13 Things I Wish I Knew in My 20s

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So I see you, I hear you today. I am showing up for you and I'm also here to talk to the people who love you. There are 13 things that I wish I knew in my twenties that I am going to share with you today, and I should warn you, Mel Robbins in her twenties effed up. Okay? We're talking unhinged everybody. So this is not an episode for Little Ears because my twenties were the hardest, most confusing and overwhelming 10 years of my life. If only I had known these 13 things that I'm going to share with you today, I would not look back on that entire decade and basically go barf. And by the way, if you're in your thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, you're going to love this too because these 13 pieces of advice I use in my life every single day, and I'm 55.

 

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And you're also going to love the stories about how screwed up Mel Robbins used to be. But if you are in your twenties today, I'm dedicating this to you because you're probably listening to this because your mom sent you this episode. So if you're currently laying in your bed looking at social media or you have no money in the bank or you feel shitty about your job or you've just been ghosted by your last hinge date, don't worry. Mel Robbins is here. I'm going to put my arms around you and I am not going to give you that world is your oyster. You can do anything pep talk because I didn't want to hear that back in my twenties. And I know you do not want to hear that today. I'm going to tell you the truth. And the truth is you can make the most of your twenties and even though they're hard, they can also be exciting.

 

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And I'm going to teach you the 13 things that I wish I had known while I was sitting in the corner having a panic attack, feeling like a lost loser so that you can learn how to pull your shit together because you can. Let's do it. Alrighty. It's your friend Mel, and today's episode dedicated to all you amazing listeners in your twenties. You've been asking for this, so now I'm giving it to you. And it's also dedicated to all the people in your life right now who love you. You know what? They're worried about you. They're giving you really irritating job advice. They're trying to help you with your budget. And the fact is your twenties are a really challenging period in your life, full stop this decade, not what everybody paints it out to be. Personally, I was lost in my twenties, and when I look back on that version of me, I'm like, whoa, I hate 20 year olds, Mel Robbins.

 

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In fact, my main reaction when I think about who I was in my twenties and some of the shit that I did is just cringe. I also have two daughters in their twenties who are trying to navigate their life and honestly, they're having a really hard time. Maybe you are too. For example, every single day it seems, I get a FaceTime from our daughter, Kendall. She's 23, she lives in Los Angeles. And when I see her name pop up, I think, oh my God, I hope she's having a good day today because I have no idea what to expect. She reminds me of me in my twenties. I mean, one day you're flying on cloud nine, you think you just met the love of your life. The next day you have negative $25 in your bank account. You think you're the ugliest person in your friend group.

 

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The person you slept with is no longer texting you back. You have no idea how to do your job. You're terrified. Everyone's going to figure out you don't know what you're doing. And so whenever she calls, I'm thinking, oh my God, which version of her am I going to get today on FaceTime? Please, please, please let it be the happy version. And honestly, I get it because that used to be me because the twenties, that decade, it is not all it's cracked up to be. It doesn't feel like the world is your oyster because the twenties are so freaking hard. And that's just my 23-year-old, my 25-year-old. She's living at home so that she can save money and she wants to move New York City in the fall, and I think she's doing great. But the other day I heard her referring to herself as a depressed gerbil. I mean, just let that sink in. I don't even know if she knows that. I heard her say that she was talking to a friend. She's like, I just feel like a depressed gerbil, like stuck in a cage up here at my parents. I'm like, oh my God.

 

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And so I'm worried about our two daughters and I really want to help 'em and I want to give them advice to help them navigate what is a very confusing and overwhelming and exciting, by the way, exciting moment in your life. And so I thought, alright, what advice could I give them to make them feel more powerful, to help them navigate the ups and downs or at the very least to help them stop crying for five minutes every other hour? So I've come up with 13 truths that you need to know in your twenties or frankly at any time in your life, whenever you feel lost, overwhelmed, unsure, life isn't meeting your expectations, come back to these 13 truths. And if you have someone a year in your life that is in their twenties, listen to this so that you can understand how difficult this period of life is and how you can better support them. And by the way, share this episode with every single person in their twenties that you know they need this advice, they're going to love you for it. And that brings me to the very first thing I'm going to tell you. 

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Breakup horrible friendships. I moved, took a job and then quit tons of rumors and backstabbing financial hardships, major fights with family, not knowing what I wanted to do. Basically everything that I thought would never go wrong did. Now I just want to pause right there and say, I feel like Eliza is describing me in my twenties. And so just know that if you are nodding your head, you're not the only one. And when I read this email to our entire team, you want to know something? Every single one of our team members in our twenties, you know what they did? They started nodding their heads like, yep, that sounds about right. And Eliza wasn't done. So let's just jump back into her email. She said, listening to your podcast, Mel, is the first time I haven't received that standard. You're young, your life is just starting.

 

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Your world is at the fingertips speech, which is quite possibly the worst thing to hear when you feel like your world is imploding one piece at a time. Well, I'm here to tell you, Eliza, you are not crazy. You are not alone. Your twenties. You will go through some of the hardest experiences of your life. Now let me explain why this decade is so hard because I think this is going to be super helpful. Your twenties are so hard because it is the first time in your life where no one is telling you what to do. Just stop and think about this for a second. There's no playbook. And all you've known from zero to 20 is someone else's playbook. The first 20 years of your life, every detail was planned for you and it was planned for all your friends too. In fact, you and your friends, and this is a big piece of this, from zero to 20, you and your friends were moving through life at the exact same pace, in the exact same place.

 

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You went from first grade to second grade to third grade together, to middle school, to high school, maybe to college, then first year, then second, you had the same milestones. You had the same way to measure your success. You had the same friend groups, you had the same routine. You were all on the same vacation schedule for crying out loud. I mean, when spring bake hit for you, it hit for everybody else. You also always had kids in the class ahead of you to show you what was coming next. And guess what? They were following the same playbook. Then what happens? Boom, you enter your twenties and the real world and into what I call the great scattering, that playbook that you followed from zero to 20, it disintegrates and the great scattering begins. Every single person scatters in different directions. Everybody is suddenly on a different timeline.

 

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They're living in different places, they're working in different jobs, they're hanging out with different people, they're achieving different milestones at different paces. And your entire frame of reference for how you're doing, how you're tracking your progress, what you're supposed to be doing today, what you're supposed to be doing next month, what you're supposed to be doing next year, gone, zippo, disappear, nada. That's why your twenties have a tremendous feeling of loss, of control. There's no longer a track, there's no template, there's no timeline for what to do next. It's all up to you. And that's why all of the stupid adults that say the world is at your fingertips, you just want to take those fingertips and curl 'em into a fist and punch 'em into a face. And that is exactly why I say it might be the hardest decade of your life. There are too many options.

 

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There's no frame of reference. There's no way to track where you are or where you should go. It's all up to you. And it's just so overwhelming. You, my friend, are not crazy. You're in the great scattering. I'm telling you that because feeling lost in your twenties amid all this change, it is normal. How could you not not feel lost? How could you not feel this sense of grief? How could you not be confused about everybody and everywhere and where everyone's going and what you should do? It is so hard for everyone, no matter how great their Instagram story looks. I'm not kidding about this. Everybody's sitting there putting out the perfect story. They got it all together with the perfect brunch and the perfect this and the perfect that, and the perfect ski suit. And everybody is panicking. So you're not a loser. Let's just get that straight, okay?

 

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You're in the great scattering. You will figure it out. If you look at all the adults that are older than you, most of us are complete idiots and we figured it out. You'll figure it out too. And here's one more thing you need to hear your friend Mel Robbins say You have your shit together way more than you realize, and you need to start giving yourself more credit. Must say that again. You have your shit together way more than you realize, and you need to start giving yourself more credit. I get it. Yes. It feels like everyone around you is excelling in every area of their lives and you feel like you have to pretend like you're doing great. I get it. You're really struggling and it sucks. And I want you to know you're not alone. Everyone is struggling in some area of their life.

 

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And I know both my daughters feel that way. And I definitely felt that way for my twenties. And it's okay. It's okay to feel frustrated. It's okay to wallow a bit. It's okay to feel lost and you don't have your shit together because you are figuring it out. But I want to normalize this. That's why this is the first piece of advice that the twenties are not the best time of your life and fast. It could be the worst because there are so many unknowns that you need to navigate right now. And it's not always rainbows and butterflies. And sometimes those unknowns, they make you cry like a lot. In fact, I cried more in my twenties than any other decade, and that's even after I got diagnosed with anxiety and put on Zoloft, I kept on crying. And if you're a parent listening in, please, please start validating what the 20 somethings in your life are feeling.

 

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Stop trying to fix it and just sit with them and acknowledge how hard and overwhelming it can be and remind them that they have their shit together more than they think. I mean, remember how hard your twenties were? Remember what it was like to apply to college or when you went through your first breakup or you were searching for your first job or your friends all moved to a different city, or you were the only one who wasn't going to graduate school or you were the one that was living at home. It sucks. This is the decade that your loved ones need support, not a lecture because there is so much to figure out about yourself and your friendships and your career and dating and living on your own and your money and your health and your habits. And I'm here to tell you, you will figure it out.

 

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Yes, your twenties may not be your best decade. So take the pressure off and sit tight because the other 12 things I'm going to tell you are going to help you create a master template for starting to thrive in your twenties and your thirties and your forties and your fifties for the rest of your life. Alright, now that we got that out of the way, I'll be right back with the next piece of advice and you better be here for this because it's about money and it's the only money advice I'm giving and it's a doozy. Stay with me. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel. I'm so glad that you're here. We are talking about the things that we wish we knew in our twenties. We've already covered one. I got 12 more. So let's jump right back into it. So let's go to the second piece of advice because we got to talk about money next.

 

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I know it's on your mind and it's not in your pocket. So the second piece of advice is this. Stop spending your money on stupid shit. You get to choose what you spend your money on, learn how to stop spending money on stupid shit. Your generation, for example, is obsessed with skincare. But lemme ask you, do you seriously need another moisturizer when you have three half used tubes at home? No, you don't. And look, I get it. It's hard particularly for you guys. I mean, when I was your age, I had to at least get in a car and go to the store and I still wasted so much money on stupid shit. But you have a bigger problem and this is why you have to take control of this right now. If you're in your twenties, shopping is in your face twenty four seven. I mean, your phone is basically the new mall.

 

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It takes three seconds for you to see an ad click and buy less than a day for it to show up at your doorstep. You have to take control of your addiction to buying things in order to make yourself feel better. Just ask yourself, has that cheap Amazon face roller really benefited your appearance? I mean, you're not dumb. You know that the influencer who swears by her $300 red light mask has no wrinkles because she's getting Botox, not because she's using a red light mask that she, by the way got for free and is making a commission off of every time your stupid ass buys it. I mean, come on. You're smarter than that. Don't give your power to the influencer machine. Stay in control of your money in your twenties. And listen, I get it. You're spending money consciously or subconsciously because you feel overwhelmed or sad or insecure or bored or stressed, which makes you feel out of control.

 

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And in that moment you're sitting on Instagram, you see the influencer with your face mask, boop, click spending money gives you a rush of dopamine and it makes you feel in control, right? Of the issue that you're trying to solve, which is what? Wrinkles, no boredom, sadness, loneliness, overwhelm. How are you trying to solve that with a face roller? Then after two uses, you wonder why you even bought it in the first place. And then what do you do? You feel more out of control and more sad and more overwhelmed and even more like a loser and you have less money. Spending money that you do not have on the things that you do not need, doesn't give you power, it makes you feel powerless. And while I'm on a roll, stop spending money on a new workout set, it is not going to make you drop 15 pounds.

 

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Getting to the gym will. Do You really need a new wallet guys? No. You need a new way to make money. And trust me, you do not need to purchase a new outfit for every single occasion, especially when most of you wear it once and then you never touch it again. Stop spending money on you do not need. I don't care if you bought it at a thrift store, you still don't need it. You are channeling your energy, desire, anxiety and desperation to keep up with the trends and the gimmicks and the influencers into buying stupid stuff. And not only is it hurting your already slim bank account, but it's also trying to keep up with society's forever Changing trends and high expectations is not serving you and your happiness. It is serving retailers and influencers. It is impossible to keep up. Your twenties are not the time to go broke. It's the time to learn to take control of your finances and finances. They play a major role in your transition to adulthood. So pay attention to your money now and learn how to handle it instead of focusing on how much money you can earn. How about you get laser focused right now? Where is all your money going? Here's a trick I want you to steal from our daughter Sawyer. Instead of clicking click purchase now.

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Again, helping you to take control instead of spending money on stupid shit. And if you're going to spend money, here's a recommendation. Spend it on things that you're actually going to remember. I personally don't remember a thing I bought in my twenties, but I had a major spending problem. I wish somebody had come to me like I'm coming to you and struck me by the shoulders. I was like, Mel, you got to stop sprinting because here's what I do. Remember I had five fricking credit cards. That's how much of a spending problem I had because I was overwhelmed and lost and not making a lot of money in my job. So like a complete fucking moron, I soothed my emotions and made myself feel better by constantly spending money on shit with a credit card that I didn't need and couldn't afford. And so when I got married, you know what I had to disclose to my new husband at the age of 28 that I was coming into the marriage with, oops, $25,000 in credit card debt that I hadn't told him about.

 

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So if you're going to bother to spend your hard earned money on something, spend it on an experience, spend it on an investment in your wellbeing or in building a new skill like take a class or use the money to go to therapy to make yourself happier and learn more about yourself, that's something you'll remember. You got it good. So stop spending money on stupid shit. You're welcome. Here's my third piece of advice that I wish I knew in my twenties. You have so much time in your twenties, you are in such a hurry to figure your life out. Stop. You have time.

 

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Listen to me. No, really listen to your friend Mel Robbins. You have plenty of time to figure out your life and your career and your love life and your friend group and your gut health. You have time. You want to know why you think you don't have time. And I just want to validate something this time. Pressure is way worse on today's 20 year olds than the pressure that I felt about this when I was 20. And there are two reasons why you feel so much pressure right now. Number one, social media is warping your perception of what it takes to be successful. I mean, talk about fucking you up. You spend so much time on social media looking at influencers or TikTok stars or famous people your age that seem to have everything that you want. It's like literally in your face, whether it's the bank account or the wardrobe or the BMW or the friend group or the dream body or the adorable little kids in matching outfits or the NBA from Harvard or the fancy wedding in Lake Cuomo.

 

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What is it with everybody getting married in Lake Como right now? Get this in your head because of social media. You are programmed to think that success happens overnight. I'm sorry to tell you, life doesn't work like that. Not for normal people like you and me. Start learning how to be where your feet are, not where your phone is. Success takes time and you have plenty of time and you're also smart enough to figure out how to be successful. You have plenty of time to make the money you deserve to grow your career, to find love, to get pregnant, to build solid friendships, to learn how to cook, to go back to graduate school, to organize your apartment. So it looks like a studio Magee shoot. The second reason why you probably feel this pressure around time is that you're comparing yourself to your parents' timeline.

 

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I have a very different timeline than my daughter's. I was married when I was 27. I was pregnant by 29. I had Sawyer by the time I was 30. And I'm sure your parents are the same. Maybe they met in high school, they were married by 23. Try not to be so triggered by other people's timelines. And I get it, it's hard. Why is it hard? Because you've been programmed for the first 20 years to go at the same pace and place as your friends. You're used to being in lockstep with everybody else. And in the great scattering, the timelines disappear. Whether it's your parents or your friends or your cousins or the influencers that you see on social media do not be triggered by their timeline because it's not your timeline. You have to learn to trust the timing of your life. I wish somebody had taught me that in my twenties.

 

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I was constantly panic stricken about whether or not I was keeping up. Trust that things are happening for you and for a reason. And I'll give you another example of how easy it is to try to speed up your life and tell yourself you don't have time getting engaged. There is so much pressure on you guys to move in with your partner, get engaged, film the engagement, put the rose petals around it like it's some fucking reality TV show. Get married. I worry that you're not even giving yourself time to truly evaluate if this relationship is what you want. If it's going to serve you at this time in your life, forget about if it's going to serve you 20 years from now, slow down and determine whether or not it's even the right relationship for you. Now your time is precious and you have plenty of it.

 

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So slow down, slow down so you can figure it out. And here's one thing you can start doing today. Whenever you feel like you're falling behind, it's so easy, right? Your heart starts stumping like crazy, like you've just chugged 15 things of pre-workout. Take a deep breath and tell yourself these seven words, I trust the timing of my life. I wish I had had this. Tell yourself I'm on my own timeline and I trust that I'm going to figure everything out. And one more thing that helped me a lot is every time I've been in a breakdown in my life, it helps me to say if the breakdown's really big, so is the amazing thing that's coming. There's a direct relationship to how you can start to panic and how amazing things are going to turn out. So trust the timing of your life because you do have time.

 

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And that brings me to the fourth piece of advice. Date the person, not their potential. When you're in your twenties, it is so easy to obsess over your relationships and try to make any relationship work just so you have one. Like let's be honest with each other. You want to be in a relationship and I have so much to say about dating and relationships in your twenties that we're going to do a whole nother episode about. So hit me up@melrobbins.com with your questions, your issues, your problems. But right now,

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And the reality is you're probably not with someone that you actually want to be with, but you've kept yourself busy griping about the fact that they eat like shit or their friends do this or all they want to do is watch golf or they and you wish they would change. And you're so busy in your mind trying to control this that you're deluding yourself into thinking that they actually might let me cut to the chase. No matter how long you wait, they're not going to change if they don't want to. All you can do is make very clear and compassionate requests about what you need and why you want to see the change. That's it. And then here's the hard part. Let them show you who they truly are. Someone's behavior, especially after you tell someone what you need, their behavior is the truest form of communication.

 

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And if you ask somebody for what they need because you realize I've been dating the potential, so lemme just ask for what I need, and then the true person shows up, you got to ask yourself the hard question, if this person never changes, is this the relationship I want? How can I describe this with such detail? Because I was that person and one of the reasons why I regret constantly dating people that I was trying to change is it meant that I spent my twenties in relationships the entire time. That's how insecure I was. I was constantly in a relationship and it's a huge regret of mine because I was so focused on turning it into the thing and dating somebody's potential that I missed out on all that incredible time in my twenties with my female friends. Don't do that. You spend way too long in relationships that aren't meant for you when you date the potential instead of waking up and dating the actual person.

 

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And that's why my advice is to date the person exactly as they are instead of dating the potential of who you wish they really were. And that brings me to a really important piece of advice. It's not fair. And I'm going to tell you exactly what I mean by that. When we come back, stay with me. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. We are going through the 13 pieces of advice that I wish I knew in my twenties. We've covered four so far, I'm on number five. We got eight more to go. And number five is really important. It's not fair. It's not fair that your friend has a bigger salary than you or that her dad's friend got her that job. It's not fair that your friends get to golf and hang out while you are studying for the series seven again this Saturday.

 

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It's not fair that that chick from college goes on European vacations every summer with her family and she's got the perfect bathing suits and the perfect manicures. It's not fair. It's not fair that your roommate seemingly has the perfect family life while yours. It is so bad they wouldn't even put it on a reality show. It's not fair that your sister looks like that and all the men flock to her at the bars while you're sitting there on your own buying your own drinks. Life is not fair no matter what life throws your way and how unfair it seems, never. And I mean never let yourself play the victim. That's where you lose your power. Life is not fair. You're right, but sitting around wishing it was sitting around all the guys flock to you instead of your sister sitting around wishing it was you on those European vacations, it's not going to get you anywhere.

 

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You can't change what's happening around you. And the sooner you accept that, the freer you will feel. So my advice is move on. You're spending so much time and energy wishing your life was different and being jealous of those who you think have it better than you is feeling bad for yourself and questioning, why not me? Is it actually working? I mean because it's not going to stop other people from continuing to live their lives but is stopping you from living yours. Stop focusing on what you think is fair and trust where your life is leading you. And don't ever forget that what happens in a few days and often even in a single moment, can change the course of your entire lifetime. And that brings me to the sixth piece of advice that I wish somebody had told me in my twenties. Define your career wins not by the quantity of your paycheck, but by the quality of your circle.

 

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Here's what I mean by that. I think in your twenties you spend so much time looking down at your bank account, start looking up at the awesome people that are around you. You're broke, which is why you're focused on money. I get it. But I want you to focus on the skill that makes you money. And that skill is learning how to talk to people, learn how to talk to absolutely everyone. And that means you've got to learn how to get out of your comfort zone in your twenties. I want you to focus your time and energy on creating meaningful connections in your twenties. God, I wish somebody had taught me this because every time you build a relationship with someone who is working on something really interesting or holds a job you could see yourself in or heck, someone cool that you meet at the grocery store or the person next to you at the nail salon or the woman wearing that awesome outfit on the subway.

 

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There are so many people around you and a single conversation could potentially help you in your job or in your life. So view each and every human being that you talk to as a win. People will get you further in your career than any single paying job on your resume ever will because your title, your bonus, your salary, your yearly raise does not mean shit in the long run, but your connections do. They are equivalent to how much your worth is in the business world and your connections are everything and they are everywhere. Everywhere. Don't tell me you don't have a network because your network is created by all the conversations you're willing to have. Plus, let's be real. Money doesn't come from money. Money comes from people. It's people who give you job offers and loans and promotions and connections and hookups. Every opportunity to make money comes from another human being.

 

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I want you to think about this as a daily practice for the rest of your life. And by God, I wish I knew this in my twenties. I challenge you to talk to one new person every single day and go beyond the hello and here's how you do it because I know in your twenties you can be a little insecure or shy about talking to strangers. So this is a simple way to practice this. Just compliment someone's nails or their shoes. People light up when you notice them and you say, Hey, I love your nails. You'll love that technique. Or if you're standing in line, just turn to the person behind you and say, what's good to order here? If you're sitting next to someone on the train and they're reading a book, just turn and ask them, Hey, I've been looking for a good book to read.

 

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Would you recommend that one? Why do you like it? If you start to do this every single day, you're going to get better and better and better at connecting with people. And guess what happens? Your circle organically grows. And this isn't just about you. Once you start doing this, you'll realize how helpful you can be for other people. And in return, you're going to gain a sense of purpose and confidence and it's going to boost your mood. You don't even realize how much you have to offer. And the more interested you seem in other people both inside work and outside of work, the more opportunity will flow back to you. That's it. Learn to talk to other people and the quality of the people around you will increase. The seventh thing I wish I knew in my twenties, do not be a dick. You underestimate how much currency you have if you're a good person.

 

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So stop talking shit about your friends behind their back. Stop eyeing down the girl who hooked up with your ex at the bar. Stop leaving all your dirty dishes in the sink for your roommates to take care of. Instead, go above and beyond to make other people feel appreciated and seen. Start sincerely thanking the woman who hands you your coffee every day at Starbucks. Start holding the door open for people and do it gladly. Start smiling at everybody who walks by you in the street. And if you had those periods in your past where you were the bully or you were the toxic friend, hello Mel Robbins. It's never too late to apologize in my experience, and I've done a lot of apologizing for the shit I did in my twenties 95% of the time, people are so forgiving. Don't be a dick. Number eight.

 

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Now this is a piece of advice that will create more opportunity in your life than anything else I have said to you, don't get to want something if you don't have the balls to ask for it. You have to ask for what you need. You think your roommates and friends and partners can just read your mind. They can't just like you can't read theirs. And yet here you are angry that they're not picking up on what you need. You're angry that they aren't doing the dishes or cleaning up after themselves or stealing your food because they forgot to buy groceries or their boyfriend or girlfriend is hanging out the apartment too much. And how do they not know that they're invading on your newsflash passive aggressive texts that you're sending or the inability to say to their face, what is annoying you doesn't cut it.

 

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And this applies to everything. If you want your significant other to stop chewing nicotine, you don't get to want it unless you ask for it. If you want your friends to stop screaming and blasting music when they come home from the bars, you don't get to want it unless you ask for it. You're going to waste your entire twenties wishing and wanting. People would change that. They could read your mind and wishing people would treat you differently and wishing people would do certain things for you. And they get all pissed off and resentful when they don't learn in your twenties that you don't get to want it unless you're willing to ask for it. Communication is everything. And no a drunk conversation doesn't count. Although that's a good try. I want you to really hear this. The moment you open your mouth and you ask for what you want, like an adult, you're going to feel more in control whether you get what you want or not.

 

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Because all that brooding and wishing that you do internally, it's tearing you apart. It makes you feel less in control. And that brings me to the next thing. The ninth piece of advice that I wish I knew in my twenties. And it's this, a rock solid morning routine is the fastest way to take control of your life. Why you need structure to your day, how you set the day up is how it ends up. I mean, think about those mornings that you wake up hungover. 

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My stomach is in knots. I'm ready to puke. And I'm like, I think I have anxiety. No woman. You have a shitty morning routine. And if we can level with each other, you don't have a consistent morning routine right now, do you? Don't lie to me. Don't lie to yourself. More importantly. But if you reclaim that time in the morning for yourself before your boss, before your roommates, before social media, you're going to feel amazing. And if you don't know where to start, your friend Mel Robbins has got you covered. Here are five things proven by research that you can do in less than 20 minutes. You can do them hungover to make you feel more energized, more confident, and a little less anxious today. Here they are. You ready? Number one, just get up when the alarm rings. That's it. That's it. The alarm rings.

 

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Don't be laying there. Don't hit the snooze button. Don't let the anxiety consume you. Don't spend 20 minutes going over in your mind. What you wish you would've said at the bar last night. Nope. Alarm rings. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Get up second. As soon as you can, get outside and get five minutes of sunlight or just light in your eyes as soon as you wake up. The research shows that it jumpstarts your circadian rhythm. It helps you sleep. It is so good for you. Next, once your butts outside, take a walk. Walk for 10 minutes. And here's the catch. I don't want you to listen to music. I don't want you to listen to a podcast. I just want you to walk. Think freely clear your head based on the research. Just a 10 minute walk outside first thing in the morning, boosts your mood, wakes you up, makes you more clearheaded.

 

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It is so good for your health. Next, number four, drink a glass of water before you chug a cup of coffee because coffee on an empty stomach spikes your cortisol levels. I don't care if it's got oat milk or almond milk or anything else in it. Ilk. It's making you anxious. Okay? So stop, drink the water before you drink the coffee. And the final thing, have some kind of mindfulness practice. And the fastest thing to do is journaling. Just pick up a blank notebook and try some sort of journaling. Practice gratitude journal, morning pages, bullet journals, or just write down one thing that you truly want to happen in your life. Allow that possibility to flow through you. It is time to create a solid morning routine. Get up when the alarm rings. Get your butt outside into the bright light. Take a 10 minute walk, chug your water before you chug your coffee and start a journaling practice.

 

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You do those five things 80% of the mornings in a week, you, my friend, are going to feel back in control and more like yourself in no time. Number 10, this is what I wish somebody told me in my twenties. It is relevant for every stage of life. It is gold. You ready? Get serious about who you're hanging out with. I want you to look at the five people that you spend the most time with. Really look at 'em,

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Because in your twenties, it is so important that you surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you. I mean, life is hard enough. You need the people that you spend the time with to lift you up, to help you work on what you want. And it is okay to lose friends and to grow apart in your twenties. In fact, it's normal and it happens more in this decade than any other decade of your life. Why? Because you're in the great scattering. Everybody's going all over the place. And a friend breakup, it can be good for you and good for them too. So this is a really important moment in your life to stop gripping so tightly onto the people that you've always known because you're such a people pleaser. And your ego can't have one single person dislike you or say a horrible thing about you.

 

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So you constantly are gripping onto the wrong people and you're trying to manage what they think about you. And you're kind of clingy and annoying and insecure, and you're constantly stalking people. And second stop, you're no longer in high school or in Kappa Kappa Booya sorority. So just fricking stop. You get to pick who you spend time with and it matters. And this goes way beyond friends starting in your twenties. You spend more time with your coworkers than your families and friends combined. And you'll start to see your friends less and less. So think about that. Don't stick around a job where you don't connect or vibe or feel like you belong. You're working more than 40 hours a week with these people. Work with people you admire, who treat you well, who treat you like a human being, who respect your time off, who motivate you to be yourself, who are challenging you to grow.

 

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Just like with everything in life and every situation you find yourself in, whether it's your job, the city you live in, the party you're at, the small college town, it's always all about the people. So in your twenties, surround yourself with people who lift you up, who make you feel like yourself, who bring out the best in you. Because life is always about the people. It always has been and it always will be. And you are way more in control of this than you think. And that brings me to a really important piece of advice that my God, I wish somebody, if somebody could have injected advice into my head and just kind of programmed it there, wouldn't that be awesome that you could just wake and be like, oh, okay, I now know this as a truth and I operate this way, this advice.

 

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Number 11, be your own person. And here's a fast way to do it. Be your own person. Stop pretending you like things that you don't. And you know what? I have no business giving you this advice because in my twenties, I was one of those chicks that basically morphed into the same person as my boyfriend. Everything my boyfriend liked. I'm like, Ooh, I like that too. I like that too. If my new boyfriend liked rap music, boom. So did I. If he was into the Grateful Dead, I'm like, pass me the bong baby. If he was obsessed with fly fishing, I would lie. And I would say I was obsessed with fly fishing too. In fact, when I was 26 years old and I was on my first date with my now husband, Chris, he said he liked to fly fish. You know what I did enter Mel Robbins.

 

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Oh, I lied. I told him not just that I liked fly fish. Oh, I had to go deep. Everybody. I told him I'd grown up fly fishing with my dad. Now I had grown up fishing, but that's different than fly fishing. You know what I'm saying? And three months later that lie came back to bite me in the ass because we went to go visit his best friend who get this happens to be a fucking fly fishing instructor. I mean, kill me now. Big shout out to Jeff Klausmann. Y'all say that you want to live authentically. Well learn to be your own person. Stop saying you like things that you don't Stop saying you've done things that you never have. Stop doing things just because everybody else is. Learn to make your own choices. If you don't want to go see the baseball game, don't go.

 

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Don't go because your friend has tickets. You don't like it. So don't go. If you don't want to go to brunch, then don't. If you don't like skiing, then sit in the lodge with a book. If you don't want to drink today, then don't. No one gives a shit what's in your glass but you and drinking is a huge part of the culture in your twenties, it kind of feels like this gigantic continuation on from college. And it feels like when you're partying, you're somehow succeeding in your twenties. There's so much pressure to go out to the bars on the weekends, let alone the weeknights with your friends. And here's something you may not realize. You have a choice to drink or not, regardless of what everybody else is doing. You can go to a bar and order a non-alcoholic beer. You can go to a bar and ask for a club soda and a wine glass. And if you do want to drink, then do it. But stop pressuring everyone else to go out with you and to drink with you.