Episode: 3
Motivation Is Garbage
a Solo Episode
The biggest secret to getting the life you want is in these 3 words:
Motivation. Is. Garbage.
Mel cracked the code on motivation, and she is sharing everything she knows with you.
Learn the secret to breaking old habits, creating new ones, and how to hack what neuroscientists call “activation energy.”
Also, get the simple yet effective “cheat code” for motivation. It’s worked for millions of people and it will for you, too.
Listen on:
You are one decision away from a different life, a better life.
Mel Robbins
Featured Clips
Transcript
Mel Robbins (00:00):
Hey, it's Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. Let's do this thing. All right, I am so fired up. First of all, I wish I could reach my arms through the air and put my arms around you and give you a huge bear hug. I just feel so grateful. So grateful that you're here listening to the third episode. I feel so grateful of the support that is poured in from around the world. We are just three episodes in, and you have made this podcast one of the top ranking podcasts in the world as we have debuted, and my team and I, we have spent the entire weekend just in awe of the number of comments and shares and feedback and reviews of this show. And one of the things that I'm super thrilled about is that we are going to co-create this together. So thank you for all your topic suggestions, the experts that you'd love to hear us bring onto the show.
(01:03):
And I just am just so happy. I feel less lonely. I feel deeply connected to you. I have not been this energized in a very long time, and I just know that what we're doing here aligns with what the world needs and what I'm meant to be doing right now. So thank you, thank you, thank you for all that positive feedback and I hope you're getting it back from me. So in this episode, I wanted to address the single most common question I get asked, and this is a question that I am asked when I'm speaking in an arena. It's a question I'm asked when I get stopped by somebody in a grocery store. It's a question that I am asked when people see me on airplanes. It's a question I'm asked by the corporations that hire me to speak when we're on Zoom calls. It is a question that everybody has a challenge with. What is it? Well, let's see if you can relate to this.
Listeners (01:58):
My biggest challenge is me
Mel Robbins (02:01):
Staying
Listeners (02:02):
Motivated, staying motivated. I struggle the most with trying to stay motivated. At the end of the day, I am not doing the basic things that I need to do. What is up with that? Why am I stuck? Why can't I just make my calls? I just am not taking it to the next level. I'm not sure how to get out of that rut. What are some of those tools that I can use to stay focused, stay motivated, and get the job done?
Mel Robbins (02:28):
My mission on today's episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast is to do two simple things. Number one, it is to give you simple science-backed tools to help you hack motivation. The second thing we're going to do with this episode is so many of you are new to the world of Mel Robbins, that this podcast is the first time you've heard my voice and you have been asking me to explain, Mel, how did you go from rock bottom and almost losing everything to where you are now and building this company and the confidence that you clearly exude and the positivity, like what the hell? And what's really cool about the topic of motivation is the whole story of how I got to where I am now from rock bottom to here. And the reason why I'm talking to you has to do with hacking motivation. And so in teaching you this amazing tool that you're going to be able to apply to your life immediately, once you learn it and you're going to be inspired to do it, you're also going to learn a heck of a lot about me.
(03:32):
So let me tell you the truth. My take on motivation is counterintuitive. I not only understand the science, the physiology, the neurological stuff that's going on. More importantly, I understand the mistake that you and I make. So I want to tell you the truth about motivation. The biggest secret to getting the life you want is understanding three words. I hope you never forget. Motivation is garbage. Yep. Mel Robbins, one of the most successful motivational speakers in the world just said, motivation is garbage. You see, you're making the same mistake we all make when we think about motivation. You're waiting to feel motivated first before you take action. And you've been told a lie about motivation. See, you've been made to believe that. You got to feel motivated that that feeling, that emotion is going to come before the action. It's actually the opposite. You got to take action and the motivation comes.
(04:50):
And that's why the first takeaway is motivation is garbage. Because my definition of motivation is that it's just a feeling and it comes and it goes. That's the way that you've been using it. And the irony is you need motivation. Motivation is fundamental. You need this desire to move in order to finish a project, you got to have motivation to get out of bed, to move off the couch to head to that networking meeting. And here's what I want to teach you in today's episode, how to do what you need to do when you don't feel like it.
Mel Robbins (05:29):
That is a skill, that is what is missing in your life right now. And I know that you felt motivated before you felt motivated. When you're on a team and lots of people are yelling at you, you felt motivated when you need to pay your bills.
(05:47):
But the truth is, when you're alone and you got something that you need to do that's hard or that's, I don't know, going to require some effort or that scares you a little bit, or it's going to you out there, guess what's not going to be there? Motivation. You're going to come up with every excuse in the book, why you shouldn't make your calls, why you shouldn't go to the gym, why you don't feel like going out of bed. And that's because if you rely on the feeling of motivation first, you're waiting for something that's never going to come. That's why you've spent years thinking about what you need to do instead of just doing what you need to do. Waiting for motivation is a trap because you're never going to feel like doing the things you need to do to create a better life, period.
(06:38):
Have you ever noticed that? The little things are always the hardest things to push yourself to do, especially when you're in a rut, especially when you feel down, especially when your problems feel enormous. I mean, how hard is it to get to the gym? Honestly, it's like next to impossible some days. Or what about speaking up at work? How many times have you sat silently? You got something to share, but you can't muster up the motivation to raise your hand or speak up or ordering something healthy for lunch? How easy is it to just, ah, screw, it'll have the cheeseburger and the french fries and the ice cream sundae for dessert instead of ordering the salad. Why? Well, because you're waiting to feel ready to make that choice. You're waiting to feel motivated to do what you need to do. This was me for a long time.
(07:28):
Heck, I was in so much trouble several years ago. I didn't have the motivation to get out of bed and face my problems. And one of the mistakes that I was making during this period in my life is I was waiting around to feel ready to take the steps that I needed to take in order to address the stuff that was going wrong in my life. I guarantee you, you know exactly what you need to do right now in order to be healthier. You do. If you don't, you can Google it and then you'll have a bunch of things that you could do. You knowing what you need to do just makes you smarter. The a hundred million dollars skill that I want to teach you is how you make yourself get out of bed, how you make yourself apply for that job, how you make yourself face the issues you're avoiding.
(08:25):
That's how you change your life. And for a long time when my life was going off the rails, I was waiting, hoping, praying, wishing, wanting to wake up one morning and just suddenly feel motivated to change everything. And that's where this story begins. I got to take you back to a moment in time in my life where my problems were so big that I nearly lost everything that I cared about.
Mel Robbins (09:00):
And if I had sat around and waited for motivation to strike, I would be divorced. I would be bankrupt. I would've torn my family apart. I would probably be an alcoholic. I would definitely not be hosting this podcast, but thank God I discovered something extraordinary that's going to change your life. And so let me tell you the story. I got to take you all the way back to 2007 and this is what was going on.
(09:33):
So at the time, I was 40 years old and my husband and I had three kids under the age of 10, and my husband and his best friend had gone into the restaurant business. It had always been a dream of theirs. And the first restaurant was a small little pizza joint, 40 seats. It was an absolute home run. So proud of my husband and our best friend. And so in success, they decided to expand and like complete idiots, we cashed out our entire life savings. We took out a home equity line that's basically free money, right? We cashed out a bunch of credit cards because what could possibly go wrong in the restaurant business? Well, basically everything did. Location number two was the wrong location. Location number three was way too expensive. And then all of a sudden 2008 hit and here in the United States, that was the year that that massive housing market collapse happened.
(10:36):
And we found ourselves $800,000 in debt. Chris and his best friend were not able to make payroll. I then lost my job and everything started to spiral. And here's the thing, never in a million years did I think that at the age of 41, I would be on the verge of losing my house. I would be unemployed, I would be embarrassed and ashamed and just spiraling. That was not on my vision board. And what happens when your life goes off the rails or you suddenly experience some kind of unexpected setback, whether it's a death or you get fired or some tragedy hits your life, you know what's not there? Motivation, I'll tell you what's there. Fear, shame, procrastination, depression, anxiety. I had all of that more. You want to know how I faced this moment in my life like a champ? I basically drank myself into the ground and screamed at my husband every time I saw him because clearly he tried to do this on purpose.
(11:48):
And funny, that sort of coping skill, it actually didn't help the situation. It made it a lot worse. And here's the other interesting fact about this moment in time, even though I literally felt like I had been pushed off a cliff without a parachute, I knew what I could do. I knew that it would help if I looked for a job. I knew that I could call my parents and tell them what was going on. I knew I should reach out to friends. I knew that I should still exercise. I knew that I shouldn't drink so much. I knew that my husband was trying everything he could to solve the financial situation and to fix the business. And yet I didn't do any of those things. Why? Because I didn't feel motivated to do those things. I felt depressed. I felt anxious. I felt angry.
(12:39):
I felt scared. And those feelings are what kept me trapped. I didn't know what I'm about to teach you. I didn't know that I could take action before I felt ready. I didn't know how to push myself. I just knew that I was going to be fucked if I didn't figure this out. And so one night everything changed. And you're going to often hear me say on this podcast, you are one decision away from a different life. Do not wait around for the motivation to make that decision. One decision away. So I'm sitting there on a Monday night in 2008 outside of Boston, Massachusetts. And I don't know if you've ever been in a situation where your life is so bad that you're giving yourself a pep talk. I mean, that is kind of a pathetic moment. It's one thing if a friend gives you a pep talk, but if you've got to give it to yourself.
(13:36):
And so I'm sitting there watching TV and we're about a week away from our first bankruptcy proceeding. Chris has not been paid in six months. My checks are bouncing left and right. We have pulled our daughter out of town soccer because we cannot afford the $125 fee. I am hiding from friends. We have not paid the mortgage in months. It's just a disaster. And I'm watching TV and I'm giving myself this pep talk and I'm like, alright.
Mel Robbins (14:02):
That's it, Mel. That's it. Tomorrow morning, woman, it's the new you. Tomorrow morning you got to look for a job. You got to stop drinking so much. You got to call your parents and ask for some money. You have got to stop screaming at Chris. And by God woman, when that alarm clock goes off, you cannot hit that snooze button five times. You cannot lay there like a human pot roast marinating in fear. You woman have got to get out of bed and you have got to get those kids on that bus. And all of a sudden, across the television screen, I saw a rocket launch at the end of a commercial,
(14:51):
And it gave me this crazy idea. I thought, oh my God. That's it. That's the answer. That's the answer to getting up tomorrow morning when that alarm clock rings, Mel, you are going to launch yourself out of bed like a rocket ship. You are going to move so fast that you won't be in that bed. When that anxiety and that depression pins you there like a gravity blanket, you are going to launch like a rocket. Now, it could have been the four bourbon Manhattans I had that gave me that idea because I was drinking an awful lot back then. But for whatever reason, I'll never forget it. It was a Tuesday in Massachusetts, and that's the very first time I saw it. And when I first explained this to you, I really want to pause for a second because the truth is I didn't know how to do this.
(15:48):
I didn't know how to push myself. I was the human example that was the opposite of motivation. I don't even know what that word is. All I knew is that nobody was coming, that nobody was going to ride in on their white horse and fix his situation, that nobody was going to pay my bills. Nobody was going to fix the restaurants. Nobody was going to force me to look for a job that as much as I wanted and wished that somebody would fix my life, that it was my responsibility to do it and that I had to figure out how to push myself. And that's the second takeaway from this episode. No one's coming. No one's coming to do the work for you. All those things that you want in your life, all the dreams that you have, they are your responsibility. And the only thing that has been missing is this hack that I'm about to teach you.
(16:45):
You have made the same mistake that I made, which is waiting and hoping I would wake up one morning and feel courageous and motivated enough to do the things I needed to do. And so when you embrace the idea that motivation's garbage and no one is coming and it's your responsibility and you are capable of doing this, that's going to change your life. So let's go back to the question that I get from everybody, which is, I get it, Mel, I get it. But how do you push yourself when you don't feel like it? That's the million dollar question. So let's go back. Let's go to the story in 2008 because that Tuesday morning in February, outside of Boston, Massachusetts, that's where I learned the secret to hacking motivation. This is going to change everything. So that morning, the alarm went off. And I'm going to unpack this very slowly because I really want you to pay attention because this is the secret to everything.
(17:50):
And this simple rule and tool that you're about to learn also embodies decades of neurological and psychological research, which I will also unpack for you. And so the alarm goes off, and all of a sudden I noticed this window of time. It's a moment where you hesitate and you think about what you need to do instead of doing what you need to do. It's unmistakable. When you see this moment of hesitation, it's a habit. We all have it. The alarm goes off. And I immediately remember the rocket launch, and I remember that declaration that I had made the night before. I'm going to launch myself out of bed, like NASA launches a rocket. And instead of doing it, I started thinking about doing it. And as soon as you start thinking about doing something, you open this window of time. I call it this five second moment of hesitation.
(19:04):
And inside of that moment where you start to think. And that morning in 2008, I started thinking, Ugh, I don't want to launch myself out of bed. It's cold, it's dark. I don't feel like it. This bed is so warm. How the hell is this going to help anything anyway? I don't want it. And inside all of that thinking is where the anxiety and the excuses and the depression and the overwhelm where it all starts to spin. And I could feel my hand reaching for the snooze button because it had become a habit to wake up and think about getting out of bed and instead hit the snooze button and delay what I needed to do, numb all the thoughts. And as I'm reaching for the snooze button, I don't know what came over me, but that morning, for whatever reason, I just started counting backwards the same way that NASA does.
(20:02):
5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And then I moved and stood up and I'm like, whoa, that's weird. And I went on with my day. And then the next morning the alarm went off and I remembered the rocket launch. And immediately I started thinking about doing it instead of doing it. And again, the excuses roll in. And I again, feel myself reaching for the snooze button and I count backwards, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and I stand up. Weird. The third morning is when it really kicked in for me because I heard the alarm go off. I remembered the rocket launch thing. I started thinking about it. I don't want to. It's dark. Who cares? I count backwards. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And I stand up. Now, I want to stop here for a second and explain a little bit of the research. So researchers, psychologists, neuroscientists, explain this five second window this way. There are two types of people.
(21:02):
There are people that have a bias toward thinking, which is the habit of hesitating and thinking about what you need to do instead of doing what you need to do. And then there are people that have a bias toward action, which is having the habit of being able to push yourself to take action regardless of how you feel. This five second countdown, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, helps you move from being a person that has a bias toward thinking and become a person that has a bias toward action. And this countdown, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 is the secret to hacking motivation. It's the secret to pushing yourself to take action regardless of how you feel. It is the secret to everything. So that third morning I sort of said to myself, okay, because I'm cynical, you're going to get to know me. I'm a lawyer by education, and I'm somebody that's really analytical.
(22:13):
And so I tend to also be really cynical. And so I'm standing there in my bedroom and I'm like, okay, great. You just created something irritating, Mel, that helps you get out of bed. How the hell is this going to help? And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're about to lose everything you care about. Your marriage is on the rocks. Your family will be torn apart.
Mel Robbins (22:33):
You're going to lose this house woman. Why not just try this thing? Why not for one day, any moment today where you know exactly what you should or could do, but you don't feel like it? Just count backwards. I mean, what the hell? It's not like it's going to make it worse. What if it made it better? So I walk out into the kitchen and my husband Chris, is standing in front of the fridge. And you know how that thing happens where you see somebody you love and you just want to kill him?
(23:09):
You know how that happens? Well, so poor Chris is standing there minding his own business, probably trying to get out of the house fast before his bitchy wife wakes up and starts screaming at him. And I see him, and I'm like, but here's the thing. I didn't want to kill the guy. I loved him. I just was so on edge and stressed out, and it's so much easier to be angry and frustrated than it is to be afraid. But in that moment, I counted silently to myself, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and something strange happened. I could feel the pressure and agitation in my body release and I was able to take a breath and speak to the man from a place of my values instead of screaming at him, which I had been doing for six months. I see my sneakers. I know I need to exercise, but who the hell wants to exercise in February outside of 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, I'm out the door.
(24:06):
I see the phone. I don't know about you, but I hate people. I hate networking. I hate five, four, three, two, one. I'm picking up the phone and five, four, three, two, one. I'm picking up again and I'm calling friends and I'm telling people the truth. I need a job. I got laid off. Chris and I are in financial trouble.
Mel Robbins (24:21):
I need help here. I pick up the phone again. I call my parents and slowly but surely, I am taking the actions that change your life. And look, it doesn't work overnight. It works over time. And that's important because true change builds over time. Quick fixes don't stick. If you want to change anything, you got to be in it and you got to repeat it. And that's one of the other things that I love about this countdown technique that I started calling the five second rule. You have five seconds to move.
(25:00):
You have five seconds to push yourself to take action. And if you don't move in that five second window, your brain will contaminate your motivation to act using this countdown technique. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. In moments where you feel yourself hesitate or you feel the fear coming on, or you feel yourself talking yourself out of it, or you feel the self-doubt or the fear kicking in, when you start counting backwards, the decision to count backwards means you are making a decision to move. You're making a decision to move before you feel like it. You're making a decision to summon your courage, your confidence, your desire for something more than the place you're in right now. The counting backwards also works because counting requires focus. Now, I didn't know why it worked then, and my husband started using it. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 took it into business. They start talking to landlords and renegotiating leases, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Mel Robbins (26:05):
And they're facing the issues in their business head on and talking to investors about what's going on. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. They're restructuring the p and l and they're having to lay off people that they love hardest thing in the world to do as a business owner. And so step by step decision by decision using this five second rule and the countdown technique, my husband and I were able to make the decisions and take the actions that aligned with where we wanted our lives to go. Instead of waiting around to feel ready to do it, we were able to push ourselves 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 to take action to get where we wanted to go instead of sitting where we were hoping motivation would show up. That's why this thing works. And here's the truth, I never intended to tell anybody about this thing because first of all, it sounds kind of stupid.
(27:05):
Okay, wait a minute, Mel, you're telling me if I just count backwards, my life is going to change? That sounds kind of dumb. The other reason why I didn't tell anybody about this little five second rule thing is because I had no idea why it worked. I just knew it worked. I didn't know if I had tapped into some ancestral witchery, and this was some magic spell. I didn't know if God was just giving me this little gift. I just figured this was this secret thing that came out of the sky in a moment of desperation. And Chris and I would use this and it would be our little thing. Well, that all changed in 2010. So a couple years goes by where we've been using the five second rule to get out of bed to exercise, to get our marriage back on track, to get the drinking under control.
(27:49):
I get a job as a local radio host for $25 an hour in order to pay bills, and we're just moving and shaking and all this stuff is happening. And so what ends up happening is in 2010, I get a call from a college friend saying, Hey, I got somebody that's putting together a conference in San Francisco and they need somebody to talk about job change. And Mel, you have changed your job more than an Abba cover band changes costumes in a set. Would you be willing to go give a talk in San Francisco about changing your career? And then she said the magic words, they're going to give you two free plane tickets and two nights at the St. Regis. And I thought, oh my god, Chris and I haven't had a vacation in four years. We have liens on our house. Hell yes, I will give a speech on a stage in San Francisco.
(28:51):
Now here's what you need to know. I had never given a speech on a stage in my life. I just wanted a fricking free vacation. So we head out to San Francisco, and this conference happened to be the first ever TEDx conference that was put on. And at the time, TEDx was not like the thing that it is now. None of the talks were online. This was the first spinoff, and so there was almost no training. And if you've ever seen my TEDx talk, you are witnessing a 21 minute long panic attack. Literally look closely at about minute one, and you will notice that I have that neck rash that people get when they get really anxious or when they drink too much. And by minute 19, I was so spun around and anxious, I was basically floating in the air. I completely forgot how I was supposed to end that speech.
(29:40):
And I look out into that auditorium and I go, oh, I know I do this thing. I call it the five second rule. The moment you have an instinct to act, you got to move within five seconds or else your brain will kill it. Then I said, thank you. I was so out of my mind. I gave out my email address, I left the stage. Chris was back there staring at the floor. I'm like, that was horrible. He's like, it wasn't that bad. And I'm like, I am never giving a speech again. And then something crazy happened. A year later, TEDx put that talk online. So now we're talking 2012, another year passes. I don't even know it's online. I'm busy now working full time. I've got healthcare benefits. We still have leans on the house, by the way, but we're making the ends work.
(30:32):
Chris has left the restaurant business, he's getting sober, he's becoming a yoga instructor, he's healing himself. He's doing all kinds of stuff, and I'm just doing whatever I can to pay our bills, and all of a sudden I start getting all these emails from people, and by people I mean strangers. And it was people around the world writing to me because I had given out my fricking email address and they were telling me, Mel, holy cow, I saw that thing in San Francisco and I've been using the five second rule for 18 months, and my business is on pace to double, and I'm present with my kids. My gosh, Mel, I've been using this five second thing to reach out to executives, and they're responding back, Hey, Mel, I saw that five second rule talk you gave, and I have taught it to my team. We've been more productive in the last 48 hours than we have been all year. Well, why? Well, you're not selling anything if you're thinking about selling something. The five second rule cuts through that bias we have toward thinking about what we need to do, and it pushes you to do what you need to do, which is why people around the world use it now to be more productive, to sell more, to grow businesses, to lose weight. Like the ways that you can use this are just absolutely endless. Should you teach this to your kids
Listeners (31:52):
My birthday to run and read?
Mel Robbins (31:55):
You might want to be careful with that because they will use this with you. My kids use it with me all the time. It's totally annoying. One of the things that has been just absolutely amazing is that we hear from medical professionals and from people around the world every single day who explain that the five second rule is so effective at helping them stay sober. I mean, just listen to my friend Kyle.
Kyle (32:23):
Not only has 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 helped me overcome an addiction to the snooze button, but it's also helped me to stay sober and away from substances even in finding out that my grandma's cancer was back this weekend where normally that would send me into a spiral to make some choices that were not in my best interest. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I'm able to stay strong for my family, to keep my career going and continue the good progress I've made after three and a half years of sober.
Mel Robbins (32:55):
Way to go, Kyle. Here's the thing. When strangers start to write to you about how they're using something you put out into the world to change their lives, I felt this obligation to not only share the five second rule and share other people's stories, but I felt an obligation to understand, stand exactly why this thing worked. And so for the past seven years, I have been engaged in a extensive research project about the five second rule. I've talked to the world's leading neurologists and psychologists and experts in habits, and what I've come to understand is this, the five second rule and the act of counting backwards 5, 4, 3, 2. One is called metacognition. That is a simple word that means brain hack or cheat code. That means we can use a metacognition technique like the five second rule, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 as a way to switch gears intentionally and cut off the part of the brain where you are sabotaging yourself and tap into the part of the brain where you can take control In habit research.
(34:15):
The five second rule is classified as what they call a starting ritual. A starting ritual is a positive trigger that triggers positive habits, positive new behavior. A starting ritual is something that interrupts an old pattern. And when you start counting backwards, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, you're interrupting the old pattern, whether that old pattern is a habit of worrying or a habit of having self-critical thoughts, or whether it is a pattern of reaching for a glass of wine. As you're cooking dinner, the second you feel the thought engage or you feel yourself reaching for the snooze button or reaching for that wine, start counting backwards, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and you interrupt the old pattern or habit. When you get to one, now your prefrontal cortex is engaged and you move and replace the old pattern with the new, healthier, positive pattern, you replace the negative thought with a positive thought. You replace the glass of wine with a mocktail, you replace the snooze button by throwing your sheets off and standing up.
(35:25):
That's why this thing works. And one of the reasons why, because I think I said very clearly, I never intended to share this with anybody. This went viral on its own. And the reason why I believe it went viral on its own is because it was meant to, and I was the person for whatever reason, that the universe selected to be out there sharing it. And the other reason why it has gone crazy viral and it's used in clinical settings is because so many of the tools that I'm going to share with you on this podcast, it encapsulates, it encapsulates, I don't even know if I said that word right, but whatever. You know what I mean? Decades of psychological and neurological research. This is a tool that you can teach to anybody you can use in any moment. It always works because it's based in science.
(36:22):
How fricking cool is that? So as I started researching and as this thing started spreading around the world, and I literally was working full-time during the day, and I'd come home at night and there would be just an inbox full of emails from around the world, people asking questions, can I use it for this? Can I use it for that? I thought, if I'm ever going to see my kids again, I need to put all these stories in a book and I need to put the science in a book. And so I, despite my dyslexia and A DHD, I wrote and self-published the five second Rule book. It went on in the last five years to become the most successful self-published audiobook in the history of audiobooks. And that led to six audiobook projects with Audible, and the hardcover has now been translated into 41 languages and sold over a million copies.
(37:13):
And as I sit here and tell you that, I'm still floored that this has all happened because this is so much bigger than me. But I also tell you that because I want you to know if you have dyslexia, if you have a DHD, if you think you're too old to write a book, if you think that you can't self-publish, I am living proof that all you need to do is 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, stop thinking about the things you want to do and freaking go do them. Okay? I know what you're probably thinking as you digest this whole story. How the hell does something so simple work, Mel? I mean, come on for real. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Well, let me get you into action, okay? Because when you try this thing, you're going to experience the change yourself. One of the reasons why this is so powerful is because your brain has one job, and that is to keep you alive, which means your brain will resist any kind of new change you want to make.
(38:18):
And the thing I'm going to have you do is going to make you feel this resistance, and it's important for you to realize that this is part of your wiring. You're never going to not have to push yourself to do things when you don't feel like it. This is just a fact. Life. In fact, one of the hardest things for us all to do is to start something new, and there's a scientific reason why. The reason why is because pushing yourself to do something, whether it's pushing yourself to get to the gym or pushing yourself to change a habit, or pushing yourself to stay sober or pushing yourself to speak up more, or pushing yourself to express your boundaries, right? Or make the cold calls that are going to make you more money. All of that requires you to go from doing one thing, like scrolling on your phone or sitting on the couch to doing something different.
(39:12):
You have to summon something called activation energy. You have to activate the movement inside of you. One of the coolest things about why the five Second Rule works is the counting itself is an action. So it's almost like the little Trojan horse. So you're sitting there on the couch, you know, need to go for a run, but it's raining and it's cold, and you don't feel like it. You blew it off this morning. You've already made yourself wrong. It's now three o'clock in the afternoon. You can think of a million things that you would rather do than going for a run. You now know the secret. The secret is motivation is garbage. No one's coming to push your ass off that couch. This is up to you. The second you're sitting there marinating in your excuses and you're sad sack, whatever, feeling low energy, I get it.
(40:11):
I'm there every day at three o'clock, right there with you, not feeling like it. The second you start counting backwards, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, you've made the decision to get off that couch and go exercise, even though you don't feel like it. The second you hit one, get up off the couch, start walking toward your closet, change into your running shoes, change into your tights, whatever, and 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, walk out the door. That is how you summon the activation energy to start and starting is the hardest part. So that's why this works. In addition to the physiology, in addition to the brain science, in addition to everything else from a real common sense point of view, you are starting with the counting. And so I want to leave you in motion. I don't want you to just learn about this thing because it doesn't work. If you think about it, you got to use the tool, and once you use it, you're going to be able to teach it to anybody in your life that's struggling because they're waiting to feel motivated.
(41:26):
You can give it to anybody once you try it. And so what's the best way to get you moving? I want you to do a five day wake up challenge with me, okay? I know you're already groaning. I can literally hear it through my earphones over there. I want to wake up good. Okay? And for those of you that can just spring out of bed, first of all, you're a weirdo, and the way that we're going to make this work for you is set your alarm. If you're the kind of person that just, oh, I just naturally wake up, oh, I just spring out of bed, you're going to set your alarm 30 minutes earlier because I want to manufacture the resistance that you are going to push through with the five second rule. For the rest of us who just hate getting out of bed, here's what you're going to do tonight.
(42:14):
Set your alarm, okay? Tomorrow morning, when the alarm goes off, you're immediately going to feel yourself thinking about getting out of bed. You're immediately going to want to stay in bed. We all do. I mean, who wants to get out of bed? It's cozy, it's warm. It's yummy in there, especially if you're sleeping with your loved one or your fur babies. Okay, I get it. That is me. Every single morning when that alarm goes off, you're going to notice this moment of hesitation because you're not going to want to use the five second rule. Good. That's that resistance. That's the fact that activation energy is now required. That's your brain going, but I don't want to change. And then you're going to count 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Throw those sheets off. Stand up. You're going to hate this. Start walking towards the bathroom. By the time you get to the bathroom, you're good.
(43:10):
So that's what you're going to do for five mornings in a row, alarm goes off, count backwards, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. The second you hit one, the sheets are off, and you stand up and start walking toward the bathroom, you're going to hate it. You're not going to feel like doing it. If you can push through the resistance that you feel every morning about getting up when the alarm rings, you can push through the resistance everywhere in your life. You are building a muscle, a muscle of courage, of confidence of action. You are building the skill of being able to take action when you don't feel like it. And that skill will pay you dividends for the rest of your life. Now, I'd like to support you in this wake up challenge, and let me support you, and here's how you can let me support you. Go to mel robbins.com/wakeup, WAK eup, one word, wake up.
(44:18):
I don't think it's one word in real life, or maybe it is, but on the website, it's mel robbins.com/wakeup up. The instructions for the Wake up challenge will be there in case you want to share 'em with somebody else. And more importantly, if you share your email with me, don't worry. I'm not going to put you in some, I'm not going to sell your name to anybody. I just want to support you. I will send you a really fun, encouraging email every single day that you're in this challenge for five days, because I really want you to try this, and I want you to try this because the five second rule, I'm so passionate about it, not because of my experience, I'm passionate about it because of the experience of millions of people around the world who have used the five second rule, first to get out of bed, and then to go on to make amazing, courageous, incredible changes in their life.
(45:13):
And the same is going to be true for you, but it's only true if you're willing to push yourself. And here's the interesting thing about this challenge. Notice you don't feel like doing the wake up challenge. What are you waiting to feel motivated to do it? I mean, isn't that the whole point of what we've been talking about? In order to get what you want, you got to push yourself to act before you're ready, before you feel like it. I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen? That you try it for five days and then you go back to hitting the snooze button? I think something incredible will happen when you place a bet on yourself, when you allow me to support you by sending you these emails. I believe that if you were to practice pushing through the resistance five mornings in a row, and it sounds simple, it is not easy.
(46:06):
I think you would be surprised by how good you feel about yourself and the ripple effect that it creates in your life. That's what I believe is going to happen, and I can't wait to support you in it. You are one decision away from a different life, a better life, and yes, it's not going to change overnight. It changes through those decisions that you're making that add up Over time, I hope you find the courage to make the decision that's going to change your life today. I'm asking you to 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Sign up for that wake up challenge, mel robbins.com/wakeup, and let me support you. When you start making courageous decisions, when you start pushing yourself forward, when you start going for bigger things, when you stop thinking and you start doing, are you going to fail? Probably will you mess up? I sure do. That's okay.
(47:12):
I want you to just keep waking up every single morning, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and show up for yourself again, because it's what you do after you fail. It's what you do in those moments when you don't feel like it. It's those moments when you push yourself that matters most. Do not waste another day of your life waiting, wishing or hoping motivation comes. All the things you desire are right in front of you. They're waiting for you, waiting for you to push through all of that resistance and self-doubt and walk toward what you want. No matter how old you are or what's happened in your life, you can achieve the life you've won. I'm sorry. You don't have to believe it. I've got enough confidence in this fact to believe for you until you catch up. I have way too much evidence, having seen the lives of millions of people change through these small decisions to know that yes, you can change your life too.
(48:22):
You have dreams to fulfill. You've got a world to change. You've got a life to live. So I want you to get your butt out there, and 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go do it. I will see you in the wake up challenge. I will see you in the next episode, and I am so excited to be kicking off this whole new chapter of my life with you. Thank you for being here. And more importantly, thank you for trying this because thinking about this tool is not going to change your life. Motivation is garbage. No one's coming, but you got everything inside you that you need. So 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go do it. Oh, and one more thing. In case nobody else tells you this today, I want to tell you that I love you. I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to push through all those excuses and fear and resistance that's holding you back and to 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go do it. Take the actions that are going to change your life.
(49:43):
Oh, and on YouTube, not only subscribe to the YouTube channel, we got videos coming out every day, and these are the uncut versions of the show. You also got to go wherever you listen to podcasts because that's like the Killer Polish shorter version, and you can share 'em with people. So please, please subscribe here on YouTube and get to the podcast platform of your choice and subscribe. And here's why our sponsors pay for the show. It makes it possible for me to do this. And so it's only fair that we also subscribe on the podcast network. Okay? Awesome. I love you. Ah.
Key takeaways
Stop waiting to feel motivated. You never will! you must act first, and then the motivation will come to carry you forward.
No one is coming to save you; the responsibility for your dreams, goals, and life changes rests entirely in your hands.
In moments of hesitation, count backwards 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 to break habits, override fear, and push yourself into action.
That five-second window between thought and action is where excuses, fear, and self-doubt kill your momentum if you don’t move.
If you can push through the resistance to get up with the alarm, you can push through resistance anywhere in your life.
Resources
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RESOURCES + LINKS
- The Wake Up Challenge (Free 5-day challenge to get started with the lessons from this episode!)
- For Closed Captions: Watch on YouTube and turn on “CC.” For instructions to turn on closed captions, click here.
- The 5 Second Rule book (including links to all published languages and bonus resources)
- Mel’s TEDx Talk, How To Stop Screwing Yourself Over
GO DEEPER INTO THE TOPICS + SCIENCE
- Activation energy explained: A great primer
- Behavioral Activation Therapy: See this article + very helpful article
- Research: see the work of Dr. Amy Arnsten. Feeling out of control leads to losing functioning of the prefrontal cortex. Great summary of her work, Paper 1, Paper 2
- Research: Dr. Theresa Amabile, Progress Principle and momentum. Paper, TED talk
- Your brain resists things that feel like a threat: Paper.
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