Understanding This One Idea Changes the Way You See Your Life

(00:47):

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and I am so happy that you're here with me today and I cannot wait to dig into this topic of being the hero of your own life. And there's this thing that you may not know about me when I'm not busy creating episodes of the Mel Robbins podcast for you. You want to know what I'm doing. I do a lot of research and my production studios 1, 4 3 studios. We develop courses and custom trainings and curriculums for some of the world's most inspiring brands. In fact, we are responsible for researching and creating the single most popular course of all on LinkedIn. It's called the Science of Confidence. And we've also created courses for companies like Starbucks and Ulta Beauty. And right now we're working on our seventh original audio production with our partners at Audible. And one of my favorite things to do when I'm thinking about the episodes that we're going to create for you, or I'm researching a new project, is I love to find and teach frameworks that come from different disciplines and figure out how can you apply this thing from engineering or from neuroscience or from business strategy to your personal and your professional life?

 

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And you might've experienced this thing that I love to do when you've taken one of the free trainings that I've offered. For example, the latest training that I've created for you is a thank you to you for supporting this podcast is called Make It Happen. And more than half a million of you have already taken that free two hour training. If you haven't, no worries. It's there for you for free. You just go to mel robbins.com/make it happen. And that free training draws on principles of physics, for example, and it teaches you how to use the domino effect and velocity and momentum to master the skill of taking action so that you can stop thinking about what you want and actually take the steps to go do it. And so today I'm really excited because you and I are going to dig into one of my all time favorite frameworks for thinking about life.

 

(02:44):

And I cannot believe that we haven't talked about this on the podcast yet. It's called The Hero's Journey. And if you've ever seen a Disney movie or a superhero movie or you're a fan of the Avengers or Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter or Toy Story or books like a Cord of Thorn and Roses like I am, then you are also a fan of this framework called the Hero's Journey. So let me explain what it is. The hero's journey is what is called a story archetype, and that's just a fancy way to say that there's this outline or this series of steps for any movie or any book that tells the story of a hero and the journey that the hero has to take in order to discover their true self and their true calling. And what they ultimately find, whether it's Luke Skywalker or it's Nemo or it's Frodo, is that when you go on this journey to find yourself, you end up also saving the world.

 

(03:43):

And I love this framework and it's something that I use in my own life. In fact, my therapist and Coach Anne Davin, she uses it all the time to help me understand where I am in the journey of my own life. When she brings up the hero's journey, what she's doing is she's pointing out based on the steps of a hero's journey that I'm just at a point in the struggle that every single hero goes through. And when she does that, I'm like, oh my gosh, that makes so much sense and I don't feel so lost. I feel like the challenges that I'm experiencing have a purpose, that they're part of the path that I'm meant to walk down. And so today, you and I are going to walk through some of the steps of the hero's journey and how you can use this story archetype as a framework to learn more about yourself than ever before because the hero is within you, whether you believe it or not, your life is trying to pull the hero out of you.

 

(04:43):

And the only way you find out more about yourself is if you go on this bigger journey, not necessarily to save the world like the Avengers do, but perhaps to save yourself. And in doing so, you'll ultimately save the world around you. So what exactly is the Hero's Journey framework? Well, it was created by Professor Joseph Campbell, and he was a brilliant mythologist who spent his life studying the stories of religions and myths of culture around the world. And he had this huge epiphany that there is a common pattern in all of these stories that we love, that there is a narrative that goes way beyond time and culture and the geography of where the story is coming from. That in every single story about a hero, there's the exact same patterns of steps, things that are universal about the human experience, and that's what he called the Hero's Journey.

 

(05:43):

It's a narrative structure that follows the hero as they embark on an adventure, face challenges and trials, undergo personal growth and transformation, and ultimately return home to their community with new found wisdom or a valuable new treasure. And it's what you see in every single movie that you love. In fact, when Star Wars came out in 1977, it was unlike anything any of us had ever seen before. The story of Luke Skywalker blew the world away. And here's a very interesting fact that you may not know. Can you guess who George Lucas considered his inspiration and his mentor? That's right, professor Joseph Campbell. See, the hero's journey isn't just a pattern that happens to pop up in all your favorite movies. The Hero's Journey is the reason why the movies and stories and myths that you love become popular in the first place. You and I absolutely love the Hero's journey because it always begins with striking out from the safety of your home and searching for your true calling and your larger power.

 

(06:58):

And today you will realize that this is the story of your life too, because you and I are going to break down the framework of the hero's journey to help you understand exactly where you are right now as you are living it. And by the end of our conversation today, my mission is not only to get you to really embrace the simple truth that yes, just like Luke Skywalker and Milan and Frodo, you are the hero of your own life and there is a bigger calling for you. But I also am on a mission to make you think about what that calling might be for you. Because the hero's journey isn't just about storytelling or mythology, it's a metaphor for the human experience for your experience. And it mirrors the journey of discovery and growth that you undertake in your life, whether you realize it or not. It's a guide to understanding change and transformation, and it gives you the insights that you need to overcome any challenge that comes your way. It is the path to reaching your true potential. And we're going to talk about the stages of the hero's journey and how you apply 'em to your life, both to provide deeper meaning to your past, but also, and this is where it gets real fun to provide a roadmap for your future. So let's start at the beginning.

 

(08:28):

In Joseph Campbell's research and Scholarship, there are 17 levels to the hero's journey, but today you and I are going to focus on the four most important ones, the ordinary world, the call to adventure crossing, the threshold and the midpoint. And so let's start with the very first phase of the hero's journey, and that's called the ordinary world. And let's think about some of our heroes and our favorite movies and stories. Because when you first meet the hero of a story, where are they? They're living a normal…

He's completely unaware of the enormous world that is out there and his role in it. Same thing with Milan. She's living in China. And her sole duty, remember this, was to bring honor to her family by getting married. She has no idea who she really is or what the potential of her life is or what lies beyond the little town that she lives in. Or what about Lord of the Rings, same thing, right? Frodo, where's he live at the beginning of the movie, oh my gosh, he's there with his big feet in the beautiful Shire. He has no desire to leave it. He's completely unaware of the world that's out there. He's never left the Shire. Are you kidding? He doesn't know he's the person that's going to save the world. Neither do you. So how does the ordinary world, this first step of the hero's journey apply to you?

 

(10:18):

Simple. You have no idea who you really are and what the potential for your life is. I mean, could you only know what you know based on the life that you're living right now? Same with me, the life you're living in, this tiny little part of the big wide world, and that's okay. That's okay. I hope our conversation today makes you open your eyes a little wider, makes you look around and consider there's an entire world that you have yet to discover. And there is power and bravery inside of you that you have yet to tap into. And let's think about the next part that happens in every movie. This is the call to adventure. It's the moment when ordinary life is suddenly disrupted by the call to something greater. Now in the Lord of the Rings, you remember when this happened, right?

 

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That said, the call to adventure is all around you right now and there are four things you must know in order to recognize it. And before we get to those four things that help you recognize the call to adventure, that's right there, right now, I want to take a quick pause to call upon our amazing sponsors who bring this podcast to you at zero Cost. And while you listen to our sponsors, share this episode with someone who you think is ready for their heroes journey. Alright, good. And don't go anywhere because I'll be waiting for you when we come back. Hey, it's your buddy Mel and I made this video because I personally believe you are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. I mean, we're here at the Mel Robbins podcast studios. This was just like part of my imagination three years ago.

 

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And now we're dominating the podcast landscape around the planet. How do you do that? Well, the same way you do anything in your life, and I want to teach you how to launch yourself, your life, your business, anything in your life forward. I have a six month long coaching program that is so extraordinary. It's called Launch. It's open for registration right now. The next time I'm doing this is 2025. I don't want you to miss out on getting the support, the accountability, the structure and all the secrets and science that I use inside a coaching experience to help you make extraordinary things happen. It's going to blow your mind what your life looks like in October if you jump in now. So go to mel robbins.com/launch before registration closes. Let's go.

 

(13:54):

Welcome back, it's your friend Mel, and we're talking about Joseph Campbell's The Hero's Journey, and we're focusing on four specific steps of it. And you just learned the first one, which is the ordinary world. And now we're about to jump into the second one. The call to adventure. The call to adventure is all around you, and there are four things you must know in order to recognize it in your own life. So here's the first thing. Number one, the call to adventure will not likely come from someone else. I mean, a robot isn't going to come and project a message to you. A wizard is not going to show up at your front door and be like, come on, now we got to go save the world. This isn't someone coming to you with your future on a silver platter saying you, you're the Joes at one. That's not how it works in the real world. It works that way in the movies and we love it. But this call to adventure is something you have to be open to and be willing to see for yourself. And here's one way you can start to open your mind up to this. Ask yourself this question. What is your life trying to tell you?

 

(15:07):

I'm going to ask you that question again. What is your life trying to tell you? If you really sit with that question, you'll notice that your life is trying to nudge you in a certain direction. There's something you can't stop thinking about. 

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So one of my best friends, Jodi, she and I have been literally friends since the fourth grade. Well, she has lived in Santa Barbara for years, and all of a sudden her rent started going up. She recently left a job she didn't like, and she has just felt like something's been off about where she lives. And then both of her parents ended up in the hospital at the same time, talk about a wake up call. She had this instinct, this pull, I should really move back home to Michigan. I mean, I don't know how much longer my parents are going to be around. I'm so far away, I really feel like I should move back home to Michigan. That right there is her call to adventure rent going up, leaving a job you don't like all of a sudden something changing with her family. That's an example of what I'm talking about.

 

(17:01):

And how much more positive do you feel if you look at that situation and you frame it as a call to adventure? Very different than feeling like life is breaking apart. Let me give you now a positive example of what could be a call to adventure. And this is like a small thing. My husband Chris and our daughter Sawyer, when it's snowing outside and it's the winter months, they go to this mountain nearby and they do what's called skinning up the mountain, which is you take these skis and you put these sticky things on the bottom of them and you basically hike up a mountain, a snow mountain with your skis on it, and then when you get to the top, you take this sticky things off and now you can ski down. And Chris has organized this whole group of people that meet in the parking lot and they now do it twice a week during the winter.

 

(17:50):

I feel pulled to do it, but I'm scared of it. I'm not in great shape, I'm not as good as they are at this, especially thinking about pulling into a parking lot where Chris has organized this group and there's 30 or 40 people there that do this all the time. But here's the thing, as I think about this, I feel the pull. I could see myself as somebody that gets up super early to do that as somebody that has that level of adventure of somebody that's doing something that's that cool. And I'm using the word pulled because that's an example of a call to adventure for you. You might feel pushed or you might feel pulled, could be positive, could be negative. Both are a call to adventure. The third thing I want you to be aware of is that it can be big or it can be small.

 

(18:47):

I'm so moved by the number of you who listen to this podcast around the world and write to me and say that simply taking on something new or bringing back something that I used to do that it's made you so happy, it's made a part of you come alive. It's made you tap into something deeper, like taking a painting class or writing every day in your journal again, or just the instinct that you have that you want to make your life a little bit better. These are all examples of small things that are calls to adventure for you. And number four, and this is super important. It is so easy to refuse it, so easy to refuse it. And I think this is why we identify with characters in our favorite movies who are the reluctant hero. You are the reluctant hero in your own life, just like Luke.

 

(19:42):

I mean, do you remember what happens at the beginning of the movie? He's bending over this robot as he's trying to fix it, and all of a sudden this message pops out, you are my only hope. You are my only hope. And you remember his response. His response was not like, where's the first flight out of here? His response was, I don't think that I can do this. I hate the empire, but there's nothing I can do about this right now. I got stuff I need to do on my desert planet. I don't think this is meant for me. Isn't that what you say too? That there's nothing I can do about this right now? See, whenever you find yourself in a place where you feel kind of stuck or you feel like you have to stay where you are for the betterment of the people around you, even though you don't want to, that's a sign of this tension between the call to adventure and staying where you are.

 

(20:37):

Luke always felt so different from who he actually is. He always had this inner turmoil between who he is on the desert planet and who he knows he's being asked to be. And I think that's so relatable because it is the human experience that you don't know what you're meant for. So you stay stuck in this tension and you never leave the comfort of your ordinary world because you don't know where to set out to. And so I'm going to keep coming back to this question that I asked you just a few minutes ago. What is your life trying to tell you right now?

 

(21:18):

This may be exactly where you are in your life right now. The reluctant hero, resisting the call, refusing to acknowledge that there is something more, maybe because you're afraid or you're not sure what more is. Well, that tension, that right there is evidence that the call to adventure exists right now in your life. Because whenever you say I'm stuck, that's a way for your soul to say, can you answer the call to adventure? Get me out of this neighborhood. Get me off this planet. Get me out of this little village. We got something to do. There is a hero inside you and ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. When you feel stuck, that hero inside you was trying to rattle the cage and say, wake up, we got stuff to do. And so here's how you are going to use Joseph Campbell's framework, the Hero's Journey.

 

(22:15):

Start labeling these moments of tension as a call to adventure, that breakup, that heartbreak you feel. Guess what that is? Call to adventure, that layoff you didn't see coming. Call to adventure. The jealousy that you feel as you watch your friends move forward with their lives, whether they're moving across country or they're going to graduate school or they're moving in with a significant other or moving out for that matter, call to adventure. And if you're like me, I am looking ahead at my life and Chris and I are going to be empty nesters this fall. Now I can sit around and worry about what I am going to feel like as an empty nester when Oakley heads off to college, or I can see this as an amazing call to adventure. A whole new journey is about to begin a journey where I will only discover what's possible by going through it.

 

(23:13):

I mean, how cool is that to think of changes in your life as an opportunity to see changes in your life as a moment and the ability to find yourself to become the hero that you need to discover some power inside you that you didn't know existed. And by the way, you can only find by going through this journey. And what's interesting about the hero's journey is that if you look backwards at your life, especially in moments of challenge, you can see many hero's journeys. You can see how going through something brought out the hero inside you. It offered up this opportunity for growth and discover some sort of treasure that you didn't realize was there. What's so cool about using this as a framework, because my therapist does this all the time, I'm constantly writing down the notes that she tells me as we're having these conversations is that you can use this framework moving forward.

 

(24:16):

You can stand where you are right now and say, okay, my life is great, but I'm in an ordinary world. There's a call to adventure. And when you open your eyes and you see tension or feeling stuck or you feel the pull or the push and you frame it as a call to adventure, now you're ready for stage three in the hero's journey. And that is crossing the threshold. Now, this is the moment where the hero leaves behind the safety of the ordinary world and ventures into the unknown, fully committing to their journey of transformation. Now in Star Wars, Luke leaves his planet and he goes on this new quest, Mulan, she leaves her home. Remember in the middle of the night, she even disguised herself as a man to sneak into the Army's training camp to take the place of her father in the war.

 

(25:11):

Lord of the Rings crossing the threshold, Frodo leaves the safety of the shire. I even remember that moment where they stop and turn to one another and say, we've never been this far. And then they set out on their journey and cross the threshold. Now, my friend that I mentioned, Jodi, she crossed the threshold. She packed up her house in Santa Barbara. She loaded up her car, she got her bulldog into the passenger seat next to her, drove across country and moved home to Michigan. She's going to live with her parents. And she texted me last night, I just arrived for my next adventure. She moved back home and she's turning the upstairs of her parents' house into an apartment. Why? Because she felt pulled to take care of them. Now, they never asked her to do that. 

(27:12):

And once you do it, there's no turning back. It's a declaration of intent. It is a bold and courageous act. And this is why you hear me talk about taking the first step or getting started or signing up or saying what you need to say out loud all the time. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Take the action because it's bigger than just that first step. If you look at the courage that it takes for you to answer the call, to change, to be greater, to do something that scares you, this stage of crossing the threshold is no joke. Because you can live for years with that tension knowing that you're meant for something greater and never do anything about it. And this is the part of the hero's journey where most people fail because there is no journey until you take this step and you answer the call and you cross the threshold.

 

(28:09):

It's when you commit to yourself and to the journey that you're officially on the journey not by thinking about it. I mean, think there would be no Star Wars if Luke just stayed on the planet and thought about it. There'd be no Lord of the Rings. If Frodo was still just laying around and eating good food in the Shire, there'd be no Milan if she was like, okay, I guess I'm not marriage material. I guess I'll just die single in my parents' house. No, at some point you have to not only answer the call, but you have to begin it. That's what it means to be on the journey. And speaking of a journey, I want to make a hero's call out to our amazing sponsors who bring you the Mel Robbins podcast at zero cost. So take a quick listen, and when we come back, do not go anywhere.

 

(29:00):

We're just starting this journey now. And the next and most pivotal stage is one that you cannot afford to miss. Stay with me and you want to know one of my favorite sponsors. It's me. That's right. I'm coming in right now with my own ad. And if you're loving the hero's journey, you're probably thinking, but Mel, I want allies. I mean, Frodo had Gandalf and Sam. Luke had Han Solo and Princess Leia and Mulan. She had Mohu and Cricky. I mean, come on. Now, what about me? If you're nodding your head, first of all, consider the Mel Robbins podcast your ally. But second, once a year I gather amazing people from around the world together and we spend six months going through our own hero's journey. You can think about it as a way to do like a six month quest with people around the world and discover the power within you and go create something amazing. If you want to learn more about this program and how to participate in this quest in 2024, just go to mel robbins.com/launch. And if it's not available, you can just hop on the wait list for when I open up the quest in 2025, mel robbins.com/launch. It's time to become the hero of your own life. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel, and you and I are talking about Joseph Campbell's the Hero's Journey, and we just talked about the powerful step of crossing the threshold. And now you have come to the midpoint.

 

(30:35):

This is where you've left the ordinary world. You have answered the call, you've crossed the threshold. This is where the work begins. This, by the way, is also where the magic happens. It's also where you tend to find your mentors and your allies because once you set off on this journey, you ever notice that all kinds of people start to show up to help? It's pretty cool, right? But here's the thing about the midpoint. It's also where there are so many challenges along the way, and it's also not the end of the journey yet. See, this point signifies the second half of the movie, and you're probably going to spend the second half of your life on this part of the journey too. I mean, this happens in all the stories that we love in Star Wars along the journey. Luke faces challenge after challenge, after challenge after challenge.

 

(31:30):

And one ally after another shows up and same thing happens to Milan, including a huge battle that she thinks is the final stand, but it isn't. And in the Lord of the Rings, holy smokes. I mean, just think of how it twists and it turns. And Frodo and his companions also are facing challenge after challenge and increasing dangers. And just when you think it's about to all end, boom, something unbelievable happens. And in the movie world, this second act is so long it just keeps going. I mean, how many battles are there? How many challenges, how many times are they going to fall down? Well, it's testing your strength and your resilience, and you also get glimpses of success. Little wins that keep you going. And here's the thing about the midpoint. Don't you dare turn back? Do not do it. And in your life, the midpoint in your journey could show up in so many different ways.

 

(32:34):

It could be a series of challenges or setback. It's the moment that you may question yourself. I think of my friend Jodi, who just moved back, and I imagine her kind of pulling into the driveway, moving in with her parents who were both recently hospitalized. Can you imagine how she's going to face the challenges? I mean, you can imagine how she's going to question, is this the right decision? What the heck am I doing here in the middle of Michigan? What is going on? This is not what I thought was going to happen. And she's going to have this long time where it feels like she's not making progress or she's not going to break through, and she's not going to understand where is this all leading? But it's always leading somewhere, isn't it? And that's the hero's journey. And the same is true for you to trust that it's leading you somewhere to trust that when you answer the call, you will be rewarded at some point.

 

(33:32):

That's the midpoint. If you're sitting there holding yourself back and you're telling yourself it's too late, or My life is so busy I couldn't possibly fit in this thing that I want to do, you're wrong. You're absolutely wrong. You can go to grad school, you can move across country. You can start that business. You do have the time and you can fit it in. And I want to share a personal story with you. My husband Chris, for example, he was in this stage for a long time when we first got married. He decided that he wanted to get his MBA, he answered the call. He crossed the threshold, then the midpoint. Holy smokes. Do you know he earned his MBA from Babson by taking one class at a time. It took the man seven years to complete his degree. Do you know how many times he thought about quitting?

 

(34:27):

He would come home from class at night after working all day and be like, I am literally twice as old as everybody in the class. In fact, it took so long that all three of our children were born while he was in the MBA program. He thought about giving up all the time. This stage, the midpoint, this is a slog. And you want to know what? We all face it. It's part of the hero's journey. I'm in the middle of a slog right now. I am writing a book. I am so excited about the book. I answered the call. I crossed the threshold. I've been putting pen to paper. I'm also not done with the manuscript. And I am spending every single weekend, all weekend, and every single evening just slogging away. In fact, this past week, I sat in a chair for three days straight.

(36:26):

It would be so easy to quit, but don't you dare. The movie would be over. The journey would be done. I mean, it is called the Hero's Journey, not the Hero's Finish Line. So you're not finished. In fact, you're never finished. I mean, that's the point of your life, right? And that's my big message to you right now. You are not finished. You have so much more strength and resilience and ability that you haven't even tapped into yet, and you won't unless you keep going because as you keep facing these challenges in your life, in this midpoint, yeah, you'll have lots of little wins. But it's through facing the challenges that you discover what you're meant to discover about yourself, whether it's Luke defeating the Empire or Frodo destroying the ring and saving the world, or you finishing the manuscript or getting your masters or settling into that new stage of life and creating it to be extraordinary.

 

(37:34):

You'll figure it out. I mean, every single movie that you love ends with the hero of the movie figuring it out. So let me stop and ask you, what did they actually figure out? What did Luke figure out? What did Frodo figure out? What did Milan figure out? If you look back at your own life and you think about the most challenging things that you have ever faced and lived through, what did you figure out? You figured out who you are and what you're capable of. And you may not think you're changing the world when you go back to school or when you pack up your stuff and leave your job and move across country and back in with your parents. You may not think you're changing the world when you answer the call for adventure. That's calling to, but what you are doing is changing yourself.

 

(38:40):

See, the hero at the end of the story always comes home, home to themselves. And what's interesting when you go back home to where you began, if you've ever experienced this of going back to your childhood home, what's so fascinating if you've ever gone back to your childhood home, isn't it interesting how small it feels? The reason why it feels so small is because you realize when you go back that you've outgrown it, that when you left, you changed, you grew. You learned something about yourself, that life tested you, that you discovered something by facing this challenge, by answering the call, and you surprised yourself with your ability to face new things in a new place that you never thought you'd be capable of doing. So whenever you come back to where you came from, you will be confronted with the fact that it stayed the same, but you haven't.

 

(39:42):

And maybe what you're recognizing as you listen to this is that there have been many, many heroes, journeys that you've already learned from in your life when you left home for college, when you discovered your strength after a relationship ended, when you overcame a health challenge or handled an unexpected setback or layoff, you pushed through grief and learned how to live with it. You moved to a new place and found a new community. Or maybe you look back and you see that you're a totally different person today because of the habits and the changes that you committed to and started over a year ago. And look, you and I might not be fighting the empire or truly saving the world, but every single day when you wake up, you're facing your own battles. You're in the trenches, you're doing the work, you're in the midpoint of some journey that you're on, and you are stronger and braver and more resilient than that's what makes you the hero in your own life.

 

(40:47):

So if you're sitting there feeling like, yeah, things are a little ordinary, I am a little bored, or maybe you're realizing that tension isn't tension at all. It's telling you something bigger and you need to stop ignoring it. You need to see it for what it is. It's a call to adventure, and it's time for you to answer the call and begin the journey. And I can promise you this. You already got me as your ally. I may not be as good looking as Gandalf, but I'm going to be there right by your side on your hero's journey. And in case no one else tells you, let me be the one to tell you. I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And when you commit to doing that, you not only discover the hero inside yourself, but you create a better world.

 

(41:50):

I'll talk to you in a few days and for you on YouTube, I know that you are all excited and you're going, I want to do this. So I got you covered. First of all, hit subscribe because that really supports me in being able to bring you such extraordinary videos every single day. And it also supports me in being able to do the research that we're doing. Also, please share this episode with people that you love. But you know that I got a recommendation, and this is a fabulous thing for you to watch because it will walk you step by step through the process of how you actually make this happen.