Episode: 71
3 Steps to Finding Your North Star: An Exciting New Approach to Designing Your Life
with Kendall Robbins
Get the simple, essential framework designing the life of your dreams.
Learn a proven framework for creating your dream life, inspired by top artists.
This framework is the backbone of the University of Southern California’s world-renowned Popular Music major taught at their Thornton School of Music.
It’s the creative process artists use to create songs, movies, and video games. The framework has helped launch Grammy-winning artists and touring musicians for the past decade.
Learn how to use the creative process to bring your vision for your future to life.
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The most beautiful thing in life is that ... you're going to grow and you're going to learn and you're going to fail.
Kendall Robbins
Featured Clips
Transcript
Mel Robbins (00:03):
You asked me kind of what's an example of a North star for me, and that's the rock. It seems like anything he's interested in, he's like, woo, pivot energy, drink. Woo pivot. We're doing shoes. I love that about him.
Amy (00:16):
You're fired up. I think this is a good example of north stardom.
Mel Robbins (00:21):
I want to commence that.
Kendall Robbins (00:22):
Yes, this process works, but you've got to trust that even if the rock is your North star, if it pulls you in a completely different direction, you've just got to trust that if you stay in the process and you stay present and you stay grateful, it's going to lead you to where you need to go.
Mel Robbins (00:38):
Hey, welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. Oh, I didn't even tell you who I am. It's Mel Robbins, your friend, and welcome. Let's do this thing. I'm all spun around. I'm sorry. I have had one hell of a weekend. I was in Tampa on Friday and I was giving the opening keynote at an event that my publisher Hayhouse was putting on first event that they've put on in three years. The theme was, I can do it. And when they told me that my keynote was going to begin at around eight o'clock, my first thought was, I can't do that. I am in bed by 9:00 PM I'm basically a great grandmother at this point when it comes to how tired I get at the end of the day, but I rallied. And so I got on that stage and I delivered a really great talk about this sentence.
(01:29):
I can do it. And I want to share with you, I think it was kind of genius. I did this on the plane on the way down, of course, because I'm the queen of cramming. I want to break down this simple sentence. I can do it. So the reason why this is such a powerful sentence is because every single word has a very important meaning for you. I refers to the fact that you're personally responsible for your life. No one's coming. It's up to you. And as soon as you embrace this very scary notion that I am responsible for what happens next in my life, you will start taking responsibility for how you spend your time and what you do and the goals that you have. And so that's really important. I can is all about belief. I can. I can means you believe that you can do it.
(02:29):
And so take responsibility, believe in yourself, do I'm the queen of do not, do, do, but do and do means you got to do something. It's not enough to believe. It's not enough to say you're responsible. At some point you got to put your money where your mouth is and you got to put your ass on the line and you got to take action. And now the last word it, I can do it. What is it? If you don't have an it, you don't have shit. Not that poetic, but it's true. It represents your North star. And what I've found over the years is that almost everyone who gets stuck or feels lost or is just wanting to make a change, they're missing one of these four things. Either you're not taking responsibility for your life or you don't believe in yourself or you're not taking action or you have no North Star or all four of them in some cases and today I want to talk to you about the importance of a North star. What is it?
Mel Robbins (03:37):
What is a North star in your life? And I'm going to give you a couple examples of two North stars that I have. One that has been a North Star forever, namely it's the Rock. I'm just going to come right out it. It's the rock. The Rock is a north star for me, and I'll explain more as we jump into this. And the other North Star, it is a woman I just met, literally just met. Hi Michelle. I'd never met her before in my entire life. And she came walking up to me in the lobby and she was in the audience. She shared a story about how she's a major fan of this podcast and that she just completed a fricking, is it an Iron Man, a marathon, something insane that I am not at least right now in shape to do.
(04:22):
And that she listened to the podcast as a way to keep her going for the race and for her training. And when I tell you Michelle immediately became my North Star as a woman in her late fifties, taking names, kicking ass biceps, like completely grilled tau, juicy Italian sausage lengths, not like these flabby sockers that I've got that looked like fricking meat wings. And she had beautiful, she just was so ripped and vibrant and I'm standing there trying to squeeze my butt cheeks together so that they don't hang like flabby pancakes on the back of my pants. North Star. Michelle, thank you, thank you, thank you. And that's the cool thing about North Stars. You don't have to know the person. They don't have to be famous and you don't have to have every aspect of their life be something that is your North Star.
(05:15):
It could be just one thing that they do or one aspect of their business, but there's so much power when you create a North Star for some area of your life and you allow another person to be a beacon of inspiration and hope. We're going to unpack how you do that today. And to help me do that, I have invited Amy, who is a dear friend of mine. She is also one of the senior producers at 1 4 3 studios. She's been on the podcast before. We know and love Amy. Hey everyone. And I'm also inviting our daughter, Kendall. Our daughter just graduated from a really cool program at USC that is one of the only ones in the entire world that is dedicated to taking musicians and training them to become pop musicians. And Kendall just graduated from it. And the reason why I asked Kendall to be here is because Kendall has two north stars for her career and for the kind of character that she has.
(06:15):
And she has also just been through a curriculum that she's going to explain to you that is grounded in three pillars. And when I learned about this just a couple days ago, I thought, holy fucking shit. These three pillars of get a North Star and imitate the hell out of them, then assimilate what you're learning about your North Star into your day-to-day life and then make it your own and innovate and go do you. That is how you close the gap between you and your North Star. Whether your North Star is a woman in a lobby at a hotel that's got ripped biceps and a big smile and lots of vibrancy and energy, or your North Star is somebody as enormous as The Rock or Beyonce or James Patterson or Colleen Hoover, the novelist that's taken off, or Taylor Swift or anybody. Or maybe it's just somebody that has this amazing way about them. They always smile when you walk into the store. They're friendly and there's something about their character that you love. Today we're going to break that down and we are going to learn from Kendall how to use this three-step curriculum as a framework for you to close the gap so you can draw those qualities that you love into your life and make them your own. All right, let's do this. And Ken, let's just start by you telling everybody what is that north star or that goal that you want to achieve in your career?
Kendall Robbins (07:45):
I would like to be a professional recording and touring artist.
Mel Robbins (07:48):
Great. One of the reasons why I wanted you to be in this conversation, Ken, is because you're in the middle of that process. You've just spent four years going through these three pillars in a program that is helping you get closer and closer and closer to achieving that goal. And for me personally, I love learning from people that are just steps ahead of me. It's so much more accessible to me when I see somebody that's been doing the work and they're on the road ahead of me. It's great that all these celebrities and recording artists and famous people get on these podcasts and tell us their stories. But oftentimes for me, when I'm looking at somebody that has already achieved the top of the top of the top, it feels so far away from me. And I wanted to talk to you because you've just spent four years working on this and you're in the process and you still have a lot to do to achieve what you want to achieve. And so I just want to thank you for being here and for sharing what you've learned, what you have yet to learn on this journey to becoming a professional recording and touring artist. And let's start with, can you just explain to everybody a little bit about the past four years at USC and the three pillars of this creative process that you just learned?
Kendall Robbins (09:11):
Okay. So I was a popular music vocalist at the Thornton School of Music, but the process that I'm about to explain to you is the underpinnings of the Thornton School of Music program and the basis of our entire curriculum. So I will give credit to Chris Sampson, the founder of the program, love You, and he's the one that shined some light on this process for me and gave it a name and gave it context in my project. So thank you. In order to tell you how I used a process slash method, that is the underpinnings of my entire program. It's what we do at Thornton for four years, and then we learn how to do it ourselves before we graduate so we can create whatever we want. The process is three steps, emulation, assimilation, and innovation.
Mel Robbins (09:56):
Okay, hold on a second. Three steps are
Kendall Robbins (09:59):
Emulation, which means to imitate, to match or surpass some kind of achievement that you want. That means pick something that you're inspired by, pick somewhere you want to go. Pick somebody who has more money than you that you want. Pick somebody that has a house, you want anything, a north star, pick a north star and break it down. What does that thing have that you don't line it all out? So for me, I picked Sarah Bares and Brandy, who are two of my favorite artists, and I broke them down. They're both strong, powerful, fierce. They both can song write, they can sing, they can play instruments, they can arrange, they can produce. They're advocates. They are powerful in their career. They collaborate, those kinds of things. Once I broke them down, then it was time for me to assimilate, which is step two.
Kendall Robbins (10:41):
And assimilate is the 10,000 hour rule. Step one, you find a north star or it will find you.
Mel Robbins (10:46):
Yes.
Kendall Robbins (10:47):
Now you're in emulation phase and here are the three
Mel Robbins (10:50):
Pillars. Oh, you can't start emulation phase until you have a north star.
Kendall Robbins (10:53):
I don't think so.
Mel Robbins (10:55):
Wow. You got to have somewhere to go. Can you start the emulation process by simply saying, I just don't want to be where I am.
Kendall Robbins (11:08):
Yes. But I think it gives you an anchor when you have somewhere to go. And I think that
Mel Robbins (11:17):
It could just be the opposite of where you are. I mean, if you're somebody who's, you know what I'm saying? Amy, what are you thinking?
Amy (11:26):
I think the emulation phase is so brilliant because picking the North star is something I think a lot of people don't even realize they can do. They just feel like, this is me. This is who I'm always going to be. I can't change who I am. I'm not really sure about learning new skills. They don't even think about doing the research, looking at other people. And I just think that alone is brilliant. That alone gives you a life jacket. That alone gives you that step up closer to the person who you want to become just knowing like you are number one, you can just look at them and figure out how they did it. Okay, brilliant. Duh.
Kendall Robbins (12:11):
Okay. Or say that you're the person you want to be more like your North Star, whatever you want to call it is Bill Gates. You might not want to be exactly like him in all walks of life, but there might be one thing he does that you want to emulate. It doesn't have to be their entire persona. For me, for my specific project, it was because I'm obsessed with and in love with their artistry, which is what I want to emulate. But for you, it can be one tiny sliver of somebody's character. I have somebody like
Amy (12:44):
That.
Kendall Robbins (12:44):
Do you have somebody
Amy (12:44):
Like that? Amy? I have a tiny sliver example, but I want to hear your,
Mel Robbins (12:49):
No, I want to hear yours first.
Amy (12:50):
Well, I, you look like you don't want to say it out loud now. I'm like, why did I say this? Because I have to reveal my dirty secret, which is I used to watch the Housewives series on Bravo all the time.
Mel Robbins (13:04):
Really?
Amy (13:05):
Yeah. Oh yeah. That was, yeah. Does
Mel Robbins (13:07):
Our
Amy (13:07):
Producer Andrea know that? Yes. She knows we because she used to be Andy Cohen's vp. Okay. Yes. She and I have a lot of deep conversations about that. But anyway, a very simple, simple example. I remember there was one woman on the show that was, of course, it was controversial in fucking things up, but also really super fun and kind. And I noticed she would say a couple of words that I would never say to people, and it's not what you think she would call people love, like say, Hey, love, how are you today? How are you doing? And I just thought that was just the kindest, most beautiful thing to say to somebody. Oh, thanks love. I appreciate that. That was like that sliver where she was, this is a super tiny sliver, but she was my north star, and I got up the courage to start talking like her and start being really open and being kinder to people. Now, that's a part of my vernacular. I say that all the time, like, Hey, love, how's it going?
Mel Robbins (14:09):
You do.
Amy (14:11):
But that was not me in the beginning. That was not who I was. And I'm really glad that I did that without knowing the entire process. But yeah, that's what I did, and I feel good about that. Do you have one for a bigger one? Yeah, no. That you want to commence now a thing that I want to start doing now?
Mel Robbins (14:31):
Yeah.
Amy (14:31):
Probably get to the point a little faster. No, a thing
Mel Robbins (14:37):
That I want, if you were graduating
Amy (14:38):
And you were going to commence, yes. What is it? It would be from the School of Rock Hard Bodies and incredible muscular abs. That's the school I would want to graduate from. Yeah. I want to do a little bit of a body makeover. You know what I mean?
Kendall Robbins (14:53):
Okay,
Amy (14:54):
Yeah. Right. So who would I emulate?
Kendall Robbins (14:58):
Who's your dream body? North Star?
Amy (15:01):
Yeah. I'd have to check my Instagram and get their real names.
Kendall Robbins (15:06):
Let's say it's Gwyneth Paltrow.
Amy (15:08):
Okay.
Kendall Robbins (15:09):
Or Jennifer Aniston. More of realistic for me. Thanks. Yeah. Okay. Well, I wasn't sure if we were going maybe.
(15:15):
Thanks, love.
(15:16):
I wasn't sure if we were maybe
Amy (15:18):
Going
Kendall Robbins (15:19):
Maybe younger, same age, a little older. No, it was risky waters that you
Amy (15:23):
Jumped into and you did it.
Kendall Robbins (15:24):
Jennifer Aniston is my dream body now. We're on the same page
Amy (15:29):
Now. You know what I'm talking about
Kendall Robbins (15:30):
Her and just go with it. The Hawaii scene.
Amy (15:33):
There you go. You want to be
Kendall Robbins (15:34):
Like that? Yeah. I think I
Mel Robbins (15:36):
Need to look that up now. I don't ever recall seeing her in a bathing suit. We'll
Kendall Robbins (15:40):
Stitch that in.
Mel Robbins (15:41):
Okay. Okay.
Kendall Robbins (15:49):
So anyway, let's say that she is your dream body as she's mine. So you break her down.
Amy (15:57):
Yes. What
Kendall Robbins (15:57):
Does she do? She does a lot
Amy (15:59):
Of yoga.
Kendall Robbins (15:59):
Yoga, okay. A lot of yoga. And every single thing she does, you don't have to do every single little thing, but learn a lot about what she does and start to assimilate it, which is step
Amy (16:10):
Two, two,
Kendall Robbins (16:11):
Start to weave it into your own makeup, into your own being, into your own everyday life. Do yoga more, eat more greens, whatever she's doing. Then at the end, innovate. You're going to have to put your own Amy twist on it, because what you need to do to get your dream body is not going to be exactly what she's going to do.
Amy (16:30):
And it won't look exactly like
Kendall Robbins (16:31):
Hers. No. But being able to break her down in adding some of her qualities into your every day will help you get to your own version of that dream body.
Mel Robbins (16:41):
Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. Let's hear a word from our sponsors real quick, and when we come back, Ken, I got another question for you because I'm really curious about this North Star moment. Once you determine that Brandy Norwood and Sarah Bareis were your North Stars, I want you to see if you can break down the exact steps that you took next, because I think it'll help all of us apply this to our lives. Stay with us. We'll be right back. Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins. I'm so thrilled that you're here with us. I'm sitting here with two people. I love our daughter, Kendall Robbins, who just graduated from University of Southern California, and one of my closest friends, Amy, who also works for 1 4 3 studios, and we've been talking about identifying a North Star, which is a person that you really admire or want to emulate in your own life. And our daughter, Kendall had just explained that she had identified that Brandy Norwood and Sarah Barres were her North stars when she decided she wanted to be a singer songwriter. So Ken, once you had those two identified, what the heck do you do next? What's the step-by-step process
Kendall Robbins (17:50):
Now? It was time for me to learn how to be a producer, how to be an arranger, how to be an advocate, how to collaborate, all of those kinds of things that I didn't already have. And that will be the biggest chunk of your journey and will take a long time. For me, it took up to four years. It's a lifelong journey. So it will take for the rest of my life, for the rest of the time that I'm on this earth. And then once I was done assimilating those qualities that, for example, Brandy Norwood and Sarah Bareis have in their artistry and in their humanity, it was time for me to create something of my own.
Kendall Robbins (18:25):
And so once I had all the skills that I had to be a producer and the skills to be an arranger and the skills to be an advocate, and the skills to be a collaborator and a songwriter and a singer, et cetera, I then went and created my own music.
(18:39):
And inherently, it will have my own twist on it, and it will have my own flavors of Kendall Robbins on it that Brandy Norwood and Sarah Baris will never have. But that's just the beauty of creating something of your own is that it will always be a reflection of you because you're the art. And I think this process of, I'm going to line it out for you one more time, emulation, number one, assimilation. Number two, innovation. Number three is a process you can all use to get wherever you want in life. Whether you're an interior designer or you're a banker, or you're a mom, or you're a sister, or you are an artist like me, you can use this process in your life to close the gap between where you're at currently and where you want to go.
Mel Robbins (19:27):
I think this is fascinating, and I can see how I can do this in my life, which is why I'm glad we're talking about this, especially with the example that you gave Amy. But for the sake of everyone listening, can you make this even more granular, Ken, especially that first part, because I know that's where we're all going to get tripped up. How do you get started once you have the North star, that kind of person or that thing that you want to emulate, that phase where you start imitating? How do you get moving on that?
Kendall Robbins (19:57):
I can explain my program and how it's structured that way. Yeah. In the three pillars, will you do that? So first and second year of USC, in my program, it's popular music performance, and there are popular music performance vocalists, popular music performance, songwriters, bass players, drummers, guitar players, piano players, et cetera, instrumentalists and singers. And our professors put you into bands, one drummer, three singers, one bass player. You get the deal and they assign you different songs per week. And the repertoire begins in the fifties all the way through early two thousands into present day pop songs that we cover in class. And so on the first week of class, you get songs from the fifties and the sixties and they assign these songs to you and you learn them and you learn how to emulate them, how to imitate them, which is step one. Can I
Mel Robbins (20:53):
Just stop right there? I thought this was really interesting because this was not like the popular music shows that you see where you're supposed to sing somebody's song, but do it in your own way sort of thing. This was very specific emulating step one, meaning they had you singing these songs from the fifties that a lot of you're like, are you freaking kidding me? This song is so stupid. And you were graded on, if you're a drummer, can you imitate that drum technique and pattern of that exact artist like they're making down to the
Kendall Robbins (21:29):
16th note down to the millisecond of the song. How accurately can you imitate it? How accurately can you replicate what the original instrumentalists or artists or group of artists did together? How you're graded based on how accurately you can emulate it. So for me, it was the intonation, the phrasing, the riffs, the runs, the notes. So for the first two years of my program, that's all we did. Every single song we were assigned, that was the objective. It wasn't to sound like Kendall, it wasn't to be the best I could be and do all my runs and do all my riffs and belt as much as I could. It was to sound exactly like the artist. And the point of that is so you can start to understand the building blocks of popular music. But I mean for any of you listeners, it could be to just understand where you want to go. You talked about
Mel Robbins (22:19):
Closing that gap, Kendall. When you see the gap, it is so overwhelming because you feel so far away. How did you feel when you were in high school as a graduate or even right now, how far away as a high school graduate did you feel from somebody like a Sarah or a Brandy Norwood?
Kendall Robbins (22:41):
So far the furthest, and I still feel very, very far from that. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, but is
Mel Robbins (22:48):
There a difference in how you view the
Kendall Robbins (22:52):
Gap? I'm already there.
Mel Robbins (22:55):
What do you mean?
Kendall Robbins (22:56):
Well, I feel like I already have all of the skills that I need to have to be a professional recording touring artist. I'm just getting closer and closer to her and building and building and building. But I think I already have the skills and the tools and the knowledge. It's just figuring out how to apply them and figuring out how to apply them in a way that gets me to where I want to go.
Mel Robbins (23:21):
I agree with you.
Kendall Robbins (23:22):
I don't think that we should call it a gap. Gap implies that it's a loss and it's not.
Mel Robbins (23:28):
Yes.
Kendall Robbins (23:28):
The most beautiful thing in life is that space because you're going to grow and you're going to learn and you're going to fail, and you're going to screw up and you're going to meet people you love and meet people you hate and meet friends you don't want. But thinking about it as a gap is you're never going to get there. If you think about it as a gap, it's the road. You get to travel. It's about the journey, not about, don't think about it as the gap. That's step one.
Mel Robbins (23:51):
Yes. But step two is I want you to think about it as gaining something.
Kendall Robbins (23:56):
It's like a lily pad effect. Every lily pad you light up is yours now to keep.
Mel Robbins (24:01):
Yes. And so, and the second thing though, that people feel when they look at that moment of commencement and they look out into the future and they see all the things I got to gain along the way and all this, it doesn't feel like an opportunity. And also people have no idea how to start. And so one of the things that I found to be really interesting about your presentation is that you took Sarah Baris and Brandy Norwood and they were your North Star, but then you divided them into three categories of character, skill, and what was the other one? Career. Career.
Mel Robbins (24:42):
And by dividing it into three categories, you now made it concrete, what are the skills that I need to gain? What is the character attributes I need to gain? What are the aspects of their career in terms of their experience that I need to gain? Well, let me just correct you not need, want, great want to gain. Okay. So why is it important to say want
Kendall Robbins (25:08):
Versus need? Because need implies that if you don't have it, you're at a loss. You don't need it. You just want it. And that's beautiful.
Mel Robbins (25:17):
Well, I think want it's more motivating.
Kendall Robbins (25:19):
Yeah, that too.
Mel Robbins (25:21):
That's right. Because I slipped into the language of gap and loss. Oh my God, I need that thing or else I'm not going to get there. If you talk about it in the abundant language of gaining something, all of those things are opportunities to gain something that help you walk closer to the future. And so I'm curious though, because not everybody wants to be a recording artist. Some people listening are like, I just want to date somebody, or I really want to be healthy. Or for me, I see this applying very much these three pillars and these three steps to how do I get my personal financial life in order? I've been living in this mode. I think of scarcity and fear ever since your dad and I were nearly bankrupt, well over 15 years ago,
(26:14):
And I want to graduate from that. I want to commence a whole new way of operating, and there's a lot of skills and habits and support that I need to gain on the road ahead. And I just would love to hear you talk about, okay, you identified Brandy and Sarah, but what would you recommend or what was the next step in trying to figure out, okay, well, how do I break apart who this person is to help me start to think about what I need to gain or what I want to gain? Got to catch myself there.
Kendall Robbins (26:48):
For me, it didn't require very much research because I feel as though I have an intimate relationship with these two artists, although they don't know that I exist. Why do you feel like you have an intimate relationship? I've just been listening to their music for all of time, and I've spent thousands of hours on YouTube watching their interviews and reading articles about them and reading their books and just consuming everything they put out into the world. And so I think for all of you people that maybe want to get into a relationship or start eating healthier, making more money or so on and so forth, you might not necessarily have as crystal clear of a North star like I did, because I think my career warrants a lot more North stars.
(27:37):
But for example, for you, you want to graduate from your scarcity mindset and your finances. You might not necessarily have a brandy or a Sarah, an actual human being that exists on this earth that you want to be exactly more like. So what instead you could do is think about that future version of you. What does the future version of Mel look like? Who is financially abundant and has an abundant relationship to it? What are her characteristics? What does her career look like? What are her skill sets? You can imagine yourself in a future in the Imagine your future self who's eating healthy? What does she feel like every day? How does she talk to her friends? How does she move through the world? How does she wake up in the morning? Break that down. You can create it from nothing. Or you can look at Women's Health Magazine and pick someone from in there and break them down and do the same thing. I mean, they're north stars everywhere, but if you're feeling lost,
Kendall Robbins (28:43):
I think the first step is finding something or someone, and it can be the future version of you to inspire yourself. You need to be inspired.
Mel Robbins (28:53):
I agree. And for me, with the financial thing, I didn't have a North Star. I just knew I was sick and tired of feeling either out of control or irresponsible or very reactive in that part of my life, and that I wanted to graduate from that and commence something new. And the second that I made that decision that I'm just going to graduate from this, I got to end this. I got to start something new. North Stars start to show up. But what I liked about your particular process is I think those three columns are genius. So I want to make sure you listening, have these declare what you want to graduate from so that something new can commence. If you don't have a North star simply saying, I don't want to do it like this anymore. I'm done with college. I'm ready for the rest of my life, even though I don't know what the fuck the rest of my life looks like. For me, it was just like, I'm done feeling like this. I'm done operating like this. I got to figure this out. I want to be proud of myself in this area of my life. And I didn't know what that meant. And so just declaring it started to have all kinds of stuff show up. The first thing that happened is Ramit
(30:11):
Came onto the podcast, suddenly the guy, I can make you rich. And that got my wheels turning. And the second thing that happened is I spent a weekend with a bunch of women that are friends of mine, that have similar businesses who are way more successful than me. And as I sat around listening to them, I'm like, wait, you do what? Wait, depreciate one. Wait, what? Do you have a, huh? I started to feel that gap. And then because you had shown me this three step thing, I'm like, wait a minute. I got to flip this. I can gain these experiences. I can gain these skills. I can gain this character that I don't have right now. And so the three columns that I think could be applied in any situation are the skills or doing the sit ups or doing the abs, but there is something deeper in this step one process that your research allowed you to tap into.
(31:11):
And you asked me kind of what's an example of a North Star? For me, it's probably a North star for a lot of people, and that's the rock. I am so inspired by him. And there's a particular aspect about him that I love, and it's all in the character piece. It's in the fact that it's so clear that he's such a great guy. It is so clear that he is a person that's out there for the everyday person. It's so clear that he's so generous and humble and kind. And I also admire him in that he's got such diverse businesses. It seems like anything he's interested in, he's like, whoop, pivot energy, drink. Whoop pivot. We're doing shoes. Whoop pivot. We're launching the XL NFLE. Woo, pivot. I'm going to do this superhero movie. Woo Pivot. I'm going to go do this thing. And I love
Amy (32:01):
That about him. You're fired up. I think this is a good example of North stardom that you, I
Mel Robbins (32:07):
Want to commence
Amy (32:08):
That. So yeah,
Mel Robbins (32:10):
You got the fire in the belly about the rock. I've never though been able to get past North Star, and I can think about the moment when I was like, there's my North Star. It was a singular Instagram post where he had a photo of him at this huge board table, and it was him and the person that runs seven Bucks, their production company, the origin of which is that when he moved to la, he only had seven bucks in his pocket and he had this huge team of people, and they were launching the tequila brand, or they had already launched the tequila brand and they were about to launch the energy drink, and they had their partnership with Under Armour. And I went, oh my gosh, wait a minute. He's not doing this alone.
(33:01):
Oh, wait a minute. He got really into, there's a team of people that he builds these things with. I need a team of people. I started to realize, oh wait, there are things I need to gain. Will I ever be him? Of course not. But for me, he's this north star because it seems like he graduates all the time. He graduates from being a professional wrestler, and then he graduates from that role to something else, and then he graduates from that role to something else that he commences. He's always beginning something and gaining skills, but never ever seems to lose contact with that character piece. And you can see it even in the seven bucks, the fact that he named his company after this idea of starting with almost nothing. And so I am really inspired by that, and I realize I got to get serious about doing step one of emulating, and that means doing this research and breaking this all down. I think one of the things
Amy (34:03):
I like is also that you talk about how you look at the Rock and you are kind of like, well, how do I get there from here? How do I do that? And this process gives you, okay, break it down. I feel like there are a lot of different parts of this process where people stop. Number one, they would stop by not knowing that they could get a North Star. Number two, they could stop by being like, well, how do I get to be the rock? I mean the cap, right? Huge. It's an opportunity to gain things. Definitely. I'm not picking him for my muscles. I
Mel Robbins (34:35):
Don't need to
Amy (34:36):
Goals. I don't want to pick him for that. So you could stop there and you could be like, you know what? I'm just never going to be like him. I'm never going to be like him. But then we have this breakdown. What's his character? What are his skills? What's his career like? Okay, I could put my hooks into that. I could do that homework, and these are things that I want Kendall's saying, yeah, these are things that I want, and you're not going to be him. You're going to get closer, and how good is that going to feel? That's going to feel amazing. You must have felt great during this process or no,
Kendall Robbins (35:06):
Did you? No. I mean, to be completely frank, I did my entire senior project and talked all about all of these different attributes that I had gained over my time at USC and all of these different skill sets that I had been working on. And it wasn't until a week before my presentation that my mentor Chris Sampson, shout out again, founder of the USC Pop music program, gave me this process as context. He said, okay, yes, you've been doing all of these things. You've been adding all these characteristics and qualities and skill sets and techniques to your artistry and your persona, but there's no project here. You need to describe how you did it. How did you do this? How did you become this producer and this arranger and this kind and this funny and this humor and your perspective? And he gave me the context of this process so I can promise you that this has been happening for your entire life. This is the way that we live in the world. This is literally the way that we move through the world.
Kendall Robbins (36:11):
It's the way not only that artists create, but that humans create. It's the only way You're a finance dude. You see another company do something, boom, the process happens. You just don't have context for it. The concept of being inspired by something and creativity is just an idea comes to you, an idea, a North star, whatever you want to call it, it's the same thing. I love that. So the first step is emulate, which means to match or surpass a person or achievement typically by imitation. That's the first step. And in order to do that, to match or surpass an achievement, you've got to break it down. You need to do the research, you need to understand it. What are they doing? You can do what I did, which will include my slide. I broke my two North star artists into their skill sets, their characteristics, their character and their career. Yours might look different, but those are maybe some guiding lights you can use and assimilate means to take in information, ideas or culture and understand them fully. So how do you do that?
Mel Robbins (37:14):
How is that different than the process of studying this North Star?
Kendall Robbins (37:22):
So you study your North Star, for example, yours is the rock. And you say, oh, I love that he has nine businesses. You look at his nine businesses and you pull them apart and you see what they do. That's emulation. You have every little detail of the business, how many people work for them, what are they registered as? How much money are they making a year? What's their target audience? All that kind of stuff. You haven't started doing that for yourself yet. You've just identified
Mel Robbins (37:48):
It. I've done
Kendall Robbins (37:48):
Shit. Yeah.
Mel Robbins (37:48):
Now I've sat and watched and been in awe, and I think I've been the, now it's time
Kendall Robbins (37:54):
For you to take in that information, that idea, that culture and understand it fully, or you're
Amy (38:00):
Not going to graduate Mel.
Kendall Robbins (38:02):
And not only to, but to understand it fully means to digest it. It means to put it in an EpiPen and shove it in your leg, understand it, consume it, practice it. Get in the library, read the book. Figure out how to grow your audience to the exact same size that the
Amy (38:23):
Rock has. If you're watching a movie and about this, this is the music montage moment of the change, right? It's like that moment where the girl gets to ice skates time and time again, grabbing the ice skates at six in the morning, going to the rink, sweating it out, taking a
Kendall Robbins (38:41):
Shower, going to school. It's the 10,000 hour rule. Yes, to master something, it requires 10,000 hours of practicing it. And I did that over four years. I took classes, I took lessons with my professors. I studied in my room, I sang a hundred million songs. This is my favorite part. This is the longest part of the journey, and it's the most beautiful part because so many other things come to you while it's happening.
Kendall Robbins (39:09):
While you're trying to take all of these qualities and characteristics of your north stars and put them into yourself, you're going to find new things out about yourself that are part of your journey that you'd never known.
Amy (39:19):
Yes. I love that. I love that you said it's the most beautiful part. I think that's the part I'm most in love with too. And I think there's a romantic aspect to it of you taking on a different way of being in your own life and that you're purposely doing it to feed your own happiness, to explore a skill and deepen it. I just think there's so much beauty to that.
Mel Robbins (39:44):
Okay, so I know I keep going granular, but I love this three-step process because I love a framework that helps you locate yourself inside of something that takes a long time. I haven't even started the emulation phase because I haven't done the research I've admired. I've longed for, I've felt the gap.
Kendall Robbins (40:07):
Well, that's step zero,
Mel Robbins (40:08):
Right? But I haven't done the research for real. How do you know, or do you know when you get to that part, when you stop looking at that north star and realize that you've become it?
Kendall Robbins (40:22):
No, because you'll never become it
Mel Robbins (40:26):
Really.
Kendall Robbins (40:27):
I'm never going to be Sarah, and I'm never going to be brandy, and you're never going to be the rock. No, but don't you become your own North star when
Mel Robbins (40:33):
You start innovating?
Kendall Robbins (40:37):
Yeah, I think that, well, what I'm going to say, which I think you need to include in the podcast and which is why I am going to debunk the statement you just said, is that this process never ends. It's not a close the gap, it's a circle. It's not a, okay, circle's done check. We're good, we're off.
Kendall Robbins (40:58):
No, the second you get to innovate, I wrote a song two weeks ago, I found a new artist I'm falling in love with. Process starts again. You create that business that the rock starts, boom. You see a tequila company that you want that has nothing to do with the rock. It starts again. Not to mention within each step this is kind of going to get confusing, but within each step the process is happening. Within each step within emulation, it's going emulation, assimilation, innovation. You're innovating in the emulation step. You're emulating in the assimilation. It's all happened. It's a circle inside of a circle, inside of a circle, inside of a circle, over and over and over and over and over, which to me means that you've always been the north star. You always will be the north star. And it's just a trusting in the fact that you're just expanding. It's not getting somewhere, it's just, do you know what I mean? I totally know what you mean. Don't think about it as
Mel Robbins (41:59):
I think about Brandy and Sarah Bareis as a directional signal, not a destination. The process that
Kendall Robbins (42:07):
I just went through, emulation, assimilation, innovation in my senior project, if Brandy and Sarah are over here, I'm expanding this way, but then I boom, there's something over there that I want that I'm expanding this way. Boom. There's something over there that I want. I'm expanding it. Oh, there's something down here. I'm going this way. Oh, there's something that way I'm going that way. It's just a constant expansion of yourself. And I don't think that if it helps you to think about it in a 1, 2, 3, so be it. But I think the beauty of this process is that it's not about the destination that you get to because you're never going to arrive where you want to be. Why do you think, this is something that my professors always tell me, but people like Bill Gates, people like all of the Motown artists that created some of the greatest records in the world, they're still making music. Some of the greatest scientists in the world are still trying to figure out different hypotheses that they come up with every day. Why do you think they're still doing that? They haven't arrived yet. There's always more to create. There's always more to get to. There's always more that you're going to want to be. And if they thought they'd figured it out, they would've stopped. There would be no more music in the generations
Mel Robbins (43:11):
Above you. Well, it's not about figuring out. It's about the creative process itself.
Kendall Robbins (43:13):
Yeah, exactly. And that's what this is. It's not about becoming the North star. It's about
Mel Robbins (43:18):
You are the North star.
Kendall Robbins (43:19):
Yes. It's about just figuring out what you want to figure out in the world, and it's about figuring out what that even means. Yes, I'm my own North star, but who am I? That's what this is about. Not to get all,
Mel Robbins (43:33):
No, I love
Kendall Robbins (43:34):
Getting all woo and higher power. I love
Mel Robbins (43:36):
That.
Kendall Robbins (43:36):
Who am I? That's what we're kind of here to figure out, and that's just what everyone else is trying to figure out.
Mel Robbins (43:41):
Well, and here's why I love tying the process of changing your life to the creative process because you start to feel lost and disconnected and stuck in life and purposeless when you stop creating and when you stop growing, and it's through the creative process of having something that you are drawn toward that you can help yourself grow and you can keep yourself creating new things. And I would say that the reason why the Motown artists continue to create music, and the reason why researchers continue to research and the reason why people that have won Pulitzer Prizes continue to do what they do is because it's not about the song or the prize, it's about the process itself that brings so much into your life.
Kendall Robbins (44:33):
It's about the expansion.
Mel Robbins (44:35):
Yes, yes. And I've noticed that about you. I dunno, I'm about to get really don't get emotional. Well, I'm about to get emotional because you used to be, and some days still are, but you used to be the most tightly wound gripped. It's got to be right. I'm scared. It's got to be right. It's got to be right. It's got resisting this process. And you know how you can see in somebody that you're very close to what their gifts are. I can see that Amy can just open up the portal and tap into this higher power in just an extraordinary, magical, magical, magical way.
(45:31):
And I could say that about Jesse, who is one of the kindest, most thoughtful, like the biggest heart I've ever seen in a human being for you. I've known since you were born that you're an artist and it's painful to watch somebody resist their own expansion. And what I witnessed that day watching you deliver this senior project is I watched you really own it.
Mel Robbins (46:07):
And I personally believe that it was the framework that he revealed that's been the framework for your last four years, the underpinnings of the program itself and the process that you went through. And it's no surprise to me that days before you're giving this presentation, he's like, well, what you're describing is these three pillars that the whole thing is, and then you could put it all together. That framework in so many ways, liberates you from gripping because you can always locate yourself in it.
Kendall Robbins (46:42):
And I also thank you for saying all that, and I appreciate you seeing my progress and seeing me. But I also think I can speak from my own personal experience, but the expansion that I've experienced over the past four years, I thought and wanted to look a very different way. For example, when I got to USC, I was just a singer. And when I left, I expected to have an EP and 25 original songs and maybe to even have played a bunch of shows and to maybe be going on tour, who knows? Dreaming big. That's what I wanted my expansion to be. But through this process and through surrendering to this process and trusting in this process, I've experienced expansion in ways I never knew that I would and in ways that I'm so grateful for and would not trade 25 songs for in a heartbeat.
(47:37):
And I think, yes, this process works. Yes, you can use this process, but you've got to trust that even if the rock is your North star, if it pulls you in a completely different direction, you've just got to trust that if you stay in the process and you stay present and you stay grateful and you stay conscious of it, it's going to lead you to where you need to go. Because I've learned so much about myself and about my artistry and about my humanity through this process that I never even knew was possible. And I still don't have 25 songs, and I'm still not going on tour, and I still haven't played that many shows. And I'm sure those are coming for me, but I would not trade those for the knowledge that I have about me and where I'm at and where I'm going for the fricking world.
Mel Robbins (48:22):
What's the most surprising thing you learned about yourself through this three part process?
Kendall Robbins (48:27):
My hydrating eye patches are dry, which means it's time for them to come off. I would say that my biggest takeaway after being at USE for four years and from doing my senior project, is understanding that my gift is not just my vocal chords. And it's not just my ability to sing. And yes, that is God given. That is universe given. And that is something that I'm so grateful for and have no idea why someone gave it to me. I'm so excited to use it and see where it takes me. But I've realized that my gift and my artistry is so much more complex and so much more dynamic than just these two little things in here. And that's true for every single person on this earth. I mean, my professors say this too, but you work on your artistry your whole life. You work on your career your whole life.
(49:18):
You work on your family your whole life. But the art isn't that. The art is you. We are all works of art and living this life and figuring out how to live and figuring out how to be more like your North star, just like how to be you or going through this process is just chiseling away at the sculpture that is just you. And I think USC has really helped me to actually see myself as that work of art and to see that I'm just hopping on this ride of emulation, assimilation, and innovation, and I'm going to ride this shit till I'm in the ground, babe. We're a freaking
Mel Robbins (49:55):
Tank. Well, I'm going to hook my caboose to that train because the moment that you said we are all works of art and living this life and figuring out how to live and figuring out how to be more like your north star, it's just like chiseling away at the sculpture that is you. That is so beautiful,
Kendall Robbins (50:14):
Ken.
Mel Robbins (50:14):
You are the artwork.
Kendall Robbins (50:16):
You can create it. You can paint your own life.
Mel Robbins (50:18):
Yes. That was so cool. Thank you, Kendall. Thank you, Amy, for being here. And thank you for listening. And I have one more thing I want to, to this because I just realized, do you know how I end every episode by telling you that I love you and I believe in you? Well, I did that through this three-step process. 12 years ago, I heard Linda Kle Wyman speak, and she talked about how she transformed this school by taking the speaker system in a public school and telling the students that she loved them and believed in them, and expected them to be back in public school the next morning, dressed and ready to learn because she believed that all that anybody needed to learn and to succeed in life was hope. And hope comes from knowing that other people believe in you. And I was so moved by that, that I started emulating it, and then I assimilated it and tried it on in different ways, and then I innovated it.
(51:20):
And so my sign off to you was inspired by someone else. And I hope today, my mission today was to have this conversation to inspire you, to use this three-step process to find North stars absolutely everywhere in your life, and start to emulate a simulate and innovate those characteristics, qualities, and skills, and make them your own. Because when you do that, you have the tools to creating a better life and a better version of you. And that's why I always tell you, I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to do everything we talked about today. Now, go find that north star and use it to inspire yourself to create a better life. I'll see you in a few days. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, bye. God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.
Key takeaways
A North Star for your life doesn’t need to be someone famous. One quality, one moment, or even a random stranger can become your beacon for change.
Emulate, assimilate, innovate. Those are the three steps that give you a roadmap to stop dreaming and start becoming the person you’re pulled toward.
Breaking down your North Star into skills, character, and career helps you pinpoint what you want so you can stop wandering and start building.
You don’t need a perfect plan; you just need to say, “I’m done feeling like this,” and your North Star will start to reveal itself.
Don’t obsess over becoming someone else—the goal is to expand into you, using what inspires you as a way to grow, not a box to fit into.
Resources
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- Inc: Research shows how to choose the perfect role model.
- The Boston Globe: The power of a role model, whether you’re 9 or 99.
- Shoutout to Chris Sampson, Professor at USC’s Thornton School of Music.
- Frontiers: What are the stages of the creative process?
- When it comes to getting creative, we love Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way.
- We love this example of emulating Jennifer Aniston’s workout.
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