9 Small Things That Will Make a Surprisingly Big Difference

(00:59):

And what I love about each one of these nine simple changes is that each one of them has its own kind of little fun way to remember it. I'm going to teach you the little tricks to remembering these things. And what's also really awesome about these nine simple changes is that each one is a way that you can apply the latest research in an easy way to your life. And the fact is, there are lots of episodes that you and I do together where we get to sit with the world renowned leading experts on topics ranging from neuroscience and habits and health and happiness and relationships, and they go so deep on a specific topic and there are a lot more of those kind of episodes coming up that you're going to be able to listen to. But one of the things that I often struggle with is what to do with all that knowledge.

 

(01:47):

I get so exciting to learn this stuff, but oftentimes I'm left wondering, well, how do I remember this study? And more importantly, how do I apply it for maximum benefit in my life? And that's my mission with the conversation today. We're going to address that because today is all about these nine simple changes. These are simple sayings, kind of like a rule of thumb. They're super easy to remember. It's almost like these are little life hacks that sit on top of the latest and most amazing research on how you can improve various aspects of your life. And I guarantee you, the second you hear me explain each one, you're going to be like, oh my gosh, that makes so much sense. Why did I not think about it that way? And you're also going to go, thank you, Mel, because the way that you just explained it and that simple little saying that you gave me, now I can remember it and if I can remember it, I can apply it.

 

(02:43):

And not only can you apply it, you want to know how simple these nine changes are. You'll be able to do most of them while you're listening. And the ones that you can't do while you're listening, you'll be able to do 'em today. That's how easy and impactful this is going to be. So let's just start with the very first little change that you're going to make. 

(03:21):

Who doesn't want to work somewhere where they feel valued and they're having fun and they're making a difference? If you think you can't get a better job, are you going to apply? Nope. Are you going to do the work on your resume if you think, well, I can't get a better job? Nope, you're not. Are you going to network with your parents' friends or reach out to college friends so that you can get a better job? Not if you think you can't. Are you going to update your LinkedIn profile? Nope. Why? Because you think you can't. That mindset of thinking I can't do that stops you from taking action. And if you stop yourself from taking action because you think you can't do that, you're right. You can't do that. The mindset itself is what's stopping you from taking the actions that are going to get the result that you want.

 

(04:12):

Now let's flip it. Okay, if you think you can get a better job now what happens now? You're opening the door to optimism, to hope. If you think you can get a better job by trying, you're going to want to try, you have a reason to try, you're going to feel more resilient. And that's an example of a simple saying that packs so much research around mindset and psychology into something that you can say to yourself over and over and over again. Because if you say to yourself, if I think I can or I think I can't, I'll be right. One thing that you say if I think I can creates a mindset where you try and when you try, that's what matters because it's all in the trying that you create the results. And so here's how you apply this first little change so that you create surprisingly big results in your life.

 

(05:15):

Just start telling yourself, I can do that. I can try that. I think I can change my attitude. I can improve my relationship with my spouse. I can get in better shape. I can learn this AI coding thing if I wanted to because if you think you can, you'll be right because you're going to be more likely to try, you're going to open up the door to all kinds of opportunities because now just through that small little tiny shift in your mindset, I think I can, you will make the effort. So remember the first tiny little change that creates a surprisingly big difference, we're talking domino effect here. Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. So by gosh, you better tell yourself you can. 

Dr. Rebecca Robbins (07:28):

We think that we just should be able to crawl into bed and flip our brains off like a switch. Wrong. Sleep is a process, and so falling asleep actually takes time. And more than a lot of people realize, even a healthy sleeper with no problems should take about 15 or 20 minutes to fall asleep.

 

Mel Robbins (07:44):

I mean 15 to 20 minutes on average if you have no problems. And when I was mentioning this little simple change, you want to get hours of sleep, you better spend nine hours in bed. My friend and one of the producers on this show, Amy, she looked at her kind of sleep data and she's like, well, no wonder I consistently track at seven hours, three, five minutes. Why? Because like you and like me, she's climbing into bed at the exact time she thinks she needs to fall asleep and then she sets her alarm for eight hours later and we're not doing that anymore. You and I, we are making a little change that's going to have a surprisingly big impact. Instead of you and I focusing on getting eight hours of sleep, nope, we're not going to do that. We're going to focus on spending nine hours in bed.

 

(08:29):

Doesn't that just shift your mindset right away? Simple change, surprisingly big difference. And I want you to think about that in your own life. Think about it tonight. Instead of thinking that you need to get eight hours of sleep, I want you instead to go, oh, I got to spend nine hours in bed and you want to know the cool thing. So let's just say that you're one of the lucky people that Dr. Rebecca Robbins was just talking about. You can fall asleep quickly. That's wonderful. 1520 minutes baa bing bada boom. If you think about being in bed for nine hours and you fall asleep 20 minutes into climbing into that bed and then you wake up eight hours later, guess what? You got 40 minutes to spare and you're now getting up even earlier than you thought. I mean, this is such a win for such a simple change.

(10:05):

If you are like me and you hear this research, you want to do it, but then you immediately have questions, you're like, how long do I need to be out there? What if it's raining? What if it's cloudy? What if I can't get outside? What do I do? How much light is too much light? How am I supposed to remember all this stuff? Simple. All you need to remember is that the research says in order to sleep better at night, I got to bank some sunlight first thing in the morning. I got that. That's why you're going to think of the 5 10 20 rule because when I hear 5, 10, 20, I think about getting cash at a bank. And when you go to a bank and you get cash, they give it to you in five tens and twenties. And I remember when I was younger and I was waitressing and I was a barback, there would be nights where I would be the one closing down the restaurant and ending the shift and I would have to tally all the cash and close it all out.

 

(10:57):

And then they give you this big envelope that you zip and then you go to the bank and you drop it into the night deposit box. And so 5, 10, 20, which is what was in that envelope when I would drop it off into the night deposit box, that was what was going into the bank. And for you and me, we got a bank either five, 10 or 20. And here's how this works. If it's sunny outside, you need to be outside for five. You got to bank five minutes. If it's cloudy, can you guess how much time you need? Bingo. Look how smart you are. 10. That's right. Give yourself 10 minutes outside if it's cloudy and if it's rainy, how long do you think you need to be out on your porch? Boom, you got it. 20. That's the 5, 10, 20 rule. Sunny, five, cloudy, 10, rainy 20, or sit next to your window for 20 minutes.

 

(11:45):

That's it. That's how you remember this research that you got a bank UV light first thing in the morning to reset the circadian rhythm and that helps you get a better night's sleep. And the 5, 10, 20 is a simple rule of thumb that you can follow that will help you apply it no matter what the weather is. Isn't that awesome? Little change, surprisingly big difference. 

(12:42):

It's to take a walk because in that situation, you don't think you have time, but the truth is you don't have time to waste. Sitting there spinning and a 10 minute walk is the solution to that problem because it's going to reset your mind. This is all based on research. It's going to improve your productivity. It'll spark new ideas so that when you walk back in and you sit down, boom, you're ready to focus and you will get that puppy done. Lemme give you another one. Let's say that the person that you've been seeing suddenly sends you a text and says, I've been thinking this isn't going to work out. That's a problem. You're heartbroken, you're disappointed. Maybe you're super annoyed that they did it by text instead of firing off an angry response or sitting there with that text message feeling like a rejected loser.

 

(13:32):

Because what's going to happen if you do that? You're either going to send something that you regret or you're going to get completely overwhelmed by your emotions, and that's going to make you feel even worse. What is the solution to the disappointment that you feel when you get a text like that out of the blue? I'll tell you the solution. Take a little walk because walking lifts your mood. It reduces the intensity of the disappointment. It also allows you to step away and get objectivity from that thing that immediately stressed you out, which was that text message. And it creates a break from the flood of negative emotions. And as you're out there walking, the rhythm of the movement and the change of the scenery can help you clear your mind. It makes it easier for you to gain perspective and calm down and start to move forward and actually choose what you're going to do as the response instead of acting out of reaction, which you're always going to regret all of this based on research, little walk, big difference.

 

(14:30):

Here's another example. Let's say your mom calls and tells you that the test that they ran on, your dad came back and it's bad. They think your dad has cancer, your heart sinks. Your worst fears just flood through your brain. You hang up the phone, you start to cry. Now let me tell you something. If you go and log on to WebMD and you go down that research spiral, you're going to feel worse. You're going to feel powerless, and that's going to be a major problem. Why your parents need you to process what you're feeling and get to a point where you can think clearly so you can help 'em so that you can be supportive through this whole thing. So the solution to this really big problem, go for a little walk. The walk isn't going to change the fact that your dad has this diagnosis.

 

(15:20):

What it does is it changes you, your state of mind, your physiology, your mood, your emotions based on the research. Going for a little walk makes a big difference because you're going to be able to process this information and it gives you space from your emotions so you're not overwhelmed by them and that's going to let you walk back in and new ideas and a much more strategic response to the situation. Here's another example. Let's just say you finished dinner and now like me, you are craving a bowl of ice cream with hot fudge sauce and some salted peanuts on top. And you can tell that I always crave that little sundae, right? Well, that can be a problem, especially if you've made a commitment to eat less sugar and lay off the desserts every night. So the solution to that problem of when that craving hits go for a little walk.

 

(16:17):

Why? Well, studies have found that a 15 minute walk curbs cravings for chocolate, it reduces the amount of chocolate you even eat in stressful situations. Other research shows that going for a walk after dinner not only helps you reduce stress and helps you digest, but it also helps you process insulin. How fricking cool is that? Who knew a little walk could do so much? Here's another one. You just had an argument with a roommate over the fact that your roommate's significant other is always at your place. They never go to their place, they're always at your place. And so you now live with two people, not one person, and it's starting to feel weird. So you bring it up and then they blow up you and it's really tense conversation and they walk into their bedroom door and they shut the door.

 

(17:01):

This moment's a problem because you then start to question the fact that you drew a boundary and then you're going to want to feel, if you stay in that space, like you need to then go knock on the door and apologize. It's okay, I didn't mean it. I'm just all stressed out. The solution to this problem is going for a little walk because as you're learning, the power of a simple walk is extraordinary. By walking it off, that is a phrase, you're going to gain clarity. You're going to gain perspective over why this issue is important to you and why it's important that you become the kind of person that does express the boundaries and the requests that you have. And that's going to help you walk back into the apartment and realize it's not your responsibility to manage your roommate's emotions, and it's not your responsibility to manage your roommate's disappointment.

 

(17:56):

It is your responsibility to ask for what you need, and that's all that you did. And the truth is about a walk is that it's not going to erase the problems that you're going to face in your day-to-day life, and it doesn't erase mine either. The reason why a little walk works as one solution for so many problems that you face is because of how it changes you so quickly, how you feel, your mood, the clarity of your mind, and that changes your ability to come back and deal with things differently. When you're in control of your response, you have the power to solve 100% of the problems you face, and that's why it's so cool, and it also has this magical powerful effect to opening you up to different solutions that you never can see for yourself If you're still standing in your apartment or searching on WebMD or sitting there rage texting at somebody that broke up with you.

 

(18:51):

So Henry David Thoreau said, an early morning walk is a blessing for the whole day, and your friend Mel Robbins, is reminding you a little walk is a solution to 93% of your problems.

(19:47):

Don't say anything and notice how different everything is. Or when you're having dinner with your family, be quiet. Ask questions if you want, but stop talking. There are two ways stop talking has made a big difference in my life. The first is in helping me grow because when you're the one talking, you're not learning anything. It's when you're listening or when you're reading or when you're taking a class. When that input is coming in, that's when you learn and grow. I remember a couple years ago I was talking to a friend of mine, and this was back when my career was really about motivational speaking and I was saying, I feel really burnt out. I feel like I just am stale. I'm not getting any better at this craft. I am not feeling like I'm growing something's up. I don't know what it is. And my friend said to me, well, I know exactly what you're talking about.

 

(20:48):

I felt that way too. And then I decided to stop talking. And I said, what do you mean you decided to stop talking? You're still getting paid to do speeches? And he said, no, no, no. I decided that I would stop talking so much and I would prioritize instead of standing on that stage talking, I would make sure that at least 10 times a year I found myself sitting in the audience listening. And that really struck me because I realized in that moment my whole life was about output, speaking, creating, doing all this stuff, and I wasn't getting the input I needed. And so one immediate change that I made after that conversation was I signed up to go to two events where I could sit in an audience. Another one is I dedicated time every week to just input reading a book, watching someone else on stage who's masterful and learning from them.

 

(21:44):

Taking an online course on a topic that I was interested in, all that input helped me grow. And you're not growing when you're talking. You grow and learn when you're listening. And the second way that this made a huge difference in my life is it taught me that you don't always need to have the last word. It's amazing how often you'll find that you offer an opinion just because you think you should. It's amazing how often you can get pulled into these conversations where it's just one person and then the other. Trying to get the last word in the truth is not everything deserves a response. Not everyone deserves an explanation. Stop talking. Not every conversation is one that you need to participate in. Stop talking and start practicing being quiet and not having an opinion. Oftentimes, protecting your peace and not getting involved and just listen, don't talk is going to make you happier.

 

(22:53):

And one other thing, if you're in a conversation with somebody and it's argumentative or it's tense, stop talking. I'm not talking silent treatment stuff here. I just stop talking. Lower your voice. When you do, it signals that you're in control. So stop talking and you're going to get your awareness, your confidence and a whole different world is going to open up to you. Sometimes silence is way more powerful than chiming in and your peace is worth protecting. So stop talking.