do.

Mel Robbins (00:40:32):

So let's talk about clothes that don't fit. Should I keep them?

Erin Walsh (00:40:36):

No.

Mel Robbins (00:40:37):

But what? Okay. Do you not keep clothes and don't

Erin Walsh (00:40:42):

Fit? Guilty of this. You can give

Mel Robbins (00:40:45):

Them away- Don't I want to walk into my closet and feel like crap about myself because I'm surrounded by things that I can't squeeze into? The masala. Yeah. I had a pair of pants on that I tried on for you last night. I have held onto these suckers for six years.

Cindy (00:40:59):

No.

Mel Robbins (00:41:00):

My menopause body does not work. I was able to zip them up and you were just like, those do not fit you.

Erin Walsh (00:41:06):

No.

Mel Robbins (00:41:06):

It's time to say goodbye, Mel.

Erin Walsh (00:41:08):

It's time. And how exciting is that? You're becoming- It's not exciting. Because I feel

Mel Robbins (00:41:11):

Like I spent a lot of money on them

Erin Walsh (00:41:12):

And I didn't get the wear

Mel Robbins (00:41:13):

Out of it.

Erin Walsh (00:41:14):

You did. And there's things you can do so that you don't have to feel bad about that. Okay.

Mel Robbins (00:41:17):

What do you do? You

Erin Walsh (00:41:18):

Can sell your clothes. I love to donate clothes to charities. A charity like Dress for Success.

Mel Robbins (00:41:24):

Those

Erin Walsh (00:41:25):

Women are actively trying to feel like their best selves. If you want to donate, if you want to shed some selves that aren't working for you, give it to someone looking for their new self that deserves that portal to possibility. Give them that chance. I also love the idea of share circles with friends and family that you love like, "Oh, this isn't working for me. You could have a party with it. Bring what ... " That's really fun to do. That's really fun because then you're not telling everybody just to buy new clothes, you're sort of mixing it around.

Mel Robbins (00:41:54):

How many clothes do you actually need? You know what I mean? You

Erin Walsh (00:41:57):

Don't need a lot. You need to have your greatest hits. I think in this album, look at the math of a week and a month. You have to know what you're doing. So how many work outfits do you need? Are you a working woman? What's the story of you telling ... Number one, are you working? Oh, do you need different outfits in your weekend time? Do you do a lot of travel? Do you need traveling? You need to look at the roadmap of your life and that's going to identify what you need. Are these pants that serve me when I'm in my work mode and then in my travel mode or in my dinner mode or in a meeting mode? One of the things I love about the possibility of clothes and getting intentional about it is that all your clothes honor all the roles you wear.

Cindy (00:42:38):

All

Erin Walsh (00:42:38):

The women I know, they're not just one person. They're probably eight to nine in the course of a day. And energetically, having your clothes be able to shift with you and honor you and support you in all these roles is essential. And it's something that we forget. And it also makes it another reason why it's so important besides the idea of embodying the person you want to be. It's honoring all the people that you have to serve all day long with being able to be your best self.

Mel Robbins (00:43:03):

This is brilliant because you're also tapping into intention and the energy of intention. And forever, I've looked at my closet like, "Oh my God, what's going to look okay?" I've never put myself first in terms of intentionally saying, how do I actually want to move through the day and feel and how am I going to use the stuff that's hanging here to make me do that? I'm loving this. And so here's what I wanted to do. I mean, Erin, you're extraordinary, but I really wanted to put this to the test.

Erin Walsh (00:43:32):

I love it.

Mel Robbins (00:43:32):

Well, because you hear that you work with people like Selena Gomez and Anne. Oh, okay. And all of these red carpet moments and these editorial photo shoots, but what about the rest of us?

Erin Walsh (00:43:44):

What about the rest of us? I love it.

Mel Robbins (00:43:46):

So I asked three women that I love who are in all different stages of life. One is postpartum, another one is postmenopausal, and another one is a grandmother who is post cancer and post knee replacement. All three of them know your method. They were instructed to ask themselves this morning, those six words, "How do I want to feel?" And now we're going to talk to each one. And the first is Jesse. And I just have to say to you listening or watching, Jesse is one of our extraordinary video editors. She has edited almost every episode of this podcast. So Jesse, you had a baby less than a year ago. And how has getting dressed every morning changed since having your beautiful daughter, Ava?

Jessie (00:44:42):

It has been the hardest mental hurdle, I think, that I was not prepared for to dress postpartum with a completely new body, new sizes that you've never had to shop for, look for, where you're getting hand-me-downs because you're like, "This is going to be a phase. It's

Erin Walsh (00:45:00):

Going to fall off." Totally.

Jessie (00:45:02):

As soon as I'm done breastfeeding or as soon as ... Or if I stay breastfeeding, something's going to happen. It doesn't. And it's just been a ... Postpartum itself is hard, let alone how to dress yourself, because you can easily fall into the slump of the Adam Sandler vibe of just baggy everything, which has been a lot of my wardrobe the last year. How do you call for that? Yeah. Okay. It's all comfort. And there has to be an elevated person who shows up because the baby's one thing, but I actually told my husband this, we did it. We did the first year. We're about to hit the one year mark. This is huge. What an amazing year it's been, but this next year, we need to pivot it back. And that's what I'm trying to figure out of how to navigate. It just starts with your clothes and how you feel and your confidence back because it's not like the weight's going to fall off tomorrow.

(00:46:00):

So yeah, it's been

Erin Walsh (00:46:02):

A very big hole. So much to unpack with what you just said. Congratulations. Thank

Jessie (00:46:06):

You.

Erin Walsh (00:46:06):

Thank you. Beautiful becoming a mom.

Mel Robbins (00:46:10):

So Jesse, until you learned the six words, let's go back a couple days.

Jessie (00:46:15):

Yeah.

Mel Robbins (00:46:15):

When you would walk into your closet in the morning, how did you feel?

Jessie (00:46:22):

Everything is right now oversized, which to me, and it fits, it's comfortable. It has to be easy to maneuver with a little one with just the ups and downs of her standing and walking and now she's crawling. And so I never have felt good that Jesse that was like, "I love this outfit. It looks beautiful on me. " I don't know that person right now because it is a new year and it is a whole new wardrobe, but it takes a toll that I was not expecting.

Mel Robbins (00:46:53):

Yeah. How did it impact you?

Jessie (00:46:58):

It's hard because I think it was maybe month four postpartum, I actually went through all my clothes, even though I was like, "Ah, I'm going to lose some weight." And I didn't because I love all these jeans. I spent a lot of money on these clothes and it was like, just be honest, if it doesn't fit, get rid of it. You can always go buy something new when you do get to a size you want to be. And that felt really good to go through and weed it out. And you got rid of them. Oh yeah, I got rid of them. But the bad side of that is I went the opposite to sizes. I went stuff that was too big because I want everything hidden. I got rid of the stuff that was the pre-baby, Jesse. And then I just went the other extreme, which is not right, I don't think, to go from two sizes above what I should be wearing actually.

Erin Walsh (00:47:49):

Well, what's interesting is you said it's not right, but I think what we'll have to uncover today is that it's not about right or wrong or what it should be or what it was. It's about where you are now and what serves you and how you want to feel. So as a mother, and this new you, I'm curious, how did you answer that for yourself this morning? How do you want to feel?

Jessie (00:48:16):

Yeah. This morning I chose the words practical because being a mom, you need to be able to bend and grab and pick her up and walk with her and nothing fall out. And then second was calm because with all the to- do lists, the job, the personal, the baby, all of it, I still want to show up calm and put together and confident. Confident in this new role as mom, as Jesse the mom, not just Jesse. And how can she be confident?

Erin Walsh (00:48:50):

When you had your three words, how did you feel this morning before you chose those three words?

Jessie (00:48:56):

Not calm, not practical. Anxious. Anxious. I was very anxious. Just trying to get out the door and figure out what to pack. And then it's like you've got- Frazzled. Very frazzled. Yeah. And then confident. I did not feel confident this morning because again, it's my husband's out of town, so you're trying to navigate the household by yourself. And that is difficult to do with the baby as well and

(00:49:27):

Lots to juggle. So I remember listening to your memo, taking several deep breaths, and I have everything in my closet color coordinated, which kind of helps clear my mind a bit, but I could just stand there with those three words of like, okay, these are the three that really pop to me that I want to feel. So for practical, I went for my bootcut black, high-waisted jeans that are also very stretchy, which is great. And I have black boots on that I never really wear, but those tie into the confident word. Normally I would just go my mud boots because we live in Vermont, but it's time to step it up a little bit. And also I have on a denim button down shirt with little white undershirt and some jewelry. I don't really wear jewelry that often because the baby pulls with the jewelry.

(00:50:14):

So trying to also get the details in there with necklaces.

Mel Robbins (00:50:20):

You have a cool belt on.

Jessie (00:50:21):

And I have a belt. Yeah. I tucked everything into my belt, trying to show off a waist and hopefully it hits those words, practical, calm, and confident.

Erin Walsh (00:50:33):

I'm curious, if I asked you now, how do you want to feel and you were thinking about yourself and not other people, would the words still be the same? What would those words be?

Jessie (00:50:49):

Okay. I got to think about that. Probably powerful. Beautiful. And confident. So that is one of them.

Erin Walsh (00:51:23):

Yeah. Yeah. Great.

Jessie (00:51:24):

More of that. Sorry.

Erin Walsh (00:51:26):

No, but think about that. So powerful, especially when you become a mom, a feeling of overwhelmed is feeling powerless.

Jessie (00:51:35):

Yes.

Erin Walsh (00:51:36):

And you don't know which step is next. So I think with that feeling, remembering how do I want to feel and not for other people, but how do I want to feel? What serves me first before the mom of me, before the partner, me, before the badass boss, Mel Robbins partner, before that person, what serves you? Because that will turn up the volume on you being connected with yourself and you choosing the right tools for you to do that. And the fact that you want to be powerful, you just had a baby less than a year ago. You're sitting here being super honest with us about extremely vulnerable emotional subjects that essentially make us feel naked because to feel that not enough is dehabilitating. So when faced with that feeling, that overwhelm, that's already stepped one of owning your power. And look, you made great choices, so you already got a good instinct going for you.

(00:52:38):

So you said powerful, you said calm. Was that the- Confident. Confident.

Mel Robbins (00:52:43):

And beautiful.

Erin Walsh (00:52:44):

And beautiful. I think beautiful is a good one because look at this woman sitting here, what's more beautiful than seeing a version of you that is completely of service and offering your raw whole self to your family and the world, which is what you're doing right now. And that doesn't mean the size that you used to be or the size that you want to be tomorrow. That means how can you have some movement in your body that makes you feel connected to your body?

Mel Robbins (00:53:12):

Jesse, having been your friend for a long time, when you said the words practical, I was like, I don't like that word at all. And I felt this visceral thing as your friend because I have known you both before you had a baby and now that you're a new mom and beauty and being beautiful was something that just oozed from you. It's true. And I can only imagine how the fact that you chose words practical, calm and confident, which you absolutely look at, but this outfit also fits for beautiful, powerful confidence. And what broke my heart was knowing that you stand in front of the closet and you see clothing that you don't want to be wearing because it's two sizes more than what you want to be, and that makes you feel like you're not beautiful. And I do think there's this extraordinarily powerful shift in you owning those words.

(00:54:34):

And knowing you, those are your words, powerful, beautiful, confident that even just asking yourself, how do I want to feel? I want to feel powerful, beautiful, and confident, and then looking and deciding. I personally feel that this is something you can do every day that almost becomes the image as I was listening to you to talk is it's like giving yourself permission to let this next year be about you

(00:55:04):

And putting you first for you. You're already an amazing mom. Yeah. You are. And you're already an amazing wife and you're already a extraordinarily talented video editor and producer. You have those handled. If you put yourself first and you ask yourself every morning, "How do I want to feel?" And the answer is, "I want to feel powerful. I want to feel confident. I want to feel beautiful." It's almost as if the future you is giving you a lifeline from the future to this moment. It's

Erin Walsh (00:55:41):

That invisible thread

Mel Robbins (00:55:42):

You're

Erin Walsh (00:55:43):

Connecting

Mel Robbins (00:55:43):

To. Yes. Because what I started to hear from you when I heard practical and calm is this sense of discouragement that you're not going to actually get back to feeling beautiful again.

Jessie (00:55:57):

It's safe.

Mel Robbins (00:55:59):

Yes.

Jessie (00:56:00):

It's very safe and

Erin Walsh (00:56:01):

It's comfortable. Same with those clothes that are two sizes, too big. They're safe.

Jessie (00:56:05):

Yeah.

Erin Walsh (00:56:06):

But maybe there's elements of comfort that serve you, but to feel your most beautiful self.

Jessie (00:56:13):

It's not those. It's

Erin Walsh (00:56:14):

Not

Jessie (00:56:14):

Those. Yeah. Yeah.

Mel Robbins (00:56:16):

How did doing this method of intentional dressing and asking yourself that question, how did it change the way you got dressed today?

Jessie (00:56:28):

It made me look at my clothes completely different because I know what I've been wearing, thinking, "Oh, that's fine. It's just an oversized sweater. It's an oversized cardigan." No, actually it's not doing anything, not just for me physically, but it's not helping me mentally at all. I'm just still hiding. So today was like, show up in something like, no, wear the bootcut jeans, don't wear the loose ones, even though that's probably what I gravitate towards because it hides ... Stop hiding. It's okay to be a new mom. It's okay to have a new body. It's okay to have a different size that I never thought I would wear in my life. And no one's looking at my tags.

Erin Walsh (00:57:12):

And if

Jessie (00:57:12):

I know.

Erin Walsh (00:57:13):

And the texts don't even make sense to anybody, by the way. They're all

Jessie (00:57:15):

Different. Why is

Erin Walsh (00:57:17):

That? Every brand is a different.

Jessie (00:57:19):

Yeah. So it was a very kind of emotional, shocking, a mourning for me to go into my closet and view it with feeling, not with, "I want to wear the blue shirt today." Does that make sense?

Mel Robbins (00:57:34):

It makes perfect sense because I had the same thing happen.

Jessie (00:57:37):

And then you stand there like, "Whoa, I got to get rid of a lot of this. " Because it's not the vibe, it's not the energy, it's not who I want to be with those words. Even the next three words that I just gave you.

Erin Walsh (00:57:51):

Well, you better see your possibility. I love how beautiful ties in so well to confident and empowered because to feel beautiful, you need to feel confident and you need to feel all of yourself. Yes. And all the things you're feeling right now are also beautiful. This discombobulated disconnection is a beautiful part of becoming a mother.

Mel Robbins (00:58:12):

Yes.

Erin Walsh (00:58:13):

So that will become a part of this beautiful youth.

Mel Robbins (00:58:16):

You look fantastic. The boots are fantastic. The black jeans are fantastic. You always look insane in denim because you have these jewel tone, sapphire, insane bang eyes. Do you have any tips for anyone in Jesse's position, whether you're a new mom or you are coming out of a health diagnosis and your body's changed, or you've just let yourself go and you're looking at a closet that has clothes that you now are like, "Holy cow, I'm hiding." Is there a way that you can, without having to buy a whole wardrobe, use this method or a couple tricks that can help you lift up what you have?

Erin Walsh (00:59:00):

I think especially in these untethered malleable body situations, or even in times when you're in transition, structure helps. So I would- What

Mel Robbins (00:59:13):

Does that mean, structure?

Erin Walsh (00:59:15):

You're not feeling in your body, so you need pieces that hold you up. Even these shoes that you chose, that little bit of heel, you don't need to wear shoes with a baby that you can't walk in, but you can have a little thing that helps you stand a little straighter. And I think tailored elements, a lot of moms, they only wear the soft, loose pieces, and that doesn't help you feel put together. That makes you feel more lost. So when you're ready to refind your waist, you can have things like waist-centered pieces, but if you're not ready for that, find the collar, find the shoulder, remember even your jewelry.This stuff matters. People don't wear it. And I think those crisp elements will ground you. Same way as your shoes. People always feel great in good shoes. It's a good point.

Mel Robbins (01:00:07):

And you have good shoes. I always wear boots. Jesse, what did you get out of this six word sentence and just doing one morning of intentional dressing?

Jessie (01:00:18):

Oh my gosh. So much. Because like I said, I've never looked at my clothes that way. I've never had emotion with my clothes other than you come home and you feel like, oh, my pants were too tight today. But this was just the mental part of it, the emotional part of it, the confidence side that I don't even look at with my clothes. But then you can go through and start to find tooth comb. Actually, that shirt does bring a little bit more on the other piece.

Erin Walsh (01:00:46):

The other thing too, what you put on when you get home, don't put on that sloppy stuff that doesn't make you feel great. Get an intentional change. And then when you go to pick up your baby, you feel soft and beautiful still. It's not like all of a sudden, because you get home, you have to be scrappy mom. There's great matching sets that are comfortable. Doesn't have to be cashmere. It can be volure. It can be caught. You want that part to feel great too, and you deserve to feel beautiful in that role too.

Jessie (01:01:13):

That's beautiful. Thank you for that.

Mel Robbins (01:01:16):

That's great advice.

Jessie (01:01:17):

It is.

Mel Robbins (01:01:18):

Sets that stretch that aren't PJs or yoga pants. And given that you have a daughter and I have realized the hard way that my daughters have spent their life watching me look in the mirror and say, "I hate how I look. This looks like crap. Should I wear this? Should I wear that? Because I'm thinking about dressing for the world or I'm thinking about, okay, what's going to look good?" I've never, until meeting Erin, ever asked myself how I feel, I am directly responsible for their negative self-talk about their own bodies. Because as Sawyer said to me two years ago, "I think you're the most beautiful person in the world. And if you think you look horrible, why would I ever believe you when you tell me I look good?" And so for you as a new mom, to be able to shift your relationship with yourself and with how you get dressed and using intention with how you feel, you have the chance to demonstrate to your daughter what it looks like to use clothing, not as something you hide behind or something that you're pretending to be someone else, but as an intentional tool to bring out more of who you want to become. And that is amazingly cool. On those mornings where you can't say the word beautiful, just remind yourself, well, if I can't do it for me, I need to lean into this for her because I'm committed as a mom to demonstrating something different.

Jessie (01:02:52):

Yep. I want to show up for her.

Mel Robbins (01:02:55):

Amazing. And I hope you also show up for you. Thank you. I will. Jesse, I love you.

Jessie (01:03:01):

I love you.

Mel Robbins (01:03:02):

Congratulations on. Thank you congratulations. Everything. Thank you. And I am so excited to see beautiful, confident, powerful Jesse walking into the studio here in Vermont. You're going to hear in Boston.

Jessie (01:03:14):

You're going to hear her coming.

Mel Robbins (01:03:15):

Yes.

Jessie (01:03:15):

In my boots.

Mel Robbins (01:03:16):

In your boots.

Jessie (01:03:16):

Thank you so much.

Mel Robbins (01:03:17):

All right. We're going to bring on Amy next. So we're going to have you switch spots with Amy. So we have Amy, who is a senior producer on this podcast. You have been producing this show with me since episode one. That's right. We were on the floor of my closet together.

Amy (01:03:33):

Yes. So look where we are now. Talking about clothes.

Mel Robbins (01:03:36):

And it's perfect because you're also producing this episode.

Amy (01:03:38):

Yes.

Mel Robbins (01:03:39):

So Am, I would love, since you and I are in the same category, post-menopausal.

Amy (01:03:43):

Post-menopausal. Yes.

Mel Robbins (01:03:45):

Three kids. You still have one at home, but otherwise empty nest.

Amy (01:03:49):

Yes. And I'll also say I have 17 extra pounds that I am not too excited about.

Mel Robbins (01:03:55):

Thank you menopause.

Amy (01:03:56):

Represent the women, yes, that are in the same boat. Yep.

Mel Robbins (01:04:00):

Absolutely. And before you started producing this episode and learning about Erin's intentional dressing method, how would you get dressed in the morning?

Amy (01:04:11):

Literally, I'd probably dress like an 11-year-old boy. Whatever's clean, whatever looks good, whatever my mom says is okay, that's what I would do. It was like a low bar. It was a really low bar.

Mel Robbins (01:04:24):

What has happened for you as you've been producing this episode and you learned about these six words, how do I want to feel?

Amy (01:04:30):

Yeah.

Mel Robbins (01:04:31):

What happened this morning when you use this method, you paused, you asked yourself that question. What were the words that came up and how did it change things?

Amy (01:04:40):

Right. Well, I will turn the clock back even further. When I was told I was going to produce this episode, I did not want to do it. I did not want to do it. I am not a closed person. I am not a style person. Leave me alone, please. I'm just fine. I like my big ass underwear. I don't want to hear about it.

Erin Walsh (01:05:02):

There are some very good big ass underwear options for the

Amy (01:05:04):

Record. I have seen some underwear that is 11 years old.

Erin Walsh (01:05:08):

We need to go

Amy (01:05:09):

In there. Not getting rid of it. But anyway. So I did not want to do this episode because I just felt like this wasn't me at all. Please don't bother me with this.

Erin Walsh (01:05:19):

Wait, did Mel know you didn't want to do it?

Amy (01:05:21):

No. Mel didn't ask me. No. But I think

Erin Walsh (01:05:26):

It's

Amy (01:05:26):

A great challenge. So I took it on.

Erin Walsh (01:05:30):

You said yes to the

Amy (01:05:30):

Question. I said yes to the dress. And then I heard the question, how do I want to feel today? And I thought, that is the dumbest question. I do not want to ask myself that because immediately your mind goes to how you don't want to feel. I don't want to feel fat today. I don't want to feel my boobs against my abdomen. Why is that even happening? I don't want to feel my arms not being able to get into my jackets that I absolutely love. I went immediately to all the don'ts and I just was not a really fan of this question. This is so

Erin Walsh (01:06:03):

Racial. This is how so many women feel. Everything that you're describing viscerally is why women in their closet, when they go to get dressed, start feeling bad about themselves. And then they're reminded of all the things on their body that they don't like or they make them feel ashamed or that have changed and shifted and evolved.

Amy (01:06:22):

I like the word evolved. I'll start using that now.

Erin Walsh (01:06:24):

That is the worst.

Amy (01:06:25):

I can start using that. Okay. And then to fast forward to this morning when I had to seriously do this assignment.

Erin Walsh (01:06:34):

Yes, you were producing this shit.

Amy (01:06:36):

I was producing this. I had to show up and I asked myself that question and I purposely didn't give it a lot of thought because I don't give my clothes a lot of thought. I did not want to think about this. So I came up with the three words. I came up with, I want to be creative, empowered and fun. Okay. Those were my three words. And then I thought, well, now I'm screwed. How do I make an outfit out of that? And then I just started trying clothes on in my closet and I had not tried clothes on in my closet for a long time.

Erin Walsh (01:07:12):

Step one.

Amy (01:07:13):

Yeah. Try it on. I went through five of my most beloved blazers. Oh, I love a good blazer. None of them fit me. I couldn't even get my arms through. It was a really sad moment, but somehow the power of the question was just like, well, let's move on because what are you going to do? So I did move on and I found a blazer that fit me and I put my fun shoes on and I don't know, here I am.

Mel Robbins (01:07:45):

Will you describe what you're wearing?

Amy (01:07:47):

Okay. So I'm wearing a blazer that has this kind of electric blue color and also some pops of red. It's double breasted. I like it because I feel like it covers up the midsection area without looking like I'm really covering up that midsection area. I'm wearing a white ribbed long sleeve shirt underneath. I love the texture on this shirt. I'm wearing jeans, like what are these like straight leg?

Erin Walsh (01:08:14):

Kind of boot caught trouser, high waisted frontal pocket.

Amy (01:08:19):

That's what I'm wearing. Yes. And I'm wearing little Adidas yellow and white sneakers.

Erin Walsh (01:08:27):

I think they're

Amy (01:08:27):

Fine.

Erin Walsh (01:08:28):

With your little red belt too.

Amy (01:08:29):

And I put on a red belt too, a very slim red belt. I literally have two belts. One of them's red and slim and I put it on. Yeah.

Erin Walsh (01:08:36):

I'm curious, now that you've done this exercise and you chose those three words and you tried on things and got really real with yourself. Yes.

Amy (01:08:43):

Yes.

Erin Walsh (01:08:45):

Knowing what your days typically look like and who you have to be and the roles you have to play every day, if you had to guess tomorrow, and it might not be the case, but if you had to guess tomorrow, do you think you would be those three words or what do you think?

Amy (01:08:59):

Well, I think I would love to put this output on repeat. Just like Jesse, if it's work, if it ain't broke, don't fix it kind of thing. But yes, I think I would like to use those words maybe again tomorrow, but more in a different way. I'm not coming to show to produce an episode tomorrow, but maybe with my family, I want to feel more empowered. Yeah. Maybe fun. Show up in a different way that's more home-based. And I would really love to explore what that looks like in my life.

Erin Walsh (01:09:29):

Yeah. I think so after you doing this exercise, you need to go back to your closet and try on every single thing in there. And then you get rid of the shit that doesn't fit.

Amy (01:09:39):

Yes.

Erin Walsh (01:09:39):

Sorry, it's making you feel bad about yourself.

Amy (01:09:43):

I agree. And then I think you write the script of your day with that pen of that doesn't work. It doesn't fit, it doesn't look good. And I need to get another pen to write- The script of my dad. And another notebook. Another notebook. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this whole process feels very empowering.

Mel Robbins (01:10:08):

One of the things about you, Aim, is that I always look forward to seeing you because you always have on something really cool. Like you wear a super cool color or you have really amazing glasses on that are a unique color or you have really creative European ... It's like that European friend that's come back from some trip and she's wearing ... What's your merci?

Amy (01:10:34):

Oh, my 'Oui' sweatshirt.

Mel Robbins (01:10:36):

Yes. Your 'Oui' sweatshirt. She always has this creative flair. So Amy, you are coming through a period of your life just like Jesse, where the primary thing that you have been doing is caring for your mom who died last year. And you have also been steering your family and your three adult daughters and navigating a lot of stuff, and your husband's an entrepreneur, and you're the captain of the ship, and you are also the senior producer of this podcast in a massive role. And I'm wondering, given what chapter you've just been in, are there three words that represent how you want to feel in this next chapter?

Amy (01:11:42):

That is so juicy, Mel. And then I think it's very true. I think it's great to ask, how do you want to feel today? But how do you want to feel in this next chapter is a really exciting thing to think about. Right now, I feel like they would be the same words. I love feeling creative and fun, and I love feeling empowered and that I can energy. So I love all of those words, but I also am excited to make space for new words. So thank you for saying that. It's really true.

Mel Robbins (01:12:16):

No, it is true. You've navigated a lot of stuff.

Amy (01:12:20):

Yeah.

Mel Robbins (01:12:21):

Can I ask you a question?

Amy (01:12:22):

Yeah.

Mel Robbins (01:12:23):

If you drop the word fun, because you already are fun, is there a word that you would be willing to experiment with that is more aligned with your gift of being a channeler spiritually? You are the most talented card puller I have ever met in my entire life. I swear to God, if I ever launch another show, it will be a daily show where you pull a card and give the world guidance and you are absolutely magical and you're already a fun person. So if we swap that out, is there a word that honors that gift in you?

Amy (01:13:09):

It's so funny, Mel, you actually said it. Magic is one of my most favorite words ever. I just love that word. I would never think to say that in the morning, but yeah, what if I said, I want to feel empowered, I want to feel creative, and I want to feel magical.

Erin Walsh (01:13:29):

Yeah.

Amy (01:13:30):

Wow. That would be a great outfit. Amazing.

Erin Walsh (01:13:32):

Yeah. That's the supernova.That's very cool.

Amy (01:13:35):

Oh, I love that.

Mel Robbins (01:13:36):

I love that.

Amy (01:13:37):

And that's a new chapter word.That's a chapter.

Mel Robbins (01:13:39):

That's a new chapter word, because now you're intentionally not only saying that's how you want to feel, but you are also simultaneously inviting it in and using your clothes as a tool to make that happen.

Amy (01:13:53):

Yes.

Mel Robbins (01:13:54):

I love that.

Amy (01:13:55):

I love that word though, because that's what I want everybody watching and listening to take away from this. It's that remembering and refinding and rediscovering of your magic because it's in all of us. And so that is definitely in your next chapter and I'm very excited. Awesome. I love that.

Erin Walsh (01:14:09):

So good.

Amy (01:14:10):

So great. Thank you.

Mel Robbins (01:14:12):

We got to get that show launched too.

Mel Robbins (01:14:14):

All right. Let's bring in Cindy. Cindy.

Cindy (01:14:18):

Mel.

Mel Robbins (01:14:19):

I love you.

Cindy (01:14:22):

Love you back.

Mel Robbins (01:14:23):

You are an incredible member of this team. You're a grandmother. You are also a breast cancer survivor and you just had your knee replaced.

Cindy (01:14:32):

I did.

Mel Robbins (01:14:34):

And I am so excited to hear how learning and trying this intentional dressing method from Erin Walsh worked for you. But let's start with, how would you normally get dressed?

Cindy (01:14:49):

Well, let's see. I wear my pajamas until nine o'clock now because I'm retired. I get up. I have my cup of coffee.

Mel Robbins (01:14:55):

Wait, you're retired. You work for me. What are you talking about?

Cindy (01:14:59):

I retired after Vermont and then I worked again. My job is very flexible. When I came up here and I did retire for about a year, all my city clothes were gone. I wasn't going to ever use them again. So I needed a new wardrobe that was going to work for my daily routine and my needs. So I get up. I have fun when I look in my closet and when I'm going to wear, but it's limited. I basically live in leggings and jeans and I have one pair of corduroy pants for the winter. And I like bright colors for the most part. I like sweaters in the winter. So it's just like, what's today going to be?

Mel Robbins (01:15:34):

So especially coming out of surgery and that recent diagnosis last year of breast cancer, how did going through two big physical things with your body change the way that you relate to your body and to dressing?

Cindy (01:15:53):

Well, I mean, it wasn't easy. I went through nine months of treatment. I had a lumpectomy, then I had chemotherapy. I lost all my hair. But the one thing I did was every time I went to chemo, I'm a pink person. As you can see, I wear pink.

Mel Robbins (01:16:06):

Got you. Tell us about your outfit.

Cindy (01:16:08):

So I am wearing a pink vest that before Aaron, I would only wear in the fall or the late spring. I would never wear it in the winter. And then I thought today, after thinking about what you were suggesting to us, well, I can wear it in the winter under my heavy coat and it will look cute in the winter. So I went for my leggings. I went for the love the T-shirt. I wear J crew T-shirts all the time and the pink fest under my winter coat. And I can wear it 12 months a year now rather than just two seasons.

Erin Walsh (01:16:37):

I just want to add that it's not just any pink color. It's like the most vibrant, shocking, electric, delicious pink fusia ever. And it matches your gorgeous lipstick. And the canvas you have underneath is entirely black, black leggings, black t-shirt. And your socks, can you tell us what they say, please? Because I'm very much like the ...

Cindy (01:16:56):

I'm too old for this shit. Not for this, but anyway, they were given to me by someone very special and so they mean a lot to me, so I wore them today. And sometimes I feel that way. I'm obviously older than the other team members here, and sometimes I feel that. But now getting up and getting my clothes will not be an ordeal. It will be fun. And fun is an important part of life and you need it.

Mel Robbins (01:17:22):

What were your three words when you asked yourself, how do I want to feel?

Cindy (01:17:25):

Bold, empowered and confident. And bold is, I dress bold like a black and pink. Love it.

(01:17:33):

And empowered is just to make me feel that I'm accomplishing something. I'm going to have a good day and confident. I'm confident in the way I look and I want to feel that way. Getting back to the cancer, when I had that and I lost all my hair, it was tough. Dressing really didn't make me happy because I was looking in the mirror for seven months with a bald head. It was difficult. But on other days, I got up and I said, "Well, let's put on something fun and put a cute hat." It was the winter, so I got to wear skidder hats and that made it easier for me. And then it took five months for my hair to grow back. And finally when it did, I got over the hump. But dressing, it's an important part of life. And now with this advice from Erin, going through health issues if I ever had to going forward, hopefully I don't.

(01:18:21):

I will look at my clothes in a different way and it will bring happiness to me in a time when it's tough. I think it's a really good lesson.

Erin Walsh (01:18:28):

Can I ask you a question because I love your lipstick.

Cindy (01:18:31):

I'm wearing two colors.

Erin Walsh (01:18:32):

Oh, fabulous. When you didn't have your hair, would you

Cindy (01:18:37):

Still- Yes. I wore it to chemo.

Erin Walsh (01:18:39):

I love it.

Cindy (01:18:40):

I did my nails and my lipstick and my pink skidder hat.

Erin Walsh (01:18:43):

It sounds like you already have an intentional relationship with the things that might be uplifting to you.

Cindy (01:18:48):

I do. I do. But I always wore lipstick and I wasn't going to go into chemo, sorry, looking drawn in like shit. I mean, it's bad enough to sit there and feel like shit. I want to at least have lipstick on in color.

Erin Walsh (01:19:01):

I feel like you're already embodying this bet. She already knew all that.

Cindy (01:19:06):

No, but I didn't know how to look at my closet in a way that made it not boring. As I said, I don't have a lot of clothes and I wear the same things, but I mix and match. Now with your advice, I can do this with that. And it's just going to go a lot further from what I have.

Mel Robbins (01:19:21):

Yeah. You love it because you were concerned when I asked you to be part of this episode, you're like, "I got a closet full of lands in. Do I have to buy something? What's happening?"

Cindy (01:19:29):

I know. And isn't it nice to

Mel Robbins (01:19:30):

Have a garage then?

Cindy (01:19:31):

That's what I wear that in Jay Crew. And it is because you look at things a different way now and it sets you up for a great day.

Mel Robbins (01:19:37):

I noticed you have something next to you. What do you got?

Cindy (01:19:40):

Well, after that cute Spencer left, I was thinking about what we did.

Mel Robbins (01:19:45):

That's one of our team

Cindy (01:19:46):

Members

Mel Robbins (01:19:46):

That filmed you

Cindy (01:19:47):

In your closet. She was wonderful. It took 20 takes, but we got it done. I thought, well, this is in my closet too. And this isn't clothing, but maybe I should wear my pearls more than just at night. I mean, why would I just say that to go out at night? These are pearls that mean locked to me. My kids gave them for me, my 65th birthday.

Erin Walsh (01:20:07):

Thank

Cindy (01:20:08):

You. I'm going to be wearing them when I come over here to get the dogs. How about that?

Erin Walsh (01:20:13):

I love it.

Cindy (01:20:15):

That's

Erin Walsh (01:20:15):

So great.

Cindy (01:20:16):

But wouldn't have thought about it if it wasn't you.

Mel Robbins (01:20:18):

Now, let's talk. You look very bold, very confident. Erin can probably put them on for you.

Cindy (01:20:24):

Yeah, I can. Could you? I love them, but I don't wear them enough. But now-

Mel Robbins (01:20:28):

Wear

Cindy (01:20:28):

Them

Mel Robbins (01:20:28):

Every day.

Cindy (01:20:29):

I'm not going to hesitate. I'm going to wear them during the day. Why not?

Erin Walsh (01:20:34):

It's an endorphin boost. It just offers a little bit of-

Cindy (01:20:37):

It does, but I pass it. I don't think twice about it until today.

Erin Walsh (01:20:41):

Pearls, you know what too? So pink is divine feminine color, like owning that. Pearls are divine feminine jewelry. Got that energy. Okay. Growing that out there.

Mel Robbins (01:20:51):

So is there anything else about this method that you want to say?

Cindy (01:20:56):

Yes. It's so simple and it's something that all of us can do, but we don't have the knowledge to think that way. You gave us that intuition now to think, okay, this is what I'm going to do in the morning. It's going to be fun. And it's not just another blah day of getting dressed. And I don't care if you're going out to lunch, if you're going to work, if you're going to a funeral, you have to put pride in what you're wearing and get some joy out of it. But people, we don't think that because we get up and do the same thing every day. We get dressed. Emotions. Now, the underwear, I don't know. I don't know the underwear. I'm not going to- No one to get Cindy for Christmas. My underwear. But anyway.

Mel Robbins (01:21:41):

What about your underwear?

Cindy (01:21:42):

My underwear. I got some of those big ones that Amy mentioned too. My God. Anyway, I don't spend a lot of money on underwear. Let's put it that way.

Erin Walsh (01:21:55):

It's okay. It's

Cindy (01:21:56):

Not about the funny.

Erin Walsh (01:21:56):

It's

Cindy (01:21:56):

About the

Erin Walsh (01:21:56):

Intention.

Cindy (01:21:58):

The intentions. But I thought I'd look on the outside and see what I've invested in. Love it. But anyway, I think it's a wonderful idea and it just can resonate with all of us. And so many people that are going to listen to this episode are going to come away and just feel good and feel fun and wait to go to sleep and wake up the next morning and go to their closets. It's great. It's just super. Super. You're super. Thank you.

Mel Robbins (01:22:26):

And you're bold. This is fun. And you're confident

Cindy (01:22:28):

And

Mel Robbins (01:22:28):

You're empowered. You're amazing.

Cindy (01:22:31):

Oh, thank you. Well, you are. This is great. Would it

Mel Robbins (01:22:32):

Be weird if I bought you new underwear?

Cindy (01:22:37):

Do I have to tell you my size? I

Mel Robbins (01:22:38):

Think I might get written up by HR if I bought everybody new underwear on the team. So we do have a lot of listeners around the world because this podcast, one of the magical things about it is it's intergenerational, and the power of it is that people share it with people in their lives. And someone will hear this who maybe in their 20s who will share this with their grandmother or great-grandmother or their favorite aunt. And so could you speak to the woman, Erin, or Cindy sitting next to you who is 60, 70, 80 about how to think about underwear? I know it's a weird question, but I just feel like I don't want to step over that- You know

Erin Walsh (01:23:26):

What?

Mel Robbins (01:23:27):

... because it is the first thing you put on. And I know so many people are going to be sharing this both to their adult kids, up to the grandmas, and there's something really important about this. Yeah,

Erin Walsh (01:23:38):

And it's foundational, actionably and actively. I would say ...

Mel Robbins (01:23:46):

Cindy, she's not looking so bold right now. She's like, "Are we really talking about my underwear?"

Erin Walsh (01:23:52):

I think we have such hesitation to get real with our bodies and maybe because when you get intentional about that, you're getting intentional with your parts that maybe you don't feel connected to anymore, especially as we get older, our bodies change and we just don't look at those things anymore. So when you get intentional about your underwear at whatever age, it's just emotion of honoring yourself and your potential again. It's a ritual to decide that you matter even in a small way. And as we know, as you do one thing is the way you do all things. So get intentional about that too. It's not that hard, guys. I'm

Mel Robbins (01:24:29):

Seeing high-waisted hot pink lace underneath those black types, Cindy. That's what I'm seeing.

Erin Walsh (01:24:37):

You got them coming from mouths.

Mel Robbins (01:24:40):

Right? That's what I'm seeing.

Cindy (01:24:41):

Pretty,

Mel Robbins (01:24:42):

Pretty

Erin Walsh (01:24:42):

Good. You can

Mel Robbins (01:24:42):

Find that

Cindy (01:24:43):

On Amazon

Erin Walsh (01:24:43):

Just with the vest. You get hang underwear? That would be so cute.

Cindy (01:24:45):

That would be pretty. I never thought of that. Pink in your color.That's more advice. I get excited before I go into my closet. I'll go into my drawer to get my pink underwear out, maybe my pink bra and then put on a nice outfit. It's a whole new

Erin Walsh (01:24:58):

Day. All bets are off. Yeah. It's amazing.

Cindy (01:25:01):

Oh, we learned so ... This is just great. I mean, really, I know I'm just kind of giggling here, but it's interesting and it resonates and it's going to resonate with so many else people that listen to this because you're right when you said it's underneath and we all start with getting dressed with nothing on and our underneath should be as much to us as what we wear going on the outside. Yeah, totally. Yes. It's a good point. But no one's told me that before.

Erin Walsh (01:25:29):

I think it's like we skip over the things we're uncomfortable with always. I think you're right. If you kind of refuse to do that, it sets you up for a deeper understanding of yourself and all the ways.

Mel Robbins (01:25:39):

I can't wait to see your pink underwear. Me too. It's going to be amazing. Cindy, you're amazing. Thank

Cindy (01:25:44):

You. Thank you. This team is amazing. Everybody's amazing. This is amazing.

Mel Robbins (01:25:50):

Erin, what I find so incredible about this way of getting dressed and asking yourself, how do I want to feel is how deep it cuts, how simple it is, how it flips something that you've done your entire life on its head. You do it a completely different way. And you just heard from three women in very different stages of their life who used your method and had shocking revelations about themselves, their body, the way that clothing can be a tool.

Erin Walsh (01:26:25):

I think we're all so much smarter and so much more intuitive than we give ourselves credit for. So it's asking yourself the question, how do I want to feel? It just makes everything possible because it opens you up to yourself, the good, the bad. There's not a bad, but the uncomfortable, the challenging, the raw, because all of those inform your possibility too. And it's only in getting familiar with those that you can see what your potential is. And whether that's wanting to feel more beautiful or more empowered or more, period. We all deserve

Mel Robbins (01:27:07):

That. What I was very struck by during our conversation today was how when you ask yourself that question, how do I want to feel? And you come up with

Cindy (01:27:17):

Your

Mel Robbins (01:27:18):

Three words, that as you do this more and more, you're probably going to recognize that you've put a lid on what's possible and that there's some other part of you, whether it's magic or it's feeling beautiful or it's being more bold or it's feeling confident in your own skin or feeling powerful at work, that you're going to learn to allow yourself to open the door to that as a possibility.

Erin Walsh (01:27:56):

I told you this, my friend, Laura Brown and Christina O'Neil, they wrote a book because they both got fired from their fancy jobs and it's called All the Cool Girls Get Fired. And Laura told me this metaphor about, she said, "We are sitting in the sandbox with our friends and we're all playing with our tools that feel comfortable and it's all pretty great and that's our box and we love it. " And then all of a sudden you look up and you realize your sandbox is on the beach. We make our own boxes of what's possible without thinking of everything else that is possible. And that can be very comfortable and certainly feel safe, but I know, and I believe we're here for more.

Mel Robbins (01:28:33):

Well, here's what I want you to do. In addition to you sharing this with every woman in your life, and I think you can share this with the men in your life too, I want, if you try this, for you to take a photo of what you put on your body after you asked yourself these six incredible words, "How do I want to feel?" And post it and tell us what your three words are and tag the Mel Robbins podcast and tag Erin Walsh and we will find you and cheer for you and celebrate you. I want to hear how this worked for you. And if you do this with your sisters or your roommates or your mom or your grandma, I want to see a photo of both of you. Erin Walsh, what are your parting words?

Erin Walsh (01:29:15):

What I think people will find, and I know we have found together, and I have certainly found this in all the years I've been doing this, it's not about the clothes, it's about your possibility. Say yes to your potential. Say yes to being magical. Say yes to being the person that you've always dreamed of becoming.

Mel Robbins (01:29:37):

Well, Erin Walsh, thank you. For giving us the key to unlocking the store of possibility and forever changing the drama and the headache and the trauma that we all experience in our closets and when we get dressed, it is simple, but I will go on the record and say you will be startled by how deep and for Profound, this hits you, how it changes you, how getting rid of things suddenly don't feel difficult or hard

(01:30:08):

Because it's no longer aligned with the possibility that you see for yourself. Thank you. Thank you so much. You're incredible. So are you. You're so incredible. And I also want to thank you. Thank you for spending time and making time listening to something that will fundamentally change your life. I truly believe when you try this and you ask yourself these six words and you pick your three words for the day, how do I want to feel? I want to feel bold. I want to feel beautiful. I want to feel confident. I want to feel empowered. I want to feel magical. Whatever your words are,

(01:30:43):

Your clothes suddenly become a tool to help you embody that and feel it. And so thank you for investing this time in yourself. Thank you for sharing this with everybody that you love and that you care about. I can't wait to see what you pick out of your closet and put on your body that help you feel the way that you deserve. And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you as your friend that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And part of that is reaching for and trying the tools that people like Erin are teaching to you. There is no doubt in my mind that when you start to embody the way that you want to feel, you start to dress the way that you want to feel, you will feel like that person and you will watch yourself become that person.

(01:31:31):

Alrighty. I'll see you in the very next episode. I'm going to welcome you in the moment you hit play. Thank you for watching all the way to the end. I am so excited to see what happens in your life and what happens in the lives of everybody that you share this with. I can tell you, it is so profound it's going to shock you. And one thing I wanted to ask you, if that subscribe button is lit up, would you just hit subscribe? It's free. It's the best way you can say, "I love these videos. Thanks, Mel. Thanks Aaron Walsh. Thanks Mel's team. I know you're the kind of person that loves supporting people who support you, so thank you for hitting subscribe. That's the best way to support us, and that way you're never going to miss another amazing episode of the Mel Robbins podcast.

(01:32:14):

Okay. I know you want to watch another one. So the next episode you're going to want to watch is this one, and I will welcome you in the moment you hit play.

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Key takeaways

When you stop rushing and pause before your closet, you reconnect with your energy, and choose clothing as a tool to embody who you actually want to be.
When you ask yourself how do I want to feel?, you stop seeking approval and start deciding you, your choices, and your feelings matter.
Every outfit you put on is already telling a story, and when you choose it consciously, you step into your next identity.
When you dress based on what will look acceptable, you confirm you’re not enough, but when you choose based on feeling aligned with what you want, you reclaim your power and move through the world differently.
You don’t need more clothes, you need to know what already makes you feel confident, supported, and strong, because those pieces become your foundation for showing up fully as yourself.

Guests Appearing in this Episode

Erin Walsh

Erin Walsh is a celebrity stylist and Women’s Wear Daily Stylist of the Year who teaches the psychology of getting dressed with intention.

Follow Erin on Instagram & TikTok
Check out Erin’s website
Sign up for Erin’s Substack

The Art of Intentional Dressing: Your Essential Style Guide for Manifesting a Magnetic Life
Every morning, millions of women get stuck before their day even begins, as they question: What am I going to wear? But behind the clothes burns a deeper question: Who do I want to be?

Celebrity stylist Erin Walsh’s success is driven by her core belief that your closet is a portal of possibilities, offering you daily choices about who you want to be, how you want to feel, and how to dress the part. In The Art of Intentional Dressing, she presents her transformative approach to practicing what she calls “manifestation in fashion form.” Her signature CREATE method will empower you to not only find your personal style, but find your magic—as you step into a life of presence, power, and purpose.

With can’t-miss tips, industry secrets, and deep attention to the mind-body-spirit connection, The Art of Intentional Dressing maps out:
- The CREATE method to bring your life and style into alignment
- The most common style blocks and how to edit your closet
- Mood archetypes to help you channel your personal style
- Color theory and a curated library of silhouette profiles to make wardrobe choices easy
- Grounding rituals for getting aligned as you get dressed
Get clarity in who you are and what you want, edit your narrative, and expand what’s possible—all through what you wear. Features beautiful original line drawings and fashion sidebar features throughout.

Resources

- UC Berkeley: The Importance of Authenticity
- Psychological Science: The Counterfeit Self: The Deceptive Costs of Faking It
- Manchester Fashion Institute: Comfort in clothing: Fashion actors and victims
- Journal of Experimental Social Psychology: Enclothed cognition
- Applied Psychology in Fashion: The Impact of Fashion and Clothing on Well-Being: A Positive Psychology Approach
- International Journal of Market Research: Finding yourself in your wardrobe: An exploratory study of lived experiences with a capsule wardrobe
- Mental Health Foundation: How can we protect, promote, and maintain body image?
- American Psychological Association: Mindfulness meditation: A research-proven way to reduce stress
- Vogue: How To Actually Measure Your Bra Size For a Perfect Fit

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Resources

2 Million Readers. 1 Life-Changing Newsletter

Related Episodes

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2 Million Readers.
1 Life-Changing Newsletter