Episode: 432

Stop Making Excuses: How to Change Your Life Right Now

with Gary Vaynerchuk

If this episode doesn’t motivate you, nothing will.

Today, Mel sits down with someone who has been a mentor from afar for more than 12 years. Mel says she would not be where she is today without the person sitting across from her.

For more than a decade, Gary Vaynerchuk has been one of Mel’s biggest inspirations - and in this conversation, he is here to challenge you to stop making excuses and start changing your life.

If you’ve been sitting on an idea, watching other people do the thing you want to do, worrying about what people will think, or telling yourself you’re too late, you need to hear this.

Gary will challenge the way you think about fear, regret, comparison, confidence, your career, other people’s opinions, and the excuses that are keeping you stuck.

Listen on:

There is something you are amazing at, and the more you sit around and watch everybody else do it, the more you’re gonna rot inside.

Gary Vaynerchuk

All Clips

Transcript

Mel Robbins (00:00:00):

Gary, I'm on my way. Today on the Mel Robbins Podcast. Gary. A conversation that's 12 years in the making.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:00:09):

Do you understand who you consume, what you consume is who you become?

Mel Robbins (00:00:13):

Gary Vee is the person who inspired me to start putting myself out there and online. My personal mentor, Gary Vaynerchuk is here. It's time to stop making excuses.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:00:24):

I promise you, whatever you're scared of is far less scary than 30 years from now. Telling some random stranger.

Mel Robbins (00:00:34):

And change your life right now.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:00:36):

Kudos to everyone who's listening. You chose to consume some positivity. This is very important, everyone. I feel like I'm onto one here, so lock in.

Mel Robbins (00:00:46):

Please help me welcome the one, the only Gary Vaynerchuk to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:00:52):

I'm so happy to be here, Mel. Thank you.

Mel Robbins (00:00:54):

You have been an inspiration to me for 12 years. I would not be where I am today without you. And so where I want to start, because I'm so thrilled that the person that's with us right now is going to get to be infused with your wisdom, your energy, the lessons from your life, the way you think about life. How might the person who's listening's life change if they take to heart everything that we're about to talk about today?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:01:20):

They'll become dramatically lighter. We are incredibly capable of making mountains out of molehills and we focus on dumb shit until real shit happens and then we recalibrate. I prefer the person that's listening right now enjoy life or understand life before something bad happens in it. And I'm very focused on that and that's a lot of what my content of my life is about.

Mel Robbins (00:01:45):

Well, we're going to get into how you actually do that. But before we get into that, I want the person listening to understand a little bit about how your life has shaped you. What interesting is I said before you're coming into the team, I said, "I've heard you for a decade say, I'm going to buy the jets. I'm going to buy the jets." And I said to my team of almost 50 people, "How many people here think he's going to do it?" Every hand went up. And what's interesting is that I don't know if you will or won't, but what is powerful is that your belief that you might is something that other people can catch.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:02:20):

What's even more interesting on a personal level is the joy of chasing it is dramatically more delicious than achieving it.

Mel Robbins (00:02:29):

Say more about that.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:02:31):

Somewhere around my early 20s, I think I realized, oh shoot, I like the chase more than the getting it. I like the practice more than the trophy. I don't live for outside validation. I didn't use that term, but I realized very early in my life, oh, I'm different. By the time I was 25, I had gone through being an immigrant that couldn't speak English, misunderstood. Being a ridiculously bad student, being misunderstood by parents of your friends and teachers, innovating in my dad's liquor store, things that people told my dad would ruin his business if he let me do it. By the time I was 25, I was told by the world that I was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, and everything was right, right, right, right, right. And that made it very easy to live the last 25 years because I had it figured out early.

(00:03:27):

And I say that from a place of gratitude, not audacity. I hate the word luck because I believe the world likes to weaponize it as an excuse to why they're not doing their thing, but it is not lost on me. The serendipity that got me out of the Soviet Union, got me to the US, gave me the mother that I had, gave me competitive spirit, but also just pure love in my heart. I'm 50 now. I've watched many young children, nephews, children, nieces, friends, children. Some kids are just born with some shit. And then if they're fortunate enough that those ingredients are cooked properly in the proper restaurant, well then shit gets crazy. But here's what I'm intoxicated by.

Mel Robbins (00:04:13):

Tell me.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:04:14):

That if the person watching right now did not have all the best ingredients, DNA, did not have the greatest chef and sous-chef parents, were not served in the best restaurant, the neighborhoods and environments they grew up in, what I'm intoxicated by, why I exist in public is my belief is that people are obnoxiously more capable of changing than they realize. And it's actually shockingly simple and the hardest thing in the world.

Mel Robbins (00:04:47):

Shockingly simple and the hardest thing in the world. There were so many things that you just said that I want to make sure as you're listening, you really heard it. Because when you started to do the cadence of misunderstood, misunderstood, misunderstood, misunderstood, the majority of people who feel misunderstood start to withdraw.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:05:03):

Correct.

Mel Robbins (00:05:03):

And start to say something's wrong.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:05:04):

Yes.

Mel Robbins (00:05:05):

So for the person who's listening right now that feels like, "I suck at school. I just got fired from a job. I'm so different from my family. I can't find somebody to date that's interested in me or I'm misunderstood, misunderstood, and it is like dragging around a lead weight." How do you flip that sense that the world doesn't get you into something that propels you?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:05:28):

By not wanting the world to get you.

Mel Robbins (00:05:31):

Say more.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:05:32):

I'm just confused why you need your spouse to fully understand you, why you need your mother to fully understand you, why you need your fucking coworker to fully understand you. The answer to your question, Mel, is being comfortable with being misunderstood by realizing someone's subjective opinion of you who is not you can never fully know you, not even the people that are closest to you. So how could a stranger in the comments of an Instagram post have a prayer of knowing who the fuck you are? By the way, Mel Mafia, that's what I call you guys. I apologize for the cursing. I'm a little bit of a jersey boy. I'll try to reign it in because I know occasionally it allows someone not to hear me.

Mel Robbins (00:06:16):

I appreciate you saying that because there are a lot of people that listen to the car with littles. However, it is important that you also acknowledge that that is just who you are.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:06:28):

Comma, I'm incredibly empathetic to the people that have historically not consumed my content or not followed me because if they in their life genuinely believe that cursing is atrocious and a sign of lack of intelligence or whatever they may think it is, I have the humility and the empathy and compassion to understand that. It's funny that I called it out. I tend not to, but I think it comes out of just the deep respect I have for you and what you're building and kind of like I know I'm different and you have incredible people on here and I know just like you are the exact human that was built to break through for someone. I know that I'm the exact human to break through for a lot of people right now and I worry about the seven or nine that won't go much further

Mel Robbins (00:07:16):

Because of

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:07:16):

The cursing, yet I'm the human on earth that is about to say the sentence or two that fundamentally changes their perspective. And the only thing life is, is how you see it. There is no life. There is no real world. There's just your perception. There's just what you bring to the table. You are either cynical because you are deeply insecure or you are deeply optimistic because you're incredibly purely confident. You have your life experiences, you have the things you were told. Most people that are listening right now, Mel, are scared. This is something we need to talk about.

Mel Robbins (00:07:52):

So when somebody who is listening to you say that the biggest problem right now is that people are scared, there is so much fear and there are plenty of reasons in life to be afraid, but allowing it to dominate what you do next is really the skill that somebody can learn to flip from cynicism, there's nothing I can do to there's always something I can do.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:08:13):

Well, there's unlimited reasons to be optimistic.

Mel Robbins (00:08:16):

Talk to the person who's cynical right now and who wants to be more optimistic, who wants to have courage.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:08:22):

Stop listening to politicians. Thanks for having me everyone.That's it Mel. There is nothing else. Do you understand who you consume, what you consume is who you become? One of the reasons I schlept here is because I want to honor you being a human being who I know has fundamentally made it better for people. I do not understand how people continue to be confused. There are two ways to build the biggest building in town. One is to just be talented enough to build the biggest building in town and you admire everyone else's buildings, even the ones that are even bigger than yours, comma, the choice that most people take, which is they build a crappy little building and they spend 100% of their time trying to tear down everybody else's building.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:09:14):

This is shockingly hard and wildly easy. Algorithms. Ready?

Mel Robbins (00:09:20):

Yes.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:09:20):

Gary, you don't get it. You always talk about social media. I'm so mad at you. It's my algorithm. Watch this everyone. You want a task at home right now? Open your Instagram or TikTok and when you get a piece of content, politics, politics, negativity, manscaping, whatever you got, literally click the buttons on the top right corner on Instagram or the bottom right corner on TikTok and say not interested and keep doing that for one day and then go to search and type in joy enter and then like five or six things that pop up and then go back to search and type in happy and get some content and like and follow a couple things. And this is very important. Then go to search and put in Gary V-E-E and follow that account and on and on, my friends, the algorithm did not change you.

(00:10:08):

The algorithm exposed you.

Mel Robbins (00:10:11):

Oh, it's so true.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:10:14):

Oh, I know, Mel.

Mel Robbins (00:10:16):

For somebody who's listening, because I do think that you're right, and most people are in their heads spending all kinds of time either tearing themselves down and coming up with reasons why they can't.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:10:26):

Correct.

Mel Robbins (00:10:26):

Or looking around at other people and using it as evidence to see why they can't.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:10:31):

That's right.

Mel Robbins (00:10:32):

Or spending a lot of time tearing other people down instead of spending the same amount of time lifting themselves up.

Mel Robbins (00:10:39):

How if somebody who's listening starts to have a moment of reckoning where you're like, I'm kind of sick of this version of myself. I'm kind of sick of feeling like I'm stuck. I'm sick of being jealous of everyone else. I am living in a lot of fear. Nobody's going to do this for me, but nobody's stopping me from doing what I'm capable of doing. I'm the one in my own way.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:10:57):

And I'm using excuses at scale and I continuously go back to my mom fucked up when I was eight. No shit, Sally. And you're grown now, you're 34. And the answer is action. Therapy. Therapy is a good one. Instead of buying dumb shit to cover up your hurt, why don't you go invest it into therapy? Do you know how many people have BMWs that actually needed to go buy therapy sessions with that money? Please do not use materialistic things to show the world you're good when we all know you're not. Right Mel? Yeah. Do you know why there's such a big consumer world? People buy stuff? It's because we use it as proxies to disguise behind the makeup of our materialistic things to not allow you to see what's actually happening. We have a pandemic of keeping up with the Joneses not because of social media and we see other people with stuff, but because modern parenting left accountability out of the ingredients of the last 30, 40 years.

Mel Robbins (00:12:11):

Let's talk about that. You have two kids.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:12:13):

Yes.

Mel Robbins (00:12:14):

And you're also, for as public as you are, I really respect the fact that you're very private about your personal life.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:12:20):

Outrageously.

Mel Robbins (00:12:21):

Outrageously. And I would love to have you talk about this in the lane of accountability because there is a lot of blaming your parents, blaming the circumstances. And there are very real circumstances that are very unfair.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:12:37):

Correct.

Mel Robbins (00:12:37):

There's horrible things that happen to people. Every

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:12:39):

Day.

Mel Robbins (00:12:39):

I do not believe everything happens for a reason. I believe shit happens. A lot of it's unfair, but you have to find a reason to move on and to grow.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:12:47):

Because other people who've also been in that situation have found a way. And so the question becomes it is not impossible.

(00:12:55):

Yes.That's important. To your point, there are a lot of atrocious things. What about the fact that 800 million people, roughly 10% of the world right now cannot get a glass of clean water as we sit here in this room? Perspective is confused out there. There are people that have real alcoholic parents, abandoned by parents, foster home, other scary stuff. The problem is it's like it is. I mean, my mother is the most optimistic, joyful, warm human on earth. Here's my mother's story in a nutshell. She lost her mother at five. Her mother died when she was five years old. Her father went to jail for 10 years when she was nine, 10, because the Soviet Union is a really fucked up place. For the things that I get put on Mel's podcast for, my grandfather went to jail for, like real shit, right? I mean, that's a tough fucking hand, and yet incredible capacity to choose optimism and is more joyful and optimistic than anyone in our extended families who all "had it better." And by the way, as atrocious as that was for my mom, there are thousands listening now that had it even worse.

(00:14:10):

I get that.

Mel Robbins (00:14:11):

Yep.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:14:12):

The question becomes, when is it not your parents' fault anymore? Let's start with that one. Mel, I'm actually asking you. Let's flip it. This is the guaranteed audio experience. Here we go. At what age, roughly? You're just one woman. You just have one subjective opinion. There's no right or wrong answer to this, but let's talk. Sister, talk to me like we're just walking in the

Mel Robbins (00:14:31):

Backyard. Okay. We're on a walk.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:14:33):

Just for fun,

Mel Robbins (00:14:34):

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:14:34):

General

Mel Robbins (00:14:35):

Number.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:14:35):

This is just a world, obviously incredibly circumstantial, everyone's life. But for fun, at what age, Mel, do you believe that it is no longer fun or interesting to just keep blaming your parents? At what age are you able to stand on your own two feet and choose who you surround yourself with, what you actually believe, how you limit your interactions with those parents or any other person that pushes negative propaganda twenty four seven? At what age are you a big girl now?

Mel Robbins (00:15:09):

Well, I wouldn't say it's an age. I say it's the moment you decide to pay for your life.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:15:14):

That's right.

Mel Robbins (00:15:14):

There is a point of view that has been very helpful to me, which is understanding that people can only give you what they have to give and people can only provide you with the parenting experience largely based on what was done to them. That's right. There's some real evil people out there, but there's also a lot of people that do bad things that don't know what they're

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:15:38):

Doing. And we've got to get into a place of what's an inconvenience or a darn it versus a catastrophic. I mean, what people now deem as my parent fucked me up only 40 years ago was like a skinned knee. I mean, there are people who blame their parents for things that were inconceivable. I mean, like missing one football game. Well, you missed the big game where I threw three touchdowns.

Mel Robbins (00:16:10):

Well, here's the thing. Your parents did the job that they did, and at some point you have to take that as a fact and decide what are you going to do next? That's it. 100%. And are you going to look back with judgment or are you going to look back with understanding and a bit of compassion and then be an adult and either forgive and have a conversation about it or have some boundaries around it? Do you

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:16:38):

Know what my opening line was to VCON three,

Mel Robbins (00:16:40):

My big

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:16:41):

Conference? Literally walked on stage, 10,000 people opening line, F your grandparents.

Mel Robbins (00:16:46):

What do you mean F your grandparents?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:16:47):

That was my opening line.

Mel Robbins (00:16:49):

Why?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:16:49):

Because I am so tired of people being so mad at their mom and dad without taking a good look at what their grandparents did to mom and dad. We love little granny because she gives you cookies and give you five bucks, but meanwhile, grammy screwed up your mom so good that you've spent your whole life blaming your mom. At what point are you able to understand it's not their fault either? And now Mel, let's transition. Let's do it. The

Mel Robbins (00:17:16):

Bigger

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:17:16):

Question.

Mel Robbins (00:17:16):

Okay.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:17:18):

What are you doing by verbalizing to everyone in your world that this happened?

Mel Robbins (00:17:23):

You're keeping it alive.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:17:24):

Yeah. What are you asking for? You're asking for pity. You're asking for compassion. You're asking for enablement. You're creating a framework of entitlement. You're using it as a weapon to justify why not. Instead of going all in on, "I'm just not motivated enough right now and I've got to do this or that." Once you go fully accountable, when you love yourself all the way, but you also have the humility to understand you're a human being and you just might suck at a lot of things, and that's super duper okay. Once you go there, it gets real light.

Mel Robbins (00:18:02):

I think what you're saying, if I give it back to you, is that what you see in what's holding a lot of people back is so much time and energy spent looking backwards and blaming versus standing in the present moment going, "This happened, it had this impact on me, and what am I going to do next? What am I going to take responsibility for moving forward now that I've acknowledged what's happened? I get it, but I am an adult now and it is time for me to figure out what do I want with my life?"

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:18:38):

And that's why I get so excited.People make fun of me about how I think about age.

Mel Robbins (00:18:42):

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:18:42):

You see, people probably razz me on the internet like, "Gary, I'm 90." And I'm like, "You have time." They like these skits. What excites me about that is I do believe people somewhere between 25 and 45 in that kind of window can get to this place where they're exhausted of pointing fingers, right?

Mel Robbins (00:19:02):

It took me to about 47. Well, actually it was 41 when I woke up and realized nobody is coming to save my ass from this mess that I'm in. Not my husband, not my parents. It is nobody else's responsibility. We're in a gigantic hole. And since I don't see anybody else coming with a ladder, I better stop bitching and feeling sorry for myself and get to work.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:19:25):

And when you go from even we, and I assume you're bringing your husband into that, right?

Mel Robbins (00:19:29):

Yes.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:19:30):

And you go into

Mel Robbins (00:19:31):

I. I have to do this.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:19:33):

We is good because that's only two, that's

Mel Robbins (00:19:34):

Better

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:19:35):

Than. But when you go to I.

Mel Robbins (00:19:36):

It's not a we, it's a me.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:19:38):

But I need all the people I'm talking to right now on the camera. I'm like, even if your spouse is the one who's like, let's make this invest, what are you going to blame him or her forever? Well,

Mel Robbins (00:19:47):

I think that's a problem in a lot of relationships.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:19:49):

No shit. Why do you think I'm bringing it up? I'm going to say it again. If your husband made you buy that third home in South Carolina and it was a flop, or if your wife made you invest in a stock, what are you going to just razz her in perpetuity? What are you going to tell Johnny for the rest of your life? Our life would be better if you didn't make us buy that fucking house in Miami? It's not real. Mel, it's not real.

Mel Robbins (00:20:13):

So what do you do? Because what you're basically saying is you have no idea how much time and energy you spend blaming other people for the state you're in in your life, whether it's people who have what you want or people that had a lot more privilege and had a better start than you did, or it's your parents for the things that they didn't do or that they did do, or it's your spouse because they're not showing up a certain way and you're missing the single most important factor in your life that changes everything, which is you.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:20:41):

Instead of.

(00:20:42):

Envy and jealousy is driving me crazy. Why have you chosen, friends, to look at the three people on earth that are in their 20s that are trillionaires or who've spent a million dollars on plastic surgery to look incredible? Why are you choosing to shape yourself up to them? Don't you know there's 8.3 billion other people that you could shape yourself up to? And I'm going to say something nice and slow. If you are capable to be listening to the Mel Robbins podcast, if you are right now capable of having the time, whether you're on a treadmill walking the damn dog, driving to work, if you are a human, by the way, that is maybe potentially doing it on a phone that costs several hundred dollars. If you are even a human that is hearing these words, you have it much better than most of the entire world.

(00:21:37):

So how about that? How about not wah, wah, I'm not Timothy Chalamagne? How about 8.3 billion people? How about 800 million people can't get clean water? How about all the truth of the world? How about you do have it better than your grandma had it? How about real shit? How about gratitude? Enough of this envy. There's been so much envy, so much jealousy as if anyone else's life has anything to do with you and comma, you know anything about their actual real life.

Mel Robbins (00:22:09):

So true.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:22:10):

We put all these people on a pedestal and meanwhile, that person is drinking a bottle of bourbon tonight because they can't deal with the pressure of the world's judgment because their emotional foundation isn't good enough. When are we going to lead into gratitude?

Mel Robbins (00:22:24):

Do you think gratitude is the way you flip from blame? Yes. Because I think a lot of people are probably leaning in going, boy, okay. If you were to just calculate, okay, what are all the things I'm blaming on my childhood and it's holding me back because you're dragging it with you if you're still looking backward. Or

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:22:42):

Blaming your spouse or blaming your boss or blaming your daughter who's living the life you wish you were living and you feel like you're doing it for her and no one did it for you. Blame, blame, blame, blame, blame, blah, blah, blah. Gratitude, and here's a big one. How about some humility? Can we get humility back into the game?

Mel Robbins (00:23:04):

Why do people think humility is weak?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:23:06):

I don't know. I think people think kindness is weak.

Mel Robbins (00:23:09):

I don't get that.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:23:11):

No shit. Neither do I. In this nanosecond, taking myself out of the pocket. I'm so happy right now because I'm happy people listen to you. I'm happy people listen to me. I'm happy. People are focusing on all the bad that's out there. There are so many outlets to get good now. Yes. There's so many. And this is the point. First of all, kudos to everyone who's listening. You chose to consume some positivity. You chose to consume some accountability. You may not know why you like Mel, but I do.

Mel Robbins (00:23:44):

Why do they like me?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:23:45):

Because they're on the cusp of change. They're in the pregame. I'm excited. Literally, I don't know if you can see these. I'm pumped for them. They're close, right?

Mel Robbins (00:23:55):

Yes. They're

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:23:55):

Consuming you because they're close.

Mel Robbins (00:23:57):

Yes. And you listen because you sense something that Gary and I know is true, that you are capable of bananas, extraordinary things.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:24:12):

And let me say that real quick. If you can shift your mindset. Let me say something about that. Say it. For extraordinary things, not tens of millions of listeners to your podcast or 33 businesses that you're juggling, the number one thing I have is not all the things you think I have. The number one thing I have is peace of mind. Do you know what I want for everyone? I don't want them to have a blue check mark, Mel. I don't want them to have a million fucking followers. I don't need them to have a top five podcast or big businesses. I need them to have peace of mind. Do you know how many people listening right now should make a lot less money?

(00:24:54):

They're making 240, but they don't like their job. They're living above their means, so they need their job to continue to pay for their lifestyle of things that bring them no actual joy. And you know what they need to do? They need to simplify their life. We must get out of this materialistic keeping up with the Joneses. Now listen, I need action. There's plenty of people listening right now that don't need simplicity. I need action. I need people because I love them too much. I need the game. I'm too creative. It's too fun. I'm a city boy. I'm a people person. I love everyone regardless of what their intent is towards me. I need it, right? But if I didn't, no one on earth would know me. I would live in the middle of absolutely nowhere and I would do simple things because I'm comfortable in being who I actually am.

Mel Robbins (00:25:44):

That is the secret to life.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:25:46):

Period.

Mel Robbins (00:25:46):

Are you comfortable with yourself? Are you proud of yourself? Peace of mind means you're not questioning who am I? What should I be doing today? What does this person think of me? That last part. That you know who you are. You know your intention. And I think this is really, really important because you chase the material thing because you think that if you have the right purse or the right car or the right outfit on or the right house in the right neighborhood or you belong to the right club or you have your nails done the right way, that other people are going to think you are a certain person and that is going to give you the confidence and peace of mind. That's right. It doesn't. Nope. It anchors your self-worth in someone else's opinion, which you will never control, which means you will always be chasing other people's opinions in order to get the validation that you can give to yourself.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:26:38):

Yes. Do you know what my great hope is for 2050 to 2060 is that the advancements of technology actually bring us back to simplicity. I believe this, by the way, this is one of my thesis of how it could go. And yeah, you might not have the same car your friends with, husband might be just much more attractive than yours or whatever it might be. You might be a director and not an SVP in your company, but I can tell you about me, Mel. The way I view people is 100% based on their humanity. The way I view, do I like someone, do I not? Mel, this may interest you. This you may not know about me. I am wildly unimpressed, including myself in people's business accomplishments. I

Mel Robbins (00:27:28):

Really truly believe, and I'm glad we're lasering in on this, that the measure of a person is not what they have, it's how they treat other people.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:27:39):

The only thing I actually live my life for is my funeral.

Mel Robbins (00:27:44):

Let's go here because one of my most favorite things that I have ever seen you do or say, it is a video. You're going to know exactly which one it is as I start to speak. You are in a cab, I believe, and the window is down and you're at a stoplight and a woman runs over and is like, "Gary, Gary. Oh my God, Gary. I love you. I need some motivation today. Give me some motivation." And you look out the window and you look at her and you say, "You're going to die." And she's kind of startled. I don't remember the exact words, but it was, "You're going to die. We're all going to die. What really matters is how do you want to live? How do you want to live? And while you're here and while you're still on this side of the dirt and while people that you still love can still walk into the room, how are you going to live?" Because you do not want to get to your funeral and go, "God, I wish I had.

(00:28:45):

Boy, I wish I would as a better person." See, I am like you. I constantly think about that moment. I want to reflect back and go, "I was a good mom. I was like a good friend." I gave it a good

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:28:56):

Run.

Mel Robbins (00:28:56):

I gave a good.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:28:58):

I gave more than I took. I scratched the itches. I'm very passionate about what I'm about to say. I think we've lost our way with the elderly. I think the last 30, 40 years of technology advancements have made us make fun of grandparents because they don't know how to use OpenClaw or Instant Messenger or Snapchat. And I think we've really done a disservice to ourselves by misunderstanding what true wisdom is. A hundred years ago, the thought of disrespecting an elder was as foreign as you can imagine. I like tactics sometimes. I got a weird one, everyone. This is a big one, actually. It's a very left field one. I promise you, I've literally never heard anyone else get hot on this one, so I like bringing it up. If you can volunteer five hours to a retirement home in your general area. Literally call him, email them, be like, "Hey, was listening to Mel's podcast.

(00:30:05):

Super weird you might think, but is there any way for me to give five hours?" So much good will happen in that five hours. First of all, a lot of people in those places are quite lonely,

(00:30:17):

Unfortunately. And really, right? Even saying it, coming out of my mouth, I was like, and then you're. And I know a lot of people just went, mm, right? It's just the way it is. It's really tough. So that breaks my heart. And you would be doing a real mitzvah, a real gift, a real nice thing, like talking to a 91-year-old woman about her life will bring her incredible joy of just companionship. But here's a little secret. It's going to do a lot more for you. And let me tell you, as someone who has gone out of his way to sit with people in their 80s on planes and at airports and in random moments in my life, the number one thing everyone listening to this podcast wants to avoid is regret. If anything comes out of this podcast, if one person, if one of you, if one of you decide to do something tomorrow, jump out of a plane skydiving, quit your job and become a dog walker and live more humbly, get out of a toxic relationship.

(00:31:22):

Get out of regret. Do something tomorrow. Tomorrow. Do something tomorrow. You're probably consuming this right as the fall.

(00:31:32):

The seasons change, everyone in your life and in real life, we're coming out of summer. We're in the go time. It's September energy. It's football season. Tomorrow, tomorrow, do something that's been sitting in your tummy for a day, a year, and most likely a decade, Mel, and just do it actually. I promise you, whatever you're scared of is far less scary than 30 years from now telling some random stranger that looks like Gary that you. The worst sentence, Mel, is three words. I wish I. And my great joy is that I don't live that way. 400 trillion to one, Mel, 400 trillion to one. My friends, the current scientific. I'm no scientist. I got Fs in science, so bear

Mel Robbins (00:32:29):

With me. He goes.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:32:31):

But what I've been able to consume, modern scientists that are way above my pay grade currently have the likelihood of becoming a human being at 400 trillion to one.

Mel Robbins (00:32:42):

That you are you.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:32:43):

That you were born. Mom could have went for another glass of wine before it went down and the whole game would've been different and you would not be you. Miracle is disrespectful to how impossible it is to have a life. So you're going to mope around your whole life? Let me get this straight. You've won the ultimate lottery of the universe, of the actual universe. And we've decided we're going to mope and cry about dumb shit. And here's the best part. You don't like it? Go change the room. Right?

Mel Robbins (00:33:17):

Yes.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:33:17):

You don't like it? Change the room. You don't like your relationship? Change the house. You don't like your boss, change the office.

Mel Robbins (00:33:24):

You don't like your mindset, change it.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:33:26):

Consume shit like this.

Mel Robbins (00:33:27):

Yeah. You don't like what's showing up on social media? Change what you follow.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:33:30):

The algorithm is exposing who you actually are.

Mel Robbins (00:33:34):

It's so true.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:33:35):

And listen, friends, the number one thing that's holding so many of you back is your lack of humility. I'm telling you, my friends, I'm begging you. I'm like nose to Mike. I'm begging you. Lean into these old school values, humility, civility, kindness towards. Open the door for someone. Do you know how many people I smile at, Mel?

Mel Robbins (00:34:00):

Everybody.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:34:00):

You should see me in an airport. It's like a joke. I don't even know. And now people know who I am. So it was a lot more fun back in the day because no one knew what I was.

Mel Robbins (00:34:11):

You're just a goofy guy with a big smile.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:34:13):

And by the way, a lot of people smile back and they need it. And then I would say this, I think people like myself, like you, I believe happiness has done a bad job. Let me explain. I think the last decade, unhappiness has been amazing at marketing, that the people that are unhappy are doing a great job. They're taking time to go around the internet, look at people's clips, allow themselves to get triggered, and then leave nasty comments. They're working.

Mel Robbins (00:34:49):

It is a full-time job to leave negative comments.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:34:51):

I believe happiness is doing a bad job.

(00:34:54):

I believe there are not enough of us. And Mel, I'm going to say something right now that's really powerful. There's a lot of us, but they're quiet. They are quiet because they're not at the full place yet where they're willing to deal with the ridicule and the judgment for the bigger purpose. I didn't deal with any issues in high school or junior high around trying to fit in. I was incredibly well liked because of how. My personality is my personality. Peer pressure was non-existent. I never compromised my morals or who I was in junior high or high school. I'm definitely not going to fucking do it as an adult.

Mel Robbins (00:35:34):

So for somebody though who is crippled by other people's opinions, and I remember when I first started putting myself out there online, I was absolutely terrified of what my friends were going to think. I felt cringey as hell, and it is human nature to post, then to check how many people, then to question what you post, then to go down and you've got a couple likes and then see who's not liking it, and then look at the one comment that is the weird emoji, and then you wonder what they were actually thinking when they put the weird emoji and then laser focus on the thing that's negative instead of focusing on the thing that's positive. And I think that habit and instinct to go to what's wrong keeps so many people from leaning in and experimenting because you say, Gary, life shrinks and expands in proportion to your willingness to take risks and try new things.

(00:36:29):

And for most people, putting yourself out there, whether it's posting online or changing your career or starting to exercise or starting that Etsy shop is freaking terrifying.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:36:41):

Yes, because their entire framework of how they see life is predicated on other people's opinions, everybody but them own selves.

Mel Robbins (00:36:49):

So how do you stop caring about what other people think?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:36:51):

Practice.

Mel Robbins (00:36:53):

How do I practice?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:36:54):

By doing it. You're looking at a boy who literally was scared shitless to swim and ride a bike. There was a lot of things I was scared of that I think I just got it all out of the system by the time I was 15, 16, 17, 18, somewhere in that range.

Mel Robbins (00:37:12):

Okay. So for the 57-year-old or the 27-year-old or the 37-year-old. Let me

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:37:17):

Give you the big one. Parents, if you have a child that gets bad grades, I'm going to say something weird that I don't even know if I'm right, wrong, left, right, but I'm telling you, there's some real value. I see so many people, so many people, Mel, that are scared right now, we're too good of students. They drew too much in the line. They get validation from the outside. Every 90 days from a teacher, A plus, B+, A minus. I think there's a lot there. And so to answer your question, practice. You've got to get used to, get ridiculed so much, get judged so much, get pushed back so much that you can't hear it anymore.

Mel Robbins (00:38:07):

What's interesting is that if you really think about the stepping up to the line, I feel like you and I, our philosophy in life could be explained by the Nike tagline, "Just do it." And most people don't understand the most powerful word of those three words. It's just, because if their tagline had been, "Do it," that's not that inspiring. The just is so powerful because it honors this very human and universal moment of hesitation. You said that the person that's listening right now is on the cusp - Yes,

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:38:49):

I believe

Mel Robbins (00:38:49):

That. Of something. You have gotten up out of the stands, you've been watching a game, you're now standing there on the sideline of the pickup basketball court and you are hesitating. That just is an acknowledgement that the hesitation is normal. The hesitation is what you feel right before you push through. Can I

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:39:15):

Use that analogy?

Mel Robbins (00:39:16):

Please.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:39:18):

This is very important, everyone. I feel like I'm onto one here, so lock in. If I went on a basketball court right now,

Mel Robbins (00:39:25):

And

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:39:26):

I'm a decent little player, but let's say this was just a really high level game and I sucked and the other nine people really went there of trying to make me feel bad about it. There's something in me that asks them in return a very simple question, which is like, "You are correct. You nine are better at basketball than I am, but now I have a question for you. Are you a nicer boy than I am? Are you as good at making money as I am? Do you know how to make social media content as well as I do? Do you understand what live shopping is and how much that can change your nine person's lives today today? Why have we gotten into a place where one or two or three things that you're not as good at are eating up all the oxygen?" My friends, every one of you is great at something.

Mel Robbins (00:40:15):

It's

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:40:16):

True. I have a great friend, Nate, who was my admin for a long time, my co-founder in Empathy Wines, now works in the golfing industry. He was my admin when I had my son and we got to play tennis a bunch because I had a couple weeks off.

Mel Robbins (00:40:29):

You're a tennis player?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:40:30):

Yeah, I heck a little. I

Mel Robbins (00:40:31):

Kind of see in whites. Okay.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:40:33):

So we would play one set because I'd want to go home back to the boy and da, da, da. And twice in that summer, he was up 5'1" and I won, came back and won 7'5" and 7'6". Couple things. One, it's because when I was down 5'1", I started to change the energy of the court. I started to verbalize towards him and to myself.

Mel Robbins (00:40:58):

What did you say?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:41:00):

The first time I just started talking of like, "Nate, I have a feeling I'm going to come back." It's crazy what verbalization does.

Mel Robbins (00:41:07):

Yes.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:41:08):

And then sports is wild. Life is sports. It's momentum. Right now people, there's a 39-year-old woman right now listening to this and it's just not been going well. And literally one point, a.k.a. One action she takes tomorrow changes the whole calculus of the game and her next 50 years are epic. Do you know how intoxicating that is to me?

Mel Robbins (00:41:27):

Oh, I love this too. I love that you're one decision away, one action away from a completely different life.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:41:33):

So anyway, I beat him.

Mel Robbins (00:41:35):

Okay.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:41:35):

And then the second time I'm just like, "Nate, you know this is about to happen again?" And it did. For years when we would be together, I would bring up these two comebacks to razz him a little bit in boy talk in business settings and different things, and he would always eat it. And finally I turned to him and said, Nate, after nine times using this on him, I looked at him and said, Nate, the next time I fucking say that, you look me dead in the face and ask me what my handicap is because he's a remarkable golfer, scratch, and I've played nine times in my life.

Mel Robbins (00:42:09):

Everybody's good at something.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:42:12):

And that something might be, you're just a nice person. And I would argue in Gary Vaynerchuk's scale of life, being a good human is way ahead of 10 million followers and $10 million in cash. And you may not believe me because you don't know me, but that's because you just don't know me.

Mel Robbins (00:42:32):

I want to circle back because you told that story for a reason. And the reason why you told that story is because you just gave the tool and the tactic that gets you off the sideline.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:42:44):

That's right.

Mel Robbins (00:42:44):

Because as you're standing there, whether the sideline for you is, I'm taking the real estate exam. I'm quitting this job. I'm leaving this relationship. I am going to learn how to make money online and do live shopping. Yes, I am. When you're standing on that line and the just do it and the hesitation is building, the only one criticizing you is you. And when you start to smack talk yourself, I'm doing the damn thing. I know I'm scared. I know it feels weird. Watch me make a comeback. Watch me change my life. It changes the trajectory of your life because now instead of arguing against yourself, which is what's creating the hesitation, by the way, nobody else in your life is going, don't you dare do that thing.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:43:29):

Of course.

Mel Robbins (00:43:30):

It's you. It's heartbreaking. Don't you think it's heartbreaking?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:43:33):

Yes. And let me paint another picture if you allow me.

Mel Robbins (00:43:36):

Live shop. Oh, of course. Live

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:43:37):

Shopping.

Mel Robbins (00:43:38):

Obsessed. I know you're. So explain what live shopping is. It's QVC on social. Social

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:43:42):

Media.

Mel Robbins (00:43:43):

That's

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:43:43):

Right.

Mel Robbins (00:43:43):

Not

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:43:44):

Complicated.

Mel Robbins (00:43:44):

Yes.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:43:45):

It is go on TikTok right now and scroll for a while. Inevitably within your first 15 scrolls, somebody is literally, instead of a piece of content, there's somebody who's actually live selling normally some tchatchkas that you don't need. Okay? Okay. But Mel, exactly where social media was. You said you stumbled on me 14 years ago, so we're talking 12, 2012?

Mel Robbins (00:44:07):

Yes, 2012.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:44:09):

I had already been making content about social for five full years every day.

Mel Robbins (00:44:13):

No kidding.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:44:13):

Social,

Mel Robbins (00:44:14):

Social. Library, TV. Yes.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:44:16):

Yeah. Wine library TV was 06. By 07, I'm making content of you can change your life on social. Everyone can do this. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook. Then a year later I write this book. It comes out a year later, 09. That really puts me on. Where live shopping is right this second is exactly where social was in 2014.

Mel Robbins (00:44:34):

Okay.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:44:35):

People know it. We've accepted that it's out there. You've heard of it. People know what TikTok shop is. People maybe have heard of whatnot. People have seen the headlines. It's not like everyone who's listening is like, "What is that?" They might be like, "What is that?" But also a lot of people listening right now like, "Oh, I know what that is."

Mel Robbins (00:44:51):

Oh, I know what that is. It's the shop now button. It's the this button.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:44:54):

And a lot of people think they've already missed it like, "Oh, darn," or, "I don't get it."

Mel Robbins (00:44:58):

Okay This is a big theme now. As you're listening to Gary right now, I want you to pay attention because he may be talking about live shopping. This is what's meant for you. This notion of I missed it. I'm too late. I missed the window. Somebody else is doing it. Now I can't do it. This timeline - There's too many people

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:45:15):

Selling

Mel Robbins (00:45:16):

Purses already

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:45:17):

Mel Robbins (00:45:17):

Shopping. I can't. Crazy. Yes. But because of out there - Correct. Your internal dialogue goes, not me. And a lot of times this sounds like I'm too old. I'm too late. There's too many other people. And you are about to say you're wrong.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:45:33):

Not only are you wrong, we represent it. I've been podcasting since 2007. When was COVID-19? From 2014 to 19, I had a top 100 podcast. Mine was different. It was ripping audio out of things that I were doing. And in two seconds, because you did it better, it didn't matter how many years of a headstart.

Mel Robbins (00:45:58):

Do you want to know something crazy though, Gary? Please. In 2018,

(00:46:02):

I remember seeing your podcast. I remember seeing other people's podcasts. I wanted to do a podcast because I had gotten my start in the media business by hosting a local radio show Saturday mornings here in Boston. You know what I told myself? As I'm standing on the sideline watching your ass do your podcast and I'm feeling the just do it hesitation, oh my God. I said, "Well, Gary's already done it, so the motivation and that kind of thing that I want to do, it's already taken. It would be another six years before I stopped talking myself out of it and actually did it."

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:46:38):

How about this? How about in this podcast, I said very clearly, there are 10,000 listeners that are nice people too and want good for others that actually can do it. Of

Mel Robbins (00:46:51):

Course.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:46:52):

But you know how crazy that is? Just this listener group, there's 10,000 people that can start right now. They're in dead zero. I'm decades -

Mel Robbins (00:47:01):

Well, everybody starts at dead zero.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:47:03):

No shit, Sherlock. And in a year they could have a totally different life.

Mel Robbins (00:47:09):

The actual message to the person listening is there is something that you are on the cusp of. There is something you are amazing at. And the more you sit around and watch everybody else do it, the more you are going to rot inside because you're not doing anything about

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:47:27):

It. The more you get your two index fingers and put them in your ears and you can't hear others and you take these risks and do things, the more likely your life will be joyful. You are literally. I'm thinking about this woman right now. I could just see her. You're not going to do this because you go on TikTok and you sell something, you're concerned about the looks of the fellow moms when you drop off your junior high daughter because you for some reason value if they think that you're doing it because you don't have enough money or all these - Or

Mel Robbins (00:47:58):

You're trying to be an influencer.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:47:59):

You're stuck in sixth grade. And my thing is when the alpha of your group, because you're not, comes up to you and says, "Hey Mel, saw your little TikTok thing. What's going on? Is John not bringing enough money home? You guys need a couple bucks? We're happy to give you a couple of dollars." When she goes there, my brain goes to that basketball game and you say to Susan or Sally McGee or Jocelyn, "Hey Joss, how about X, Y, and Z?" Because the thought that Jocelyn, the alpha that's going to razz you has everything perfect is insanity. Well,

Mel Robbins (00:48:37):

The other thing that's insanity is that you're allowing another person's opinion to stop you from living your life.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:48:45):

And this goes to regret, Mel.

Mel Robbins (00:48:46):

And it goes to you're going to die.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:48:48):

That's right.

Mel Robbins (00:48:49):

And is the eulogies at your funeral going to be, "Well, she had all these dreams in her heart, but she was afraid of Jocelyn."

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:48:55):

That's right.

Mel Robbins (00:48:56):

And so instead she kind of lived a small thing and didn't take any risks and lived with a lot of gret. That's right. And really, at the end, Jocelyn moved on to a different friend group, but she though a lot about how she should have done it and then she beat herself up about regret.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:49:12):

That's right. And so if we've learned anything in this podcast, it's fuck Jocelyn. I mean, really though, friends, when are. And again, this is what intoxicates me about being here. You are not choosing as a human being to listen to this podcast over tuning into CNN and Fox and scaring yourself.

Mel Robbins (00:49:32):

Or celebrity interviews or whatever.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:49:35):

Correct. Or the reunion show of-

Mel Robbins (00:49:38):

Of reality, yes. And

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:49:39):

By the way, all of that's fine.

Mel Robbins (00:49:40):

It's great entertainment.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:49:41):

I watch sports, that doesn't mean anything. It's an escapism. It brings me joy. It's a balance to all the other stuff.

Mel Robbins (00:49:48):

Yes.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:49:49):

But I know this. If you've decided to listen to this podcast, you're close. I can't get over this. This is what keeps running in my head. I know they're close. I know it because I've lived it my whole life also the last 20 years. People that consume my stuff are close to action.

Mel Robbins (00:50:07):

They're close. And you want it. You don't pass time listening to this, you make it because there is something in you that you know needs to be unearthed, and you listen to this because you're looking for the encouragement. You're looking for somebody like Gary who has been there and who does this every day to say, "You can do this, but you have to stop listening to everybody else's opinion. You have to stop letting fear stand in your way. It is about action. Talk

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:50:36):

Is so cheap. And it's hard, by the way. By the way, listen, friends, I know Mel and I have been really jamming like a rock band in our garage for an hour on this one thing. Listen to me, friends. It is not lost on me on how hard this is. When you are fully bought into other people's opinions, you've probably been there for 20 to 30 years to just be like, "Oh yay, Gary and Mel are ranting now and I'm going to do it." It's not "that easy," and yet it is. And I will say it, I can speak from personal experience. At some point, I just jumped in the pool. At some point, you're just going to jump. You just are.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:51:14):

And here's my big one. Here's my big one tactically. You need to start surrounding yourself with people that are cheering for you to jump in the pool, not making fun of you for not being in the pool.

Mel Robbins (00:51:25):

How do you do that when in the physical world they're not around you? Because we get a lot questions about this. I bet you do. The digital world. So how do you build the cheering group online? Ready?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:51:35):

When Mel posts on Instagram, reply to other people's replies to her post and start becoming friends, all of you. Mel Mafia, start becoming friends with each other in Mel's comments. Here's what's going to happen, Mel. Sally reads all the comments from your post. She finds Kristen's comment that she associates with. She replies, "Kristen, I couldn't agree with you more." She also clicks Kristen's profile and looks at her profile and says, "PS, your dog is so cute." Got it?

Mel Robbins (00:52:06):

We're putting a

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:52:07):

Little effort into positivity.

Mel Robbins (00:52:08):

Yes. Okay.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:52:09):

Kristen is just a regular good old Kristen. She's not accustomed to people liking her comment and replying to it. She sees it in her notification. She then goes and looks. She's on the receiving end of love and warmth. She reads that comment. She looks at the first person's comment and says, "Oh my God, I love your backyard. You know what happens next?" One of them DMs each other. "You know what happens next? That goes on for a couple of weeks. You know what happens next? A phone call, a Zoom. You know what happens next? They actually meet in person.

Mel Robbins (00:52:41):

I love

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:52:41):

This.

(00:52:43):

Our slogan in Befriends is strangers become acquaintances, acquaintances become friends, and friends become family. I'm obsessed with this. Do you know why I love collectibles and believe it's a huge trend and that it's about to join fashion and sports and music as a lifestyle genre? Because collectibles, you don't need the cardboard of a baseball card that's worth $2 million. It's worth nothing. You don't need the pieces of paper of a comic book that ends up being worth $10,000. The actual intrinsic value is nothing. You definitely don't need collectibles. It is not a necessity. The only necessity about collectibles is community. Do you know why sports works? It's something that's not the most important thing in the world that brings everyone together and we're talking about the same thing. Do you know why music works? It's tribalism on something that's positive. Do you know what Comic-Con looks like?

(00:53:39):

Oh my God, if you wear a Spider-Man outfit and someone else loves Spider-Man, these are two strangers that hug it out like they're long lost best friends. Collectibles are important because when I go to the trade show in Chicago for four days, hundreds of thousands of people, we just all like cardboard with athletes on it, right?

Mel Robbins (00:53:57):

I want to take this because there is something about your life that you love. Needle pointing, gardening.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:54:01):

Keep

Mel Robbins (00:54:01):

Going. It could be tractors pulling. It could be anything.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:54:05):

Yes.

Mel Robbins (00:54:05):

People around you misunderstand you. You can find a community of people that are in it, and if you put yourself intentionally in it, get up to the line, just do it, hesitate, hesitate. I'm doing it. And you jump into that community, you now feel lifted up.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:54:21):

Mel, this whole little rant is why I believe social media is the greatest, not the worst. Everybody has become infatuated with talking about all the bad of social. You said something very important earlier. You said for the people here who can't physically find it around them.

Mel Robbins (00:54:37):

Yes.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:54:37):

They were in a neighborhood, all their family members, negative Nellies, all their friend group, cynical cats. The fact that they can open their phone and comment in Mel's Instagram posts and find her people. Friends, all of you that love this podcast, the biggest mistake you're doing is not interacting with each other in Mel's comments.

Mel Robbins (00:54:58):

That is a huge gift of giving me and the person listening around.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:55:01):

Mel, it's actually the number one thing that I want to happen with content. One of the things that's not happening is I want everyone to start using the comments like Facebook groups.

Mel Robbins (00:55:11):

Rather than talking to me and commenting to me, comment to each other.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:55:15):

Yes, because it's bigger than us.

Mel Robbins (00:55:16):

Yes.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:55:17):

What we do for a living is so uncomfortably bigger than us. I

Mel Robbins (00:55:21):

Don't think it's about me at all.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:55:22):

Nor do I.

Mel Robbins (00:55:24):

I want to ask you some rapid fire questions.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:55:26):

Please.

Mel Robbins (00:55:26):

Because this is what when people are looking for advice from you online, these are the top things people ask you. Okay. What's one thing the person listening can do today to build self-confidence?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:55:40):

Make a video that tells everybody all their shortcomings. What? Mel, everything is the last scene of Eight Mile, Eminem's movie. Eminem's movie Eight Mile. The last scene is a battle rap. Eminem goes first, which is actually a disadvantage in battle rap. So what does he do? He flips the script. He makes fun of himself the entire time, and then at the tail end he goes, "But I know something about you," to Clarence. I believe the number one thing that most people watching or listening to this podcast should do is make a video and tell the world what they suck at.

Mel Robbins (00:56:19):

Wow. It

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:56:20):

Is the great liberating piece of content that is sitting on the fingertips of society that no one's doing because once you take control of it, they don't have control of it.

Mel Robbins (00:56:31):

Oh, the thing you're afraid to say actually owns you.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:56:35):

Owns your fucking ass. It's your jail. Almost everyone is not posting because of something like that.

Mel Robbins (00:56:44):

And almost everybody is not posting because they think there's a perfect thing to post.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:56:49):

Correct.

Mel Robbins (00:56:50):

And the only thing to post is the thing you're afraid to say. And the reason almost - I'm brand new at posting music videos and I'm scared to death to do this. And some of you may think this sucks and I've been talking myself out of it for 17 months, but here goes.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:57:05):

And everybody's not posting, and I mean everybody. Almost no one's actually posting and they're all not posting. You know why? They like their little facade. They're safe in their fakeness. They want everyone to think it's awesome. Johnny and me are doing great. My kids are perfect. Everyone's fucking great. No one's great, and that's what's great. Everyone's got something. Geez.

Mel Robbins (00:57:31):

What's the piece of advice you would give to somebody who wants to start a business and what's the worst?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:57:37):

The best advice is, are you actually capable? I got scared. One of the proud things I am is I definitely feel like I'm in a very small group of people that made being a business person or entrepreneur cool 20 years ago. It feels really neat. Yeah,

Mel Robbins (00:57:53):

You inspired. What does that feel like to know that you've inspired millions and millions and millions of people around the world to lean in, start, change your life, start a business?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:58:03):

Well, it's so funny. You represent something even cooler, which is I got to do it so early that so many people came along, were inspired by me, that have inspired more people than even I did. It feels so good. All I want is the world to wake up. That's all I want.

Mel Robbins (00:58:20):

And what?

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:58:21):

And realize it's awesome. It is. Now, it might not be awesome right now because you're $80,000 in debt, your marriage is falling apart, your kid is struggling, but it is. This is the brain fuck. It's awesome because you have a chance to change it.

Mel Robbins (00:58:40):

I think the big mistake that people make is thinking that there is some perfect life, there is some life where you're going to be happy all the time, and that that's the point of life. And the goal is not perfection or happiness. What is

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:58:52):

Perfect?

Mel Robbins (00:58:53):

It's a liveness.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:58:53):

What's perfect? By whose fucking definition?

Mel Robbins (00:58:57):

So when you say awesome, life is awesome, I think what you're saying is you don't actually have to feel like it's awesome for you to call your life beautiful and good.

Gary Vaynerchuk (00:59:08):

Mel, the New York Knicks. Do you know how much joy I still feel and most of New York City feels about what happened a couple months ago? Do you understand that the Knicks were losing by 29 points late in an NBA finals and no team had ever done it before? And guess what? We did. There is someone right now who's down 29 points, down 29 points in the fourth quarter and can win. Do you know how cool that is? Do you know how awesome that is? Everything's gone wrong and one smart decision, but it starts with, "This is on me." And this is where the politicians have been brilliant. This is where the bosses have been brilliant, and this is where the parents have been brilliant. They've weaponized and manipulated their subjects into thinking they can help them. Mel, do you know what's up really cool?

Mel Robbins (01:00:00):

Tell me.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:00:00):

I don't think I can help anyone. I do not believe that Gary Vee. Content or me, the human, can help anyone, but I can help them realize that they can help themselves.

Mel Robbins (01:00:11):

Correct. So if someone's looking for a job right now, whether they lost it or they're in a new grad in this market, Gary, what is the number one skill that you think they should be focusing on?

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:00:21):

Making content on LinkedIn.

Mel Robbins (01:00:24):

Making content on LinkedIn?

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:00:26):

How about that one? You know why? I'm obsessed with optionality.

Mel Robbins (01:00:30):

What does that mean?

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:00:31):

Let me explain. If you lost your job and you're debating, do I want another job similar or do I want to do something on my own? If everyone understood what I understood, which is LinkedIn is exactly the same thing as Facebook and Instagram, except the audience perspective and mentality when they're on it is different. If you put out a content on LinkedIn, whether it's about the things you think about your industry, so you're an executive assistant, and so you're making content on LinkedIn about five rules. Hey everyone, it's Susan. I'm in between gigs. I've been doing executive assistant work for the last nine years. Just going to make this video. Five things every executive assistant or someone getting into it should know about the game.

Mel Robbins (01:01:14):

Now, I want to point something out. Notice he said, "I'm in between gigs." Most people wouldn't say that because you don't want people to know that. And Gary is telling you saying the thing you don't want to say is not a sign that you're a loser. It's a sign that you're a winner and that you're secure in yourself and you're still showing up.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:01:35):

Mel, your embarrassment is your advantage.

Mel Robbins (01:01:38):

What do you mean?

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:01:39):

I mean your embarrassment is your uniqueness. It's your nuance. It's your snowflake. I just don't know how people can't see this. Your unique situation is your biggest advantage regardless if the world currently thinks. It's right. Let me give you a big one for me.

Mel Robbins (01:01:58):

Yes.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:01:59):

I pounded against college for a decade in my content in the early 2000s and got completely shit on by everyone.What

Mel Robbins (01:02:09):

He's talking about is that for a decade, Gary was questioning.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:02:12):

2005, seven, nine, 11.

Mel Robbins (01:02:15):

College is a waste for a lot of people. Do you need to go to college? You do not need to go to college. The world is changing.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:02:21):

2007, I'm making a video saying college isn't right for. And I always was nuanced. If you're creative or entrepreneurial and your parents can't afford to pay for it, I do not think you should go take $120,000 in debt to have a piece of paper that I'm projecting in 20 years won't matter.

Mel Robbins (01:02:40):

Yep.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:02:41):

And Mel, I got destroyed.

Mel Robbins (01:02:43):

Well.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:02:44):

No, really Mel. It was probably the subject matter that I most got the most private and public comment heat of for a decade.

Mel Robbins (01:02:51):

Wow.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:02:51):

Gary, you're saying this because you were a bad student, you suck, you're not smart, you curse and you're bad at school. You don't have intellect, blah, blah, blah. And then miraculously, 15 years later, people are like, wait a minute. And so what I'm saying is if it's your truth, my truth was I thought a lot of kids were getting screwed by college. Yes. I

Mel Robbins (01:03:14):

Agree with

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:03:15):

You. But man, was I on an island in 2007. I'm telling you, I was in a really lonely place and I would not stop because I believed in my soul. You think I want to tell the world that I sucked at candor for 20 years and was horrible at firing and that there's people out there that are still mad at me because I pulled the rug from out? I'm embarrassed. Mel, I don't think all my other success hides -

Mel Robbins (01:03:39):

What do you do with those failures?

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:03:41):

Adjust. Own and adjust.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:03:45):

And then by the way, my friends, pay attention to your relationship with should. My relationship with should is remarkable. I don't use it. I don't think I should have anything. In fact, I think if I'm working 15 hours a day, let me say this slow, and for three years straight, I don't think I should have anything because if I'm not working effectively or something that's bringing value to someone, I should get nothing.

Mel Robbins (01:04:19):

Cause and

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:04:19):

Effect. That's a tough one. Okay, Gary and Mel, I've been working on my podcast for nine years, 12 hours a day.What's up? What's up as you stink?

Mel Robbins (01:04:29):

I'm

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:04:29):

Sorry to laugh. I mean, I don't know. It's okay. By the way, I stink a lot.

Mel Robbins (01:04:34):

There's a lot of things I've done that stink, which is why I don't do them anymore.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:04:37):

Correct. Now we're getting into are you navigating? How self-aware are you? Where's your humility? But I'm going to say it again. There's a lot of people exhausted because they are not realizing how much envy and jealousy is eating up their soul. I'm going to say it nice and slow. As of this moment that most people are listening, obviously people will listen to this years from now, but knowing when this is going to air, they just went through June, July and August and they got triggered by someone else's happiness. We need to talk about this more.

Mel Robbins (01:05:09):

I had a moment in my life where I just got tired of myself. That. I got so sick of being a person that thought life should be different, that though I should have the things other people did, that was jealous of people I wanted to be happy for. And I realized, wait, if I don't like the person I am and if I don't like how I feel, I'm not stuck as this version of myself.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:05:35):

In the realest way.

Mel Robbins (01:05:36):

I need to change this if I don't like the way my life feels.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:05:40):

Even in the most competitive place I am as a professional, I do business the way athletes do athlete. I

Mel Robbins (01:05:46):

Know. I love that about you.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:05:48):

In real life, they're very sweet, but when they get on the field, they want to crush.

Mel Robbins (01:05:51):

Yes.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:05:52):

Even in my most competitive domain, my professional career, if you knew how much joy I have for people that are seemingly on paper competing with me when they are winning what many of my contemporaries view as coming out of them, it does not even register. I could not be happier for people that pass me in following count, pass me in financial status, pass me in listener count. I could not be more happy for all of you.

Mel Robbins (01:06:22):

Why?

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:06:23):

Because the world is abundant and your joy has nothing to do with me. My joy is my joy and your joy is your joy. And friends, there's unlimited stuff. There's unlimited happiness, there's unlimited love, there's unlimited joy, there's unlimited materialistic things and just like no one's taking out of you. You're taking out of you.

Mel Robbins (01:06:44):

If this were the last thing that you could share with somebody, the one message that you wanted the person who's been listening to this to remember, what would it be?

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:06:56):

Then nothing in the end, in the end, none of the shit that you're worried about is going to actually matter. So if that is true, and guess what? I know everyone knows I'm right, then why not start living your life that way right this second?

Mel Robbins (01:07:09):

What are your parting words?

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:07:12):

That life can be so much better than the way it is right now. I think there's a confusion in the system. I really, really love you and it's time you love yourself.

Mel Robbins (01:07:22):

Gary, I really love you. I do. And I know you don't do a lot of interviews. And so the fact that you wanted to be here, that you made the time to be here, that you did that both for me as somebody who I truly, when I tell you this, I am where I am in my life because of the content that you put out and the message that you put out and the way that you've changed the way that I think. And I really have always felt in everything that you've done that there is this incredible combination of ambition and confidence and fun and business and go and build and chase and how fucking cool is this? And at the same time, this humble, connected, profound understanding of what is true in life. And I feel like you are a twin flame and a huge bright light, and I just want to thank you for truly changing my life and inspiring me.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:08:35):

That is incredibly humbling. And to me, it honors what I most believe in the world that is so much bigger than me, which is like this is real. Right now the world is very confused that hate is winning. My friends, hate's in trouble. Love is always lurking, and I'm really just uncomfortably proud of you. And more importantly, in this moment, there's just a lot of people listening that are on the cusp. I am so proud and pumped for you, but I am here strictly because I know one person's ready to tip and I know our combination today will do that.

Mel Robbins (01:09:17):

Well, Gary Vee, I love you.

Gary Vaynerchuk (01:09:19):

I love you back.

Mel Robbins (01:09:19):

Thank you for coming here and partnering with me on behalf of the person who spent all this time with us. I just want to say to you, thank you for making the time to be with me and Gary. Go follow him, go comment with the other people in the comments for God's sakes and get off the damn line and get into the game. Your life depends on it in case nobody else tells you. As your friend, I'm going to be sure to remind you that I love you. I know Gary loves you, and we both believe in your ability to create a better life. Now go fucking do it.

(01:09:53):

So go fucking do it. And before you do that though, I just want to thank you. Thank you for watching all the way to the end here on YouTube. Thank you for being generous. This was Gary at his best. This was so profound. This is a gift that you can share with everybody in your family, so I hope you will. And if that subscribe button is lit up, Gary will yell at me if I do not do the best practice and say, "The best way to support me for supporting you, hit subscribe. That way you don't miss a thing." And it also tells us you freaking love what we're doing here because we love you. All right, how are we going to beat that episode? Because that was amazing. I know you want to see another one. Check out this episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast.

(01:10:33):

You're going to love it.

Share With a Friend

Key takeaways

When you feel misunderstood, stop needing the world to get you; another person's opinion can never fully know you, even when they are close to you.
When you keep blaming your past, you keep it alive; acknowledge what happened, then take responsibility for what you choose to do next with your life.
If envy and jealousy are eating at you, remember someone else's life has nothing to do with you; their joy does not take away from yours because the world is abundant.
Your peace of mind will not come from a bigger paycheck, the right car, or other people's validation; it comes from being comfortable with yourself and knowing who you are.
If you are afraid of other people's opinions, the answer is practice: get judged, get ridiculed, and keep doing the thing until you stop hearing it anymore.

Guests Appearing in this Episode

Gary Vaynerchuk

Gary Vaynerchuk, also known as GaryVee, is one of the most successful entrepreneurs and creators of his generation and a leading global voice on what’s next in culture, business, and the internet.

He is a six-time New York Times bestselling with more than 45 million followers across social media.

Gary is the chairman of VaynerX, CEO of VeeFriends, and CEO of VaynerMedia, a global advertising agency.

Follow Gary on Instagram
Follow Gary on TikTok
Watch Gary on YouTube
Follow Gary on Facebook
Follow Gary on X
Connect with Gary on LinkedIn
Visit Gary’s website

Crushing It!: How Great Entrepreneurs Build Their Business and Influence and How You Can Too – A State-of-the-Art Guide to Personal Branding and Social Media
Entrepreneurs Build Their Business and Influence and How You Can Too – A State-of-the-Art Guide to Personal Branding and Social Media

Four-time New York Times bestselling author Gary Vaynerchuk offers new lessons and inspiration drawn from the experiences of dozens of influencers and entrepreneurs who rejected the predictable corporate path in favor of pursuing their dreams by building thriving businesses and extraordinary personal brands.

Crushing It! is a state-of-the-art guide to building your own path to professional and financial success, but it’s not about getting rich. It’s a blueprint to living life on your own terms.
- Personal Branding Blueprint: Learn why a vibrant personal brand is more crucial than ever for entrepreneurial success and how to build one that’s authentic to you.
- Social Media Strategy: Get theoretical and tactical advice for every major platform, from old standbys like Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube to emerging forces in digital media.
- Real-World Case Studies: Read inspiring stories from dozens of influencers and entrepreneurs who rejected the corporate path to build thriving businesses on their own terms.
- Actionable Tactics for Growth: Discover innovative tips and clever tweaks to enhance your strategy, whether you’re a beginner or a seasoned pro looking for an edge.
The GaryVee Audio Experience
Welcome to The GaryVee Audio Experience, hosted by entrepreneur, CEO, investor, content creator, and public speaker Gary Vaynerchuk. On this podcast, you'll find a mix of the Podcast With Friends episodes, WineText TV recaps, Keynote Speeches on marketing and business, interviews, and fireside chats l've given. Enjoy!

Resources

- Gary Vee: How to stop caring what others think
- Gary Vee: 10 Examples of Positivity on Social Media
- Gary Vee: How To Overcome Failure
- Gary Vee: Is GaryVee Going to Buy the New York Jets?
- Stanford Business School: Redefining Success: Adopt the Journey Mindset to Move Forward
- Harvard Business Review: What Separates Goals We Achieve from Goals We Don’t
- The Atlantic: A Knockout Technique for Achieving More Happiness
- Forbes: The Biggest Lie You’ve Been Told About Happiness, By A Psychologist
- Harvard Business School: Four Keys of Enduring Success: How High Achievers Win
- The Conversation: Teens see social media algorithms as accurate reflections of themselves, study finds
- The Guardian: Blame your parents if you must – but then forgive them
- Frontiers in Psychiatry: Effect of Gratitude on Benign and Malicious Envy: The Mediating Role of Social Support
- Mayo Clinic: Self-esteem: Take steps to feel better about yourself
- Business Insider: The Odds Of You Being Alive Are Incredibly Small
- Psychological Research: The contribution of verbalization to action
- Stanford School of Medicine: Finding Purpose in Midlife and Beyond
- Harvard Business Review: How to Reinvent Yourself After 50
- Greater Good Magazine: Why Midlife Might Actually Be Awesome
- The Atlantic: You Might Be a Late Bloomer
- Harvard Health Publishing: Gratitude enhances health, brings happiness - and may even lengthen lives
- MIT: The power of weak ties in gaining new employment
- AARP: 5 Top Regrets of the Dying
- European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education: Envy, Social Comparison, and Depression on Social Networking Sites: A Systematic Review

Related Episodes

New Here?

Stop Making Excuses: How to Change Your Life Right Now

Listen on:

All Clips

Share With a Friend

Key takeaways

Guests Appearing in this Episode

Gary Vaynerchuk

Resources

Related Episodes

Anxiety

Confidence

Habits

Health

Happiness

Motivation

Relationships

Most Popular

The Let Them Theory

The High 5 Habit

The 5 Second Rule

Stop Making Excuses: How to Change Your Life Right Now

Listen on:

All Clips

Share With a Friend

Key takeaways

Guests Appearing in this Episode

Gary Vaynerchuk

Resources

2 Million Readers. 1 Life-Changing Newsletter

Related Episodes

Anxiety

Confidence

Habits

Health

Happiness

Motivation

Relationships

Most Popular

The Let Them Theory

The High 5 Habit

The 5 Second Rule

2 Million Readers.
1 Life-Changing Newsletter