8 Simple Reminders That Make Life Easier

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You don't have to have everything figured out to take better care of yourself. So today I have eight simple reminders for you. Eight simple reminders that will hold you up when your mind starts spinning. And you're going to love this because it's almost like I knew this. I just needed to be reminded that one small next step, just that little thing can make you feel like, okay, okay, I can do today. Because the fact is you can do today. You're not only going to do today, you're going to feel so much better by the end of it. All right, let's jump in and start with reminder number one. Hey, it's Mel. I am so excited about this episode. I know it's coming. It is extraordinary. You're going to love this, but one thing that my team just showed me that I don't love so much, 51% of you who watch here on YouTube, you're not subscribers.

 

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So here's my request. Our goal as a team is to get that number to 40%. If the subscribe button is lit up, would you please just hit subscribe? It's free. It's the best way to say, "Hey, thanks everybody. Thanks for putting out free content here on YouTube for me. Thanks for all the world renowned experts that are helping me improve my life. I appreciate you doing that, and that way you also won't miss a thing. Thank you for doing that for us. We love you and you're going to love this episode so let's jump into it.

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Today I'm sharing eight simple reminders that make life easier. These are eight quotes that I've shared online. These are eight reminders that I repeat to myself, but when I shared them online recently, you loved them so much. It was like heart, heart, heart, heart, heart, share, share, share, share, share. Save, save, save, save, save. Comment, comment, comment. So here's what I though. I thought, I think I should take these eight reminders that I love and that you clearly love and just take a moment and break them down one by one because these eight reminders are the kind of things that you can come back to when your brain is loud, when life feels heavy, when you just need someone to say something that's going to make you feel a little bit better. Because let me tell you something. The world is not designed to keep you calm.

 

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The world is designed to do something different. It's designed to keep you going, to react, to scroll, compare, overthink, to take everything personally, to give your energy away all day long. And if that's been you lately, welcome. I feel like that's been all of us lately. And I want you to know that by hitting play on this episode, you are in the exact right place because stress has been running you into the ground lately and it's exhausting you. So today you and I are going to interrupt that spiral. And as I share these eight reminders, here's what's going to happen. You're going to start to feel the weightlift. You're going to start to feel like, okay, I can handle today. I am capable of facing what I'm dealing with in my life. And this is going to happen whether you're listening on a walk or you're driving to work or maybe you're hiding in the bathroom for five minutes of quiet or you're laying in bed wondering why you feel so exhausted.

 

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You could just let all that go. I got you. Okay. Your friend Mel Robbins has got you.

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Now stop and think about this. There was a period in your life where you didn't have a job and boy, did you wish you had a job. There are periods of in your life where you were single and you wish that you were in a relationship even though that person may be pissing you off right now. There was a period in your life where you didn't have kids and boy did you want them, but oh my gosh, is it stressful they're not sleeping through the night or maybe they're really struggling and that's causing you a lot of stress right now. But you forget that holy cow, this moment right now, my past self, my 10 year old self, my 20 year old self, my 30 year old self dreamt about some of the things that are stressing me out right now or wow, the things that I'm complaining about.

 

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My 95 year old self wishes they could come back to this moment no matter how stressful it is and be able to do it and experience it and be with the people that I'm around right now because when I get to 95, they're not going to be there. And so I need to slow down a little bit. And instead of focusing on all the things that are driving me crazy and stressing me out and are out of my control, what about dropping into this moment and just taking a beat and appreciating it? Because so often in life, isn't it true, you get so caught up in what's next? The job you want next, the decision that you need to make, the next version of you that you need to become, that you are living out there while you're in this moment criticizing where you are.

 

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And we live as if we've got this unlimited amount of time we don't. And I'm not saying that to scare you. I'm saying because it's the kind of truth that can both slow you down and wake you up. I often use this example that your life and the time that you have, it's like a melting ice cube. You don't notice an ice cube that is just sitting on the kitchen counter melting as time passes. You're answering texts, you're paying your bills, you're running errands, you're managing everybody and everything. You're trying to get through the week. You're thinking about what to make to dinner. You're beating yourself up for not exercising enough today. And then all of a sudden you look up and you're like, wait, where'd the time go? And that's the thing about time. You can't bargain with it. You can't get it back.

 

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You can't pause time. You can't negotiate for more. I mean, the time is going to pass regardless of what you do with it. And if you're busy racing through your life, you're going to miss a lot of it. The ice cube is melting whether you pay attention to it or not. And the point of this reminder isn't to panic you. The point is presence. It's to stop living as if everything's an emergency, that life is about just getting to the next thing because that's not what life is about. Life is about being where your feet are so you don't miss the things that are in front of you. Because if you don't slow down, you're going to miss the season that you're in right now. You're going to miss this version of your friends, this version of your kids, of your parents, of your life.

 

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And so the reminder, take a second and enjoy it now. It's not asking you to force this like fake gratitude or pretend everything's okay when you're living in the middle of a dumpster fire. It's asking you to build this skill that in the midst of all the chaos, can you still stop and see the good? Yes, you're exhausted. Yes, you're stress. Yes, you're annoyed that nobody else fed the dog. But as you're sitting there feeding the dog, can you take a beat? Can you turn and look at the dog and just apreciate that you have a dog? The one that the 95 year old version of you misses and the 16 year old version of you always dreamt of having? Because if you can't drop into the present moment and apreciate the little things that are all around you, you're going to allow stupid things to steal the precious moments of your life.

 

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You're going to have an experience where time just keeps on passing and that ice cube is a puddle of water and you don't even know what you spent the time on. Stop turning a perfectly good day into a mental courtroom where you're prosecuting yourself, you're analyzing what went wrong. You're so focused on what you didn't do and the things that you didn't get to and the stuff that you wish you had done differently that you miss. Miss all the things that you did do. All the little just miracles and beautiful things around you. You got to stop being so busy managing life and everything around you that you forget. The point is to live it. So here's what I want you to do today. For just a couple seconds, wherever you are right now, I want you to just look around or stop and think, what are three things that are going well?

 

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Not amazing, not perfect, not an A plus, plus, plus, plus, plus. Just they're going well today. Here, I'm going to give you a couple examples. Okay? Here's something that's going well for me. I'm drinking my water today.

 

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You can even hear me do it. Mel, good job. That's going well. I went for a walk this morning with my husband and the dogs. I'm not trying to rub that in. I'm just saying that I got out the door and I did that. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I'm working every day on getting there. That means things are going okay. You don't have to land the new job in order to say, well, the fact that I'm actually looking for one and I've updated my resume, that's a good thing. I'm making it through today and today's a very difficult day and I'm still showing up. In fact, I showed up even though I don't feel like it. That's something that I would check in that went well today. I handled that hard thing that I didn't actually want to do, but I did it.

 

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That's in the, I did that well box. I'm safe. At this exact moment, I'm safe. I got out of bed. I got out of bed. I would actually put that one on my list today because I woke up today and I was exhausted like you. And I thought, boy, you know what? Today would be great. It'd be great if I could cancel today. It'd be just great if I could call in sick today. And then I was like, oh wait, I can't. I'm the CEO. I can't call in sick. I got to show up today. People are counting on me. You know those days. So on those days where you get out of bed and you show up, you're doing really well. And I know it sounds simple, but when you intentionally make yourself call out the things in this moment that are going well or that the younger you once had this life as a goal or a dream or the 95 year old you can look back and say, wow, I'd give anything to be back in that day and experience that even if it was difficult.

 

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This is how you can enjoy the now, not by fixing everything, but by noticing what you're in. And so I'm going to share this reminder one more time for you. 20 years from now, you'd give anything to be this exact age, this healthy, and back in this exact moment. Take a second today and enjoy it now. And you know, one thing that can get in the way of you enjoying the now is wasting your energy on the wrong people or the wrong things.

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You're not overwhelmed right now because you can't handle life. You're overwhelmed because you do handle it. All of it. All of the time. That's why you need to learn to pause. Learning how to pause is a skill. And what's happening in today's world, I don't know if you've noticed this, is that when you just do, do, do, do, do, and you're not ever pausing, life has a funny way of turning up the volume and the speed at which life comes at you. And so you just end up not doing it all. You do it all and then some and more and more and more and more. And then suddenly everything feels like an emergency. This is why you have to learn to pause. Because if you don't learn how to pause, you will never understand a truth that you always have a choice about what you are going to put your time and energy into.

 

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So here's how you can start to practice this life changing skill of just pause. Let me just tap the pause button here right now. Anytime something starts to pull you in, okay it might be a comment somebody makes, a request at work, an annoying situation with a friend, a text that just kind of triggers you the wrong way. Social media where you start kind of catching yourself. I want you to pause and then ask yourself a simple question. Is this worth my energy? And let me give you all kinds of things that I'm talking about because this is where you and I leak our energy out all day long. Okay? Here's an example. Let's say you get a text from somebody that just says, "Okay, fine." And your brain, does it do what my brain does? Where you're like... And you start writing an entire screenplay about what you did wrong or what they're thinking or ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.

 

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And then if you're like me, you want to smooth it over and something, "Okay, is this worth your time? Here's another example. Your boss slacks you at 9:17 PM. Can you meet tomorrow morning first thing?

 

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Okay. When that happens, my brain is like a gopher popping up from a hole. Hold on, meet tomorrow morning first thing. You think I'm relaxing for the rest of the night? Is this worth your energy? Or you're in the kitchen and someone in your family, oh my God, is in the mood. Okay. Who in your family? I want you to stop and think right now. Who in your family when they get in that mood? Oh my God. It's like your body goes into an age shrinking machine and you're like... And all of a sudden you're seven and you immediately start to manage it. Oh, somebody's upset, somebody's intense, somebody's pouting, somebody's this. Is a grown adult's mood worth your energy? It's a fair question, right? Or how about when you're at work? And someone gives you a look. You're in a meeting, you said something, you get that weird look.

 

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Everybody's kind of like just frozen as they look at you. Weird silence. Somebody please talk. Oh my God, I hate these moments at work. See, I don't think it's the big things that drain you. See, when you got big stuff going on, let it drain. Because the big things, boy, they open up the portal, let the energy drop out because you got to manage that stuff. That is 100% what happens in life. No, what you and I are talking about are the constant tiny little moments where you hand your energy away without even noticing it. Anytime you feel that pull, that friction, that urge to react, to fix, to explain, to prove, to defend, to spiral to people, please. New skill, pause, pause.

 

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Instead of projecting, instead of reacting, instead of fixing. Nope. Pause. Is this worth my energy? Is this worth my energy right now? Based on everything that I have going on that's important to me. Is this little side circus worth my energy? If the answer is no, amazing. Don't explain. Don't debate. Don't question. Don't justify. Just disengage. That's it. Because peace is not something that you find. Peace is something that you protect. And oftentimes, do you know who you have to protect yourself from? You. And your habit of inserting yourself, your habit of fixing everything, your habit of making sure that everybody around you is okay. And in constantly making it your job to fix everything for everybody else, you're the one that ends up feeling broken. I know you've heard that old saying, you can't pour from an empty cup. So what you pour your energy into, whether it be people or activities, they have to give you something back in return.

 

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It has to pour back into you. See, if you spend too much time reacting to things or fixing things or doing things for and with people that don't pour back into you, you know what you end up with? Exhaustion, you're drained, you feel defeated about life, but it doesn't have to be that way. All you got to do is to pause and ask yourself, is this worth my energy right now? The Mel Robbins Podcast is proudly sponsored by Amica Insurance, our exclusive auto, home and life insurance partner. It feels so good to be understood. And that's something Amica really delivers on. Because when you're choosing insurance, you want someone who listens, someone who takes the time to understand what you need. Amica goes above and beyond to customize coverage that fits your life. They make it simple. They make it clear and they make it feel like you're talking to someone who genuinely cares because they really do.

 

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You're dealing with their childhood crap. You're dealing with whatever just happened at work. You're dealing with whether or not they ate anything, whether or not they can manage stress, whatever it is that's on their mind. That's why you're picking up on a tone. That's why you feel like you have to manage their mood because they seem like they got it together, but then they're acting so weird. That's why you got to learn to just let people deal with themselves. It doesn't mean that you don't have compassion. It doesn't mean that you don't care about people. It means that you recognize that there's a very important boundary between you and other adults. You are not responsible for managing other people's moods. You're not responsible for managing other people's expectations. There's one person that you're responsible for and it's you. When you learn how to give people the dignity of their own experience, when you allow people the space to be in a bad mood and to process their emotions, yes, you're standing by with support.

 

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It's one of the healthiest boundaries that you can draw for yourself with other people because it means you're no longer going through life acting like the parent to every adult around you. And when other people don't like your boundary, when you're letting them be in a bad mood, when you stop fixing everybody else's problems, when you stop bending yourself in knots and twisting yourself into all kinds of uncomfortable positions just to make everybody else happy, when you start drawing that boundary and you just kind of let people deal with themselves and they don't like it, it doesn't mean the boundary's wrong. It means it's working. See, people don't like it when you start changing. That's okay. Let them. You got to focus on the let me part. Let me manage myself. Let their mood be theirs. My mood is mine. Let their life be their life to fix.

 

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Let me focus on my life and the things that I need to fix. That's you turning the volume down on that alarm that goes off when other people are upset. And it helps you come back to reality. What is their responsibility to manage? What is your responsibility to manage? Because here's the thing. Most of what people do and how they feel and what they say has almost nothing to do with you. And it's a hard concept to wrap your mind around. But let's just unpack what that means. Most of what people do feel and say has to do with the kind of day they're having, what they believe about themselves, what they may be stressed about, what they're afraid of, what they learned or didn't learn growing up, how emotionally immature they may be. They may be dealing with something that just happened over email or in a phone call that they haven't shared with you and you're not even aware of.

 

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So here's what I want you to start practicing. When someone comes at you with an attitude, when someone's energy is off, when a text feels weird, when you catch yourself spiraling, when you start feeling like you've got to become the police or the parents to grown adults, I want you to say to yourself out loud if you can, let their mood be theirs. And then you say, "My life is mine. Let them deal with themselves. Let me protect myself from this. " See, you can care about people without absorbing their problems. You can have compassion that somebody is in a bad mood or feeling disappointed or sad or low or whatever without making it your job to fix it. You can be compassionate without becoming someone else's emotional dumping ground. And you can also be a supportive listener without becoming a sponge and absorbing what everybody is expressing or sharing with you.

 

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And I'm going to say something that will change how you move through the world. Other people's emotions are information. That's it. They are not instructions that you have to follow. If somebody is disappointed, it doesn't mean you did something wrong. If someone's angry, it doesn't mean you need to suddenly fix everything and make them happy. If someone is cold, it doesn't mean you're unlovable or that you have to somehow warm them up. It's not your job to parent or fix other adults. It's your job to let them have the dignity of their own experience and the space to process their emotions. And then you get to decide what do you want to do? What support do you want to provide or not? And what do you need to protect yourself from? It's the best boundary in the world. But here's the thing that I've noticed.

 

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Even when you teach yourself how to stop taking everything personally or become the fixer of everybody's problems, even when you learn how to hit the pause and protect your energy by asking yourself, "Okay, is this worth my energy? No, it's not worth my energy." You still are probably exhausting yourself waiting for the right time, waiting to feel confident, waiting to feel ready, waiting to feel less anxious, waiting to feel like you're back to normal, waiting for the perfect time.

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That's the secret. This is from the account Awaken One. And I absolutely love it. And here's another thing about life that I've learned the hard way. And I bet as I share this with you, you're going to look back on your own life and go, "That is so true." Have you ever noticed that every prolonged period of your life where you have felt alone, you've been lost, uncertain, broke down, you're suffering, you're struggling, they are always followed by these periods in life where you have these massive quantum breakthroughs. You're down in the gutter, you have no idea how you're going to get through this. And the very next chapter, oh my God, it's like the most growth, the most happiness that you've ever experienced. I mean, just stop and think about that truth of that. Think about the most painful breakup. Think about getting fired from a job and you're miserable and you're lost and you have no idea if you're ever going to feel happy again.

 

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And it's after these periods of struggle that all of a sudden, boom, the massive breakthroughs come. See, the reason why these periods are so hard is because I think that this is where most people give up. You kind of give up hope. You think you're never going to be happy again. And here's what I want to tell you. If you're going through a period in your life that's very challenging, the only thing you need to do right now is keep going. Keep going and trust that things are about to come together in a shocking way, a shocking way. I was walking through the woods this morning and I noticed there were so many little plants just sprouting, just forcing themselves up through the leaves and the mud shooting up through the muddy ground. And it's such a beautiful reminder that what can look like literally nothing, like the littlest little thing is actually something powerful pushing toward the light.

 

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That's what you're doing right now, especially when you're struggling. I bet you're waiting. I bet you're waiting to feel happier. You're waiting to feel motivated. You're waiting for the storm to pass before you can step outside of it. You're waiting for the sadness to lift before you make the plans that would actually make you feel a little better. And I'm telling you, that's not how life works. You don't wait for healing and then live your life. You force yourself to live and that's how you heal. Think about something that you're avoiding right now. I get it. There's a lot going on. You feel extraordinarily heavy and tired, exhausted, beaten down, but there is something that you're avoiding right now because you're waiting to feel better before you do it. Maybe it's getting back out there after a breakup. Maybe it's applying for a job after a layoff.

 

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Maybe it's going to the gym. Maybe it's saying yes to a dinner invite. Even though you're grieving the loss of someone you love, maybe it's starting therapy. Maybe it's just calling somebody back. See, there's this trap that you and I fall into where we say, "Okay, once I feel better, then I'll do it. " No, do it while you don't feel good. Do it sad. Do it anxious. Do it uncertain because it's the experience of doing it that makes you feel better. It's the experience that restores your confidence in yourself. It's the experience that gives you proof that yes, I can handle it. Yes, I'm sad. Yes, I'm beaten down. Yes, I'm lonely. Yes, I don't feel like doing this. But you know what? I'm going to do this because I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of waiting for the day that's not coming. And that's the irony.

 

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The day that you're waiting for starts today when you take action. I just had the most fantastic conversation on this podcast with this extraordinary woman by the name of Carla Harris. Now, Carla is one of the like capital T-H-E most succesful women of all time on Wall Street. And she came on this podcast. She gave us a masterclass on success in the world that we are living in today. And she said the most beautiful thing after we were done recording to our team. Here's what she said. You have to put your foot on the gas right now. It is time to accelerate because in the world, half of the people out there are completely distracted. The other half of the people in the world are paralyzed and exhausted. And you know what that means? It means no one is in your way. So let me tell you one more time, if you have been waiting to feel better to start living your life, you will be waiting forever.

 

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Go live your life starting today. And here's the thing. The second you start taking the action in spite of how you feel, the action changes everything. It absolutely changes everything. This episode is brought to you by Peacock and the new original series, The Five Star Weekend. Jennifer Gardner stars as Hollis Shaw, a famed cook known for her delicious recipes and impeccable taste. After braving a devastating loss, she decides to invite her best friends to a getaway on Nantucket. As boundaries are pushed, friendships are tested and secrets are exposed. Cracks begin to emerge in her picture perfect life, her strained marriage, her complicated relationship with her daughter, and her growing pursuit of validation from her fans. Based on the bestselling novel by Ellen Hilderbrand, this A - list ensemble also stars D'Arcy Carden, Gemma Chan, Regina Hall and Chloë Sevigny. This show is everything. Laughs, drama, suspense and incredible performances all around. All eight episodes are out now and take it from me. You'll want to watch it all in one sitting. The Five Star Weekend is now streaming only on Peacock.