In this episode, you are going to learn why you struggle in certain relationships and how to let more love in.
Whether you struggle in your friendships or your romantic relationships, or you don’t feel connected to your family or the community where you live, today's conversation will give you the insight and tools that you need to create better and more loving relationships everywhere.
Dr. Marisa Franco is a NYT bestselling author, award-winning therapist, and professor of psychology at The University of Maryland. She dedicated her professional practice to the study of connections and systemic loneliness.
What will really catch your attention is her research on attachment styles and what they look like in real time, which has been an incredible game changer for me and my personal relationships, particularly with my husband.
Attachment style theory goes way beyond "love languages," and once you know yours, you’ll be less triggered by others around you.
Understand the attachment styles of others, and you’ll take things less personally.
In today’s episode, you’re getting a complete guide to:
- What attachment styles are and how they look in real life.
- The questions to ask yourself to figure out what your style is.
- How to tell if you’re hanging out with the right people.
- The one thing avoidant attachment people have a really hard time doing.
- How your attachment style determines who you’re attracted to.
- Why you might be confusing being triggered with being in love.
- Key strategies to start developing a secure attachment style yourself.
After listening to this episode, you’ll see the people in your life through an entirely new lens and with an abundance of compassion.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- 4:00: Let’s begin with the first style. What is a secure attachment style?
- 5:10: What does anxious attachment look like?
- 6:00: Avoidant attachment-type people have a hard time trusting.
- 6:30: Those who experienced high-trauma situations are more likely to have this style.
- 8:00: What do these attachment styles look like in real life?
- 11:45: Is it easier to identify attachment styles in yourself or others?
- 17:20: How do you have a relationship with someone who has an avoidant style?
- 20:30: Can you have more than one attachment style?
- 22:00: How can you develop a more secure attachment?
- 26:00: Avoidantly attached people actually do have an underlying need for connection.
- 31:30: These physical symptoms can be a result of your attachment style.
- 35:45: These activities will help you start connecting with your body again.
- 38:20: Here’s how you can create a ‘safe’ space for someone with avoidant attachment.
- 47:50: Why do we always seem to date the same kind of people?
- 49:40: Do you confuse being triggered with being in love?
- 54:45: So how do you find securely attached people to hang out with?
- 57:45: Do this one hack every day to start developing a secure attachment yourself.
- 59:00: This is why understanding attachment styles has been a game changer.
Resources and go deeper:
- For Closed Captions: Watch on YouTube and turn on “CC.” For instructions to turn on closed captions, click here.
- Learn more about her research here.
- Be sure to read her book, Platonic.
- Follow Dr. Franco on Instagram.
- Feelings Wheel: https://feelingswheel.com/
- What is Attachment Theory? https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-attachment-theory-2795337
- Unpacking the 4 Attachment Styles: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/attachment-theory-and-attachment-styles/