How to Find Your Purpose: Stop Searching and Do This Instead

Mel Robbins (00:17:19):

Okay, so what is the aha moment?

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:17:21):

Yeah. So I realized one day I'm like, this makes no sense. There are thousands of makeup companies out there. How does nothing work for me? Right? Then I had this moment where I realized I've never seen a model with bright red, bumpy skin saying selling makeup. You always see these photoshopped airbrushed models. And I realized, Mel, like, wow, my whole life, I've actually loved those beauty commercials and I love seeing the magazines and I aspired to look like them. But deep down inside, they always made me feel like I wasn't enough.

 

(00:17:54):

And I had this moment, I was literally on the news set when this happened, where I was like, wait a minute. What if it's not just about launching a makeup product? What if I could actually figure out how to do it, which I had no idea how, and I had no money. It was like, what if I could actually launch a product that works for me? And what if I actually put real people as models, like every age, shape, size, skin tone, skin challenge? What if I use them as models, call them beautiful and mean it for every little kid out there who's about to start doubting themselves and every grown woman who still does, and that deep source of pain from how I was feeling not enough, and what could I do about it? That in my opinion, is one of the strongest ways to find your purposes. 

Mel Robbins (00:18:52):

Okay. That's like a mic drop moment from our professor of purpose, Jamie Kern Lima. So again, I like to unpack these things to make sure I always say, this is not just a listening podcast. It's a doing podcast, and I want to make sure nobody's left behind. And there was billions of dollars worth of wisdom that you just dropped. And so I want to try to unpack it for anybody that is listening to this, and you have this sense that you're made for more. 

(00:20:22):

Because it helps you and it's going to help other people. And I also want to point something out that Jamie will not tell you, but I sure as hell will. And that is that this was about 14 or 15 years ago. So we're talking 2007, 2008. Correct. In my opinion, Jamie Kern Lima is the reason why we have this real beauty movement. There always has to be the first person. And she was it. So when you look around the internet and social media and you see people doing naked faces, that was not something people did in 2007. It was all airbrush. It was all perfection. That was the beauty standard. There were no plus size or curvy models. That was not a thing back then. And so you've got a woman who is sitting in Seattle who has no experience and no money deciding that she is going to not only figure out how to create a makeup line for people who have issues with their skin, but that she's going to do something nobody has ever done, which is put real normal people like you and me into her campaigns.

 

(00:21:38):

When she finally gets this figured out and she's going to show people what her skin actually looks like in order to sell it. I mean, that was a revolutionary idea. She was the first, and I'm telling you this, because you could be the first, you have something inside of you that is a problem, something that you can solve, and you could be the first to change the way that people think about an issue. And so Jamie, let's pick up the story because how do you go from this aha moment? Like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, to doing something. 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:22:21):

Yes, we doubt 'em. We doubt 'em. We think like, oh, someone's already done it. Or Oh, whatever. First of all, if you're out there right now and you think, oh, you have an idea or a way you want to show up in the world or someone else you want to help, but you think, oh, someone's already done it. Literally, there's only one of you in the entire universe, which by definition means no one has ever done it the way you're going to do it. So when I launched

 

Mel Robbins (00:22:43):

This, say that again, Jamie. For the people that are like, whoa, whoa, whoa, kids, calm down. Wait, Jamie just said something. I was doing my dishes. Say that again. Talk about

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:22:54):

The fact that this matters. This is huge because I think the biggest reason we talk ourselves out of things is we think, oh, someone's already done it. Someone's already done it before. Who must be smarter than me or more talented, or more whatever it is than me? And what I have learned and then proven, and I want to tell you too about awe, I'm going to get so excited, Mel, because no, when you do this thing, don't be shocked then when there's millions and millions of rejections and people don't get it right, because it's never been done before, right?

 

Mel Robbins (00:23:25):

Oh, yes.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:23:25):

Because there's only one of you. There's only doing it the way you're going to do it. But just to recap that, there is literally only one of you in the entire universe. And so if you are going to show up to this world authentic, that means whatever you do, if it's authentic to you, it's actually by definition, it's never been done before. And so when you show up that way, don't be surprised if not everyone gets it right away. Or in my case, all the experts I put on pedestals all said no. That this idea of how I wanted to connect with women, they thought it wouldn't work, and they thought, I wouldn't therefore make them any money. But can I ask you a question real quick? How did you

 

Mel Robbins (00:24:07):

Go from the aha to starting? So what did that look like? I think if you're in this space where, 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:24:44):

So leaning on that why I had to do it, and why it felt like it was going to be part of my purpose was a big thing that helped me actually take the risk, quit my job.

 

Mel Robbins (00:24:55):

Wait, you quit your job because you had an aha moment.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:24:58):

Yeah, it was deep. I was like, if I had, what did it feel like? It felt like if I didn't do it, I would wake up the rest of my life with this pain in my gut, this longing, knowing I was created for more, it felt like if I didn't do it, I would have the pain of regret.

 

(00:25:19):

And if I did do it, I might have the pain of failure and maybe the pain of embarrassment, and then maybe the pain of, oh, wow, that doesn't feel like it went how I thought it was. I knew it was this big risk. I knew I was leaving what I thought was my dream job. Why did you have to quit your job? Just curious. It was literally from day one, I was all in. I dove all in. I knew if I was going to do this, I needed to just go all in on it. And I do not recommend this, but I started working a hundred hour weeks from the beginning. I was so freaking passionate about it. I couldn't stop thinking about, what if I can actually figure this out? What if I can? Literally, it became a big dream. So did you have any savings? Did you have a little bit of savings, very little

 

Mel Robbins (00:26:07):

Savings. You didn't pay yourself for the first three years that you did

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:26:09):

This first three years? So basically, my husband and I wrote this business plan, right? Quit our jobs, dove all in our living room, we poured all of our savings into it. I thought, Mel, and this is for someone watching us right now, I know this. I thought, if I can figure the product out, it's going to be huge.

 

(00:26:29):

And then I realized, oh, being an entrepreneur or launching a dream is not always that easy. We put every penny we had into it. And once we actually created a product and we were scrappy, if you want to know how did you create a product? Are you in your kitchen buying stuff at the grocery store? Or how does this even work? Okay, so first, I love that technology is right there. So researching, how are makeup formulations made? Who makes them? What are the FDA regulatory compliance, all the unsexy stuff. I know nothing about just diving into the research phase of how does this happen? And then what I learned is that manufacturers are makeup company's closest held secrets. Closest held secrets. They won't disclose who they work with, but a lot of these big manufacturers work with all the top brands that you see, or a handful of them. Gotcha. So I started,

 

Mel Robbins (00:27:21):

So are you saying that all of the brands and top brands that you see are basically manufactured by a handful of companies?

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:27:28):

Yes. Handful of companies. And then some do it in-house as well.

 

Mel Robbins (00:27:32):

Gotcha.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:27:33):

So what I did was scrappy. I walked into a Sephora, I wrote down the name of every single brand in there, went home. I had no money, cold call every single brand and saying like, oh, I'm looking for a really great manufacturer. Could you let me know who you? And then they hang up on me. You know what I mean? One after another, after another after another. And I got this really small brand in a totally different kind of positioning where the girl who answered said, oh, here's who we use. They're in New York City, blah, blah, blah. So that was my first manufacturer, reached out to them, had a meeting in person, had no money, poured this idea out to them. They took a risk making me samples. And that's how it started. It was just really being scrappy and trying to figure it out. All of our money had went into the product development formula and the advisory board of the product,

 

(00:28:23):

And I thought, okay, now we have a product that works for me. This was after hundreds of formula iterations. I thought that was going to be it. So is this year one or year two? How long did this take? Yeah, it took a good first year to get that product. And then what I started doing was sending it to everyone I thought was just going to believe in me instantly. So I sent it to Sephora and Ulta Beauty and all the department stores and all of the online retailers, QVC, which is live television shopping channel. And I thought, oh my gosh, this is going to be huge.

Mel Robbins (00:29:09):

Were you and your husband fighting like crazy? You should go back to work. You should. But why do we do that? Were you doing that?

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:29:14):

You want to know what it was? We still believed in it, but we weren't sure how we were going to make it. It was friends and family that were like, wait, you quit your job. Are you sure you should have quit your job or wait? You still haven't made any money. It's been three years. So you hear all of this, the voices get so loud.

 

(00:29:33):

The loudest though were my own self-doubt. Sometimes we take a chance and go for something. Our gut is telling us to do it. And then all of a sudden you face all this opposition and you start to question, is my gut wrong? Is my knowing wrong? And there were so many times where I would literally get another brutal no from Sephora or QVC or whoever it was, and I would just literally cry myself to sleep. I would pray about it and be like, God, I feel like I'm supposed to be doing this, but nothing is going.

 

Mel Robbins (00:30:05):

So let's just pause in that moment because I get a lot of questions from listeners who, because of the things that have happened in their past, they don't know how to trust their intuition. And I get a lot of questions about decision-making and how to truly, in a situation like this where you are burning through your entire life savings, you have left your dream job, you have gotten no after, no after, no after, no after, no. How do you stay connected to your intuition in a situation like that? What tool do you have? Or what advice can you give to somebody who's having trouble hearing what the right decision is in that kind of situation?

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:31:00):

So I think that intuition is a muscle that we build

 

(00:31:05):

Over time, and I think it's a lifelong journey to really learning how to hear it and to trust it. And one of the greatest tools, I think, is to go back, think back to times in your life where maybe you had this gut feeling to do something, and everyone around you said, don't do it. So you listened to them, you didn't trust yourself. And then think about what happened. And then similarly, go back to a time where everyone was like, oh, no way. No way. And you're like, but I love him. I don't think he's lying. I think his phone really did break five times every weekend. He didn't disappear his phone. Think about that situation when everyone was telling you something and you didn't listen, or even your gut was telling you and you didn't listen, and you think back to those times and you start to develop pattern recognition of how it felt in moments in your life when you trusted yourself or didn't, and what happened. And you get better attuned to what that feels like. What does it feel

 

Mel Robbins (00:32:09):

Like for you in both situations? Can you describe what it feels like for you when you're like, yep, nope. That's a no.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:32:15):

And

 

Mel Robbins (00:32:15):

What does it feel like for you when you're like, I'm sticking with this?

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:32:18):

Yeah. Often it's the tiniest of feelings in my gut. Some people described as a still small voice. I pray about it. I ask God to give me the answers, and I try to live the answers. Do you feel the answers that God gives you? Is that what happens for you when you do this right now? When I look at you, I know you're a beautiful soul. I just know it. You know it, feel it. I feel like you have good, you're good. You know what I mean? It's a feeling. And we get these feelings, but so much around us is so loud, and we just learn over time. And by the way, not to go, this could be a whole other episode, but especially as women from the time we're young, we learn not to trust ourselves. We walk into our parents fighting and we go, is everything okay? They're like, everything's great. Everything's great to protect us. We start to learn to doubt ourselves, right? Or especially as young girls, you learn to make decisions by consensus, often with your friends or making

 

Mel Robbins (00:33:21):

Other people happy,

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:33:21):

Making other people happy, people pleasing. We're rewarded for pleasing everyone else and almost ignoring what we feel. So if you're someone who's an adult right now going, I don't even know how to hear my own gut or trust myself, that's why we've been trained out of learning how to do it. So it takes intentionality and really deciding, oh, you know what? I'm going to put in some time, even if it's five minutes a day, just to thinking about moments in my life where I trusted myself, where I didn't. And if you don't remember any of them, start now. You know what you just inspired me to think about?

Jamie Kern Lima (00:34:39):

That. And you start building that muscle, right? And the more you do that, some people don't even pay attention to what they actually want to eat for dinner. They're just like, what? Sounds good to everyone? But to your point, when you start paying attention, then you also start building that knowing of hearing your own knowing. Do you think it's possible

 

Mel Robbins (00:34:56):

To discover your unique purpose in life if you are not connected and listening to your intention and

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:35:05):

Intuition? I mean, and your own intuition? Here's how I think it's it's way more likely, and you're going to actually discover more than one purpose often if you're really tuned in to your intuition and you're intentional about it. But what I'll say for someone who feels like they can't hear their gut, but they still want to find their purpose, 

(00:36:22):

To carry the weight of our purpose. That's to come. Or we've gone through these horrible unspeakable times, things we would never want to happen to us again in our life, because we're actually going to get our greatest source of fulfillment and purpose by one day helping someone else who's going through them.

 

Mel Robbins (00:36:41):

I love that saying that you're best equipped to help the person you used to be.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:36:46):

Yes. Yes.

 

Mel Robbins (00:36:48):

So let's go to that moment, Jamie. You're three years in.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:36:52):

Yeah.

 

Mel Robbins (00:36:52):

You've burned through the money.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:36:53):

Yes.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:37:14):

Yes.

 

Mel Robbins (00:37:14):

And a ton of product and no money.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:37:16):

Yes.

 

Mel Robbins (00:37:16):

What is the turning point?

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:37:17):

Yes.

 

Mel Robbins (00:37:18):

Why did you not give up?

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:37:19):

Yeah. So two big things happened. The first was in the form of a crazy painful rejection. So I thought, Mel, so we got a call from a big potential investor and very famous for launching all these sort of unknown brands and making 'em big products. We all buy in grocery stores. And they'd gotten a hold of our product, and I thought like, oh, if they invest, then A, I'm not going to go bankrupt. B, we can leverage their clout to get in these stores that keep telling me No. I had this whole scenario planned out. That was this pretty woman moment where I was like, oh, he's going to save the day. And so we started taking meeting after meeting, and it got down to the final meeting with this huge investment firm. And it was in person. My husband and I actually flew to the meeting, and the head guy was about three feet from me, and his whole team was there who was awesome. I had just presented our whole future product pipeline. And he says, you should be so proud of this product. You're created, you've created, it's really, really good, but it's a no. We're going to pass on investing in cosmetics. And I was like, okay, can you tell me why? Because I'm so used to hearing no. And I was like, okay, even though really, I was devastated. Well, yeah, they

 

Mel Robbins (00:38:34):

Just led you on and you just went through it. And this was supposed to be the meeting where they're like, let's do this.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:38:39):

And I was so hopeful, and I was so desperate. And he got very quiet, and he says to me, do you want to know? I said, can you tell me why? And he says to me, do you want me to be really honest with you? And I said, yes, please. And he got really quiet, and he's like three feet from me in person. And he says, I just don't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your weight. 

(00:40:10):

Yes, yes. Right? But if you get still and you learn to hear your knowing, I believe which one you listen to, if you listen to the no, all the nos, all the rejections, all the self-doubt, or you get still and listen to your knowing, whether that's from your own intuition, from your creator, from the universe, whatever speaks to you. But we all have it. We all have it. And I believe our life and our purpose and our entire destiny comes down to which one we listen to. Do you listen to the know, or do you listen to the knowing,

 

Mel Robbins (00:40:45):

Okay, I promised a masterclass. That right there is worth a billion dollars in life. Are you going to listen to the know, or are you going to listen to the knowing inside of you? That's it. As somebody who loves you and is your friend, when you shared that story with me and hearing you tell it again right now, I literally go, I'm going to kill that motherfucker. I go, I have that. My knowing goes, oh, yeah. Oh yeah. You think, okay, okay. Yeah. Okay, lemme show you. It's that. I get that sort of mojo going when somebody says no like that. At a moment like that, it's like, I'll show you. And I guess I just got in this moment, sort of this wake up call that my knowing often feels like, I'll show you.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:41:48):

Yeah,

 

Mel Robbins (00:41:49):

You missed out. You'll be sorry. What is yours

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:41:53):

Sound like? And it's almost always true. That's almost always true, right? What is your sound like? So is yours or is it more of, I mean, in that case, I was devastated and at the same time had this strong, it was just a peace, honestly, in that moment. It was a piece he's wrong. And that didn't make sense in my head. Why? Because I had had three years of hundreds of rejections. And this is the thing, right? Jay-Z says, the genius thing we did was we didn't give up.

 

(00:42:21):

That's one of my favorite quotes of his. In that moment, everything told me to give up Mal. I mean, it was hundreds of rejections. And now what felt like my last hope of desperation told me something totally different? No, because not only do I not believe in anything you're doing necessarily, but I actually just think you're personally not the right fit. Women just won't buy makeup from, it was just like, oh my gosh. It was like all of these nos everywhere. And I want to share that because it's easy for someone to go, oh, wow, she built a billion dollar company. She must have just got lucky. Or maybe she just had so many connections, or we always think, but really what it comes down to sometimes in this case, that big moment for me, do you listen to the nos or you listen to the knowing, right? And I made that decision that day to trust the knowing to trust myself. I kept feeling like I was supposed to keep going. I didn't know how. Right? 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:43:27):

And so the next right step, the next thing that feels right when you can't even see how the heck gets to work out, 

 

Mel Robbins (00:43:35):

How do you determine what the next right step

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:43:36):

Is? For me, I just get still, I pray. I pray that I pray, and I just, but whether for you listening, it's prayer or it's the universe or your intuition, when you get still, all you can do is try to listen and try to live that answer whatever it is, and take that next right step. And I just felt, I just had this knowing I was supposed to keep going. And even when it didn't make sense, and I remember crying myself to sleep, I remember writing in my journal, know Your Why, then Fly Girl Fly.

 

(00:44:10):

And I read those words every day till I didn't need the reminder. I would Google stories of people that had gone through thousands of rejections who no one would know that they went through them. So successful today. And I just kept trying to build this toolbox of things I could lean on.

 

Mel Robbins (00:44:29):

How did Q VVC come about? You built it cosmetics, and it became because of you the most successful beauty brand on all of QVC. You did over a thousand appearances. So how did you even get onto QVC? Because that in and of itself is no small feat.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:44:52):

Yeah. Well, their head guy of beauty who's like a legend, had said no to me many times. No, you're not the right fit. And I happened to be at this big beauty expo

 

Mel Robbins (00:45:03):

And was this before or after this guy was like, no, we're not investing

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:45:06):

After.

 

Mel Robbins (00:45:07):

So she has now gotten three years of nose. They're almost out of money. Her intuition is known that she's going to fly, girl fly. So she is still showing up to a beauty expo

 

(00:45:20):

Where I want you to understand, in the business world, it's like going to a convention where everybody that you have ever fooled around with who has then broken up with you is attending. So everybody that has said no to her, she walks in and it's like, oh, here's this chick again, the IT chick, right? Yep. The IT cosmetics person that has been sending me the stuff and calling me, and we have told her, no, do not make eye contact. So you are now at this thing. This

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:45:52):

Describes it exactly who you fooled around with, who broke up with you. And they're like, oh, don't make eye contact. It's that, oh

 

Mel Robbins (00:45:58):

God, this check again with the skin, with the, okay.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:46:01):

Yep.

 

Mel Robbins (00:46:01):

So you're at this thing you've been told no by the big, big, big, big person. It's been three years. We're talking like 2011, 2012 ish.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:46:10):

What do you do? So you get this three foot table, right? It's a huge convention. There's 6,000 women at this convention. They're walking up and down, and it's every beauty brand in the world. Are they buying it for their stores? No. So what it is, it was this big cosmetic executive women award show.

 

(00:46:28):

And why you're there is you get a three foot table, you're demonstrating your product. You're hoping that someone who walks by either wants to carry your product in their stores, or all the press is there, they cover your product, or there's also, you can win some big award. So I'm there, and then all the brands you can imagine are there, and there's 6,000 women walking. And when I got there, I saw QVC had this huge booth in the background, and you're not allowed to leave your table. And I couldn't afford to get kicked out, but I just kept having this feeling like, okay, I've called them a million times. They've told me no forever, but I've never met anyone in person. So I kept trying to sneak away from my table, and every time I got over there, the buyers would be mobbed with people. I eventually got over there, made my way to one of the buyers, introduced myself, poured my heart out with, I remember sweat just dripping through my clothes. I was freaking out down to no money.

 

(00:47:24):

I'll cut a real long story short, but she gave me her card. And it's like when someone says, oh, DM me on Instagram, you don't know if they really mean it. Then you're on your Instagram checking your dms, and you're like, oh, they still haven't replied. And I thought, is that what it's going to be like? But she actually meant it. And I flew out, had a meeting with her, we got a yes, my first big yes for one shot on QVC. And what it meant, Mel, was I was going to get this 10 minute segment live on the air, live in front of a hundred million homes, and I either had to sell enough product to hit their sales goal or not come back. We were only doing one to two orders a day on our website,

 

Mel Robbins (00:48:09):

One to two orders a day, everybody after almost four, yeah, three years of this. This is barely keeping the lights on.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:48:20):

And

 

Mel Robbins (00:48:21):

So now you get this, get your shot. There are those moments in life.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:48:25):

Yes,

 

Mel Robbins (00:48:26):

You're at bat.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:48:27):

Yep.

 

Mel Robbins (00:48:29):

And you got to be ready for those.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:48:31):

Yeah.

 

Mel Robbins (00:48:31):

And so put us right there with you. What happened?

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:48:34):

Yeah. 

Mel Robbins (00:49:06):

I also want to point out to everybody that's 10 years of sales on her website at the current amount. So in 10 minutes, everybody, she on live television has to move 10 years worth of volume. She was selling on her website at that time

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:49:22):

In one shot.

 

Mel Robbins (00:49:23):

In one shot. And she'd never done this before. I realize you were a television anchor, but this is a totally different thing.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:49:28):

Well, QVC, I mean, it's unlike stores where you can walk in and there's thousands of products in one space, they're one minute of airtime can get one product. So you're competing with the volume of Apple iPhone or Dyson Vacuum. You have to hit these highest sales goals.

 

(00:49:46):

And what I quickly learned was the offer was consignment, which meant I wasn't guaranteed to be paid for it. I had to figure out how to get a loan to cover the cost of manufacturing 6,000 units of product, shipping it in, going through legal, going through qc, going through all of it. And then I learned if I go on air and it doesn't sell, I have to take it all back. Oh my God. And therefore, go out of business. So you should never, ever, ever accept a purchase order you can't afford to lose ever. But at this point, it was like, I think I'm, I don't know what else to do. This is it. This is the shot. This is it. And so here's what happened. We went to 22 banks that all said no, and they probably should have the 23rd bank, which was California Bank and Trust gave us a loan that covered our very first purchase order and a little bit more.

 

(00:50:38):

So I took the little bit more, we hired third party consultants. I'm like, I'm going all in. I want to do the best 10 minutes I could possibly do. I want to have no regrets. And they all told me the same thing, which is, if you want a chance at making it, here's what you need to do. You need to use this type of model to demonstrate your product, which is flawless skin, early twenties, all the same skin tone. And I'm like, okay, but that's inauthentic. That's not why I'm building this brand. I'm like, what if I put models in their seventies and someone with hyperpigmentation and someone with acne, and what if I take my own makeup off on national TV and I could prove live how the product works? And they were mortified. And here's the thing, Mel, they wanted me to win. They were giving me the best advice that they know how, and this had

 

Mel Robbins (00:51:29):

Never been done. So is this 2011?

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:51:32):

This is 2010.

 

Mel Robbins (00:51:33):

So 2010, everybody. So this was not something people did. We're talking about the person who changed the industry right here. And this is the moment you're hearing it. And everybody that we're the experts we're saying no. And this goes back to one of the major takeaways that you're learning from our professor of purpose, Jamie Kern Lima. And that is there's a huge difference between a no and a knowing. And if you're the only you that will ever exist, your knowing is the unique difference that you're going to make in this world, in this moment. With one shot to go everything on the line alone from one out of 23 banks that was willing, she said, no way to the fricking experts. And she listened to her knowing. 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:52:37):

Yep.

 

Mel Robbins (00:52:37):

Did people say, wait, you can't take them on the air? Or was there any, were people like, oh, this is going to be terrible. What was that like when you walked in? Did they even know you were going to take your makeup

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:52:47):

Off? Yeah, I let them know I wanted to, and QVC was great. Here's the thing about QVC is they want everyone to be their authentic selves. This has never been done this way before.

 

(00:52:59):

And I wish I could say it was easy for me to just go, I'm just going to go with my knowing. But the truth is, I flew out there a week early, Mel. I sat in a rental car in the parking lot, cried every day. I actually second guessed myself. I'm like, if I do it, maybe I'll do it their way first, then I'll make money, then I'll do it my way. 

Mel Robbins (00:53:28):

Okay, everybody stop the professor classes in session. Did you hear that? That inauthenticity being fake, trying to do something everybody else's way because that's just, you're too insecure to do it your way. That never guarantees success.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:53:45):

Yeah.

 

Mel Robbins (00:53:45):

Authenticity, knowing your special spin on things, that is the pathway to purpose and success. There is no other way. And so after a week of crying in your rental car and the parking lot at QVC, you were like, I'm going with the knowing. I'm

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:54:04):

Going with the

 

Mel Robbins (00:54:04):

Knowing. And so tell us about that first appearance. You're standing there on a television set. There's a bazillion cameras, the lights are bright,

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:54:13):

You

 

Mel Robbins (00:54:13):

Got your models there. You're taking the risk of your lifetime on live television in front of a hundred million homes.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:54:21):

You

 

Mel Robbins (00:54:21):

Are doing something that has never been done on television before.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:54:25):

Yeah. I remember literally I wore two pairs of Spanx smell, not because I cared how I looked, but I was so freaked out. My hands were shaking and I was sweating through my clothes. So I had on double Spanx under my dress, and I remember the moment the camera went live, and there's a big countdown clock on the floor that started at 10 minutes. And by the way, a minute or two before I went onto the set, I learned, you're not guaranteed your 10 minutes. Why? If you are a minute or two into your cell and you're not hitting numbers, they know by the second your clock, you might think you have eight minutes still to go and your clock will jump to one or jump to two minutes left because your product's a flop. Yep,

 

Mel Robbins (00:55:02):

Exactly. And you're a flop. So you literally are racing against the clock to be successful out of the gate. So what did you do to hook everybody? Did you take your makeup off right away?

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:55:13):

What did you do? So first of all, I go, I go live. I remember it was like 9 59, 9 58. And I'm like, I remember I had practiced in my bathroom mirror so many times. If I had known the high five habit, then I would've been way more confident. But I was practicing in the bathroom mirror this demonstration a million times on my wrist how our concealer doesn't crease. And the best two selling concealers crease. And I'd done this demonstration like this where I show it and they all start to crease. So I'm holding my wrist up, trying to do this as we go live to show, but my hand's like this now. And it was never shaking when I was doing an amazing

 

Mel Robbins (00:55:49):

Time, meaning it wouldn't bend everybody. She

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:55:51):

Was so

 

Mel Robbins (00:55:52):

Anxiety ridden that she's sweating through her two pairs of Spanx and her wrist will not bend. So she cannot demonstrate that her product won't crease.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:56:01):

Yes. And the host grabbed my wrist and was like, thank you, sugar. And she took over. And then I remember my bright red, bare face before shot coming up on national television. I remember walking over to our models, real women, all shapes, sizes, skin tones, skin challenges, calling them beautiful meaning it. I remember.

 

Mel Robbins (00:56:22):

So when did take your makeup off, when she grabbed your hand and said, thank you. Sugar.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:56:25):

Yeah.

 

Mel Robbins (00:56:25):

Yeah.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:56:26):

Sweet. Did that wake you off or were you like, Mel? It was out of my body. I was

 

Mel Robbins (00:56:30):

Just crazy. Did you just then take your makeup off?

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:56:33):

Well, they did a whole bare face before shot at me for that show. I've taken it off live a million times since that first show. It was like, yeah, bare face before a shot and then the after. And I remember walking over to the, I remember we were, gosh, six or seven minutes in. I didn't know how we were doing, but I knew we weren't cut yet. And then it got down to a minute left and the host said the deep shade's almost gone. The tan shade's almost sold out. And I was freaking out. And I remember literally right at the 10 minute mark, this giant sold out sign came up across the screen and I start crying on national television.

 

Mel Robbins (00:57:08):

Oh, I love you.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:57:09):

They cut from me and went to Dyson vacuum or something. And I remember my husband came rushing through the double doors of the studio and he has his arms up and I'm just sobbing. And I'm like, real women have spoken and I'm just crying. And I thought he was going to give me a hug or be all excited. And he just looked at me and he's like, we're not going bankrupt. And I was like, and I just, that one airing, which was September of 2010, became five more that year than 101 the next year. And then I did 250 live shows a year myself, direct live on QVC year after year. So we built the biggest beauty brand and Q C's history. And the only reason that I share that is because it was years of no. 

(00:58:41):

By the time many years, six years later, after that day, six years later, when L'Oreal bought this little company, I started my living room for 1.2 billion cash. I was the largest shareholder. Paulo and I were largest shareholders. 

Mel Robbins (00:59:29):

So have you ever seen that investor since I have not seen him. The day that we, of course, I asked the petty question, I'm like, have

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:59:38):

You ever seen him to twist the little

 

Mel Robbins (00:59:41):

Knife in their,

 

Jamie Kern Lima (00:59:42):

So I heard from him one time ever again, and it was six years later the day that L'Oreal announced the deal. So because they're a public company, they announced that they had acquired at cosmetics, made me the first woman to hold a CEO title of a brand. In their 107 year history, they did the big press release. That's kind of surprising.

 

Mel Robbins (01:00:03):

107 years. L'Oreal a makeup company. It took them that long to have the first female CEO of a brand.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (01:00:12):

I hope they have many more now. That is my prayer. Yeah,

 

Mel Robbins (01:00:15):

You were

 

Jamie Kern Lima (01:00:16):

The trailblazer there too. It's been, yeah, so many things. It's been a journey. And here's the thing, Mel, it was another woman inside. It was Carol Hamilton who was head of luxury for North America. She'd been there, gosh, 30 plus years. And she championed

 

(01:00:31):

For me to keep my CEO title, all the things. It was another woman saying, oh, and it's funny because I actually think she should have been the first woman. You know what I mean? And I think, again, there's an example by the way of I believe, I'm not going to speak for her. I believe she knows, this is my opinion, I think she probably knows she should be the first female CEO. But look how she used what she went through to then boom, be of purpose and of service and help make sure that I kept my CEO title, everything we go through. So they announced it. So all of a sudden it was a homepage, wall Street Journal, the press everywhere. And that was the first time and only time since that I heard from that potential investor.

 

Mel Robbins (01:01:12):

And what did he say?

 

Jamie Kern Lima (01:01:13):

He said, congratulations on the L'Oreal deal. I was wrong, is what he said. And wished me the best of luck. That's a

 

Mel Robbins (01:01:22):

Big deal to admit. You're wrong.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (01:01:24):

It is. And so when you speak about petty, so what I did say to him was, thank you. But what I wanted to say, what did you want to say? So in that moment, here's what I thought about. I thought about, do you remember the movie Pretty Woman where she goes in the store and they wouldn't help her? And then she goes back, remember when she goes back? Yes. So I wanted to say to him, big mistake. Huge, huge. I could give you 1.2 billion reasons why it was a huge mistake. But I didn't have wanted to be him in that situation. We probably would've been one of the most successful investments in his firm's history. And so listen, it wasn't, I always say rejection is God's protection. So often there's

 

Mel Robbins (01:02:14):

Another one, everybody, rejection is God's protection. It's a good way to frame it. And I think when you look in the rear view mirror, you know that all the rejections you've faced, especially in relationships, were there to protect you. I think the true thing that you've taught me through your story and through the example that you continue to set, Jamie, is that 

(01:04:38):

Or their next job. And a lot of times we can be doing a job that's fine, and maybe for family reasons. We need that health coverage and we need that paycheck. And your purpose can be found in the things you do. Outside of that, there's a lot of ways to listen to that knowing and your gut, and then when it feels right, that's aligned with who you're born to be and how you're born to show up in the world. And so for me right now, there's that famous saying, just because you can, should you, there's a big part of me now with all these, could I go launch a bunch of businesses? Yes. And what I feel drawn to is literally because here's the deal, yes, I've built a billion dollar business. Yes, I have other companies that I invest in. You also are married

 

Mel Robbins (01:05:34):

And you have two beautiful children.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (01:05:36):

Yes. A two year

 

Mel Robbins (01:05:37):

And 4-year-old, and you're incredibly devoted to your family.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (01:05:42):

Well, and here's the thing is that's all part of my story. But when I look at my real story, meaning the part that ties deeply to my purpose, my real story is a girl who went from not believing in herself to learning how to. And so when I wake up in the morning and I think about the things I've done so far, the things I hope for my kids for and how I built a billion dollar business, it was really through seeing women helping the see themselves and believe in themselves and believe they are worthy and enough. And that's what fires me up every morning. So when I think about what I'm stepping into next, I wrote Believe It, which is about my book, about how to go from underestimated to unstoppable, donated all the proceeds I'm donating all the proceeds through not a hundred percent. I funded leadership,

 

Mel Robbins (01:06:36):

Hold on, hold on. Let's just underscore that. So she writes, A New York Times bestseller donates all the proceeds from the book to nonprofit. It's just donates them.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (01:06:48):

And the book is just, it's

 

Mel Robbins (01:06:50):

Incredible. Thank you. It's like a little manual that you should have on your bedside table. Jamie will be smiling at you and you'll see that you're not alone, that we're in this together. And her example of learning how to go from doubting herself to believing in herself is the journey that each and every one of us is on.

 

(01:07:15):

And so you're kind of in this soup of knowing that this is the area where you want to focus the impact, but you're not being a very, very, very good friend of yours. I know that you're not, it's still a fuzzy target, so to speak, as our friend Dean would say, it's a fuzzy target if somebody kind of has a sense that there's something more, but they don't quite have their, they haven't had that aha moment yet that you had almost 14 years ago sitting on that television set. I am going to make makeup and I'm going to bring real women in. I'm going to show my skin and I'm going to solve this problem. I'm going to make people think that they're beautiful. They are beautiful no matter what their body, and you did it, you did it. 

Jamie Kern Lima (01:08:12):

Yeah, two things. One, waiting for it to be perfect can be the lowest vibration, biggest excuse,

 

(01:08:19):

Number one reason why people just never try and never get started. So I think it's rare to ever have complete clarity. This is exactly perfect. That's why I think two things. I think just taking a step and seeing how it feels is good tuning into your knowing. I also think, Dean, so you mentioned our friend Dean who was saying it's a fuzzy target. He was saying something to me recently about almost like when you're about to aim a bow and arrow and you're about to let go of the arrow. He's like, you can aim and turn it and twist it a few times before you let go of the arrow. It's okay to wait a little bit and just make sure you're going to aim at the right thing. So this year, for example, I've been doing that, I've been saying, how do things feel? I have the gift and blessing of being here with you right now.

 

Mel Robbins (01:09:11):

How does this feel?

 

Jamie Kern Lima (01:09:12):

It feels amazing. So does this mean I love you? You're going to do a talk show? Maybe. Maybe you could teach me all the ropes, Mel, and then partly I am a failed talk show host. Okay, don't even you. That

 

Mel Robbins (01:09:25):

Is true. My talk show got canceled. Why? Because I can tell you why. Go ahead. Well, I was going to apply the lessons from Professor Purpose, but I'd

 

Jamie Kern Lima (01:09:37):

Like to hear you tell me why I think our steps are ordered. Why? I think because you are going to own all of what you're doing and make it so much bigger than anyone else who owned it could have made it. That's true. So by that definition, I think you're the most successful talk show host. That's the first thing, at least in the podcast. But no, I love, I think it's all going to be the same. I think a show is a show. You know what I mean? The world's changing so rapidly. And I love too that you can do this show on your terms. It's true. You can do it on your terms. And that's why it is so huge on your terms.

 

Mel Robbins (01:10:18):

Well, like you, and maybe this is one of the reasons why we have become such dear friends in such a short period of time, and I often say on the show that I truly believe that the best years of your life and the best friendships that you'll have are on the road ahead.

 

(01:10:36):

But a lot of the reason why we connected so profoundly, even though we are different in many, many ways, is that it goes back to the Denny's waitress. Like at my core, I am still the waitress making money waiting tables at the Red Rooster Tavern on Scenic Drive in North Muskegon, Michigan, same as you stalling because the fryer has now broken and the fried perch is not coming out. And I'm talking to the tourists from Chicago and I'm treating everybody kindly. And I know that all I want to do is impact people's lives that are just got their head down and they don't feel very seen or heard. And I want to make them know that they have it within them to tap into this incredible power inside them to create whatever they want in life. And it starts with believing that you can and having somebody like you on who has demonstrated that is really important for people to hear

 

Jamie Kern Lima (01:11:41):

On that topic of friendship. I love so much that you are the friend that people need to your audience. And what I mean by that, and I'm honored to be the friend for this episode with you to everyone. And what I mean by that, Mel, is I think you and I love each other for who we authentically are, the Denny's waitress, the Red Rooster, and we also are friends that help pull each other into who we're becoming. And I think so often, and that's why I love and your show also as you know, of course, but I just want to call it out, that your show can be this for people who feel like, how do I find those friends that help pull me into my future? Because so often the people around us, while they might mean really, really well and love us dearly, pull us into our past or for their own comfort zone, want us to stay the person we were or are. And it's so important because we're talking about purpose, to try and add friends to your circle who truly want the best for you, not just what they think is the best for them in you, but what the best for you. And you do that for me. I do that for you. This show, your show I know does that for people as well and so honored to be part of that. Thank you.

 

Mel Robbins (01:12:59):

I want to just highlight one final thing and then I have a surprise to tell you listening to us right now. Yes, we have a surprise for you. It's really exciting with professor purpose over here. And I am having a menopause moment where the drawbridge is open and my brain, and now the drawbridge is not closing and connecting the dots on this profound thing that I wanted to say. So let me see if I can, everything you say is order this hardly, but I appreciate you saying that. I think one of the things that I've learned, and it took me a long time to learn this, is that there is so much success and happiness to go around. And when you lift other people up and you reach out for help, that your success comes faster. And it's richer

 

(01:13:54):

Both emotionally and in terms of monetarily, I, and I just remembered what I wanted to say, and it's this, and it goes back to purpose. 

(01:15:12):

Not theirs. And so in a weird way, a ton of nos or a lot of friction or bumping up against things as you're trying, you can't understand. Why don't people get this? Why isn't this working? It's because it's your knowing not theirs. Amazing. Okay, so the surprise, okay, so Jamie Kern Lima has just given you a fricking masterclass. She puts you in the seat next to her as we have driven down a 15 year journey in her life

 

(01:15:41):

And just insight after insight after insight. And I'm really excited because Jamie also wanted to talk to you, and I know you're going to have a bazillion questions. And so here's how we're going to do this. Just go to the comments and in all caps, and we will put this in our description below in all caps. Just say Question for Jamie. Question for Jamie. I love it. And we are going to consolidate all of your questions and we're going to have Jamie back and we are going to do an episode where literally a woman who went from starting this company in her living room, all the way to selling it for 1.2 billion, and who has demonstrated what it looks like to tap into your knowing, to just turn those rejections into protection, to keep stepping in an ordered way through her life. She is going to be here at zero cost for you to answer your questions because that is who Jamie Kern Lima is. That is why I love you. I love you. You're just the fricking best and in case nobody else has told you, I want to just make sure that we end by saying that I love you.

 

Jamie Kern Lima (01:17:08):

I know Jamie does too. Yeah, I love you also, and you're worthy of your greatest hopes and your wildest dreams and all the unconditional love in the world and your purpose and worthy of grace, the grace that you want to give yourself on this journey, and we're all in it together. That's the beauty and power of your show also. We're all in it together.

 

Mel Robbins (01:17:27):

We are. Well, we believe in you. So get out there and do it. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, bye. God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.